I Wanna Be A Navy SEAL!
Haven’t posted here in a while, but I need some help from you folks so…
The wife and I are wintering in Florida and this powerful urge is becoming to much for me to bear so I’ve decided to give in to it.
I need help figuring out where to get all them pins and medals to put on my new uniform. Oh yeah, and I need to know where to get a uniform as well. I figure I’m going to be, at least, some retired officer level SEAL. And I’ll need help to fix my discharge papers to reflect my new status.
I’m thinking I’ll need medals/ribbons for service in all those foreign wars and Secret Squirrel missions I seem to have participated in. I am open to suggestions from you, but I don’t want so many that my new uniform won’t fit right.
BTW, I mentioned above that I’m in Florida. I’ve been here for a coupla months, but this nagging need only started a few days ago. I was reading on TAH about the phonies down here and something clicked. Or maybe it is something in the water? Also some of you can be a bit harsh when dealing with us Forida Phonies so I’ll ask that you save that until I post a picture here. I am certainly you will be impressed and not feel the need.
Thanks folks. I’ll do my best to make you proud to have me around.
Category: Geezer Alert!, Satire
Just buy a motorcycle and a leather vest. Down in FloriDuh it seems all those sparkly doo dads just grow on them like moss. Don’t forget your “service dog” too!
Great minds, etc.
I thought it was pronounced “Flour e dough”
Gotta have a do-rag and it helps to wear dark glasses.
You don’t really need “those” pins, you can use push pins or thumb tacks, just place them all in a couple of lines across your forehead (must be installed with a ball peen hammer however)! 😉
ZP, forget the uniform and all those medals- all you need is a do-rag and a patch slathered leather vest, a couple tats, a Harley, a PTSD dog, and you’re set. A good background story is needed as well. I recommend watching Charley Sheen in “Navy Seals” for inspiration. It’s the “Top Gun” of the SPECOPS community.
Dammit AW1Ed!
‘Top Gun’. Again.
You always find a way to bring ‘Top Gun’ into the discussion, and it causes me undue distress.
Oh, by the way, don’t forget to recommend establishing a GoFundMe tin cup to help defray all of those poser expenses.
And here I was so proud of myself for not working “Top Gun” into the big-dick- in-the-sky post, Mick; too easy.
Contact Senior Chief Shipley and ask him for advice, Zero. I’m sure he will have some very perceptive things to say about it.
Captain Bailey is a pal. I’ll call him.
Just check into the closest VFW. They will immediately take you to Wardrobe who in turn will issue you a Doo Rag, a leather vest, chains, riding boots and jeans. You will then proceed to the Flair Room and much like Bennigan’s, you will freely choose bling in the form of rockers, wings, scuba bubbles, cloth versions of all the important valor medals, etc.
The motorcycle cost will be on you but they will help you get set up with PTSD claims as the local VA so you can absorb those monthly motorcycle payments.
Service dogs are the last stop on the way to your outfitting. You must accomplish all other steps along the way before you are introduced to your new companion. GoFundMe or fraternal veteran orgs will help you get your dog with no out of pocket expenses.
Bottled water like Evian or Deer Park is a thing of the past. In fact, they do not even sell it based on decreased demand. You must drink the local water. It is after drinking the local water for a while that things begin to make sense to you that didn’t in the past.
Pretty soon, you will be riding in a pack with the wind whipping through your Doo Rag.
Need spare money? No problem. GoFundMe is your new friend. In fact, you can be creative and claim your service dog is dying unless he gets an expensive operation. That will loosen up some wallets and get you that bag of MJ you are salivating over.
Hope this helps and good luck.
I’ve been criticized for leaving out the stop at the research room, filled with hundreds of books, magazines, videos, computers with bookmarked YouTube videos and internet pages — all there for your consumption. This will help you identify a BUD/S class and enemy operations befitting your age and imagination.
Although it’s there, it’s rarely if ever been used, so forgive me for not mentioning it.
aw, c’mon, a phony BUD/S class number is like blood in the water to Chief Shipley.
Keepin’it Real; That’s why I have a nice size water purifer under my sink down here in West Delray Beach, Fl.
I regret that you had to drag the VFW into this.
Do you insinuate that we are all fakers and support each other?
My post will accept nothing other than a certified DD 214.
It was a joke. Insert whatever fraternal organization you want in there.
Having said that – VFWs, especially in Florida, have had their fair share of fakers among members. Would you like me to provide a list of them exposed here to back up my claim or would you concede this point?
As I said, it was meant as a joke so it was not important for me to single any one organization out, but so be it.
