John David Guess; Phony as they come
Someone sent us John “David” Guess who likes to dress up as a Colonel of United States Marines. I thought about going through that ribbon salad and trying to figure out what the hell all that is but you people will probably figure out what they are. Honestly, there are some awards in there I have never seen before.
I should offer some kind of reward for the first person that can name every award there. The short list of what is not there includes the MOH and the Brevet Medal. Obviously, his picture seems a bit odd so we decided to order his records.
My guess about Guess is more than just a guess, it turns out he tried to become an Engineer of some sort and the Corps decided he was better suited to be a grunt. It appears he was transferred to the Reserves after less than 6 months of active duty. He was discharged as a Corporal.
So it turns out he is kinda like a Colonel except its spelled Corporal and he doesn’t have all the ribbons and badges. He does have something called an ORCR and I will give extra points to whomever figures that out. Nothing screams legit more than some high speed Neo shades and a goofy watch band.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention his recent promotion. During our investigation we found that he is now putting “Gen Guess” down as part of his return address. Everyone knows Colonels all get bumped to General after they retire. Sometimes I really miss the days when I could pontificate in comment section…yes, pontificate describes it perfectly.
Category: Marine Corps
Victimless crime…if that’s his kid in picture, he/she will be so “proud” (i.e. devastated) that daddy was a poser…or perhaps follow in his role model footsteps…victimless…
ORCR is not a misprint it is the abbreviation for an “Orca rectum” it goes around the neck of stolen valor a.h.’s!! 😉
anyone who likes to play military dress up can do so at scifi and comicbook conventions. They give praise and acolades for realistic looking “cosplay”
If he read a few books, and put Royal Marines of Manticore insignia in place of the USMC items, he could be a hero, versus zero.
There really is a “safe place” in our culture for the “walter mitty” types. maybe we should be sending these freaks to cons.
The Honor Harrington series is spectacular. Good reference my muddy paper-cutted friend.
I was there with Honor (we go by first names cause we’re just that close) since Basilisk. Grayson, Hades, and the Battle of Manticore; I did it all.
No. My records are either classified or the burned up in the fire. I can never remember. Just trust me.
RMN all the way!
See. That stuff -works- at a Sci Fi con, even if one -is- batshit crazy.
Yeah, you just wait until Spacefleet troops show up. Cool beans.
Cocksucker.
Request immediate re-attack.
Expend all on your first pass.
Booooooom!
Shack!
“He does have something called an ORCR and I will give extra points to whomever figures that out”
It may be some kind of Overseas Reserve Component Ribbon….I don’t know about the USMC or Navy, but my wife was USAR, and she qualified several times for the Army Reserve Components Overseas Training Ribbon.
I don’t know if the USMC reserve has something comparable?
I’ve never heard of a “ORCR” ribbon or award. Someone else here on TAH may know what that’s supposed to mean.
Maybe an error/typo?
ORCR? I’ve got nothing.
If Forest Green shows up here today, he might know.
Oregon Refuge Combat Ribbon
The Order of the Taint.
To be worn as a foreign decoration.
Engaging brain to figure out what ORCR stands for. Meshing of gears sounds like two bobcats in a gunny sack, but here goes:
1. Outstanding Reserve Component Recruit
2. That’s it. Nuttin else. Dumped the clutch. No extra points.
Organized Reserve Component Ribbon (OCRC). Basically a Good Conduct Medal for reserves.
Now called the Selected Marine Corps Reserve Medal (I think). The name keeps changing.
Thanks
If these guys would try a rack with 6-8 ribbons, they would be less conspicuous.
Probably a secret squirrel story in there to explain the rapid promotion from E4 to O6
“CIA Training at Area 52″… “Sekrit Stuff”… “Anal Stuff”… hope I gave you a picture.
The gift shop at TAH World Wide HQ can supply you with 55 gallon drums of brain bleach to try and help you flush those visions from your BHG – S&H are extra!
Oh, puh-leeZZZZ…
MOS 13XX to 0311? Yeah, that makes since considering he was joined by 3d Battalion 23d Marines (a reserve unit).
He only had a few months active duty time because he was to be a reservist for the duration of his contract.
Shitbird.
