The Complete Hater’s Guide to the US Air Force.
Last weekend I posted up a link to “We Are The Mighty’s Complete Haters Guide to the US Navy.” You didn’t think I’d leave it at that, right?
The branches of the U.S. Military are like a very large family. They deal with one another because they have to, not because they always get along.
The differences don’t stop at uniforms. Each branch has its own goals, mission, and its own internal culture. At the upper levels of the services, they compete for funds and favor from civilians in DoD. In the lower ranks, they compete for fun and favor from civilians in bars and strip clubs (especially in North Carolina). The branches are like siblings, competing for the intangible title of who’s “the best” from no one in particular.
Of course, when it comes to joint operations downrange, a lot of that goes out the window. But when the op-tempo isn’t as hectic and frustration has time to build, the awesome Army platoon who saved your ass last month become a bunch of damn stupid grunts who steal everything you don’t lock down and leave their Gatorade piss bottles everywhere. Parsing out the best and worst of our services isn’t hard if we’re honest with ourselves.
Here’s how the other branches hate on the Air Force, how they should actually be hating on the Air Force, how the Air Force hates on the Air Force, and why to really love the Air Force.
I can’t actually hate the Air Force- seems son #1 is a member (associate?). It does on occasion bring up some interesting topics of conversation, though. Without further ado, here’s the link to WATM’s Complete Haters Guide to the US Air Force, enjoy!
Category: Politics
Air Force dining facility at Sathers airbase within VBC had USAF mess personnel manning the stations, and you eat on real china with metal utensils. The Army-operated mess hall at Camp Victory was manned by non-descript TCN contract hajjis, and you used paper plates and plastiforks. We tried to eat at the Sathers dining facility as often as we could get away with…
They had ketchup at 8th Aerial Port at Pleiku.
At Balad, AF dining facility wouldn’t let us eat without having reflective belt in possession…this after we arrived via helo late and were there for midrats….we just grabbed trays and ate anyway….real clown policy…
Of all the Air Force, I always had the upmost respect for the A-10 pilots. You had to respect a pilot with blood on the windshield.
Now the rest of the Air Force…….
Back when it was still the Army Air Corps in WWII my Dad flew multiple missions as a ‘flak observer’ – turned out to be a really primitive version of Wild Weasel. “We flew over and intentionally drew fire, they shot at us, we marked their positions, and called in fire on it. Great fun.” was the answer. Had to respect those pilots – a LOT.
Q: What do you do if an Airman throws a grenade at you?
A: Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back.
ROFLOL ! ! !
Good one!
What’s the difference between an Air Force pilot and God? God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.
What do you call Basic Training flunkies???
A Police Constable
Seen at a German AF base on a latrine wall:
“Was ist ein Dum-Dum geschoss?
Zwei officeirn in einem Starfighter.
Sehr gut.
Heehee!
Specifically fighter pilots. Many seem to think they’re God’s gift to the Air Force and to women. Tanker and bomber guys aren’t as bad.
After completing my Basic Combat Training at Fort Lewis, Washington, and my Advanced Individual Training at Fort Gordon, Georgia, my very first assignment in the United States Army as a brand new Private First Class, E-3, Field Radio Relay and Carrier Equipment Repairman (MOS 31L20), was Company A, 11th Air Defense Signal Battalion, 32d Army Air Defense Command (i.e., “32d AADCOM”) at Kleber Kaserne in Kaiserslautern, Germany. When I ate at the mess hall, it was SWILL that was ladled onto our trays, and I wondered how I was going to survive a year (as a draftee) of this malnutrition, as on a meager PFC’s income, I could not afford to purchase the delicious bratwurst und brotchen from the street venders every day. God was looking out for me. I was sent TDY (i.e., “Temporary Duty”) to Repair Team A-2 at Spangdahlem Air Force Base. For a Private First Class in the United States Army, it was as if I had died and gone to Heaven! EVERYTHING on a United States Air Force base is totally luxurious and downright cushy, when compared to the life of lowly enlisted personnel at a United States Army post. When going to the Air Force “DINING HALL”, I was given a CHOICE of whatever I wanted to eat, and the Air Force even had midnight chow. During an alert, the team sergeant explained to me that because of my MOS, and the fact that we were TDY, on paper, we were technically listed as already being “in the field”. Therefore, when it was freezing cold, muddy, raining, sleeting, or snowing, during alerts, when other soldiers were being miserable and filthy, exposed to the elements, I would simply walk into my shop, turn up the heat, make the coffee, turn on the radio to listen to an Armed Forces Network broadcast, and open up the latest issue of the “STARS AND STRIPES” newspaper. (Yes, I’m a Mormon, but it was my job to make the coffee, which they claimed was the best they’d ever tasted!) Later, I heard that the mess sergeant in charge of… Read more »
I did my BCT at Lewis too (before they let the zoomies in) and AIT at Ft. Sill, OK (artillery). After AIT the Army sent me to S. Korea and put me in a “company” of five other guys and a butter bar CO. We ran the two rifle ranges. What – artillery guy running a rifle range? ARMY !!
