Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Breathe the Air Again.
First off: This should be posted as a Weekend Silly, but I hurt myself laughing and wanted to share the pain.
Secondly: This comes from a satire site. Still it even stirred memories in this geezer so I expect you lot will be coming up with a few new names yourselves.
Axe Body Spray To Launch “Realistic” Line Of Deodorant Sprays Specifically For Veterans
“Taking a page from last year’s “Thank You For Your Service” line ofmilitary-themed scented novelty candles, world-famous men’s health company Axe Body Spray is kicking things up a notch this month by unveiling their new line of veteran-themed deodorant sprays as part of their #MarchTogether campaign. Deodorant cans containing scents like “Bagram Burn Pit” and “Whiskey and Bad Decisions” are flying off the shelves at Post Exchanges world wide.”
The tone of article is nicely captured with this:
“Additionally, scent is the sense most closely tied to memories, and what most veterans want to remember, more than anything else, is the smells from their time downrange,” Dr. Olfactory said in an exclusive interview with Article 107 News. “So, we asked a focus group of forty young Army soldiers in the grade of E1-E4 to help us come up with names for the new military-themed line of body sprays, based on what they themselves remember from their brief military service.”
“Unfortunately, some of the things they came up with were a bit… inappropriate,” Dr. Olfactory continued. “No one is going to buy scents called “Fart Inside A Hot Pup Tent” or “Every Local National I’ve Ever Met” or “Port-O-Pottie Fornication,” that’s just gross.”
For me – I might be interested in reliving a bit of my youth, but maybe with a candle rather than a body spray… The aroma of crossing the reknown “Shit River Bridge” into Alongapo.
Category: Geezer Alert!
What?
No Beans For Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner?
No ‘Hot & Sweaty’?
No ‘Special Mess Days’?
I say lame-o. Too few, too late.
Burnt 90 Weight oil.
Ahhhh, Shit River…..
Poo pond pleasure
Breakfree blast
Classy cordite
Chicken loaf splash
Those who’ve been to Korea know that when much kimchi, OB beer, and a night on the town are involved – it’s never safe to breath the air the next day at PT. (smile)
You forgot the Soju, Hondo. A headache in every jar.
The “Aroma of Sheep Shit Valley” in Graf could have been a popular scent…
Cordite and AQA-7, with a hint of Marboro smoke and 90 weight coffee . Really arcane, methinks only AW1 Tim could relate here.
Prolly not a big seller.
Bummer.
No kidding. That smell of the AQA-7 is a permanent memory. Add all of your comments along with the occasional wafting of JP-5 exhaust and the constant whine of electronics cooling fans and hydraulic pumps.
And dinner cooking aft in the galley. 🙂
Good times, good times.
Ah, the evocative scent of Rural Binjo Ditch. How well I remember that from my youth.
Napalm in the Morning.
(I saw that on a Yankee Candle meme.)
Haji.
CS.
Mildewed GP Mediums and Large.
SOS.
Gasmasks.
C-Rats after they are opened, especially the John Wayne Bars and Tuna Fish.
55 Gallon Drums burning who know what.
Johnson Paste Wax.
Kiwi and Brasso.
Exhaust Fumes from anything requiring POL.
Honey Wagons.
Cordite.
Water Buffalos.
Jet Fuel.
The smell of fear.
The smell of everyone after being in the field for a good long time.
Porta Potties.
90 Weight coffee.
Cigarette/Cigar Smoke and Tobacco Chew.
Kimchee.
And yes, the Bagram Burn Pit.
And yes, the Bagram Burn Pit.
eau `d Hamandmotherfuckers
Essence of Newpancholiner
C Ration in the Arctic Tundra Turds…
Manchu Shit, (waiting to take a dump for five minutes to work it all up at -40 then running out of the tent, dropping your field pants and shitting in less than a minute to stop from getting your junk frostbit…)
Lots of us didn’t make out on time…
Rifle Range Gunpowder
Burnt Transmission Fluid
Locked Up Brakes
Spent Brass
For the veterans of Kandahar: Poo Pond. A scent no one can forget.
For anyone who has been to 29 Palms – Lake Bandini Blast
And don’t forget Hoppe’s number 9 after shave
You can get a hangy-thingy air freshener for your car scented #9… I tell the wife it’s an aphrodesiac. For some reason she disagrees.
Mogas (yeah, that probably dates me)
Tear gas
Mildewed canvas
Cammo nets out of the bag
I remember Mogas…and the camo nets, especially if they were put away wet… *shudder*
Whenever I was in the field and went without a bath for several weeks, my crotch always smelled like tacos. May have been just me, though.
The smell of OD canvas in the hot sun. Deuce and 1/2 cargo covers, command wall tents, etc. THAT smell never goes away either.
Eau de Olongpo Zambales and the Shit River.
And for the older Gun Bunnies in the group:
Wolf Pussy.
Wolf Pussy is still available at your finer merchandising centers.
Venting Sanitaries Inboard.
I was gonna say that or, “Eau de Boat.” Smells like amine, ass and diesel after about 55 days underway.
My ex made me dump my clothes in the yard before I could come in the house, even when we were just doing weekly ops.
Coq D’or…. sort of a combination of sweat and desperation.
Hoverstank
(eau de Marines on exfil, stuffed below decks in a Blowboat)
Warm Ham and Motherfuckers
Perfume River
Eau de Korean Rice Paddy
Burnt Brakes
Diesel Fuel
Hot porta-shitter
Slit trench
CLP
Here’s one that probably only former Army 54C’s and a few of us Echos can remember:
Fog Oil.