Yes looks like he was a reservist. Possibly moved between the time he signed up and before his training was done.
Nearest reserve unit was Infantry so they put him in that MOS.
Pretty much instant giveaway when you wear those catch me fuck me glasses.
Maybe his MOS was 1369? The other Marines here will know what that is. I was a 2542 when I got to a reserve unit and I was made a 2531, Radio Operator. So if your unit needs grunts, cooks drivers or admin and they think you can do it, immediate MOS change.
I’m guessing that’s something like the Army 13K9 MOS. Unlucky sonofabitch.
1369 Unlucky Cocksucker
Well at least this assmunch didn’t claim to be a SEAL! I think that is the first poser this month that didn’t claim as such! And oh yes, by the way, no Harley, no dog, no vest, no killer 1000 yard stare and no number of confirmed kills? This pussnuts sack of sheep shit ain’t even trying!
He DOES have a 1000 yard MEAT GAZER’S stare.
There are days I get tired of this game – it is too easy. I hope that is a niece/nephew, not a child of this John David Guess. No child deserves to be saddled with that type of humiliation.
More shit on his chest than a third-world dictator/generalissimo. One of little pieces of ribbon is probably for “salad tossing” and others are for “manhole inspecting” and “nad kneading”.
Grade “A” ass hamster…
A question for all you Marines.
On his FOIA, why is it listed in the “Place Of Separation” column, that he was separated from the Corps at Fort Leonard Wood, an Army base?
Didn’t Marines send their Combat Engineers to the US Army Combat Engineer school at Ft Leonard Wood?
Yes they do. I saw Marimes undergoing Engineer Training there when I was a wet-behind-the-ears Joe in OSUT.
Ft. Leonard Wood had the largest Detachment of Marines that is not on a Marine Corps base. In this case I would make a General Guess that his paperwork was processed there as a Reservist.
Thanks, Dave.
“General Guess”
Nice.
Yep, I recall talking to a Lt. Col. in command of that engineer training detachment when I was making calls on FLW back in 2005 on a consulting gig.
FOIA as as good as the clerk who types it.
My guess is that they mistook his transfer from his active duty MOS training to his reserve unit as separation.
In reality its just moving to the reserve part of his contract.
Actually, he was released from active duty and transferred to the reserve unit. The Marine Corps Reserve Administration Management Manual covers all that. MC Reserves exist in their own administrative world with lots of codes for reserves that do not apply to Active Duty.
He went FULL shitbag.
I Guess sometimes you *DO* go Full Shitbag.
He isn’t wearing Colonel shades, he needs the cool aviator ones favored by Uncle Joe Biden.
Oh. Hell. No.
Just. HELL. NO.
I don’t even know where to start with this assclown.
For starters, he’s pretending to be a Marine officer wearing Naval Aviator wings, so he’s now well inside my personal perimeter wire.
Please note that, along with all of his other bogus awards, he’s also sporting a Distinguished Flying Cross with Combat “V” and an Air Medal with Combat “V”. He’s also wearing a Purple Heart. I have several friends and colleagues who earned those awards the ‘hard way’, so it’s sickening to see this poser wearing them.
This is really some varsity-level Stolen Valor bullshit. I haven’t seen anything like this for quite some time.
Also, that is not a Marine Corps Summer Service “C” shirt; that looks like a Navy uniform khaki shirt. Any real Marine would spot that a mile way.
Speaking of ‘real Marines’, I hope that this shitbird runs into some of them while he’s out prancing around in this dress-up costume that he’s put together. I doubt that it would end well.
He volunteered to stand on the Yellow Footprints and he earned his EGA; why couldn’t that be enough?
I really, REALLY hate this Stolen Valor bullshit.
Well said. To have the balls to get on that bus that takes you to those yellow footprints… spend the next 3 months in a nightmare… Earn your EGA and then do this?
Guess what?
This dude is a shitbag.
And is around kids.
Scary.
Looks like he just cut the photo off the ribbon/awards poster and glued it to his chest.
