Happy Monday: Yer Labor Day Funnies
In honor of the holiday, I thought I’d post a few employment-related jokes from the road. These were shamelessly cribbed from the book 777 Great Clean Jokes, by Jennifer Hahn. (Recommended, particularly if you need an occasional source of jokes for mixed/polite company.) Enjoy.
Bakers work hard – they knead the dough.
How various occupations describe business climate: Tailor: “So-so.”Electrician: “Pretty light.”
Author: “All right.”
Farmer: “Growing.”
Astronomer: “Looking up!”
Elevator operator: “Has its ups and downs.”
Trash collector: “Picking up.”
One day I want to work in a watch factory. Then I can get paid for sitting around all day making faces.
Farmer1: “Quite a storm last night.” Farmer2: “Ayah.” Farmer1: “Any damage?” Farmer2: “Dunno fer sure. Ain’t found my barn yet.” Employee: “Why can’t I have a raise? I’ve worked here for 20 years and never asked for one!” Employer: “Why do you think you’ve worked here for 20 years?”A small businessman has two competitors on either side of his business. One puts up a sign that says, “Great deals!” The other puts up a sign that says, “Lowest prices.” After thinking for a few minutes, the small businessman puts up a sign of his own over his door, bigger than either of his competitors’ signs: “Main entrance”.
Sign on first barbershop: “$7 haircuts.” Sign on barbershop across the street: “We repair $7 haircuts.”
Electricians are the world’s best informed people. They always keep up with current events.
Astronauts find their job a blast.
How did the chemist invent mosquito repellant? She started from scratch.
Carpenters have an odd occupational hazard: bad teeth. Comes from chewing their nails.
And, finally, since TAH is a milblog:
After World War II, a young vet is interviewing for a job. Interviewer: “Last employer?” Vet: “US Army.” Interviewer: “Length of employment?” Vet: “Three years, 11 months.” Interviewer: “Last position?” Vet: “Supply officer.” Interviewer: “Reason for termination?” Vet: (thinks for a moment) “We . . . won.”A very Happy Labor Day to all our TAH readers. And for any current or former Army Aviators out there: Mother Rucker sends her regards.
Category: Pointless blather, Who knows
One of my all time favorites I encountered when I lived in The Great State of Maine!
By Marshall Dodge and Robert Bryan, the famous (at least in Maine) originators of the
“Bert and I” series:
Eban Robay went into Boston to the Tremont Temple on Saturday night to hear Norman
Thomas speak about socialism. Next Monday he was preaching socialism to Enoch Turner over
the back fence:
“You know, Enoch,” he was sayin’, “under socialism people share everything.”
Enoch then asked, “You mean, Eban, if you had two farms you’d give me one of them?”
“Ayup, Enoch, if I had two farms, I’d give you one of them.”
“And Eban, if you had two hay rakes you’d give me one of them?”
“Ayup, Enoch, if I had two hay rakes I’d give you one of them.”
“Now Eban, if you had two hogs would you give me one of them?”
“DAMN YOU ENOCH! YOU KNOWS I GOT TWO HOGS!!!!”
And for you Navy types, there’s a hilarious one about taking soundings with the lead: M’am Hacket’s Compost Heap
When I was young, we lived so far out in the country that:
1) The moon came over the mountain in half-gallon fruit jars;
2) We had to towards town to hunt.
H/T Loyal Jones and Billy Ed Wheeler
Groan……..
Hondo, you at Rucker temporarily, or will you be there awhile?
VI: very temporarily, I’m afraid. Quick trip, pretty tightly scheduled, and leave at an obscenely early hour tomorrow AM. And extremely limited comms.
I’ll add to the groan fest.
True story…
Last week we had our juvenile cat neutered,the following day we were at the store picking up some ingredients to make trail mix. The markings on one can of mixed nuts said “70% less peanuts”
When we get home and are greeted by ROC and Bunni,the wonder twin kitties, my girlfriend turns to me and says…
“Hey look it’s 100% less peanuts”