Top 10 Bad-Ass Military Units?
Some assclown named FlameHorse over at Listverse.com decided to demonstrate an amazing level of ignorance by posting his opinion of the top ten Special Forces units in the world.
FlameHorse seems to know about as much about Special Forces as I do about rare blood disorders in aardvarks, applied quantum physics or why in the hell anyone would give a shit about what is happening with Jay Leno and Conan. These are all mysteries to me and so I avoid beclowning myself by offering my opinion about them.
Anyway, here’s the assclown’s list but more at the link.
10. Spetznaz (Russia)
9. French Naval Commandos
8. MARSOC (USA)
7. MI-6 (Great Britain)
6. Rangers (USA)
5. Green Beret (USA)
4. Delta Force (USA)
3. Shayetet 13 (Israel)
2. SEALs (USA)
1. SAS (Great Britain)
There are some obvious flaws in the list and other than Google hits, who knows what his criteria was for picking these units or putting them in this order. Most of these are legitimate Bad-Ass Units but there are a couple of indicators that Mr. FlameHorse doesn’t know jack-shit about Special Forces.
The obvious idiot pick is the Russian Spetznaz. This is without a doubt the most over rated special ops unit in the history of special ops. The French Naval Commandos are certainly well trained but their internal politics leaves them rarely utilized and thus unable to be measured. MARSOC has a similar problem in that it has only been around for a bit over three years and their biggest accomplishment so far seems to have been getting kicked out of the combat zone at least once.
The rest of these units can make a claim to being on a top ten list and given the divergence of their missions it is impossible to rank order them. Only a retard would try to do that.
If you want to arm, train and lead a tribal force to overthrow a warlord, don’t call a SEAL team. If you want to spearhead a forced insertion of enemy territory with massive violence and over whelming fire superiority you might not want MI-6 as your only option. If you don’t want your operation on the front page with a huge body count, it might not be a perfect Ranger operation.
And of course if it doesn’t include open opportunity for TDY fraud the Green Beret are probably not interested.
Aside from the obvious flaws, Mr. FlameHorse gives the following insight when he put the Rangers on the list:
But then, they lose a few points for an incident a Ranger told me about: he was the captain of a tank regiment on maneuvers in the Amazon jungle. Just an exercise, but because of the sweltering heat, they had to open their tank hatches. This captain, who shall remain nameless, heard a thump behind him, and turned to see a Goliath Bird-eating Spider crawling toward him, raising its front legs and hissing.
He admits to screaming like a girl, knifing the tarantula, jumping out of the tank and running off into the jungle for a mile and a half. His buddies still rib him about it.
Tank Regiment?
Amazon jungle?
A spider that made a thump on a tank?
Knifing a tarantula?
I don’t know about your “Ranger” buddy but do your friends rib you about being an idiot?
I would like to think that some old Ranger did tell this idiot this story and laughs at him while he’s drinking FlameHorse’s beer and ravaging his girlfriend.
“Hey Flamer, why don’t you go grab another 12-pack and some pork rinds. I’ll tell you about being a door gunner on the Space Shuttle.” Then smiling at FH’s girlfriend, “and take your time.”
Category: Politics
It is ridiculous that “Burr’s Brigade” didn’t make the cut.
Whats really scarey is the comments. They all take his bullshit as gospel. I’ll have to call my brother who’s in 2nd BN and tell him to brush up on his 19K skills because apparently Rangers are actually tankers now.He’ll love that.
Guy prolly spends too much time on his X-Box games.
Ran a mile and a half through the Amazon jungle huh? Wow that deforestation must be worse then I thought.
I don’t know who should be more offended CDATS (Computerized Dumb A*& Tankers) or Rangers.
well on the plus side. If Flamer comes here he will be able to get the scoop on the chemlight batteries. (hat tip, Delta Bravo Sierra)
Also notably absent is the Louisiana Home Guard (http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=16025).
That dude would be number one by himself let alone his unit IMHO.
After reading the drivel, I prefer to assume that young Flamehorse is actually an Airman in the Air Force’s cyber unit throwing down fuel for the masses to keep them confused about the real capabilities of our elite forces.
It’s either that or he’s a 45 year old living in his mom’s basement trying to show off for his boy friend…
cl
Hey didn’t you guys see the episode of the Deadliest Warrior where the Spetnaz beat the Green Berets. Come on guys you know his list is ridiculous just because he didn’t reference that show as a source. Sarchasim off.
Someone needs to tell numb nuts that tankers usually ride with the hatches open, unless simulating an NBC environment…..combat on the other hand, especially in an urban environment.
When you’re IN the tank only the main gun “thumps” I once got hit by a car leaving the motorpool to go to the field and THAT barely made a thump…..
Come to think of it…..Rangers aren’t bad-ass enough to be tankers!!!
I was going to parody this with one of my “I remember it…” things, but FFS that tard beat me to it.
Another thing, where is “fightin” Joe Biden’s super secret robot zombie ninja force on this list?
Iron Knight
DBS has been hilarious the last few days……Brake light fluid! Disposal of winter air….HA! He just needs to send the private out for a box of grid squares or a can of squelch for the radio!
TDY fraud… LOL!