We had Air Force beds in our hooch. Way better than the cots that infantry got.
When traveling with our Scout Troop or Venturing Crew we have stayed at various military bases.
I have to admit that the Chair Force’s chow hall was very, very good – and reasonably priced.
During my time at Spangdahlem Air Force Base, I was the Assistant Scoutmaster for the Boy Scout Troop sponsored by the Bitburg Air Force Base Branch of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints.
One of the highlights of that experience was going to Summer Camp, i.e., “Camp Edelweiss”, at Bad Tolz, where the 10th Special Forces Group (Airborne) demonstrated survival skills, and later, we visited the Deutches Museum in Munich (i.e., the German version of our Smithsonian Institute).
Also at Bitburg Air Force Base, I was in awe, because one of the people I went to church with was Colonel Bernard Francis Fisher, United States Air Force, who had been awarded the Silver Star one day, and the following day, had been awarded the Medal of Honor, for his actions on subsequent days in the Ashau Valley in the old Republic of Viet Nam.
His boys were in my Scout Troop.
He later became a good friend, allowing me to camp on his property in Idaho when I was attending medical seminars.
Excellent!
What is great is having a former Scout or Explorer/Venturer drop by the house to visit and bring their kids. You know the sacrifice was worth it then.
When I had my heart attack, I was hospitalized at Keesler Air Force Base in Mississippi.
During my recovery, I was in a spacious, furnished private room, with a large flat screen television, with cable, and my window looked out on the scenic Back Bay of Biloxi.
I was surrounded and fussed over by lovely, young nurses and/or aides, for the United States Air Force seems to have an abundance of female personnel.
When the drug eluting stents were inserted into the arteries surrounding my heart, there was absolutely no pain whatsoever.
Later, though, in the emergency room, I did needlessly endure hours and hours of horrible agony as the male nurse attempted to staunch the bleeding from my femoral artery, apparently not being authorized to prescribe or administer the two drugs that would instantly stop the bleeding.
However, all things considered, I really received wonderful treatment at that hospital, and posted a detailed description of my experience”SURVIVING MY HEART ATTACK”, on my own personal web site, “OUR ETERNAL STRUGGLE”.
http://writesong.blogspot.com/search?q=Surviving+My+Heart+Attack
Yep. I’m experiencing a conundrum myself. I was Army, stepdaughter is full time Army Guard, but the brains of the family (my son) just graduated Air Force BMT last Friday. It appears that the knuckle-dragger gene missed him.
I remember taking my mid tour leave in Korea(Early 90’s, had to buy out own plane tickets) where I spent the majority of on Osan Air base which was Shangri-la compared to life in 2nd ID! I’ve eaten in three Star restaurants that were shabbier than their chow halls and you didn’t even take your tray with you when you got up, some Korean came and got it! Some of the Airedales assigned there would tell me how bad Osan was when I went to their clubs and after telling them what life in the 2ID Western corridor was like they’d gladly admit they didn’t have it so bad there!
