Declaration of Fakery
When in the Course of human events, there are people who saw a lot of war movies and wanted to do that too, but liked their couches more, it becomes necessary for such people to craft tales of awesomeness they once read about. To assume among the powers of the of the internet, the separate and greater station to which their tales of heroism and the Laws of Narcissism and of Narcissism’s God entitle them, a lack of respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare how awesome they are, and threaten to sue should they be found out, and to deny the causes which impel them to tell the lies.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that we deserve the adoration that other people fought for with blood sweat and tears. That we are endowed by Dr Phil with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Lies, fraud and the pursuit of Accolades.–That to secure these rights, the Government can’t take away my “free speech,” deriving their powers from the lies the congress critters told, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive to my personhood I can sue, even if I lied. It is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish their records, and to institute new better stories, laying its foundation on such acts we were too lazy to commit ourselves.
We are better than you, not because we actually did the really impressive stuff that we claim to have done, but rather that we are clever enough to earn the accolades that go with said achievements, without having to sweat for them. We who make up stories are entitled to be treated like the special little snowflake we know we are. We are entitled to earning money speaking about our heroism that we did not actually display. We are entitled to VA benefits for the post traumatic stress we got from watching Deer Hunter. We demand and declare this! And if you don’t like it, we’ll sue the crap out of you.
No law shall stop us from putting on SEAL tridents with Master EOD badges on Marine uniforms. We will not accept your fellonius slanderous names like MSG Soup Sandwich. We are awesome. Just look at our medals! We were jumping into panama when we were in diapers and how dare you attempt to prove otherwise!
Signed,
everyone that steals valor
Category: "Teh Stoopid", Satire, Shitbags, Stolen Valor Act
I swear, just about every Vietnam Veteran I have met worked for the CIA and was underground in Laos and killed a hundred thousand gooks for breakfast every day…
There didn’t appear to be any clerks, truck drivers, POGS or anything over there. They were all SEAL’s and such !!!
I am just Vietnam era and served in Alaska.
That is perfectly honest and still makes me a Veteran !!!
But, not a Vietnam Veteran. I would never say such a thing as that…
Be a fake in all things, you have not done more and you should not pretend to have done less.
amendment 1- the right to free speech because fuck you, the Supreme Court says what I’m doing isn’t wrong and Stolen Valor hurts nobody.
Let us therefore brace ourselves to our fakery, and so mislead others and ourselves that, if the Hoodwink Empire and its Confederates lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, “This was their phoniest hour”!
“To thine own self be false. And everyone else, too.”
perfect words of reality in an insane world
Says it all.
*pweeet-pweeet-pweeet* Yea, Doc Bailey! Round of applause! and some beer too. 😉
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the military surplus store, I shall fear no evil, for the Supreme Court art a bunch of spineless pussies…my fakery shall comfort me. I scammest a beer in the presence of those who would dickpunch me, thou alloweth me to spew my bullshit, my hip waders runneth over.
Is this “Spot the Looney” Day and nobody told me?
“He who steals valor with me shall be my brother in arms for all the internet and I shall back up his stories as he backs up mine!”
Yes, while these liars and fakes are out there screaming from the highest peak, the real heroes are out there doing it in silence.
I just found out that a cousin of mine that had been absent from the past few family functions we have, enrolled in the Marines but didn’t tell anyone at all because he didn’t want to let us down in case he failed at Parris Island. He graduates next week. This my friends is how it’s done! I couldn’t be prouder!
I shall forever be grateful the B G Burkett wrote his book “Stolen Valor”. It always frosted my ass that dirt bags wearing nothing like the jungle fatigues I wore were depicted as Viet Nam vets. I used to get scruffy while working, but to my way of thinking, no self respecting soldier went around looking like those slobs. And Thunderstixx, not all my friends went RVN and not all that did were my friends. Hell, everybody gotta be somewhere.
What the soldier says before battle: Lord, thou knowest I shall be verie busy today. I may forget thee. Do not thou forget me.
What the Stolen Valor Wienie says before discovery: *Oh, Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz? My friends all have Porsches. I must make amends.*
*(My apologies to Janis)
A Real Man or Woman asks “What can I work for and earn?” while a scum sucking poser asks “What else can I get? GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!!!”. The latter are the lowlifes we see exposed here.
Didn’t I see this on the Duffelblog?
#1 I served in Korea in 73-74. I will not call myself a VietNam vet but a Viet Nam Era vet. I had no choice where Uncle Sam sent me but I served with pride (Air Force Photographer). I have been asked to join VVA, and just bring myself to do it.