Important Message From General Charles H. Jacoby!!

I received the following e-mail last night, and am puzzled as to how to properly respond to it. I’m torn between being flattered that someone wants to give me 30% of $38,000,000 Big Ones, and knowing that no matter how earnestly I respond, the Western Union office that used to be next door to the restaurant on the highway is – well, it’s gone, because nobody patronized it, and the cash to which General Jacoby is referring would have to be shipped to me by Fed Ex – and I’m not sure that they’d want that kind of responsibility, unless, perhaps, General Jacoby paid to insure delivery before he shipped the $38,000,000 Big Ones to me.

Of course, you do realize that I would expect to be rewarded for my endeavors by a considerably larger percentage than a mere 30%. If I’m to guard this cash hoard against all takers, I’d require personal weapons of my own, which requires qualifying for a CCW as well as acquiring an FOID, all of which takes time. There is no instant gratification in this kind of thing. I would also require reinforcement of the walls of my house, or else a new garden shed with a more secure door and lock on the front. Again, this takes time.

Unfortunately, I might have to be completely honest with him and tell him that my spendthrift gene would flash the “ON” button at the sight and smell of all that moola, and I’d be gone so fast, papers would fly up in my wake.

Any suggestions are, of course, welcome, and no doubt the good general expects to find his cash hoard intact.  So what say you all?  Tell the general ‘Yes, of course, I’ll take it to help you out”? Or should I be more forthright and tell him he has to ship his entire $38,000, 000 cash hoard to a small regional airport innocuously located at Minot, North Dakota? As I understand it, Fargo is not too far from there. And Minot still does 15 second MITO exercises, so my timing must be impeccable in this matter.

General Charles H. Jacoby <gen.chj@usa.net>

Fri 11/2/2018, 1:24 AM

Recipients

Greetings,

My name is  General Charles H. Jacoby, I am an American soldier, presently in Afghanistan for the training, advising the Afghan forces and also helping in stabilizing the country against security challenges. With a very desperate need for assistance, I have decided to contact you for your kind assistance to move the sum of (US$38,000,000.00) Thirty eight Million United States Dollars to you if I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service.

Some money in various currencies was discovered in boxes at a farmhouse during a rescue operation we conducted in one of the attacks by the terrorists and it was agreed by my colleagues and I that some part of this money be shared among us. The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British doctor working with Red Cross, I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. he does not know the real content of the package, and believes that it belongs to a British /American medical doctor who died in a raid here in Afghanistan, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his Family.

I have now found a much secured way of getting the package out of Afghanistan to you for pick up and I will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. I am ready to compensate you with 30% of the $38 million USD for your assistance.

I don’t know how long we will remain here, and I was shot. I lost my wife and my little girl in Afghanistan during the attack. wounded and survived two suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God. This and other reasons I mentioned later prompted me to reach out for help. 70% of my will be used for my investment and start a new life and settle down when i am out of here.

Please contact me as soon as possible with the following details:

Full Name:

Full Address:

Tel/cell numbers:

Occupation:

God Bless you as I look forward to your positive response.

Truly yours,

General Charles H. Jacoby.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Darwin Awards, Dumbass Bullshit, Satire, YGBSM!!