To Paraphrase A Great Man: “There They Go Again . . . . “

Well, it looks like a couple of      tools     cretins     jackasses    everyone’s favorite individuals have been at it again.  A little birdie tells me that I’ve been identified!

Yeah that little birdie tells me that SoMe GuY wHo WeArS pUrPlE-tIgEr-StRiPeD jUmPsUiTs and/or another guy in the Pacific Northwest (or SW Florida, if his move is now official) have been using their “mad skillz” as      jerks     dipsticks      fools      “trail assassin” and/or sleuth – as well as babbling semi-coherently – once again.  And since the same photos appear to have shown up on both their websites, they also seem to be coordinating their efforts.

According to an item that little birdie screen-captured and sent to me, apparently now I’m a Captain in the Army – presumably serving on active duty.  They also appear to be saying I’m teaching at Appalachian State University.  But I guess they could mean I’m attending Appalachian State.  That part’s not really completely clear.

At least that’s what they’re saying today.  Previously, I was Don Shipley.  Before that, a retired GO; afterwards, a retired SF SGM.  And maybe someone else sometime along the way, too.  Who knows?  Who can understand the workings of . . . “special” minds like theirs?

Nonetheless:  be still, my beating heart!  Wow!  I’m a freaking university professor – or a university student.   Imagine that!  Now, I wonder . . . why I didn’t know that?  Did I miss the memo?  Did I have a memory lapse?  Am I suffering from selective amnesia?

Oh, and if I’m an Army O-3 . . . that means I’ve managed to shed some years, too.  Damn – why didn’t anyone tell me about being younger!  I didn’t notice that!

That also means the Army is supposed to be sending me an active-duty paycheck every month.  Damn – I guess I need to go see the folks at Finance.  I’ve apparently got a sh!tload of back pay coming my way – not to mention back housing allowance, subsistence allowance, and maybe others!  (I wonder if the assignment also qualifies for a civilian clothing allowance?  I can always use some nice new business attire . . . . )

And I am either teaching at or attending Appalachian State University!  As Max the VW might put it: “That’s . . . . cool.”

. . .

OK, time to be serious.  I’d guess I could say, “Yeah, right.”  But it’s not right.

I know you’re reading this, dumbclucks.  So listen up, you barely-literate, ignorant, addled-brained schmucks:   that’s the wrong individual.  Again.  For at least the fourth or fifth freaking time.

Let me put this in very simple terms.  I’m doing that so you can understand it, hopefully without having someone else explain it to you.

•  I do not now teach – nor have I ever taught – ROTC or anything else at Appalachian State University.  Hell, I had to do a Google search to find out where the place is located!

•  I am not currently attending Appalachian State University.

•  I have never been to Appalachian State University.  In fact, best I can tell I have never even been within 30 miles of Appalachian State University in my life.

•  I most likely never will visit Appalachian State University, much less teach or attend classes there.  Trust me – if I ever end up teaching at or going back to college, Appalachian State is way down the list of places I’d want to attend or teach.

•  And, finally, for completeness:  you have identified the wrong person – yet again.  I am not a Captain serving on active duty in the US Army at Appalachian State University.

Is that clear enough – even for you?

Out of courtesy towards the individual our     resident clowns and self-demonstrated fools      “good friends” here have misidentified as me, I won’t list his name.  He doesn’t need the hassle.

What I will do is say the following, clearly and for the record:   the individual they claim to be me . . . is not.  Thunder Chickenchoker  and/or the guy from the Pac NW (or maybe now SW Florida) are 100% wrong – yet again, as usual.

However:  I will offer you two “fine individuals” one bit of advice.  Since false written claims that tend to defame others are legally actionable as libel – if I were you two, I think I’d take that bit implying that a currently-serving Army Captain is engaging in “cyber stalking and harassment” down pronto.  You know, before that individual gets royally p!ssed and maybe files a non-frivolous lawsuit against one or both of you for defamation.

But that’s your call.  Suit yourselves.

. . .

This whole business is getting fairly tiresome, though.  I’m considering telling one or more of these dipsticks where to go, and even giving them step-by-step directions on how to get there.

I’m thinking they wouldn’t much like the results of the trip.  (smile)

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Usual Suspects