Your indictment of the VFW was both specific and painted with a broad brush. Funny? Not so much.
No, we do not require a list of the aberrant posts. But why don’t you compile that list anyway? It would be a much shorter list than those posts who do not encourage posers. Even in FL. And, there are methods in place to deal with those who do so.
If you don’t want to belong to a VFW post, no one is requiring it of you. Some of us are working within the service posts to clean up those which need some help doing so.
You win! A serious tone always trumps humor. I will never be able to justify something as funny to someone that does not find it as funny. Allow me to explain what I think is the beauty of humor. Before I do so, I would like to point out that the spirit of this entire post, not just the comment thread, was mean as satire. It would follow that there was an implied invite to chime in with the spirit of the original head post. Humor, to me, has a tremendous amount of function in our society. It touches on deep psychological fears and gets us to laugh about them. There is usually just enough truth in the humor which makes it effective. Having said that, humor is ALWAYS vulnerable. Vulnerable to those insistent that they were offended. I take it that several of you were offended by a reference that the VFW has fakers in their midst. I don’t think either of you are denying this fact, although you may be by challenging me to provide a list of VFW fakes called out on TAH. I will take that challenge and this list will be forthcoming. Instead, I take it that you say that the VFW should not be singled out. Fair point and if it was a post that INITIATED a serious discussion about fakes within fraternal veteran organizations, I would conceded that point. However, I feel that my post was an obvious attempt at humor and was in perfect alignment with the spirit of the original blog post. The reason I say that humor is vulnerable is because it can never be defended to those that feel offended. I can never say that you are not entitled to the fact that you were offended. Obviously you are and nobody can take that away from you. Humor will always vulnerable to this. I can say “Beat a dead horse” or “there are several ways to skin a cat” and the PETA folks, horse lovers or simply people fond of animals will argue to their dying breath this is… Read more »
Well, there ya go – your explanation makes it all funny now. Or maybe not. Whatever.
So, you are entitled to being offended but the rest of us are not? OK. Got it.
btw, enjoy your time compiling “the list.” At least that will be a few moments of peace for the rest of us. Your mistake was in assuming that we hadn’t already lived through “the list” once or twice already, and that we might not already have such a list ourselves.
Oh. It might also have been a mistake on your part to assume offense instead of seeing our laughter at your expense.
Are you planning to research the outcome of any corrective action taken at any of the posts on your list?
This is the reason we can’t have nice things.
AS a life member of the VFW…I was NOT OFFENDED…! 🙂 Don’t pet the sweaty stuff lol
See list posted as new thread. Not trying to rub salt in a wound, but you challenged me on this.
Who challenged you on this? It certainly wasn’t me – you were told that we already knew what Jonn (and others) have posted here on the topic. Doing a search of this site to link some posts we have already read just does not bolster your statement. What might have redeemed you a bit would have been some new information that you had actually researched. As it is, not so much of a contribution.
But thanks for the entertainment on this chilly afternoon. Hearty laughing is good for the soul.
(You did notice, didn’t you, that this post is filed under “satire?”)
Yes, your original castigation of the VFW may have been intended as humor, but holding posts accountable for their sloppy (at best) application approval habits is something many members have worked very hard to correct, therefore not particularly funny.
Your time might actually be better spent inside a service org helping to clean it up rather than just making broad public statements.
OWB asked: “Who challenged you on this?”
You did.
OWB posted: “But why don’t you compile that list anyway?”
I’m not sure exactly what your point is. Is your point that the VFW doesn’t have fakers in its ranks? If this is your point then you are simply living in denial.
If your point is that nobody should draw any attention to the fact that the VFW has fakers in its ranks, then I would say get over it. Or do something about it on a national level. Policing humor on the internet does not make the facts go away.
If your point is that this is a serious subject and you have determined that you are the moral compass on the matter and will police all humor than I would say you should start with the entire subject of the blog “I Wanna Be A Navy SEAL!”.
If your point is… well, what is your point exactly? You’re all over the place and you’ve lost me.
By the way, OWB, you keep referring to “we” and “us.”
Do you have some role at TAH I need to be aware of? Are you a spokesman for the collective views of everybody at TAH?
I consider myself a part of the TAH community and you most certainly don’t speak for me. So why don’t you just say “me” or “I” when the views are your own since I’m guessing you didn’t poll the community at large before you assumed to speak for everyone.
Stated another way — man up and stand on your own two feet. My views are my own and I don’t need anyone else to bolster them. You should do the same. Have some strength of character.
It’s a little hard for her to “man up”.
