My Fatwa on the ISP
As some of the more perceptive among you may have divined, I have a real beef with the Indiana State Police from a run in I had with them on Sunday night. Now, lot of you have warned me in the past that sooner or later my Tranny Hooker ways would catch up to me, but this wasn’t one of them. This time I just wanted to get my dogs out of prison and go home.
So, was returning from the Red Sox/White Sox adventure I had this weekend, thanks be unto Blackfive who got me on the field close enough to smell Heidi Watney and see the diminutive Lazer Show that is Lil Dusty Pedroia. (Ozzie Guillen asked me if I knew “that [effen] midget”.)
Anyway, get back to Indy at about 4:30ish, which is good because I have to pick up the dogs from 5-6 at the kennel. Then I start running into problems. Seems the Brickyard 400 was that day, and there were 100k extra folks in town trying to get the hell out, and so they altered the traffic significantly. Some of it made sense, what is to follow did not.
So I had to overshoot my exit by 3 miles and come on a back road to get where I was going. I can live with that. Mind you, I don’t know why you would shut down exits, but I was early, so didn’t care. Then I get to the corner of N. Girls School Road and 21st. I need to take a right on 21st, go down about ½ mile and get the dogs.
Here is my shitty diagram so I can explain the rest of my shitty day.
Now, the state police (hereinafter LEO Morans) have 21st street blocked off. But just in one direction. They weren’t using the other lane mind you, they just closed it down. So, we pull off, and I get out, while Mrs. TSO stays with the car. I tell the trooper I need to go down there to get my dogs. “Can’t, it’s closed off.” Yes, I am a master of reading terrain, and I can tell from the interspersion of a cap car and several orange cones that this is the case. How can I get there then. “I don’t know, I guess you can’t.” Well, that was delightfully helpful. When will it reopen? “Don’t know.”
So, I have 45 mins now to get the dogs, or I have to pay an additional $30, and take time off work to get them. I start to get a case of the screaming baboon ass, but sit peacefully in the car for about 20 mins. Once again I exit the vehicle and ask LEO Moran if he has received any word on when it might open. “Nope.”
Had he just had a shred of decency and tried to explain what was going on, I might not have lost it. But this guy had all the compassion of Charmin chunks on a bear’s ass. (See below) At this point I decide to hoof it, while Mrs. TSO parks the car at the neighboring church. At this point I realize I’m not the only pissed off Hoosier, as there are about 100 people all bitching at the cops. While I needed to get down there for my dogs, these people actually lived within M203 range, and couldn’t get to their houses.
So, in the nearly 100 degree weather I start my tramp of doom down to the Kennel. (See diagram 2)
Now, bear in mind I walked down the middle of the street. Cars were barely moving on the street coming at me. Possibly because of the 5 R-Tards standing in the middle of the street arguing with locals who just wanted to go home. So why not use both lanes? No effen clue. None.
I finally get to the dogs, which were understandably excited to see dad, and responded accordingly, by jumping on me, barking and basically acting with the same mental faculties I had expected only in eggplant and Indiana State Police officers. Now, of course the wife never packs light, whether for herself or the dogs. And so I also now have a huge back full of blankets and food, and another with toys like a ripped up alligator, and half a shark with fuzz hanging out his ass and face.
And back I walk, right down the closed lane that is still not serving any discernable purpose except to piss me off more. And drunken race fans are looking at me like I just crapped on their Dale Earnhardt autographed coozie. Mind you, they had nothing else to do as traffic wasn’t moving because at this point there are now in excess of 150 people arguing with LEO Morans at the road junction a head of me. One guy seemed to have Tourettes he was so mad and just kept screaming “Are you [effen] kidding me? I live right [effen] there!”
So, I stop and ask the Statie in as easy a voice as I can muster, I ask him why the road is closed if they aren’t bothering to use both lanes. “You need to move along sir.”
Now, I finally get the dogs to the car, but I can’t get home, because the other road they have blocked is the one I need to use. We ended up driving for about 30 mins in the wrong direction to get back home, and by then the cops had just opened up the damn road.
So, I write to the ISP and ask them why the hell they would close a lane that no one is using, constructively evicting everyone who lives on the street, and why the cops had no clue why that was done. I get this response from some asshat at the Head Shed this morning:
TSO
The road was closed for the race at the track. We have a plan in place that allows for the entrance and exit of the Indpls. Motor Speedway. The officers there know why the road is closed so that we may have the entire roadway to move traffic in a one-way direction if needed.We are sorry for the hardship that you may have endured.
Indiana State Police Headquarters
Indiana Government Center North
100 N. Senate Avenue, Room N340
Indianapolis, IN 46204Operations Center: (317)232-8248
Firearms Licensing Section: (317)232-8264 Limited Criminal History Check (Fingerprinting): (317)232-8262Crash reports can be obtained at www.buycrash.com for a fee of $12.00.
I shit you not, that was the response. “If needed”? Why not use both lanes and get people the hell out of dodge faster if that is the goal? Or, why not close some exits and get people on the highway as quick as possible? Mind you, between where I was there is I465, the beltway that runs around the city. So the only people impacted by this bit of idiocy were locals. Why not just let traffic go down that road if they lived there?
