Seen, or heard, of people doing “the stupid”?
During one of my Navy Mediterranean deployments, we left the pier with one less Marine. The word surrounding his remaining behind was that he tried to screw over a prostitute. The transaction started normally enough.
They had their initial discussion of services and required funds.
Once that got out of the way, and money changed hands, they did their business. However; when the prostitute thought they were done, the Marine had other plans. He punched her and knocked her down. He grabbed her purse, took his money, and tried to take off.
Unfortunately, the police got to him before he could return to the ship. He may have gotten a bargain after all for that money that he tried to take back.
Meanwhile, in the United States, a prostitution sting “hit the jackpot” with one of the military Johns they caught.
In this video, four Fort Hood Soldiers got netted in a prostitution sting. One of the Soldiers had a knife, duct tape, and a body bag in his possession. The sheriff in the video, asked, “What were his intentions? We don’t know!” He continues on and states that they may have stopped a serious crime.
You think?
They also busted three illegal aliens in the same sting. One of them had a gun in his possession.
Interested in what you guys have seen, in the military or elsewhere, where people take, “How stupid can you get?” As a challenge.
Go nuts.
Category: "Teh Stoopid"
I had a girl I had stopped for 97/70 tell me she was speeding because her car was overheating. The thermostat on her dash showed the temp was normal. When I pointed it out to her she got exasperated and pointed at her tachometer and said like I was the most ignorant person she’d ever met, “No, that one keeps getting in the red.”
A police officer in Virginia told the story that he caught a woman doing 80/55 on the highway. She said that the sign said 81 (She was, of course, referring to Interstate 81). The officer let her off with a warning, telling her, “I’m glad I didn’t catch you on 460.”
Ha!
Now that’s funny!
We had police officer, in the local area, post some of this stories on a local forum.
They had one guy, a new police officer, who kept yelling, “Man down, man down”, every time he stumbled and fell. When he got up, he called, “Man up, man up!”
His accounts were hilarious, hoping that you could share more of your experiences of folk like this.
“Hold my beer!”
I had a female staff sergeant working for me that was interviewed by OSI agents after her live-in boyfriend was busted for having several pounds of marijuana and a pipe bomb in the house. When asked if she was dealing dope, her answer was “no, I quit doing that last year.” Duhhhh. Her honesty got her sentence reduced to 1 year in the women’s prison though.
“I’m not good, I’m just drunk!”
I miss Reno 911.
Had a marine in our company hang out with us in the barracks one night drinking and watching movies. After we went to sleep he got up took my roommates car keys stole his car stereo equipment. When we got up the next morning the guy’s car is trashed, no forced entry, and dipshit is no where to be found. A call to PMO and they quickly resolved what happened finding dipshit with the stolen stuff in his barracks walllocker amongst other stolen shit. What a fucking winner that guy was.
Had another from the company get busted in Okinawa with drugs. Got held over from returning with the unit, eventually comes back, goes awol shortly after returning, and misses a deployment to eventually get caught drug trafficking in the United States and returned to the unit to get booted out so he can go to jail hopefully for forever. M
Had a marine in same company don’t coke in the barracks before his 4th NJP. Well after he’s standing in front of the battalion commander high he was never heard from again.
Speaking of Okinawa…..
1. Couple of F-15 maintainers got busted after a TDY to the PI when the dogs alerted on the aircraft after returning. Please to be opening the maintenance panel on the F-15 and BOOM Bags O pot.
2. At the PAX terminal, again returning from the PI, troop gets alerted on, in full uniform, coming back, BOOM big bag O pot in his Underwear.
Actual quote to the SPs, Told to me by the girl standing working the PAX counter, “OK, you caught me and found my stash. Can I still keep it?!?!”
W. T. F?!?!?
From what you said, it looks like you guys dodged the bullet. Poor judgement, poor prioritization, no intention of being a law abiding citizen. He was better left in the US rather than deploy with you guys.
When I was in Somalia back in the 1990’s, we had a kid who was having issues with his mother and GF back home.
