Michael Allen Johnson; phony veteran

| November 16, 2015

Michael Johnson (2)

A few months ago, a veteran organization in Arizona came to us about this fellow, Michael Allen Jackson Johnson. The only thing that he had to prove his military service was a worksheet for a clerk to type out a DD214. So they got suspicious and came to us. He claims to be a retired sergeant major (retired in 2001) with a Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart – that he was with 1st Special Forces Group in Vietnam and a drill sergeant. He also succumbed to the two sirens’ songs of the classic military faker; the third award of the CIB and the mighty ladder to heaven of weapons qualifications.

The National Personnel Records Center says “Who?”

Michael Johnson FOIA

The “limited information” we gave the NPRC was his social security number. Here’s a picture of him in his “footsie” trousers. Crossed rifles on both lapels. I think I see a Ranger Tab sewn on his left shoulder, too.

Michael Johnson

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (77)

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  1. Bobo says:

    4 NDSMs and Afghan service despite retiring in 2001. At least he got the ribbons in something close to the right order as far as I could tell from the photo.

    • OldManchu says:

      Give him a break…. somebody had to go recon the whole place before the traditional units could deploy.

    • Bobo says:

      BTW, got to spend some time on Saturday with a real 3 award CIB guy (WW II, Korea, Vietnam). Jackson wouldn’t be worthy of serving as that Infantryman’s drip pan.

    • Airdale USN says:

      Kuwait Liberation Medal (Saudi Arabia)and the Kuwait Liberation Medal (Kuwait)for Desert Shield and Desert Storm. Guess he has a lot of money buying all those ribbons he doesn’t have.

  2. John "Faker 6" Giduck says:

    I like this fellow, Michael Allen Johnson, and not just because of his last name. He really epitomizes the spirit of T. Roosevelt (who works down at the local Shell gas station)

    “It is not the blog posting critic who counts; not the man who points out how the faker man stumbles, or where the doer of unnatural acts and crimes against nature could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who never was in the arena, whose photoshop face is marred by dust and sweat and donut sprinkles; who never strived valiantly; who errs on uniform photos, whose speaker bios are shown to be false again and again, because there has been no effort beyond the cover story, tattoos, and photos; but who does actually want credit for doing the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in an unworthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of deceit and joys of truckstop appreciation, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least gets posted on websites while daring greatly, knowing that his place might always be with those overweight and timid other fakers who neither know victory nor graduation from basic training.”

    ― Theodore “Faker 7” Roosevelt


    I love teaching people about Afghanistan and showing off my photoshopped photos.


    John “Faker 6” Giduck

  3. Just An Old Dog says:

    This guy needs to be kicked in the Vagina.
    Oh, he doesn’t have one? Fine. Give him a sex change operation then kick him The day the stitches come out.


  4. Combat Historian says:

    Teaching point to all the potential posers out there. This man is absolutely correct with enlisted “crossed rifles” on both lapels. All them photos of actual enlisted infantry soldiers in ASUs and greens with a “U.S.” pin on one lapel and “crossed rifles” on the other are incorrect and designed to throw you off. ALWAYS go with the double “crossed rifles” on the lapels when dressing up in your fake uniform…///

  5. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    As soon as I saw that pic, I said “That’s the Merry Mailman!” Maybe I’m the only one here who gets that and, if so, I guess everyone is wondering what the hell I’m talking about, which is what my wife frequently wonders.

  6. Ex-PH2 says:

    I’m dazzled — dazzled, I tell you! I can hardly see for the shiny and the bling! I am whelmed by this fellow with his pants untailored.

    I need a stiffer cup of tea in the morning if I have to look at this.


    Yet another prime example of thievery from all of us that have served. Maybe the next POTUS will ENFORCE stolen valor.

  8. CLAW says:

    Obviously this man made a deep run at the Fort Huachuca Clothing Sales Store in an effort to deplete their on hand quantity of 700 each Third Award CIB’s.

    He almost maxed out his ribbon rack, stopping just short of reaching Nirvana with the Distinguished Service Cross as his top award.

    Love those footsie trousers. And here all this time I thought the Round Ranger’s britches were too long.

    • Hondo says:

      Well, he missed the DSM also. And it’s not exactly easy to buy the ribbon for the MoH any more – selling one is unlawful.

    • Skippy says:

      CLAW. Supplies are running low they are all out of the sew on ACU and just a few of the black metal pins left they do have a good supply of DSC left all be it the price was doubled. Lol..

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Isn’t he missing the Victoria Cross? And the Legion of Merit, the Croix de Guerre, all that foreign bling – aren’t they missing, too?

      • Bernie Hackett says:

        And them German cords that go around the shoulders, plus soma them furrin parachute wings- Angola, Botiswana, Zimbabwe- but then he’d have to get one of them berets. A nice chartreuse, perhaps. Something tasteful and understated, to go with the rack.

    • Bobo says:

      That get-up had to cost in the $500 to $700 range, unless he happened upon the dress blues at a Goodwill near Huachuca. I’m sure that, after dishing out that kind of cash, he didn’t have enough left to pay for the alterations.

  9. Hondo says:

    Looks like the guy went to Medals of America and said, “One of every ribbon for the Army since Korea, please – including foreign decorations.” But MoA was apparently out of stock in the DSM ribbon that day.

  10. Skippy says:

    holy shit at first I thought I saw seeing a Christmas Tree Lol…
    we had a Seal / SF / Marsoc / Turd, Thrown out of our VFW Lodge about two years ago.. I wonder where this turd was hanging out ????

  11. CBPH says:

    Holy Hashmarks, Batman!

