Grand Slam – USMC, Officer, Purple Heart, Service Dog
No, this ‘Grand Slam’ is not a Denny’s breakfast that you order after a night of drinking. It’s checking all the Stolen Valor boxes.
In what can only be described as the most elaborate game of “fake it ’til you make it” gone horribly wrong, 57-year-old Lissa Lagasse of Lowell has been charged with enough crimes to fill a Netflix limited series. This educational con artist allegedly forged a master’s degree and doctorate from Duke University, claimed to be a Purple Heart-winning Marine combat veteran (spoiler alert: she never served), and somehow convinced multiple Massachusetts school districts to hire her as a health teacher. Her performance was so convincing that she managed to work in Lowell, Worcester, and Haverhill, where she recently taught students about health while apparently having a very unhealthy relationship with the truth.
But wait, there’s more! Lagasse brought her alleged “service dog” from the “Wounded Warrior Project” to class, except the dog had no certification, and the Wounded Warrior Project had never heard of her. The furry fraud proceeded to bite a student, who then needed rabies shots – because nothing says “health education” like requiring medical treatment after class. Prosecutors revealed she had previously done time for check theft in the ’90s, making her career pivot to education seem like a natural progression from petty crime to grand academic theater. Now facing charges ranging from stolen valor to being a “common and notorious thief” (which sounds like a medieval insult), Lagasse pleaded not guilty and is being held on $25,000 bail with GPS monitoring – because apparently even her location needs fact-checking at this point.
WCVB | Ted Wayman | June 6, 2025
SALEM, Mass. — A Haverhill teacher was arraigned in court on Friday on multiple charges, including stolen valor, false credentials and reckless endangerment of a child. Lissa Lagasse, 57, of Lowell was arrested Friday morning on multiple charges, including three counts of pretending to hold degrees, identity fraud and reckless endangerment of a child, three counts of procurement fraud, two counts of stolen valor, six counts of uttering at common law and intimidation of a witness, three counts of larceny exceeding $1,200, and being a common and notorious thief in violation of Massachusetts law, the Essex County District Attorney’s Office announced Friday. Advertisement Prosecutors said Lagasse falsified a master’s degree and a doctorate from Duke University, as well as her teaching credentials. Additionally, investigators said she claimed to be a two-time wounded combat veteran and a Purple Heart recipient.
Category: Marine Corps Poser, Purple Heart, Stolen Valor
When I first read the name I saw it as Lissa Large Ass…and damned if that wasn’t closer to the truth. The fugly skrunt certainly made a large ass of herself by standing on the bodies and in the blood of True Wounded Warriors which, in my opinion, is the most despicable thing that anyone can do while stealing Valor. Yeah, lets go “medieval” on this bitch and do a “Salem Witch Trial” thing.
If there has been a prime example of someone needing a Deployment of The Vaunted TAH As(s)teroid of Insults, it would be the lying POS, Valor Thieving, Skrunt, Lissa Lagasse.
Can I get a SECOND and an AYE?
Somebody needs to go rescue that poor puppy dog.
Second! Where’s that AYE?
AYE!!!
Burn…
Second second!
All righty now…we got’s a Motion, a SECOND, an AYE, and a 2nd SECOND, therefore meeting the requirements for a Full Blown, Time on Target, Bring the dam dam down, deployment of the Vaunted TAH As(s)teroid of Insults upon the lying, stealing, Valor Thieving POS, Lissa “Large Ass” Lagasse.
ChipNASA, quit your mooning not over earning the unrequited love of our Very Own OAM and pick up the White Courtesy Phone…ChipNASA, you have a call waiting…You are cleared HOT! Make sure the puppy is not collateral damage when you pickle off the ordnance.
Just checking in after watching all the riding bullshit in Los Angeles but I’m going to bed so I will catch up with you guys in the morning and write an appropriate screed for this twunt….
Stand By….
Keep your powder dry.
Affirmative!
KoB,
NOW, this may be a first but I usually have refrained in the past to deploy the AoI against those of the female persuation, usually, because we didn’t want to be accused of Misogyny…but in this case, I’m going to at least ask the audience and Admins if there’s any reconsideration on this because this seems to be richly deserved…considering the wide variety of fraud and offenses….
Ms Lar(d)gess….seems deserving….
