Reading this increases the chances that…
Bacon makes everything taste better. It still tastes good even after the World Health Organization decided this food staple is giving me colorectal cancer. Now I do not eat bacon every day, but on most mornings scrambled eggs with cheese and a few strips of bacon get me going. That and copious amounts of coffee, which I hear is also bad for me but they have lain off that one since walking around with a coffee cup in your hand became a fashion accessory. Yes, even the salad gets some real bacon in it. Lettuce counteracts the effects of the bacon much in the same way that a diet soda pop counteracts the effects of a double cheeseburger and fries.
I have undoubtedly consumed tons of bacon, processed meat and red meat. Just last year I had my periodic colorectal cancer screening. The Doc told me it looks so good up in there that I did not need come back and see him again for ten years. You would think that something calling itself the World Health Organization could find better uses for its time. Apparently I am now 18 percent more likely to get cancer than a vegan. I also like hot dogs with chili and onions, bratwurst, smoked sausage, steak, ribs, cheeseburgers, cheese steaks, and fried bologna sandwiches and now after all of these years I learned I am giving myself cancer. Well dip me in a vat of five alarm chili.
Do you recall some years ago when another of these studies determined that artificial sweeteners used in soda pop also caused cancer. The tests showed it caused cancer in lab rats. Not long after this report came out it was determined that for an equivalent amount of that given to the rats, a human would have to consume about 7 cases of diet soda a day for I do not recall how many years, but it was a bunch. Another dilemma. Diet pop gives you cancer sugary pop gives you diabetes.
It is beginning to look like the only reasonable course of action is a diet of organically grown lettuce and bottled water. But if we all pursue that course the methane levels will become dangerously higher and spontaneous human combustion could become a real problem. Not to mention global warming. Just consider the poor polar bears. I am not taking on the guilt burden for wiping out the polar bear population so I will have to take my chances with bacon. Thick sliced, thin sliced, maple cured, hickory smoked and fried in its own aromatic grease. Ten years from now I will re-visit the roto-rooter doc and see how I am doing.
For those of you that might be in a panic about this and have probably thrown out the bacon and made your cancer screening appointments I want you to think about some things. The possibilities that you might die in your sleep increases a hundred fold every night when you go to bed. Do you know the staggering amount of people who are seriously injured by falling at home? Well, you certainly increase your chances of being one of them just by getting out of bed every morning. By venturing outside the likelihood that you will be run over by a garbage truck or bus increases tremendously. And in your car? My goodness what if the seatbelt fails or the air bag explodes in your face while you are driving down the interstate at 70 miles per hour! Maybe you should not get out of bed or get into it for that matter and stay in the house. Never leave it.
I think I will have a double bacon cheeseburger, chili cheese fries and a large diet pop. Then I will partake of the next thing most certainly to kill me. The presidential debates.
© 2015 J. D. Pendry American Journal All Rights Reserved.
Category: Politics
I’m 58. I didn’t think I’d make it this far.
Steel cut oats 6 days a week, but bacon, 3 eggs scrambled and cathead biscuits with cane syrup and coffee on Sunday.
Have a BBQ Restaurant requires me to consume lager amounts of swine components than most. In my research I discovered it was not the consumption that leads to so many deaths but rather the end result of it all.
The following is the summary of Dr Sikirov’s article “Cardio-vascular Events at Defecation: Are They Unavoidable?” [Medical Hypotheses, Jul 1990; 32(3):231-3]:
“Heart attacks which occur during defecation are, in many cases, the result of using the (unnatural) sitting posture for waste elimination.
“Excessive straining, through the use of repeated Valsalva Maneuvers, is needed for emptying the bowels in the sitting position. The Valsalva Maneuver adversely affects the cardio-vascular system, and can cause fainting and death.
“The cardio-vascular system of a healthy man can cope with intensive and repeated straining on a sitting toilet. But with a weakened vascular system, straining on a sitting toilet may result in fainting or even death.
“By squatting for waste elimination, the straining required, if any, is much reduced, which would help prevent many of these tragic (heart attack) cases.”
(Abstract of Dr Sikirov’s article.)
Although the use of sitting toilets could trigger a heart attack, many people may not be able to do anything about it — even if they wish to use the squatting position. About one third of humanity who live in the Westernised countries do not have access to squatting toilets.
I just shit in the woods now, squatting of course. Eat what you want, just squat when you should.
A while back, it was butter. Butter was BAD, BAD, BAD. So bad, that butter even in small quantities would make you drop dead in your tracks. Then some genius discovered that the trans-fatty acids in margarine, especially tub margarine, are what clog your arteries (when it’s also actually your liver at fault there). Meantime, I’ve consumed mass quantities of butter on toast, popcorn, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, and yes – even on a steak.