  12. streetsweeper says:

    Damn! He has more bling than any retiree I’ve ever seen! lmao!

  13. Tony180a says:

    I wonder if he sees the absolute steaming pile of dog shit that he truly is when he looks in the mirror? What am I thinking…. of course he doesn’t. For Fakers Sake most E-9’s would have worn their MFF badge in place of the marksmanship qualification badge, but in your case it’s just as proper and correct above your name tag.

    • UpNorth says:

      Michael Johnson decided to step all over his johnson……..repeatedly………..with golf spikes.

    • Zeke says:

      My eyes first went to the badge above the unit awards (I was thinking what regimental ‘crest’ is that!?) then realized its a MFF badge! What!?

  14. 19D2OR4 - Smitty says:

    I didn’t realize we were authorized Navy style bell bottoms in the Army.

  15. Green Thumb says:

    The free fall badge is a nice touch.

    So is the mustache. Very Jerry Vroomboutish.

    That photo must have been for his employee record at All-Points Logistics. They probably picked him up at one of their job fairs.


    • HMCS (FMF) ret. says:

      But, does he have a purple jumpsuit? And, does he like Cream of Sum Yung Guy soup?

      COuld this assclown be QuEeFeRs long, lost twin brother from another mother?

  16. 10thMountainMan says:

    Surely by the fourth weapons qual badge you would get a funny feeling and then go to Google to look up other guys’ uniforms. This Johnson is a funny one. Some things he got right, and some things are so obviously fucked.

  17. ChipNASA says:

    The reason his pants are so long is so that it hides this kickstand, the thing that keeps him from falling over.
    😀 😀 😀

  18. Ex-PH2 says:

    I see a fellow here who obviously thinks for his Johnson. Wimmin must be lining up for him.

  19. Tony180a says:

    I can’t remember seeing a CSM/SGM wearing a marksmanship badge in person.

  20. Andy11M says:

    Why do they always put the damn Jacobs ladder on the weapons qual badge? I mean really. If you are going to put one of everything else on your rack, keep it to just the rifle bar on your expert badge.

  21. Bernie Hackett says:

    I’m speechless. Is there a contest for most fake ribbons and qualification badges? He and the fake sailor are right up there with the leaders.
    The winner gets 6 months picking up trash, while being mentored by some of us, ideally with cattle prods.
    Might I conclude this clown can only walk due North?

  22. Bernie Hackett says:

    Now that I think of it, he missed the yellow gloves.

  23. PFM says:

    Well, at least they were suspicious. First thing I thought of was even in ASUs this guy looks like a doorman or bellhop.

  24. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    What-da shiteatingasswipemudda-fuck was this oozing pustule on a Swamp Donkey’s lower posterior thinking when he threw that shit together? What’s next, is he gonna claim to have a PH and a BSM with a “V” device for the action he saw in Paprika?

  25. clamsgotlegs says:

    Look! It’s a zebra wearing an all you can eat salad bar!

  26. Blaster says:

    all those combat tours and no SSIFWTS?

    Looks like he has a DSC also.

    I guess that since there’s no room left on the left side, he was allowed to move the HALO wings to to the right?

    And finally, as a SGM, im surprised that he let himself get away with that mustache and crooked shirt/tie.

  27. Slick Goodlin says:

    The top of his ribbon rack says:


  28. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    It looks like he’s trying to be more “blinged out” than a squad of North Korean Generals!

  29. H1 says:

    Retired and no ID card?
    “Shocked Face”.

  30. Crawfish says:

    Where is a nice Key Lime pie when you need one?

  31. Ex-PH2 says:


    Look closely now: he has the VN service ribbon, but NOT THE VN CAMPAIGN RIBBON!

    This must be rectified ASAP!!! Quickly! Call him! Tell him he’s a fuck up! His ribbon for the Vietnam Campaign fell off the bar stool!

    Lord have mercy! Fix that!

    • CLAW says:

      Ma’am, a slight correction.

      The VCM is there (at least to my eyes) bottom row, second ribbon in (Looking from his right to left).

      He does seem to have the order of precedence correct. Must have consulted the Medals of America web site while putting his fantasy rack together.

      All fixed now. Breathe easy. Smile.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      I found it hard to tell if he had it or not, CLAW. Thanks for clearing that up.

  32. 3E9 says:

    Dipshit must be Soup Sandwich’s uncle.

  33. C2Show says:

    The worse of the phonies. I am gonna guess that he will find a navy uniform or air force one to parade around in…

  34. Cpl/Major Mike says:

    And the only reason he retired was because he was out of room for more hashmarks or medals and ribbons.

  35. Willy Pete says:

    Interesting point. The FOIA letter said that the SS number belonged to another service member. Pretty sure it’s illegal to use someone else’s SS number when applying for jobs and whatnot. I can see some possible fraud charges in this person’s future.

  36. Jarhead says:

    By now I know there are others who will take the time to drink the water Jonn leads us to. Here’s the obvious question…..What is the current city of residence for this fake?

  37. Micheal says:

    Not only is this clown posing as a Soldier, but he is posing as a Psychologist. He is honestly out there spewing his insanity in the guise of helping people by way of counseling. His specialty…helping Soldiers.

  38. John J. Freeman SSgt. USMC, Vietnam Veteran. says:

    This pukeface is an assholeo of the highest order. His ribbon rack screams ‘LYIN’TURD FACE”. I have seen more than a few shitbirds but this garbage breath doesn’t even leave himself lean forward as that ribbon rack would leave a NORMAL person.

    On the good side, we have another wannabe grave to piss on when ‘THE JOHNSON” croaks and fills the hole at 6 feet down.