(Dave and maybe Jonn and I had this discussion many moons ago…and at least for certain, Dave and I had talked about dumping the format into a link because of readership and space.)
Let me know….I’m working on it and I have another to get into Google Drive, I see as well.
Sure looks like a union teacher.
More like a union hall.
Speaking of ‘slam’ – would IDC SARC hit it?
Mmm, I don’t think so. But he could start her on a penicillin therapy… like the rest of them!!
I wouldn’t hit it with YOUR dong
IDC….. would choose the dog.
This is my puppy,
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
The dog was acting out as a cry for help.
Gunny Hartman: “What’s your puppy’s name, private?”
Go big or go home. If enough is good, more must be better. She certainly applied everything but the kitchen sink to her “resume”.
And, what is “uttering at common law”?
Using your tits for unmentionable reasons.
Could be “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling veterans.”
Uttering is “circulation of a forged implement for the purpose of fraud” (i.e., her fake academic credentials).
It is distinct from Forging, which is the creation of a false implement.
I can only wonder if she is related to Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics).
Either way, Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) better get Lori Benton spun up.
This type of All-Points Logistics talent cannot fall by the wayside.
She is definitely All Points Logistics material.
She should be in charge of their education center, and her little dog too.
Lead the annual Corporate Ethics training.
Strong with this one the stupid is.
–Yoda (possibly)
More than likely.
Only thing missing is a MC vest covered in the usual patches, but as this is a woman, I’ll give her a pass on not having one.
Hopefully the pooch didn’t have a RUFF time living with her
She’s checking all of the Stolen Valor boxes, with one rather notable exception:
Is there a motorcycle and a leather vest covered in POSer bling involved in this hot mess anywhere?
She probably rode with the “Progressive Insurance” gang and not the Combat Vets club.
Thanks for the chuckle.
That scrunt never rode with ME!
— Progressive Flo
Alaska Bob will be on his way to deliver it after he finishes drinking up the donation money in a roadside bar.
Naw, he’s dead, Jim!
No MoH w/ OLC, reversed EGAs or “You can’t handle the truth!” hollering about “classified, can’t talk about it” missions? I’m disappointed. (It’d be entertaining to laugh at.)
No disrespect to those in the gay community, as I’m sure many of you enjoy reading this site, but this ‘USMC combat injury’ vibe might just be a case of someone trying to flex as the “top dog” instead of the “snuggle bunny” in their love life! Stated another way – the “butch” vs. the “bitch.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
She makes Hack Stone recall the golden age of Stolen Valor when we had the Pirate Lesbian gracing our pages. Can’t recall her name, but she had photos posted that were photo-shopped so bad that Daniel Bernath would be embarrassed. Anyone recall who Hack is referring to? Her photos had her wearing an eye patch, hence the name Lesbian Pirate.
Hack, that Lesbian Pirate was Julian-Warryck Lee Wolf, who supposedly made Marine LTCOL in only three years of service.
She got her exposure debut here on TAH on 31 May 2011.
And that would be the day she was employed by All-Points Logistics.
And she was a ring knocker, too.
https://www.rollofhonor.org/12114/Marine-Corps/Lieutenant-Colonel-Julian-Wolf-
USMC enlisted, then U.S. Army West Point officer, then USMC officer, back to USMC enlisted. Seems legit to me.
Why would an O-5 Marine attend a gunnery sgt. course? Now if she claimed she was an instructor, that would be different. Sorry I missed that one as the outing of this bitch was before my time here.
Late to the show. You should have been here ten years ago. Every week was a plethora of Posers, with the requisite threats of lawsuits and threats of physical harm, sock puppets vouching for the authenticity of their claims, and spouses posting how the subject in question can’t hold a job and wakes up screaming every night because of what he saw and did while serving in a location that required his records to be sealed. Boy, those were the days. It made Hack the man he is today, that being Director of Media Relations for a proud but humble woman owned company. If Phil Monkress never claimed to be a US Navy SEAL, we would never had the pleasure of being aware of Elaine Ricci, who, prior to her untimely disappearance, locked Hack Stone into a lifetime contract as Director of Media Relations for a company formerly located on Wilson Lane in Bethesda, and now can be located working from a broken down Jaguar on the River Road off-ramp of I-495.