Rather than stay with people who had his back and were helping him work through things, he transferred to another platoon where he was treated quite poorly by the NCOs. To get a trip back home, he went into a porta john and shot himself in the leg with a 9mm.
And a second story. Shortly after 9-11 my NG MP company was activated for a stateside mission to replace the AD MPs. Many of the MPs in the unit were civilian cops, from local to state, to a couple of Customs officers. We had a kid from an infantry bn who (WHILE IN THE GATE SHACK WITH 4 MPs, 2 of whom were civilian cops) called his supplier and set up a shipment. All four of the MPs wrote down the date and time of the meeting and forwarded it to CID and the local drug task force because the meeting was going to be off post.
I did BCT at Benning shortly after some PVT genius paid another PVT genius to shoot him in the leg with an M4 so he could get sent home. They did the deed, and both got sent to Leavenworth.
I just don’t get it. There are so many easier ways to get out of the military. Flop down during the shark attack and start crying hysterically. Write a hit list consisting of your squad mates and let the DS find it. Fail a PT test repeatedly. Go fucking AWOL.
You’ll look like a stupid manchild, and the general discharge won’t help your career prospects, but at least your leg will be in tact.
Roommate in tech school shot himself “accidentally” in the leg while home on Christmas exodus. He was also trying to get out. He was at tech school long before I arrived and he was still there when I left with no end in sight. Despite the NCOs saying “if you don’t want to be here, then we’ll get you out”. They had no intention of getting him out.
After having been AIT cadre for 4 years, I can honestly say the fastest way out of Basic Training or AIT is to graduate. If you do something that causes you to be separated from the army, you just dropped to a priority level of just below organizing sock drawers at the old folk’s home near base.
But, yes there are plenty of ways to get out of training without taking a harsh paper trail during that process.
Unfortunately, the barracks lawyers and “mommy/daddy’s friend who was in the military for 4 years knows everything…”
There was one Trainee that as I first got there came back from Xmas Exodus and refused to train. Apparently while he was at home, his GF wanted to get married, he was offered some high mucky muck job, and didn’t know how to get out of the Army. His uncle was supposedly in the Army and got out as an O-4 and told him, “oh, just refuse to train. They can’t punish you for it and they’ll just separate you because your an initial entry trainee.”
So, at his court martial hearing, he told the commander the same story. Two days later he was escorted out of the barracks in chains (Right past all of our students) to a vehicle waiting to take him to a Brig. Funny enough, we had zero disciplinary troubles during that cycle. He got 30 days in the brig (Our base didn’t have a detention facility) and afterwards was sent back to be separated with some bad juju. He lost the job offer, his GF dropped him like a bad habit, and he was getting kicked out of the Army.
My story I told to students once in a while. Along with my story about how a Trainee was recycled within hours of his graduation. He’d already been in trouble once and told “just do what you’re supposed to do and you’ll be fine.” He made a mistake the last night there, boom! Full Soldierization recycle to day 1. Graduated just fine the next cycle.
What many of these guys don’t realize is that many women are evaluating them for actual or potential ability to earn money. They’re seeing dollar signs. Losing both, his military career and the job offer, may have been what reduced his value in his girlfriend’s eyes. She dropped his ass and presumably looked for someone with better prospects.
We had a little rodent of a redheaded buck-toothed stepchild in my OSUT Company who repeatedly got his Platoon dropped and smoked over his sweet tooth. First it was his using the Coke Machine in the barracks against the Drill Sergeants’ orders, then stealing sugar cubes from any coffee maker station he could, then trying to smuggle sweets out of the Mess hall. Of course his Platoon mates put a graceful amount of peer pressure on him to mudda-fuckin’ cease and desist to which his reply was “FUCK YOU ALL, tomorrow I’ll have my rifle and a loaded mag and I have my list of who I’ll shoot first”. One of our DS’s overheard that along with at least a couple of his Platoon Mates telling about it and lo and behold, the next day while everyone was in line to draw weapons, one of our DS’s walked up to him and said “NO not you, Hero, you’re going to fall out over there to see the CO and First Sergeant over what you said!” and sho’-nuff, he was RTD’d (Released From Training) and processed for and ELS (Entry Level Separation which our Training Cadre had a boner for, many a unit would take only a couple of weeks, but ours? NO, they took at least a month while putting them on every shitty detail they could along with giving them lavish amounts of Article 15’s taking every bit of money they could, most of our ELS’s left with only $50 in their pockets and a Greymutt ticket!
