Does anyone besides this bear and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have this problem?
Look, I woke up okay, but then the sub-moronic cretins at the INDIANA STATE POLICE, the most idiotic law enforcement agency in the world forced me to pull up my cranky pants to octogenarian/nipple level, so you get this. It’s actually been plaguing me since last night. I was watching something, I think it was How I Met Your Mother, when this absurd commercial came on TV:
Rant after the jump.
Seriously Charmin? Who has this problem?
Look, I recognize that I am world famous for my hairless ass. Chances are pretty good that if you took a family picture in Virginia Beach in front of the water between 1993-2001 that in the background you can see my ass protuding from the water. It was my pantented “Mermaid” move, wherein I tried to ruin as many pictures as I could. That being said, what kind of Yeti-ass do you need to have where the tensile strength of your TP succumbs to sheering caused by the abrasive nature of your butt?
It seems to me that if you have this problem, and easier solution would be to either shave your ass again, or let the hair grow so it is soft enough to not tear through the DiamondWeave™ texture. Try running TP across your head and see if it shreds. If it does, you are a popped collar douche with too much hair gel, and no life. For the rest of us, it just slides over leaving no residue.
Besides, what kind of crapping is this bear (and Debbie Wasserman-Shultz) doing in the woods that he needs to wipe his entire ass? Unless you have a butt hole that is like the pit of Sarlac, there is no need to be wiping in that big an area. Why hasn’t his mom taught him this stuff? Dude, quit playing football and train your son to shit right.
Hate Charmin, Hate the Indiana State Police (more on that later maybe) and hate the people who broke into my Apt again last night (not the new house, the old Apt) and trashed the place and made my wife cry.
Cranky britches on for the remainder of the day.
Category: Politics
One word: Dingleberries.
(Applies to criminals, the indy police, and TP. And come to think of it, Debbie whatshernuts Shutlz)
No problem here. I use a bidet and pat dry.
Yeah, but you get the strong TP so you can dig them out, you don’t go soft. The soft on TP thing annoys me. I don’t rub skin so soft on my ass to make it more texturific, and I don’t want my TP to do it either. In olden days they used rocks, and I think this bear ought to return to the old ways, when Bears just stole pic-i-nic baskets instead of playing football and wiping their asses with texture weave Charmin TP.
But that’s just me, I’m old school like that.
Personally, I never got the whole aloe-infused TP craze.
But baby wipes are nice.
Depending on how nice the hotel is, so are drapes…
I thought bears just used rabbits.
Once you go baby wipes you never go back.
** wiping tears from eyes **
Thank you for that commentary. Our family thinks those bear commercials are way too creepy. Some things just shouldn’t be mentioned. I’m old fashioned like that.
Hey, at least you’re not in the sandbox or on the boat using “John Wayne Brand” TP…you know, rough, tough, and don’t take shit off nobody.
And seriously, TSO–pulling up your pants? I guess the po-po didn’t want to see your T-Bar either.
Christ, now I’ll NEVER get that visual out of my head.
Wow, Just Wow
TSO I know more about your ass then I ever WANTED to know.
Everyone knows bears don’t use TP, anyway.
They use unarmed hikers. You know: the one’s with bear-bells and pepper-spray.
@11, bwahahahaha. Is that a cowboy friend of mine?
Nah, sorry, TSO. It’s PintoNag’s alter-ego.
Oh, heh. My cowboy friend said the same thing, and I saw frmo the IP it was up Northwest, where I will move if Mrs TSO eventually caves.
Tell Mrs. TSO to cave in a hurry. I moved from the SE about sixteen years ago, and I wouldn’t move back for a million dollars and a whole state of my own. This isn’t only Big Sky Country, it’s God’s Country! 🙂
Everyone knows that bears wipe their asses with rabbits, because rabbits don’t have problems with shit sticking to their fur.
Huh….I guess the old saying is true.
…Bears DO s#!t in the Woods.
See the Shit Tickets we used to get in Iraq defied all logic. Some how it would remove flesh, hair, and just about anything but shit. I do remember seeing some mechanics using it to sand some metal once. If you were foolish enough to use it on your ass you would end up with bloody skid marks.