Anybody know where I can get a spool of Flight Line and 50-gal drum of Rotorwash? TDY fraud indeed…
Oh I long for the days of new privates checking the tank armor for “dead spots” with a ball peen hammer. You could hear it across the motorpool. Years ago at or Border Camp in Coburg I walked around the corner of my Bradley to find my newest scout/observer hammering away on the side while the rest of the crew watched with barely suppressed laughter.
Upon seeing me they thought the jig was up and they were about to get smoked. Instead I told new guy to stop and asked him what he was doing. When he replied that he was asking for dead spots I asked if he had found any. Telling me that he had I proceeded to ask if he had marked them with chalk and annotated the locations on the maintenance report? At that point of course the rest of the crew lost it it and were rolling on the ground.
He actually turned out to be a good troop in the end.
Shit, and all we ever got to do to the nubs was tell them to go feed the shaft seals and look under that hatch for “sea-bats”. Although there was the one time on my first boat I had a kid looking through every space on the boat and then to several shops at Subase Pearl for a 10-lb water hammer. Poor dumbass almost missed underway, and would have had the COB not seen him.
LTC Tim:
It is usually that sort that surprise one the most. In our HUEY company, (Air Mob,101st Avn, 101st Abn ’60-’64), we always sent them over to the Airforce Hangar on CAAF, to get purified prop wash, (so it wouldn’t streak the paint job). Back then we got paid in cash, once a month, and one payday, the company first sergeant had a table set up after the pay line and was collecting for the fund for the widow of the unknown soldier. In the same company, I was trying for company Soldier of the Month, and XO asked why I wanted to be the soldier of the month. I replied: “To get the three day pass Sir, because my wife thinks she might get pregnant and would like me there Sir.” made S O T M, and a new rapport with the XO.
“Never Forget the Ft.Hood Texas 14 of 11/5/09!”
the company first sergeant had a table set up after the pay line and was collecting for the fund for the widow of the unknown soldier.
I just spit my beer all over the monitor….that’s classic!
A tanker would have shot the d*^%#$ spider with his .45.
Oh, for the days of sending a FNG to the motor pool shop for a box of reticles or asking the new training officer to call Range Control for 50 more meters of firing line or to turn on the range fans to get rid of the fog.
BTW, who could take a clown seriously who forgot GSG-9?
ECS
Old Tanker and ECS, man you guys made my night, thanks for the memories. I can’t remember how many nights I spent waiting for someone to turn on the Range Fans to clear the fog, so we could continue Firing TT VIII. at Fort Swampy.
I just really upset that the Marine Corps Medics Squad didn’t make the list. They some bad mofos, they make Dick Cheneys personal CIA Wet Team look like a church social.
One more comment about MI-6. The British Government tightly restricts what today’s MI-6 can legally do, and does not permit it to have a paramilitary mission. Now officially known as the Secret Intelligence Service, MI-6 is an entirely civilian spy agency that has no special operations capability whatsoever. Although it might occasionally have military special operators seconded to it, they’re on board as intelligence operatives, not shooters. Even in WW2, MI-6 stuck to its principal mission of clandestine intelligence collection and generally left the “dirty tricks” that required more than one or two guys to the Special Operations Executive (SOE), the Commandos, or the SAS/SBS.
Once when crossing a hardball at oh-dark thirty during an Alert, a car full of drunks came over the hill and smacked right in the side of our M-60. We didn’t realize what had happened until the road guards radioed us. That car was in little pieces everywhere. We didn’t realize it had happened because we were all nodding off due to lack of sleep.
Of course, if a big bad a$$ed spider landed near me, I’d most likely go running and screaming like a little girl too. I couldn’t tell you the last time during a training exercise, that I had any live ammo to practice with.
Thanks for the stories. They bring back memories.
Were those tanks on a “deforestization” op? That is too funny. I’m a former Navy airdale from the F14 community. We used to tell new guys to get on top of the jet with a broom and sweep the wings! For those who don’t know, “wing sweep” is when the wings move back for supersonic flight, and forward for subsonic flight. Also found on USAF F-111’s. Can’t forget getting 100 ft of flight line.
I work with a guy who is retired Navy, I asked him what they used to do. He told me they would have them running around looking for extra shoreline. There was also standing on deck with a bigass hook and binoculars looking for the mail bouy…..
BA-1100-N’s anyone?
What about the I-D-10t?
We had privates arguing about the best way to collect exhaust samples and performing BOOM!! tests on the 25MM.
Ohh, man those were the days.
Wow, brings back some memories. I fell for the hammer qual, beat the crap out of my cover. Sent one guy for Vortex Generator grease, he came back with a hand full of Moly D. Another guy got sent to avionics for an A.S.H receiver.
I served on a sub and was in a hurry and did not have my guard up. A friend of mine asked me to go to the quartermaster and get a rubber rain flag since it was raining. I was just not thinking that day…
I did get a midshipman on a summer cruise though. I told him that fluorescent lights worked differently than incandescent lights. The fluorescent lights don’t give off light, they absorb darkness. I hadn’t thought of that one in about 15 years. Thanks everyone!!
Let us not forget:
Camo spray paint to touch up the vehicle
Box of grid squares
Key to the turret lock
Chem light batteries
With the recent admittance of women, private Crown Jewel tours for coin, and open recruitment of gays, how can it be the Beefeaters failed to place?