I know it has to suck planning traffic for 100k extra people. But, if you are going to come up with a traffic plan that involves shutting down road lanes, WHY THE EFF WOULD YOU NOT USE THAT LANE TO GET PEOPLE OUT.
Now, I know none of you read to the end of this. But, I am still so pissed at the idiocy and inefficiency that I am still shaking mad.
Should just get blind paralytic drunk.
Category: Politics
Dude, you got to see Heidi Watney up close and personal.
Let. It. GO.
Oh, and if you think that sucks, try dealing with 100K fans trying to get out of Loudon on a single two-lane road after race day, or 100K Masshole flatlanders trying to get up the Spaulding Turnpike to get to Lake Winni or Laconia for Bike Week.
Makes getting in and out of Gillette Stadium seem like a breeze.
You had me at “screaming baboon ass”, so I was obligated to finish.
I hope you gave the puppies 8 little foot massages after that.
Did you think maybe you should have i dunno planned ahead? remember the 7 P’s TSO, Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
I feel like such a moron. I read the whole thing.
That might be a fair point, if this plan was out there somewhere. Alas, they didn’t do any publishing of it. I listed to only Talk Radio and Sports, and you would have thought that one of them might mention it. Even so, the only other planning that would have aided on this would be to either show up 2 hours earlier, and then wait there until the Kennel people showed up to release the dogs, or do exactly what I ended up doing.
Like I said, if they were using both lanes, I might have understood it. I want the folks to get out of town too, and to have had a nice time. But what remains unclear to me is why you shut down a lane, and then not use the SOB.
“…ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.”
I get that you think overpacking is anything more than a change of underoos and a toothbrush, but I don’t over pack. The puppies need a blanket and food and the toys just fit in the food bag which is a totally acceptable add on! Besides I believe Blackfive even made a comment about how light we packed for the weekend!
Even my wife is now anonymous?
I’d like to point out a discrepancy in the accused’s account; clearly the vehicle in which he was traveling changes color from a lovely shade of poo (Defecation Brown?) to a milder shade of pee (Urine Yellow?), all within the span of two illustrations. Clearly this man’s testimony cannot be trusted if he cannot even get the details of his car’s color correct. Zero points for Gryffindor.
Your diagram was priceless. And as a fellow Boston owner, I like this site even more!
Be sure to keep this in mind come Super Bowl time.
I love the form letter response you got. Did you save the Ops Center phone number so that you can hand your cell phone to the State Troop-tard next time?
Since you have taken the time to draw these diagrams, I can only surmise that you need to go to your happy place!!!
I tried Irish Music, went to The Band’d Last Waltz, and am now going on to old Psych episodes. Eventually I will pull out of it.
Dude-
First off- hit this: http://tinyurl.com/3apez87
Hit either Street View or Satellite.
Hit
Paste into Power Point
Add flavoring such as arrows n’ such. Save as picture. Upload to TAH.
Waaaaaayyyy easier than what you put yourself thru 🙂
Ah, yeah, that would have been MUCH easier.
LOL. Good for future reference though.
I am more shocked and amazed that they actually let you on a street called Girls’ School Rd. Doesn’t that violate your restraining order?
I read to the end. You have some fascinating difficulties in your life, my man.
TSO,
I feel for ya, man I truly do. Same shit happens up here with the Great State of Mainer Airshow, where you have 100K people trying to get out on 2 lanes on a hot & muggy afternoon. Invariably someone’s car overheats, runs out of gas. One year a guy actually died behind the wheel while waiting in traffic.
Have some more beer and think about how the Pats now have OchoCinco. 🙂
Tim–aw, crap, that reminds me. Pease Airshow coming up in a couple of weeks. What a goatrope. And what pisses me off is that because Pease is “private”, they charge for admission as opposed to other venues where the Thunderbirds and Blue Angels demonstrate like active military bases.
TSO, dude I thought you’d been around long enough to know that whenever bureaucrats get involved, things go to hades in a handbasket and nothing makes sense. Keeping folks out of their own homes makes no sense to anyone but to those who are only following directions. It’s not in their job description to think things through.
At least he didn’t bust you for walking the dog on a closed road.
Maybe you can get a stuffed police-officer dog-toy for them to ravage for you while you enjoy a cold one.
http://www.ibj.com/the-score/2011/08/01/brickyard-400-attendance-becoming-major-concern/PARAMS/post/28624
“Brickyard 400 attendance becoming major concern” – but that’s LOW attendance. I was going to call you out on the numbers (the track can handle 300k plus) but you were ’bout right.
But the track hosting 300k plus has been an annual routine for exactly 100 years (if not lately). So yeah, what the hail zup with the lack of ability to handle post-race traffic flow?
I’ve driven through Indianapolis during a race and I don’t even understand why they only block on lane. If they want to have everybody moving quickly and one way, you’d open both lanes and make everybody go one way. Richmond and Pocono do it why can’t Indianapolis?
Also looking at that map on google, that’s exactly what they should have done and given the local community notification the week prior to the race.
Insight into WHY they only use ONE lane-
Fire trucks.
If they need additional lanes to get apparatus in, this is how they do it- in thru the ‘unused’ lanes. Imagine if they needed to get trucks in, and every route was headed out, and packed?
That said, given how long they’ve been thru this, you’d think they would have better planning. MUCH better planning…
Wolf