Stupid Criminals of the Week

| August 1, 2020

With my newfound super powers I’m starting a new weekly article. I’d be worried about a lack of source material for any weekly article, but stupid criminals are an abundant natural resource.

Hopefully these tales of stupi-tude can bring some joy to your weekend.

Suspected boat thief arrested in New York after beaching stolen vessel

A resident on Long Island had his boat stolen. The thief, with his lady in tow, foundered the boat in the surf, eventually grounding it, by which point police had been alerted. What’re the odds he just ran out of gas?

The article says that police

were alerted by a lifeguard about “an occupied vessel that appeared to be disabled in the surf.” When police responded, they detained a man and woman inside what turned out to be the stolen boat


Naked man wandered around a hotel claiming to be Batman

Only in Florida.

Christopher L. Jackson, 49, was arrested Friday on exposure of sexual organs and loitering charges. He remains in jail on $1,000 bond.

A Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office deputy responded to a hotel in Englewood after receiving reports of a nude man walking around the third floor. After arriving, the deputy encountered Jackson, who was uncooperative from the beginning, the arrest report says.

“I made multiple attempts to obtain his name and date of birth which he replied with ‘I’m Batman,’” the deputy wrote.

The cop eventually found his clothes and with them a glass pipe.

While taking Jackson to jail, the deputy discovered he had a warrant out of Sarasota County for an alleged larceny, according to the report.

Too bad he’s turned to a life of crime. He could certainly sell his services as a Charles Manson look alike. Photo in the source article.


Man Tries to Avoid Arrest By Doing Cartwheels


Cops called about a guy blocking traffic for his daily calisthenics of cartwheels. Cops try to arrest him. Man does more cartwheels. Hilarity ensues. Thankfully there’s video. I also noticed this guy wasn’t wearing his COVID mask properly. Truly a depraved monster.

Video at the link, along with a couple of other stories of dumb criminals.

Artice; WGY Radio

Category: "Teh Stoopid", "Truth or fiction?", WTF?, YGBSM!!

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Green Thumb

Looks like All-Points Logistics had a jailbreak…

Green Thumb

If only Uncle Charley had a son…

A Proud Infidel®™

If John Giduck had offspring…

Green Thumb

The Turd with a Face!


Weekly source material.
Great for decades,
News Of The Weird is not quite the same
since Chuck Shepherd retired (in 2017).
Occasional nuggets (or nutlogs) can still be found.


A target-rich environment. Good hunting!

5th/77th FA

FNG getting the get over/gravy/low hanging fruit work? DaHell? Oh, that’s right…Chair Force, gots to break ’em in gentle like. Or maybe a reward for all the fine work on the Valor Friday. Now we gets a Stupid Saturday! Outstanding!

Target rich environment…indeed! No shortage of idiots. Will be nice having a herd of them gathered up for perusing.

Green Thumb

Into the wild blue yonder….

Slow Joe

You guys are slacking.

This is Mason’s first article here in TAH.

You guys should be trashing him.
I, for one, will troll the shit out of him.

*clears throat*

Mason, I thought you were going to do some stolen valor stuff, which have been sorely lacking for quite a while.

Instead, you choose the easiest possible road, and post some nonsense about retarded criminals which is easily available on teh internetz.

You suckz.


If it’s easily available elsewhere, elsewhere is where you should be.

Troll that.


The Venn diagram of “stupid criminals” and “valor thieves” will have some noteworthy overlap.

Slow Joe

That’s a valid point.


Woop, woop!! A whole new category of teh Stoopid. I am certain Mason will find some unique ones regularly.


Love it when a plan comes together. That new Whiz Wheel®™ (CPU-26A/P) that I ordered using the last of FY19 monies was received just the other day, so it seems like it will be getting it’s cherry busted using this new weekly article. I’m sure the multipliers for FRPR (Full Retard Past Rutabaga), FLTPSM (Full Loony Tunes Past Shower Mold), and FBBSDC (Full Blown Bat-Scheisse Drooling Crazy will get a workout. Hat Tips to A Proud Infidel®™, Ret_25X and Hondo for those acronyms. So, without further ado from the naked Batman wanna-be article:

Christopher L. Jackson (FRPR) 46 x 8 = 368

Inbred Redneck

Glad to see the new column, Mason. You might try searchin’ for news from Butte County in Commiefornia. Smaller that Floriduh but still comes up with some good ones.