Believe it or not, I was going to account for gender, but it didn’t have the same ring. 😉
‘Step up’ may have been a better choice of words.
When the conversation degenerates you needing the definition of the word we, one needs to consider there may be no point in continuing it.
So I’ll just man up and go attend to some character building business. ‘Cause you say I need it.
Right.
I don’t need a definition of the word “we”, I simply asked why you were using the terms “we” and “us.” Fair question.
It appears that you were speaking for or assuming you had your finger on the pulse of all of TAH and I do not believe this is the case.
I was pointing out that you should just say these are your thoughts and your opinions. If your conviction is strong enough, you should not need support.
You still have not said what your point was. That you don’t believe it is the case that there are a fair number of POSers/fakers in the VFW?
Or you just feel that I should not have put light on it?
Or was your point just to take a snipe at me and calculated that would be the end of it?
Next time, if you don’t think something is funny — feel free to not laugh. Then move on.
You obviously don’t feel strongly enough about your point, whatever it was, to define it more clearly and then back it up — on your own, I might add, without invoking a false representation of speaking for an entire community.
No hard feelings going forward… just please don’t step on my posts and take a cheap shot if you don’t have the wherewithal to see your argument through. Again, no hard feelings.
Looks to me like some who wants to keep it real can’t tell the difference and get his boxers in a bunch when someone faces him down.
My ten cents is that 20 years ago, VFW and AL didn’t want to be bothered with Vietnam in country or ‘era’ vets because it wasn’t a REAL or FOREIGN war. Didn’t matter that WE were in the military. It was far too hoity-toity and snotnosed on their part, in my view.
Now that the bulk of their members (WWII, Korea) from REAL FOREIGN wars are dying off and they’re losing cash revenues, they’re scrambling for replacement members, which is just another slap in the face. That’s all we’re good for?
The DAV, on the other hand, hasn’t done anything like that to my knowledge, so KIR, just stuff up your undies wedgie. Get over yourself. You’re being a real jerk.
Oh, yeah – don’t do that ‘man up’ shit with me, ponyBOY. EVER.
Ex-PH2 – What you just posted makes no sense. Did you even read the thread?
The issue at hand was whether it was fair or not to point out that the VFW was a good (bad) example of having people in their midst that embellish their service.
Although you make some good points, they were very far removed from the topic at hand. If you’d like to jump in, try and stay on point.
So, do you have any relevant opinions on this matter?
What does ponyBOY even mean?
Try and keep it civil.
I recommend a day trip to one of the local VFW or American Legion Posts. Actually, any veterans service post will suffice but ensure that it’s one of the older facilities that still allows smoking. People watch and eavesdrop on some of the older fellows that are brandishing the appropriate SEa, Air, Land “accoutrements”. Operators are known for their love of fashion and flare and are always willing to share their sources and stories.
Not all, Dave. Our post just went through all the DD-214’s on file and verified any that seemed flaky. Sign a SF-180 or we don’t want you here.
I joined the VFW in my home town. My home town is one of those that is so small where everybody knows everybody and my sister even volunteered at the local post and I still had to show proof of service. Since I was still active duty and didn’t have a DD-214 they accepted my CIB orders. When I retired and moved to Alaska I went to join the local VFW post. When I volunteered to give them a copy of my DD-214 they declined saying that they went by the honor system.
Robert Heinlein, writing as his Lazarus Long character said:
When a man speaks of Honor, make him pay cash.
…
The older I get, sadly, the more true seems that advice.
A wise man once said “Trust, but verify “.
“Honor system?” Too many people this day and age haven’t a clue what the word HONOR even means!
I was only kidding My wife and I really dig our AL post. We’ve booted a number of poser SEALs; along with a number of other fauxnees (one made famous here). The Navy dive school is here so they’re sniffed out quickly. The sad part is that all of the folks we’ve booted (since I’ve been there) are embellisers.
Forget the phony medals, Zero. Collect ugly beer mugs instead.
And since you’re in Florida, just remember you could be sentenced to three months confinement at the Small World attraction in the Magic Kingdom. Where only the strong survive…
It’s an easy bust, I already have your DD214 on file.
Yeah, but he can be informally invited to be a part of Team 241. Everyone is welcome, including the cat.
Now I have to read the book again, thanks.
Bike therapy works! And my vest hold cigars nicely for pit stops in the White/Green mountains.
If you’r in South Florida, there is an American Legion Post in the City of Delray Beach you can look into. I’m in the Villages of Oriole, West Delray Beach in an over 55 community and nothing going on here. You can also check out the local Gun Shows that sell all the stuff one would need to be in the lead as a genuine U.S. Navy SEAL and be AJ fucking squared away or any of the Spec Op groups. Enjoy your stay.
