Soldiers Angels Gala

Holy hungover. My IQ is currently in Richard Wheeler territory, so a few quick items.

* Did the panel yesterday, went well, and by “well” I mean Chuck Z talked non-stop and I just got to sit there, which is the best kind of panel.

* The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So why on Spongebob’s green earth did I actually think I could go out with Matt “Blackfive” Burden and not feel like my liver would fall out today? As if the Guinness lunch didn’t set the tone, one tip might have been walking through the metal detector with Matt and he had to deposit his flask of Scotch in the plastic bin. That flask would play a part in my evening later on.

* The Soldiers Angels Gala was a class act. From top to bottom, they are phenomenal. The 3 main guests were Reps Blunt and Steny Hoyer, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Mike Mullen. I’ll be honest, I didn’t hear a word they said, more on that later. The event took place in the Ronald Reagan building, and was a perfect venue. The open bar was great. I flirted with the bartender, and she rewarded me with Beam and Cokes that had precisely 2 molecules of coke in them. I spent more the time before dinner assaulting my liver from the front and flanks, while talking to Chuck Z and his lovely wife, and Laughing Wolf. The Wolf is the man. Wore a kilt, we talked some Sci Fi, and very much enjoyed his company.

* Matt had informed me that a young lady would be attending, and he asked me to sit with her and keep the lecherous masses at bay. The logic on this one escaped me, but I guess with his other option being Jimbo, and me having a girlfriend/internet wife, I was the best choice. But holy Toledo. “Army Girl” is probably the most attractive girl I’ve ever seen in the military. Distractingly so. I actually ate the centerpiece on the table not realizing it wasn’t food. When she put on lipstick and then said she liked it because it made her look “pretty” I think I started eating the table cloth and my napkin as well.

* The highlight of Army Girl though would be when she stabbed me with a fork, berated me for 40 mins, and refused to allow me to speak when she found out my super-secret identity as TSO. Seems Army Girl is a bona fide IAVA person. And apparently I was too harsh on IAVA. So, I hereby take it all back. IAVA is the greatest thing ever. Less Paul and Patrick, more Army Girl, and I will be walking the streets under a banner that says “down with right-wingers” in about 7 seconds. Caroline my internet wife is still the love of my late October/early November, and the prettiest Blog-girl out there, but Army Girl pretty much kicks ass. Hopefully Nixon will tell her about something other than his love of Thai Hookers and Single Moms and settle down.

* Also at my table was a delightful couple from California that I enjoyed talking to very much. It was kind of loud, and I’ve fired a lot of weaponry, so I either didn’t hear, or didn’t appreciate at the time who they were. But they were the cutest couple, very kind, and told funny stories. It was only today as I was attempting to track them down that my blog-hero-worship kicked in and I realized that the gentleman was NZ Bear of The Truth Laid Bear and Porkbusters.

* Anyway, the food (centerpiece, napkin and my shoe included) all tasted phenomenal, and the entertainment and videos were quite good. The girl that sand the National Anthem was outstanding. I don’t know who the country band was, but one of the dudes looked shockingly like Michael Moore, which kept amusing me. I loathe country, but they were pretty good.

* Next, I was brow-beat into joining some of the others at Fado in chinatown. For a Guinness, or three. Of course enroute, Army Girl decided she needed to get these flowers which some security guard told her she could have. I don’t know what the vase was made out of, but clearly the material in it was extra-terrestrial, because the flower/vase combo weighed roughly 1200 lbs. I’m far too manly to be seen carrying flowers, so the Paratrooper of Love carried them around. What a gentleman.

* I rolled into bed around 1am. My dog was not happy with me and proceeded to give me the evil eye until I plied her with treats so I could go to bed. I am exhausted today, and if you are waiting for my next post, you shall do so in vain.

That’s my story, and I am sticking to it.

Category: Politics