Could any dude answer these questions?

| January 30, 2014

My wife says that’s me to a T, but that is only because she doesn’t pay attention to me. If that box of tampons was on fire, or wrapped in a $100 bill I still wouldn’t touch it. If there was $100 bill under it, I might knock it off with a broom to get to the money, but then I would burn the broom.

Would any of you know the answer to this? My shopping experience is this: if it is not sold on Amazon.com, it is unlikely I ever shopped for it. Excepting whatever is sold at 7-11 or Speedway.

And how long does a bra last? I have a sweatshirt from Bosnia that is basically in tatters, and I still wear it like twice a week. So I’m going to guess a bra lasts from puberty to menopause, not accounting for any augmentation surgery that might occur to change the size.

Category: Politics

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Sparks

@49 Pinto Nag, thanks for that! I have a morbid fear of snakes and now I think I have a morbid fear of nude women too!

@50 HS Yea, go ahead and watch Basic Instinct and a few other choice titles I could give you. Remember you can’t hurt yourself 😀 and you WILL NOT go blind! 😀

The Lurker Formally Known as Curt

Okay, you *can* hurt yourself…just sayin…

HS Sophomore

Yup ok. Point taken; no restraints.

OWB

Handcuffs, rope, and restraints in general are tools, not toys. And that is ALL I’m a gonna add to this verbal discourse. Yep. That is all. Uh-huh.

Sparks

@54 OWB I agree, nothing in the bed except two naked bodies, one man, one woman to be precise.

2/17 Air Cav

@55. BOTH you say? Dammit. Now you tell me! No wonder I …aw, forget it.

Club Manager

I can never find my wife’s bra size when shopping. There is always a sales lady wanting to help so I shyly explain my dilemma, “I can’t find my wife’s size” Well sir, what size does she wear. I respond she is a 7 5/8th. The next question is usually along the lines of how did you come up with that. Answer, simply, I put my hat over one boob, it filled it up, the hat is a 7 5/8th. Badda-boom, badda-bing.
Works every time to get rid of a hovering sales person.

Seadog

Pillows help. Especially as you get older…

Green Thumb

@55.

The Phildo might take exception to that.

Sparks

@56 Well as I get older…maybe just me…a lot!

@58 Right On!

@59 Phildo would, but he can GFH and then GFH again!

The Other Whitey

@51 Sparks, how about we just advise him to watch actual porn instead? It will spare him the nightmares…

Sparks

@61 The Other Whitey, It’s true, it’s true.

@53 HS Sophomore, there’s a web site called “YouPorn”. Kinda like YouTube but, “you know what” instead. All free and no pop ups or viruses. I have been TOLD this by my friend who frequents it regularly because his wife lives on the coast and he lives here. They have been in a mutual, “shake hands and promise never to write” marriage for ten years or so. I tell you all this to convince you I DO NOT visit the site myself. I know what you’re all thinking though. I know, you don’t have to say it but by my word, it is true. So now you are all thinking the old saying, “me thinks thou dost protest too much”. Right? Yea, I can hear it now. Everyone is throwing the big BS flag on me! But…it’s ‘da truf!

Ex-PH2

Pushups? Seriously?

Oh, hell, HS Sophomore, just go get some women’s romance novels. It’s housewife porn. Women writing about sex the way women like it. That will tell you everything you need to know. Disclaimer: some romance writers are men writing under women’s names. 🙂

I strongly recommend Theresa Madeiros’s “Charming the Prince” for starters. You will identify with Bannor the Bold.

Why do you guys always send the unknowing in the wrong direction?

Sparks

@63 Ex I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t read my posts. Now I am embarrassed and have nothing to be embarrassed about. TRULY! I forget there are ladies in the audience.

My mother read those romance novels till the day she died. The one’s with men on the front like Fabio and women in dresses that showed a lot of cleavage.

HS, having never read a romance novel myself, most probably Ex is right. As a man I always digress to the traditional, male, lowest common denominator way of viewing things. Instead of asking for female advice. Listen to Ex, you’ll be a lot better off in the long haul. And for the short haul too! 😀

HS Sophomore

@63-I kinda wonder about that one, PH2. Even if they are written by women and not men, how exactly do I know they haven’t sold out and written it to fit men’s preconceived notions (like the literary version of porn videos; I’m told not too many women actually like the stuff that goes on in them)? Just speculating. I guess I’d just have to be absurdly judicious about getting the ones written for women. For educational purposes, I suppose it’d be worth it…

HS Sophomore

@64-Will do, then.