I have a complete seal team 5 I’m guessing PT uniform
I’ve sent photos of it to Jonn. I volunteer at airmen’s attic
It was left with other gear in our donation bin it needs a home. I originally thought a spouse dumped the stuff off we get angry spouses doing stupid stuff all the time
But found out that was not the case,
Hit Jonn up for my contact info
I’ll send it to you
Has 1 of everything off the bling rack at Miller’s? Lol
I had a heart attack when this stuff showed up, BDUs DCUs class As if that’s what the navy calls them
With ribbons and a trident, plus a solid silver trident in a mahogany box with a certificate also two other boxes of misc stuff, and a schools and awards a binder of certificates and other personal stuff it was a gold mine for a posser…. it’s the why and how it came to us that’s sad the salior it belonged to is fighting cancer and the G/F or Wife had no damn idea
What she was doing. We had a shadow box made with the ribbons and other personal
Stuff and we found his family and had it forward to them
Thank you for dosing that.
Skippy, the Trident Grill needs to know about this guy, he’s one of theirs. Great job!
Before I started volunteering their some elderly women brought in a bunch Molly gear that was from the 60s or 70s it included a live grenade Lol….
her husbands momentos from back in the day
Since it is just past Halloween you can go down to the dollar store and get you a costume on the cheap.
Otherwise, you’ll have to pay top dollar for one of those male stripper tear-away costumes revealing some tight UDT SEAL shorts.
Screw that, I want to be a SPACE MARINE 😀
Go for door gunner. One of the drawbacks of boots-in-the-dirt ops is that the top predators run at 60kph and your standard light beam weapons only make ’em mad.
Sounds like another Bug Hunt….
May I suggest Al’s Army-Navy Store, in Orlando? They have everything, according to their ad, including, but not limited to, patches, pins, medals, ribbons and mounts. And, “Challenge Chips“. https://www.alsarmynavy.com/
Went to Ranger School with a few. Some strong, some not so much.
Some are legit. Some are hurtin’…. needed a few recycles.
Patrolling and leading 40 clowns is a different ballgame.
Roger that.
Love my brothers in blue…..
I had two SEALs in my Ranger School class. They were both in my platoon. We loved them because they could always be counted on to drive on, and they always volunteered to swim the rope across any creek or river. Unfortunately they could not pass enough of their leadership turns, especially in Florida, so no tab. But both of them completed the course without a recycle. Leading “40 clowns” in Florida was their downfall as well.
Not sure how to add to this, Zee! But it is fascinating (or something) to ponder you collecting all that bling and creating your very own poser wardrobe.
(Why does an image of the Village People on deck keep creeping to the fore?)
It’s another toe tapping good time.
As I was typing the post I was also wondering how long it would take someone to bring up The Village People?
🙂
Google “Don Shipley”.
He can make it real for you.
Don’t try it without him.
Tell Phildo over at All-Points Logistics to go fuck himself!
(NOTE: New post to avoid squashing URL references.)
This list of VFW fakers exposed on TAH is for BigJohn and OWB. Some are even Navy SEAL fakes which is the spirit of the entire Blog post. My contention is that there were enough fakers found at various VFWs that made my reference significant. This was the result of a 5 minute sweep. Please let me know if you need more.
* James Richard Lyons; Seaman Apprentice Gunnery Sergeant: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=37804
* Steven Styblo; VFW phony POW: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=40226
* Wanted; Jim VanFleet: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=40221
* Robbie Robbinson: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=36112
* Gary Robert Lefebvre meets Don Shipley: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=65931
* Ed Cameron: Phony VFW post Commander – http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=47228
* Robert Deppe: Local VFW Commander caught in Stolen Valor Scam: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=22433
* Richard Hollingsworth back at pretending: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=66718
* Kenneth Allen Malone; phony wounded hero: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=63281
* Martin Wolfe; Phony SEAL: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=73304
* Bill Wenzel; Stolen Valor clown: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=22210
* Jackie McGowan takes Stolen Valor to the grave: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=36960
* Larry Howard Longfellow: MT VFW CFO to pay back $140k he stole: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=38524
(SUMMARY) Veterans Service Organizations and phonies: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=57950
(SUMMARY) How to Fix the Problem of Stolen Valor at VSOs: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=47844
(SUMMARY) Washington Times: Younger veterans bypass VFW, American Legion for service, fitness groups: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=55916
The VFW in my hometown is a gay bar.
Enough said.