Yes, I missed out on a few of those Halcyon years when you had the serious, determined posers. I think it was 2012 when I started reading TAH.
It just so happens that the TAH pages will be graced tomorrow morning with an individual claiming 1) SEAL 2) POW 3) MIT Professor and 4) Rear Admiral (Lower Half). It’s got to be true because it shows all this on the DD-214 we obtained from him. We have to be careful, because his DD-214 lists his current command as the DoJ as well as being the Director of Science and Technology of the MIT Nuclear Reactor Laboratory. You don’t want to make an individual like this mad when they have their hands thrust down so deep in the caviar.
https://militaryphony.com/2025/06/08/philip-larimer-ii-u-s-navy-admiral-naval-special-warfare-group-four-purple-hearts-blog-of-shame/
One would think that a couple or three PH’s would be enough but no, this guy has to have four.
Ho Lee Chit. That’s the prettiest fake DD-214 I’ve ever seen! So damn pretty there’s no way it be real, no military clerk could ever produce that kind of quality product. Imaginative little fella, isn’t he?
No way to verify it without contacting the DoJ.
Double Bottom
The school districts that hired her sure did a great job of doing background checks, eh? I’ve seen trucking companies look at Job Candidates’ pasts further than that!
Massachusetts…
That cover pic screams “Semper” alright; Semper Fido, that is.
Fido simpers
So if she faked her masters and and her doctorate and got charged with three counts of faking credentials, did she not have a bachelors or not have a teaching certificate?
Also, if fuzzy bit a kid and kid had to have rabies shots (vice tetanus), does that mean fuzzy didn’t have a rabies vaccination?
Then fuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, wuz he?
Likely she couldn’t produce proof of vaccination. Those shots used to be terrible: 21 of them in the belly, administered daily and they became progressively more painful. We had a rabid Vietnamese mutt in my company in the Viet of the Nam and 2/3rds of the company (men who had physical contact with the dog) had to get the shots. The veterinarian officer said if the dog merely licked your hand you could get rabies if there was a scratch or break in your skin. I declined the shots, even though I wasn’t sure whether I had ever patted it on the head. Then I got rabies and died. No, seriously, but we did have to shut down operations for three weeks because of the daily shots for most of the men on the LRRP teams.
Before we deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq, we all had to have our rabies shots up to date. Big Army didn’t get the vaccine, just SF, Rangers and the rest of the working dogs.
Back in my day (70’s), there was no preventative shot or vaccine. If you had contact with a rabid animal, you got the 21 shots. The subject mutt had classic symptoms of rabies, and the exam of his brain confirmed he was rabid. So about 45 of my guys who had contact or thought they had contact with the little mutt got the shots. The first sgt and I decided to live dangerously.
Better now, but still a pain. How do you know the mission you’re going on sucks ballz? 1. You’re vaccinated against rabies, 2. Because monkeys bite. (Then 80% of the people there have one form of VD or other, 30% HIV/AIDS… )
As a 2nd-grader in Maracaibo I came into contact with a very sick (last breaths) kitten who had rabies.
I had to have the 21 shots in the lower abdomen, in a Venezuelan health clinic in the late 1950s, when the needles were those large-gauge things that they re-sharpened from time to time.
If that thing had a barb on it, it pulled flesh out behind it when extracted – in addition to the sub-dermal bleeding when they hit a vein and the pain of the injection proper.
Showing early signs of genius, they told me that I might get stomach cramps after eating. After lunch were the two all-Spanish-language classes; Venezuelan geography and Spanish, which young me, knowing zero Spanish, was totally lost in.
Ergo, after lunch, and just before those classes, I “developed” a stomach ache and had to go to the nurses to lie down until after those two classes were over.
Goldbricking perfected.
She went full s#!tbag past rancid turd.
Still in the taxonomic unit of Turdis Fuckfacie.
So ‘Turd’ but with even more sprinkles.
Umm, Lisa? When I started reading the article and saw the first picture, I thought I was looking at Tampon Tim. If they ever do a movie on that turd, ole Lisa could play the part. OK, this question is for all you out there except you squids, I think we all know what you would do. Here goes. You’re on a deserted island and it’s just you and ole Lisa…..do you bump it or bump your hand? Remember squids don’t answer this, we all know what you would do.