I’m still here. I think the BUTTER BAD people have already dropped dead in their tracks.
I’m more likely, some day in my late 90s, to find myself with a big bowl of buttered popcorn than I will be with cancer, heart disease or any of the rest of that stuff. I plan to outlive all of these earnest souls researching how food is bad, bad, bad for you and we should all live on the moisture from morning dew and flower pollen – and then that will be bad, too.
I hope I’m not the only person on this Earth who thinks the researchers need to find better ways to make a living. I’m not going to give up steak; roast beef; chicken; pork; butter; cheese; freshly baked bread; frozen veggies; chocolate; apple pie with ice cream; sugar; pumpkin pie with heaps of whipped cream; turkey, stuffing, acorn squash and cranberry sauce; spinach; Italian wedding soup; or any of the rest of those things they think are bad for you.
I would just love to fork my way through a massive chunk of my grandma’s chopped apple cake loaded with raisins and nuts, topped with a dollop of REAL whipped cream, accompanied by a nice big pot of hot tea right in front of those twits.
Don’t worry, JD – you’ll outlive them, as will the rest of us.
You know why?
We go for the gusto. They’re afraid of their own shadows.
Men and women have much in common but many things are completely different. It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from the mouth to the stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. Women blink 2 times as much as a man. We both use 300 muscles just to keep our balance.
The biggest difference EX-PH2 is you have read this and are now off writing your next post, the rest of these guys are still looking at their thumb.
“The length of a penis is three times the length of the thumb.” Well, that explains that! No wonder my extra large gloves never accommodate my thumb. Of course, that sizing is measured flaccid, right? Otherwise…
Whats flaccid? I have a hard time with the thrust of this rigid language, let me check with the ex-wife…….
Oh….nevermind.
That is why BabyGrrl will not let me trim my thumbnails. I’m trying to explain the difference between fecund and gravid.
Best fix is to snip the end off your gloves.
So, if each of your thumb joints is less than an inch in length….
Hmmm… I shall slice and saute the chicken now thawing for supper, make a lovely garlic wine sauce, put it carefully on a bed of pasta with some sliced onion, and enjoy my supper.
And then I will look at my own thumbs.
My people all come from the South. Papa from Virginia and Mama from Kentucky. These folks, for at least six generations have never eaten anything not fried in Bacon grease. Chicken fried in lard, green beans with bacon grease for flavor, Biscuits made with lard and smothered in pork sausage gravy, Green tomatoes and green apples fried in bacon grease. You get the picture. And with tons of pork consumed on a daily basis, not one of my relatives has ever died from colon cancer. My grandparents lived a combined 325 years. My dad died from undiagnosed throat cancer and my mother just celebrated her 92nd birthday. My family experience says that the WHO is full of crap. It is obvious to me that they don’t eat enough roughage. Bacon causing cancer? Not in my world.
Ah. Bacon. You know what’s coming. I shall never forgive Twist for it. That’s right” Makin’ Bacon Pancakes. Anyone not know it? If so, I’ll be happy to post the diddy.
Bacon is like a woman, lovely to look at wonderful to touch and the taste is better than the sweetest of sugar treats known to mankind.
Both also kill you slowly but surely…
I sometimes think that the do-gooders actually believe that if there is sufficient gov’t control over our lives, THEY might live forever. And what the gov’t hasn’t yet banned or restricted, well, it’s on the list. Cripes. How did any of us live to 50 and beyond? When I was a kid, we actually had real model airplane glue and used it. I used to buy a gallon of gasoline as a 10-year old. Spray paint? Not a problem for a kid to buy. We shot rocks and dirt from air rifles, we played disorganized tackle football w/o helmets and pads, and did all sorts of stuff that, I guess, would result in my parents being charged with child abuse or neglect today.
Cap pistols gave me the love of the smell of gunpowder on a summer afternoon.
My Great grandmother ate bacon and eggs fried in lard for breakfast and always buttered her corn and potatoes, she only lived to see age 99. George burns smoked cigars every day and only lived to see 100! These “experts”? SCREW ‘EM!!
Does this mean that I will catch Cancer from watching Footloose?
JD,
Thanks Brother!
I am sitting here at my local brew pub type of joint and taking in a wee bit of TAH and football.
Upon completion of absorbing another one of your articles (data dump), I ordered up:
1. Another beer.
2. Medium rare.
3. Burger.
4. Cheese (3 types).
5. Copious application of bacon.
6. Potatoe skins with more cheese, hot peppers, chili and sour cream.
In honor of Dan Quail I spelled potatoe correctly.
