Scott Thomas Beauchamps; shithouse scribe (Updated)

I’ve been reading the stories from Michael Goldfarb and National Review that The New Republic published from some formerly unidentified soldier named Scott Thomas who turns out to be named Scott Thomas Beauchamps. Since these stories been published and republished across the ‘net, I won’t bother to repeat the stories this youngster wrote. I kinda figured they were bullshit stories from the get-go, but I wanted to wait and see how this played out before I said anything. Well, it’s not played out yet, but I do have a few thoughts, especially since the young man supposedly happens to be in an infantry company in which I served during  the days of yore.

The stories I read that he claims to have penned all seem false to me – some have defended the tales with their own brand of forensic psychiatry saying that young men pumped up with testosterone and ranging about a wild country with loaded fully automatic weapons have a tendancy to do things others might not think possible. Well, that’s just horseshit, too.

These men we send to fight our wars come from our hometowns, they’re raised in our neighborhoods, they sit next to us in our church pews, they date our daughters. They know how to act – and none that I know would intentionally run over a dog.

In fact, after Desert Storm, when we were still trying to bring some level of civilization to the areas behind the retreatng Iraqis, my battalion commander instructed the company commanders to send their snipers out to dispatch the roving bands of stray dogs. My troops were in an absolute rage about this – one of my squad leaders got relieved when our company’s sniper couldn’t seem to kill the dogs with one shot and the squad leader confronted him, fairly agressively – too agressively for the commander’s tastes. I can prove my story, by the way, Crotchety Old Bastard was a Platoon leader in the same company and I’m sure he remembers the incident. (Update note: He does remember it.)

And any Bradley driver who can see up over the right side and drive that 26-ton monster with enough precision to catch a dog unawares – well, the Army better not ever let him out. 1600 horses are not quiet, and 26 tons are not maneuverable.

As far as making fun of an injured woman because of a disfigurement beyond her control, resulting from an enemy action – bullshit. If she’d been a fat cow from the ambulance platoon whose rolls of lard were hanging out the bottom of her BDU blouse, I might make a different call – but not in this case. if there’s one thing warriors respect it’s those who’ve looked the dragon in the eye and lived.

I had a friend, Tim Martin, whose memorial you can see on my website, who was disfigured since I knew him – 1974 until his death in 1993. The whole right side of his face was melted – you can see in some of the photos. I never knew why because I never asked him. No one I know ever asked him why – because it didn’t matter. He was a rockhard soldier with a heart of gold and it didn’t matter to anyone why he was disfigured. And although Uncle Jimbo is a bit confused about when Tim was injured, he can certainly attest to Tim’s injury and the way he was treated by the people with whom he served.

And putting a child’s skull on your head – sorry, but infantrymen never know when their next shower will be – putting an exhumed skull anywhere on your body is just unsanitary and his squad leader would’ve knocked the troop into his next rotation. I know it seems trivial to most people, but anyone who has really been an infantryman, not the kind in the movies, knows the importance of personal hygiene – and the dangers of ignoring personal hygiene.

From reading Beauchamp’s blogs, I get the impression that the little weasel heard some stories in the latrine while he was pounding his pathetic little pecker, blew them out of proportion and then marketed them to The New Republic – which swallowed them hook, line and sinker. I guess it’s not really their fault since they wouldn’t know a track pad from shit-on-a-shingle, what with them being a bunch of chickenshit civilian pussies and all.

Even if it did happen, and I have absolutely no reason to think that any of these shithouse rumors did happen, it shouldn’t reflect on the outstanding work that all of the other guys who have the misfortune to serve with a lying sack of dung. Heck, I served in the same division as Timothy McVeigh in Desert Storm – doesn’t mean that I’m probably going to blow up a federal building, does it?

This mealy-mouthed little pussy will get reamed by his First Sergeant and Platoon Sergeant real well – reamed so well that you could drive an Abrams up his ass before they’re through and the truth will then come out. But the damage to our troops’ reputations has already been done – which all The New Republic wanted to do anyway – all we can do is work to repair that damage.

Hey Alpha Company 1-18th Infantry – the beer’s on me when ya’all get to DC. Count on it.

UPDATED: Little Green Footballs and Ace of Spades have circumstantial evidence that Beauchamps is connected to The New Republic by marriage.

UPDATED again: GI Jane at The Foxhole has an email exchange from Beuchamps’ First Sergeant who assures us these stories are false and that Scott Thomas has “other underlying issues”. I get the impression that the boy will end up pushing Schweinfurt to Paris from the front-leaning postion. 

(Note: GI Jane graciously offered to reproduce the email here, but I’d prefer ya’all give her your traffic – she has a great blog and ya’all deserve to read her stuff in her own house. Thanks.)

Category: Antiwar crowd, Media, Politics, Society, Support the troops, Terror War