Sweet tooth reminds me of basic. TI came in early one morning and walked about the “sleeping” young airmen. He was on the other side of the dorm, but the *clack* *clack* *clack* of his heel taps was very audible. He does most of his patrol, then stops. Loudly then he says, “What the fuck? Is that a Skittle?”
Turns out there was a little candy machine ring going on among the laundry crew and a good chunk of the flight. I was only mad I didn’t hear about it until after we all got punished for it. I think we lost two who were recycled a couple weeks. The rest of us just got some extra PT for their efforts.
The first week of Basic one of our DS’s found one of us meatheads sleeping in his bunk while everyone else was cleaning. The punishment? He had to do “The Hyena” which was standing in a corner facing his Squad Leader and Platoon Guide saying “HA-HA Smith, I fucked you, Ha-Ha Tanner, I fucked you!” while one was running in place with a “Rubber Duck” Rifle and the other was doing squats with a piece of utility pole.
We had a guy shoot himself in the foot with his m-16 over there at the sea port, because his wife was cheating on him and he wanted to go home. It was on a concrete floor moron was lucky it didn’t bounce up and hit him somewhere else or someone else.
When I was at Navy Recruit Training Center in Great Lakes back in 1974 a couple of recruits tried to escape in the back of a cement truck. This was back in the day when Judges often presented the newly convicted with a choice between going to jail or joining the military. Anywho, the two got caught when the cement truck was inspected at the gate and while they were both covered in a thick film of cement they were made to stand at attention for some hours in the afternoon sun.
It probably got easier to stand straight once the cement dried!
I bet they had a damned “Mud Rash” from hell, I dealt with that as a Construction Rookie before my first Enlistment!
Did they have enough on them to allow them to sleep standing up?
I left the OKIE 3 in Nov. of 1966 and did not go West Pac. One of my former shipmates, told me that after an operation in Viet-Nam, bricks of Marijuana were found in the life raft holders below the edge of the flight deck. Members of A Gang (A Div.) had to go to all the Marine troop compartments, Enlisted and Officers where they opened up access plates on the sides of the A/C ducts and used to find assorted types of munitions. When the ship got to a liberty port after an Op. dogs came aboard to sniff out drugs, etc. Due to the crew change, after the move, there were racial and marijuana problems on board. I left during what I call the good/innocent times during my time on board.
2002. A less than stellar troopie of mine is getting court martialed for a multitude of offenses, one of which is serially pissing hot for pot and coke. Presiding officer asks PVT Jackson, do you have anything to say? He says “Sir, I don’t think I should be charged with cocaine use because I didn’t know it was in the marijuana when I smoked it”. Judge thanked him for his honesty, then gave him 180 days confinement. MCAS Yuma loved having a Soldier for a chew toy, couldn’t thank us enough.
As the battalion S-3 of a training unit, I was overall responsible for casual officers awaiting flight training.
One, who used his “cow loan” (a loan given to West Pointers in their cow year most often used to purchase vehicles) to purchase a Ninja 1100 motorcycle, decided over the weekend to test out the top end of said motorcycle, leading the police in three counties on a merry chase.
On Monday morning, after reading the blotter report, I called and asked the police officer who filed it for his unvarnished version. The Lieutenant, he said, had all the cops beat, and they had not been able to read the tiny motorcycle license plates due to distance and speeds over 100 mph…then, they crested a hill and there, lo and behold, was the young officer leaning against his bike with helmet in hand waiting for them.