My guess that Mr Guess guesses that he likes to work balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, pile infested, inflamed, gaping, ball working asshole, shit tonguing, cock gobbling, sperm burping, sniveling, lying, worthless, waste of oxygen, shitbag, moron, asshat, dick pickle, catcher, impotent koekeloeren, mumpsimus, douche nozzle, hemorrhoid, Milksop, jackwagon, Pettifogger, butt munch, not a Colonel, insult to humanity, Handgallop, twat, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, cum-dumpster, gonad, dopus, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Felcher, dingleberry, bitch, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, micropeen, Hircismus, cheat, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling thundercunt.
Here endith the lesson.
I forgot one thing, appropriately attributed to HMCS(FMF) ret…
” FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER! “
Hey ChipNASA, take a deep breath, let it out, relax and tell us how you REALLY feel!
Motherfucker should have those O-6 Eagles blood-pinned into his eyeballs…
This assclown is also wearing the O-6 rank insignia incorrectly on his collar; he’s wearing them like a Navy officer.
Looks like the eagles are looking backward also.
He looks pimply, really, really pimply. And pouty. Pimply and pouty. And I’m gue4ssing there are fishnets neath his trousers.
If you stare at the rack long enough you can see what appears to be a hidden message. I can’t make it out though. Its like one of those pixel thingys that you have to back away from to see it.
Guess has gone past full retard, past full potato into full DINGLEBERRY mode. He needs to carry a house plant with him everywhere he goes to compensate for the oxygen he has stolen from productive people!
Group, ATTTEEENN…. Shun, it’s the corporal colonel.. I Guess???
No Navy Cross. What a loser.
This guy is walking cluster-fuck, but I spot a few fatal errors that he made when he put his ribbon rack together:
1. He’s not wearing a National Defense Service Medal which would be automatically awarded if he had actually earned the Southwest Asia Service Medal and the two Liberation of Kuwait Medals for ODS.
2. He’s wearing a Fleet Marine Force Ribbon which was only awarded to USN personnel attached to the Fleet Marine Force and is not authorized for wear on the USMC uniform.
3. He’s wearing a Marine Corps Reserve Ribbon that was only awarded between 1945 and 1965.
4. His use of 5/16″ gold and silver stars on unit awards and service/campaign medals.
I also noticed that that his eagles are facing backwards, although I have had to correct real Colonels/Captains on that error before.
And he ain’t old enough the Shakespeare exception. (You do remember that line from Henry V: “…old men remember with advantages…?”)
Anybody elae notice that he apparently was at the Mountain Warfare Training Center in Bridgeport?
Yeah, it looks like he was probably out there on a period of active duty for training with 3/23.
Yes, the unit ATD (Annual Training Duty) would be recorded as noted on Chron Record..
As for the 13XX MOS. It may have been a recruiting hook to get him to sign. It was common to send a recruit to a school with a different MOS path than the unit to which he would be assigned.
Also, the grunt unit may have an engineer det. co-located.
Also, Engineer school quota may have been a priority to fill.
Any of these situations may have been evident. All would be totally legit in the reserve structure.
Not Legit; being a POACHIN’ BASTARD!
Aye!
As best I can figure it:
Defense Distinguished Service Medal
Silver Star
Distinguished Flying Cross
Navy and Marine Corps Medal
Bronze Star
Purple Heart
Defense Meritorious Service Medal
Meritorious Service Medal
Air Medal
Navy Commendation Medal
Join Services Achievement Medal
Combat Action Ribbon
Presidential Unit Citation
?
Meritorious Unit Citation
Good Conduct Medal
Fleet Marine Force Ribbon
?
Marine Corps Expeditionary Medal
Southwest Asia Service Medal
Kosovo Campaign Medal
Armed Forces Service Medal
Sea Service Deployment Ribbon
Overseas Service Ribbon
Marine Corps Reserve Ribbon
?
Kuwait Liberation Medal(Saudi Arabia)
Kuwait Liberation Medal (Kuwait)
Damn, now there is some research! We could use a guy like you around here.
In front of the two KLMs could be the NATO medal. No clue bout the other two that you couldn’t identify. Strange that this guy went to all of the trouble to make himself appear to be such a salty dog and then didn’t try to claim any time in Iraq or Afghanistan.
I can identify two of the others.
The one in between the Fleet Marine Force Ribbon and the Marine Corps Expeditionary Medal is the Selected Marine Corps Reserve Medal.
