I AM Appointing COB6 the AR 15-6 Investigating Officer

“Given the nature of the charges and in the interest of the families, I am appointing COB6 as Investigating Officer pursuant to Army Regulation 15-6. His investigation and findings are expected to guide this convening authority to a just and prudent disposition of this case.” G.S. Patton Jr. (As channeled by COB6)

It was important that General Patton appoint me. He has blogged from the grave many times before and I think I am the exclusive channel he uses.

In this particular case, his resurgence to announce the appointment was really necessary as only a general court-martial convening authority may appoint an investigation for incidents resulting in property damage of $1,000,000, the loss or destruction of an Army aircraft or missile, an injury or illness resulting in, or likely to result in, total disability, or the death of one or more persons.

While I have always detested AR 15-6 duties they are important and this one in particular seemed to cry for a thorough, professional and unbiased investigation:

JERUSALEM — The parents of an American man severely wounded by Israeli troops during a West Bank protest have asked Israeli police to investigate, their lawyer said…Tristan Anderson, 38, from Oakland, Calif., was struck in the head by a tear-gas canister fired by members of Israel’s paramilitary border police in the Palestinian village of Naalin on March 13. Mr. Anderson had joined a protest against Israel’s separation barrier, which cuts off Naalin from 300 acres of olive groves. In the past year, four Palestinians were killed in Naalin by Israeli troops quelling weekly stone-throwing protests against the barrier, according to Israeli human rights group B’tselem….

His father, Mike, said Israel must “take full responsibility for the shooting of our son.” Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesman Yigal Palmor said Mr. Anderson’s injury was “an extremely regrettable result of rioting.”…

Rights activists say Israeli troops often use excessive force in dispersing West Bank protests, and fire tear-gas canisters directly at protesters – using them as a weapon, rather than a means to disperse crowds. The Israeli military says stone-throwing poses a threat to troops, and several officers have been injured by rocks. The military said troops used permitted means of riot dispersal, such as tear gas, rubber-coated steel pellets and stun grenades.

Now to my investigation. This won’t take long.

Done. Two beers; might be a new record.

Findings and Recommendations:

Findings:
Mr. Anderson has been a career ass clown and his exploits of anti-Americanism and sheer dumb-assery have only escalated over the years.

From tree sitting at one of the most liberal universities in America to finally going to protest in a war zone, Mr. Anderson’s intelligence and cognitive abilities have seemed to atrophy over the years.

Mr. Anderson freely entered a war zone where, by definition, people are being killed.

Mr. Anderson decided, of his own volition, to ally himself with those that were justly getting their ass kicked.

In the process of this, Mr. Anderson got his own ass kicked. This happens when you pick the wrong ally.

In a voluntary act of criminal activity against a sovereign state Mr. Anderson was wounded.

Mr. Anderson was 38 years old at the time of the incident. He was not a minor and was not under the supervision of either parents or guardians.

Recommendations:
Mr. Anderson should be allowed to die and his remains to be treated with the dignity and respect that the Palestinians will no doubt offer a western Christian.

His parents should STFU and realize that when you have a son who is 38 years old and acting like a complete moron, bad things are destined to happen.

COB6, Investigating Officer

Category: Politics