The cop was terribly surprised by this, as was I.
After thanking the man in blue, I called the LT in and ripped him up, then at the end told him I didn’t know whether to be more surprised at his reckless disregard for safety and the law or the fact that he stopped and let them catch him.
He told me he stopped because “The West Point Honor Code flashed through his mind, and he just knew it was the right thing to do.”
He did not become an aviator.
Korea, 1990. My roommate is PCSing to Ord. The day before he flys, he goes to visit the local Camp Humphreys black market Ajima, who gives him $500 and a shopping list for the Osan Commissary. Gomez flies to CA, with her money. She visits the CO and tells him it was a loan and she wants her money. CO told her to get lost. Well played, Gomez.
Had a soldier come back to the FRG from the states and get busted for possession of a plate of hash at Rhein Main. So we are doing the NJP thing and I ask him what he paid in the states for the hash. He says $1000. I ask him what does a plate cost downtown. He says $100. I say the punishment you are about to get is for being stupid, not possession.
I legit spit Pepsi all over my keyboard reading this one.
I guess it’s okay though because I needed to give it a decent cleaning anyway.
Thanks!
I trusted my laugh. That was stupid. There I was, at the battalion meeting, laughing just like everybody else at what someone just said.
But, I made another noise at the same time I laughed, a series of farting noises. But, it did not stop there. By the time I regained my composure, I was sitting on top of a round, pile, of steaming poo in my pants.
I got kicked out of the meeting and had to do the walk of shame out of the room, evidence and smell.
Did you check your O-rings?
Bad check valve.
Okay, gonna tell one on myself. Got a burglar alarm from a local GM dealer. My partner and I roll up and find a door ajar. We ease into the service area. I have my service pistol at the low ready. Turn a corner and there’s a figure standing there; a life size cut out of Mr. Goodwrench. Yup, I came within a pound an a half of capping a cardboard cut out. My partner still brings that up when we get together..
BTDT, I almost shot one of those halloween animatronic grim reapers while searching a house on an armed robbery call.
Even better, a partner (a few weeks into initial field training) goes on a welfare check. Yelped like a girl when he walked into the room and the guy was hanging, dead and naked except for women’s bra and panties, from the closet door right next to the doorway.
Well, that escalated quickly.
Cross dressing BDSM gone wrong?
Early ’60s, On a destroyer based in Long Beach. One of the Sonar gang goes down to TJ on a weekend, goes into one of those junky shops on Revolucion and buys himself a nice set of metal knuckles. He doesn’t get a block away when the policia taps him on the back and retrieves the knucks from his back pocket. “Senor, thiss are no legal in Mejico”. (certainly would have known illegal in California, too) Off to the famous Tijuana Jail. Next day in front of the magistrate, he can’t make the $600 bail, so off to the La Mesa Penitentiary. A week of pure hell working for 12 pesos a day, just enough to pay for bare necessities, food, soap, and even shit-paper. Relatives from Northridge, where he lived, bailed him out and he never went back for trial.
Qalat A-stan, we were stuck there for a few days while one kid in our section decided to allow a Hadji to cut his hair at a bazaar. Since those were Hadji clippers he could have used on is goat’s ass just prior, I talked to him about how he could get Ringworm from that, little did I know I had just put a proverbial cake in front of the rest of my Buddies who quickly decided to put their OWN layer of frosting on. Our Section Sergeant at the time, a former Doc, quickly “Diagnosed” that there were Ringworm Eggs on his scalp and the initial treatment for that was to suffocate them before they hatched, I donated my spare tube of toothpaste from my bugout bag which he liberally spread on “PFC Pinky’s” scalp, topped off with some sheet plastic taken from a mattress cover held in place with 100MPH tape. he kept that on for a good 3 or 4 hours while out Section Doc convinced him that since he took a dump after getting his hair cut that he could have Ringworm Eggs on his butt and nuts and the solution was to clean his pecker, nutsack and ass with hand sanitizer which he did, afterward walking back into the tent saying “My nuts feel like they’re on fire!” which a Gunner we “borrowed” from another Platoon topped off with putting Gold Bond Powder in his skivvies while he was in the shower. Said kid was KINDA pissed when out PL (Former Enlisted and a helluva good Officer) talked him out of going to Sick Call the next day, letting him know he had been PWN3D!