The one in between the Marine Corps Reserve Ribbon and Kuwait Liberation Medal (Saudi Arabia) is the the NATO Medal (Kosovo).
The one in between the Navy Presidential Unit Citation and the Navy Meritorious Unit Commendation may be a Joint Meritorious Unit Award without a gold frame.
Ah ya beat me to it. But I think I filled in a few.
He needs a BIB(Boot In Butt) Ribbon.
Hey, Dave, can you give us any idea as to how old those pictures are. Just a General Guess on your part will suffice. The more I look at this turd’s face, the more I wonder is he really going to be 54/55 years old this year?
I mean he’s still all pimply faced nefarious and shit. If he entered the Marines in 1980 at say 17 or 18, that means he was born in 1962 or 63.
Is this phony Colonel/General shit something he’s been doing for over 20 years based on a picture of himself when he was 35 years old?
He just does not look old enough (at least to my eyes) to pull it off.
The Kosovo Campaign Medal hes sporting wasn’t even authorized/ created until 2000. The picture can’t be older than that.
Lack of any Iraq/ Afghanistan GWOT medals makes that possible.
Sure, around 2005. There are others, but I figured that one kinda says it all. We have reports that he claims all kinds of stuff. Pilot, INJURED IN FALLUJAH, you know all the usual fake hero stuff.
I even questioned his age myself and got confirmation from a source that knows him.
Dave,
What type/model/series of Marine Corps aircraft does he claim to have flown?
CLAIMS TO HAVE FLOWN F18s or so it has been reported. Probably with that Seekrit Squadron based out of Camp Clusterphuck.
Copy; thanks.
This info will be on the way over to our USMC F/A-18 brothers ASAP so that they have SA on this guy.
Thanks again.
I believe the plane Guess is referring to is this one.
https://youtu.be/IANwb_qT1gg
Claw,
I was thinking the same thing about this guy. He just doesn’t look old enough to be an Colonel. Even in WW II (unless they were aviators) full bulls looked like the had seen a whole bunch of miles!
What the heck? Is that a divers badge next to the wings????
I’m guessing that the felchling ass hamster broke his taint in one of them “CALL OF BOOTY – ANAL BUTTSEKKS WARRIOR” sekrit skwirrl missions… that’s why he’s gotta wear the shades.
He’s gotsta wear dem shades so we don’t see that pained thousand yard stare he has from all the horrors of war he’s seen.
Stolen Valor…..
The Rancid Cherry topping the Shit Sundae.
What lurks beneath?
ORCR – Orgasm Release Containment Receptacle
OMG My coworker is wondering why the hell I just snorted soup all over my desk…dammit!
Sorry, I should have issued a spew warning
You are very disturbed. You should have marched with that sign a few weeks ago.
Funny, my family all say the same exact thing it can’t be a coincidence could it? As far as the marchs a few weeks ago, I would have except:
(a) I’m not a little butt-hurt snowflake and (b) I hate the taste of dick in my mouth, now matter how much Listerine or Jack Daniels ya drink, that taste ain’t comin out.
Nice…
Thanks Chip! It’s nice to feel appreciated!
Whew, finally a phony Marine (at least the COL/GEN/wall o’ decorations part). I was getting all worked up about all of these SEALs lately. Badly this one did shat upon himself.
good boy General er ah Colonel er ah Captain. It is a squid shirt decorated with eagles squid style. Whatta piece of crap. Moron. How does this idiot get up in the morning. Son of a —–should not even have been a private doing what my privates do. At least the medal merchants made some money off him. Even the medals catalogs would have helped him get dressed. Worm. Got to the Super Squirrel in Montrose Colorado for some imposter lessons —-bird.
***
^^^That’s more of my time than than he deserves. Semper Ridiculous
We gotta facebook link for this turd? I got time to kill this weekend and would love to bomb his friends list with links back here
Every week it seems there is a new poser douche that seems to think he is in a competition to out-pose the other valor thieves with more poser bling. Is there some kind of Mister Poser USA pageant going on?
Yeah.
Its called the “Phildo” Monkress Invitational Classic.
Its held every year at All-Points Logistics in Merritt Island, Florida.
Its a great recruitment tool.
i have a book that list all the phonies from previous war, this pile of Sh– take the cake