Now all you have to do us spell Quayle.
Hell with it. Live healthy, eat well, die anyway.
OK, math and spelling it is all relitive!
Best sign in a cheeseburger place I’ve seen says, people who don’t eat bacon live on average 5 years longer than those who do eat bacon, five miserable years without bacon!
Moderation in all things. It will make you more ill to worry about things than it will to eat the things you like and not worry. I try to eat as naturally as possible, without wrecking my bank account by ordering exotic, imported foods. My oldest great aunt lived to be 102. I’m going to try and break her record. 🙂
Do it!
Go for it, PN, and wave the bacon at the Fearful Bony People when you get there!
Phooey. These reports and the news stories spawned by them completely overlook the two big evils in the American diet: fats that are solid at body temperature, and sugars.
I know from experience that it is possible for me to lose weight on the diet recommended by the US gummint, it’s just really hard to stick to, because of the *&&^%$#$ sugar cravings.
It’s keto for me, cuz I can’t fit the fats that have been prescribed for me with any sizable amount of carbs.
On the other hand, I just handed out Halloween treats, after buying my favorites: peppermint patties, Reeses peanut butter cups, Butterfingers, and Starburst. I have leftovers. And, I have yet to eat the first piece of any of them. I am just not hungry for them. This is a first.
Fats that are solid at room temperature (Crisco ™ ) are still found in packaged baked goods, and they can accumulate as teeny particles and lodge in your capillaries. Eat enough of it, and it will shorten your life. I know of a family that lost an entire generation to heart disease because they shifted to this “healthy,” “clean” fat for cooking.
Excess carbs cause heart disease and diabetes. The amount that is “excess” is a lot lower than you’d think. Further, the major indicators of heart disease AND adult-onset diabetes can be REVERSED in about 6 months on a low-carb diet.
A good low-carb diet includes salads and vegetables and nuts, along with meat, fish, eggs, and good fats. It’s good, normal food, without the enormous amounts of carbs we have become accustomed to over the last few decades.
I’ve posted this link here, before.
https://www.ted.com/talks/peter_attia_what_if_we_re_wrong_about_diabetes
Butter. Butter does not have those nasty, room-temp solid fats called trans fatty acids. Olive oil and corn oil contain linoleic acid which is good for your skin. I use both in cooking.
Cooking chicken in EVOO is good. Cooking it in corn oil is better. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because chickens eat corn.
Stick to what Valerie said, low-starchy carbs like veggies and potatoes and you’ll outlive these people for a very, very long time.
In fact, when they die, you can go to their funerals in a red dress!
Believe it was Oscar Wilde who said “all diets are inevitably fatal”. Who was it that said “you give up smoking, drinking, booze, and all your bad habits – thirty years from now you’re lying in bed dying of nothing.”
As old by Hal Holbrook Mark Twain once got the lumbago, and when he went to the doctor the doc said “It’s no wonder – you smoke like a chimney, drink to excess, and eat all manner of foods which don’t agree with each other. You must give them all up!” So he did, and eventually recovered. A few years later an old widow lady down the street came down sick, and he told her “you must give up smoking, and drinking, and rich foods”. She responded “But Mr. Twain, I don’t do any of those things.” He said “I could see right then she was doomed – a ship going down at the head, with no cargo to throw overboard.”
The state of California is currently printing warning labels for bacon as a cancer causing agent. Just like they already do for thousands of other items.
What’s next for California, Bacon Control Laws?
Geez, don’t give ’em any ideas!
Sorry, but not giving up any of the following:
Butter
Bacon
Cheese
Fresh vegs like zukes and radishes
Potatoes
Onions
Pasta carbonara (made with eggs, NOT alfredo sauce) – if you want the classic recipe, I’ll post it.
I think it’s odd that in really ancient burials, archaeologists will frequently find people with a full set of near-perfect teeth, and they lived on food that would give modern doctors the heebie jeebies.
Henry VIII was known for having a massive appetit, ate tons of meat and had gout. I think it was his over-consumption of mead or ale that gave him the gout.
Ditch the starch, sugar and fake fats like tub margarine. You’ll live longer and be happier.
Ex, add bourbon and I’m with you 100%.
A couple years ago, during my annual exam, doc said I should give up the booze and smokes and lose a few pounds. I looked at him and said “Doc, I could stop smoking and give up the booze and start eating tofu and brussel sprouts, but you know what?”
I’ll still be married.”
He didn’t say another thing.
One word-SPAM:)