That sounds like it could’ve been an additional chapter to “Mr. Roberts”, that’s outfuckingstanding!
Ouch. Gold Bond after taking it in the nuts with hand sanitizer? I saw a guy once liberally apply Gold Bond foot powder (not the body powder, different formula) in his drawers. He was running up and down the tent like his pants were on fire.
He was moaning all night long!
Kid showed up for Air Force Officer Training School, put up in a temporary barracks until he was to get his room assignment the next morning. My buddy (one of the cadre) smells something funny while walking down the hallway, pinpoints the location, and calls the SPs. They come in with drug dog and everything. When they opened the door, all the kid could muster was, “Wow, what a dog!” They asked him what on earth he was thinking; his reply was, “Well, I heard how tough OTS is going to be, and I just wanted to relax for a little bit before it started.”
One of the sad things about this is that if he was selected over somebody else for this slot, two lost out.
During my time at Fort Bliss, I took a part-time job at a local 7-11 store because I needed to save money for my upcoming wedding. My coworker, Victor, was a civilian, but 8TFU in every way imaginable.
His first really stupid act, a minor one, involved letting an empty coffee pot sit on the burner so long it turned white, and instead of just removing it from the burner, he decided to accelerate the cooling process by running it under cold water. It took him an hour to get all the shatter glass cleaned up.
His second really stupid act, a major one, involved beer sales. He had been warned previously about after-hours beer sales, so he was already on thin ice. I was restocking the freezer when this cute girl walked in and grabbed a six pack of Bud. Victor correctly asked for her ID. She told him that she was only seventeen but if he let her buy the beer she would (I’m at work so I can’t actually print what she offered). Victor sold her the beer. She walked out, turned right around, and told Victor, “Call your manager, right now.” She was from the State (don’t mess with Texas).
I never saw Victor again after that night.
If she was that hot, and obviously older, did you at least get her number?
Since I was engaged (and deeply in love) at the time…and since I was wearing a 7-11 shirt, I did not approach her..
Very little common sense, it seems that almost every organization has one of these folks.
Right around 1999/2000 (I was a crusty E-3 at the time) we had an E-3 in my squadron who had been anointed the “Golden Child” by our Senior NCO’s and our Captain. This kid had already won Airman of the Month/Quarter/Year for our squadron, selected for E-4 Below The Zone, and they were lining up all the stars for him to be Airman of the Year for the entire Wing.
Our SNCO’s were constantly using him as the yardstick to which everyone E-4 and below was measured (and always found wanting).
One Saturday night the Wing Commander decides they are going to piss test everyone coming through the main gate from 8 to midnight. Low and behold Golden Boy and a couple of his buddies come through the gate and get popped. He comes up positive for Ecstasy, Coke, and something else (maybe Acid or LSD, I remember it was 3 fairly “hard” drugs).
The Wing Commander at that time was rabidly anti-drug due to several on base barracks incidents, and was dropping the atomic hammer on anyone that was popping positive. No leniency at all. The next time I saw Golden Boy he was in an orange jump suit, along with about a dozen other guys, doing trash pick-up along the base main road. We never saw him in the squadron again and later found out that he caught a Dishonorable.
For a long time after that it was a running joke with the E-4’s and below how fast that kid got dropped into the memory hole by the SNCO’s and our Captain. It was like living in an alternate reality where that kid had never existed. We would make smart ass comments about being “as good as Airman X” and the only reaction we MIGHT get was a half-assed “Shut-up”, if they even acknowledged the comment at all.
It’s like the reclassification course that I attended. The “honor grads” were handpicked, all were smoking buddies of the cadre, and acted like they had their thumbs up their butts when a basic DNC order was called.