War story alert: I spend 15 years enlisted in the Air Force and 5 as a WO in the Army, Club management field the last 3 in the AF and all in the Army. Then 18 with Army clubs as a civilian and 1 1/2 with the AF. Most AF officers and NCO’s were sharper and more trustworthy, only remember two who should not have been officers. Army LTC’s suck with one exception, all E9 of both branches are wheelers-dealers and I loved working with them, AF club NCO’s were much better qualified than Army NCO’s with a few exceptions. AF NCO’s who became Army club WO’s with one exception of a female AF NCO who screwed an O-6 to get her appointment, who was an embarrassment and the Army quickly weeded her out. The Army was less PC than the AF and our son could not wait to retire from AD and go civil service. Son-in-law retired from the Army with 30 and loved most of every minute.
Today I would avoid the AF because of PC shit unless your gay (can’t say queer anymore).
“retire from AD and go civil service”
Church!
Too much back-stabbing in the AF, especially at the senior NCO and officer levels. It was bad in my AFSC when I was in, but now it appears to have infected the entire AF.
I was Navy and later in the ARNGUS and liked all the branches. So as I used to say-G I beans, G I Gravy, Gee I wished I joined the Navy-hippo hoppo ring out the moppo, your left your right your left.
My uncle was USAF, a bad-ass, and gave me my first “chair force” prejudice. His time working for the US Embassy in Laos…nucking futs They’d go out and mark bombing targets, come back with a Cessna shot to shit, only to find out the USAF bombers missed their targets. It didn’t take them long to figure out to request Navy bombers. Navy pilots had more skin in the game, they got low to the ground and hit more targets.
I am still reeling from the trauma of one of my Air Force days.
The Cable TV was down AND the canteen ran out of dark roast!!!
On a more serious note, spending countless hours lockwiring did kinda suck
Spent three years on a AF base in Germany in the mid 70’s as an Army type assigned to the ADA Battery there.
Used to love the look of ghastly horror on the faces of the young Zoomies when we told them that within an hour of the balloon going up, we Army guys would be sending them pictures of us drinking beer under the Eiffel Tower after our basic load of missiles and 20mm was shot up.
Good times.
I live near and work as a sports official on an Air Force base. The base also has an Army contingent. The games are usually rough in any sport.
But the one Air Force joke I remember is…..
An soldier in the Army was training and that training had him crawling around in the dirt. “Man, I hate this sh*t,” he was heard to say.
At a nearby Marine base, a downpour had turned the fields into a muddy quagmire. As the Marines were crawling and sloshing through the mud, a Marine was heard to say “I love this sh*t!”
The same storm that had turned the Marine base into a muddy mess had affected an Air Force base. An member of the Air Forrce came home, propped his feet up and turned on the TV only to find the cable was out. “What is this sh*t!??!?!?!?!?” he yelled.
Annnnnnnnd there’s a comic for that.
I first saw this when I was a wee Airman in Okinawa in the early 1980s
http://img1.joyreactor.com/pics/post/comics-army-infantry-ranger-373299.jpeg
An Air Force story from RVN was if you were assigned to the 173rd Airborne at LZ English, the brigade’s headquarters was there near Bong Son, but the finance and personnel part was down in Qui Nhon. If it got late in the afternoon in Qui Nhon, and it being risky to drive back to LZ English after dark, one of the options was to spend the night at the nearby airbase at Phu Cat– which had a golf driving range.
And to this day, I remember it being very strange taking a swing with a three-iron or whatever, and having heavily-armed F-4 Phantoms take-off overhead.
Had some dental work done at Sembach.
We were an “isolated” Army Signal unit and they
were the nearest gig. Forty years later my current Dentist says they are still good albeit
Mercury filled amalgam. Call the EPA!
So yeah, AF is good for more than bombing shit.
My oldest son is a MSgt in the AF but had previously served 6 years in the Army and he has some pretty interesting stories. He did a year and a half in southern Iraq in an Infantry Co and his last deployment in the AF was about a month and a half.
When I was at JBER right before I retired we would go over to the AF DFAC as often as we could and it was awesome. Animal heads and hides on the walls, a crackling fire in the fire place, eggs to order, crispy bacon….
I still say the Coasties have everyone beat. I remember the weeping wives seeing their men off on patrol when I was stationed in Alameda….they were heading out for two whole weeks!!
Always remember Langley begrudgingly letting us Navy types use their Golf Course. Then they found out we were Bee’s and pretty much had the course Marshall follow us like shoplifters.
We did not disappoint.
Watching the F-117’s taking off was pretty cool though.