It was that way in every Wienership (*OOPS!*, “Leadership”) School I ever attended, the Honor Grads were always PC kisasses and one made it on her gender and ethnicity.
Commandant’s list, and honor grad, was like that for Warrior Transition Course, reclass, and Warrior Leadership Course (now Basic Leader Course).
For Advanced Leader Course, test performance determined eligibility for commandant’s list. Then politics kicked in. For Battle Staff NCO course, it was based on the test. You had to make a certain cut, on the test, to make commandant’s list. From there, competition was held for honor grad from among those on the commandant’s list.
Other facts played, other than the test, but not much politics with the Battle Staff course that I went to.
The Navy, on the other hand, politics not just in the schoolhouse where tests weren’t a factor, but everywhere else. Even the enlisted ranks down to E1 was political.
Of course, a counseling statement tossed a monkey wrench into Commandant’s List and Honor Grad aspirations.
I got kicked off the Commandant’s list at BNCOC, 1992. Security violation. I left an $8, green plastic, wind-up Timex on my desk while at PT. Commandant wrote me up, asked me what I had to say in my defense. I said “If leaving that watch out is a violation, I’m guilty. Now, what about the $2500 in TA-50 displayed on the shelf above the desk?”
Didn’t help my case much.
Fort Benning ’94, I heard about it after my ETS, one Rocket Surgeon in the Maintenance Platoon thought it would be cool to put a pair of CUCV tires on the rear of his Dodge Dakota. Some Civilian Post Employee noticed that while he was at the drive through at the BK and reported it to the Fraud, Waste and Abuse Hotline and got a reward. Her occupation? she worked for the CID Orifice! Anyway, no sooner than he gets his ass put in the wringer he starts ratting out his compadres who were swiping new tool boxes from the Unit and hocking them downrange as well as some B&E’s on Pawn Shops. I never heard who took Primary Jurisdiction on that, but they had to do tine in Fed as well as State, I knew them and they were some 24K TURDS, I hope Bubba, Thor, Julio and “Tint Tyrone” had them each and every night. OH, and we had a past Female CO and 1SG who were all politics in that Unit, those turds had their noses so far up their asses they should have been prosecuted for Practicing Proctology Without a License!!
December 1966, my fire team had shit-burning detail. After showing my guys how shit was to be collected and burned, I returned to the platoon area. There is not much reason for constant supervision of four soldiers burning shit. I went back a couple of times, made sure they had water and plenty of diesel and MoGas. Around 1000, one of my guys came running up to the squad GP medium. He was upset. Now, he was from Texas, so I can’t say anything bad about him, except I’m pretty sure somebody took the entrance tests for him. He was about 6’2” and weighed around 195. He ran up to me and he said, “Sgt. Merriman, they’re laughing at me.” I said, “Who’s laughing at you?” He said, “The other guys.” I asked, “Why are they laughing at you?” He said one of the cutoff drums of shit needed more diesel, so he grabbed a can and poured it in. He said, “But it was Mogas and it caught fire and ran up my arm and burned my arm and they laughed at me.” I asked if he was OK. He said he was. I said, “Let me see.” He stuck out his left arm. It was redder than normal, but nothing serious. I said, “Go back and tell them I said to stop laughing at you.” He said, “Okay. Thank you, Sgt. Merriman.” When he was out of range, I laughed and laughed. Maybe I should have stayed at the shit burning and provided constant supervision. Nah. He still would have picked up the Mogas can.
Coming back to the states after a West Pac, we had a small electrical fire in after steering when a control box started got hot and the opium that was hidden in the box got warm and then started to melt, this liquid ran between 480 volt contacts and started burn. The watch in after steering secured the power to the control box and notified the bridge, which called general quarters with a fire. This resulted in a fire team going into after steering and finding the smoking box with the opium inside. No one was caught for the drugs. But one of the firefighters was disappointed as he was on the fire team that responded and watched some his drugs burn and the rest be confiscated.