Sparks

@65 HS now you’re cookin’ with gas!

HS Sophomore

Hey, I’m just curious-is Wickre’s next lawsuit using our vulgarity as cause for complaint going to feature this thread along with some half-assed remarks about communicating with minors for indecent purposes? That would be absolutely priceless. Not, of course, that it would have any legal merit, but then when has that stopped him in the past? 🙂

Hondo

Sparks: nah, the young man needs to see “Basic Instinct”. Pr0n just doesn’t convey the message as to why restraints are NOT good ideas as sexual accessories. Ever. “Basic Instinct” gets that point across quite well.

OK, well, WitLessOne might miss the point. But most others won’t.

Sparks

Back to the point of the thread, I never knew how much a bra, good, bad or in between cost. Until reading this thread. Now I have only a partial idea and am still, basically, in the dark on the subject of ladies under garments.

Seadog

If you enjoy them, you’ll never worry about the cost.

Ex-PH2

Well, first of all, men are visually-oriented, which is why you guys LOOK at things. You’re unconsciously measuring, which is why you don’t want anyone looking at you THAT way.

Women, on the other hand, are more tactile-oriented, which is what vampire movies are all about. All those e———-s zones, you know. “Dracula” was really written about repressed —uality in the Victorian era.

Generally speaking, watching a bleedin’ blue movie has about the same excitement as a lecture on the life cycle of the dodo bird.

And to answer HS Soph’s question, women romance authors are telling men “Hey, numbnuts, this is what I want. Snap out of it.” Generally speaking, adult male humans are a bit numb between the ears, basically rather clueless, about these things. (No offense meant to my worthy adult male human friends on TAH.)

Women want –duction and romance, which is time-consuming and requires great energy. Men want to get it over with and go back to beer and watching the game.

2/17 Air Cav

“Men want to get it over with and go back to beer and watching the game.”

Okay, I want names! I get the beer part but who turns off the game too?

Clone Wars Protestor aka HS Sophomore

@72-I’ll keep it in mind.

Ex-PH2

AirCav, you never told us that you’re a multitasker! I’m impressed.

I just figured the ‘halftime break’ thing was implied. I’ll be more specific next time. 🙂

Hack.Stone

Okay, the tangents of this thread remind me of two stories from my days at Camp Lejeune. Back in the 1987 or 1988, Camp Lejeune was hosting a CIS boxing tournament. No idea what CIS stood for, but I guess that it was some type of Olympics for military. That being said, plenty of world military boxing teams were on base, each with a liaison/escort team to take them where they needed to go and keep them amused. So, one Saturday, Hack and his new bride were heading to K-Mart. Two Marines with a gaggle of Pakistini boxing team members were heading into the store at the same time. Marine 1 says to Marine 2 “We’ll take them to the sporting goods section.” Sounds like a good idea, these guys are jocks. Unfortunately, the Pakistanis were a bit faster, and S soon as the entered, they all pivoted right, which in most K-Marts is the ladies undergarments section. So now there are about a dozen Pakistanis of various sizes fondling lingerie. What women that were in the lingerie section beat a hasty retreat. The other story is right after I got married, I took my new bride to go see Basic Instinct. After the movie, we had back to our honeymoon cottage on Piney Green Road. We take a nap in our one bedroom apartment, and after an hour or two, I wake up and go to the living room to watch some television. As I sit on the couch, I look over to the stove, and get a brilliant idea. I take a large pot out and place it on the stove. I neglected to tell you that I placed something in the pot, and put a lid on it. Then. I waited. And waited. Eventually, my wife Rosetta Stone, wakes up. So she comes into the living room and sits next to me on the couch. Ever so casually, I ask why the pot is on the stove. She gets up, heads to the stove, lifts the lid, and screams. Inside the pot was my Rocky (of Rocky… Read more »

Hack.Stone

Why does Air Cav like to do it doggy style. So he and his girl can both watch the game!

Ex-PH2

Here’s the difference:

Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone is for men.

Dracula with Frank Langella [[ducing Kate Nelligan is for women.

NHSparky

I’m surprised none of you have suggested to our young gent that he also watch 9 1/2 Weeks.

For shame, for shame!

Green Thumb

@77.

I though it was because it provided a tray on which to eat his TV (or MRE is he is truly hardcore) Dinner.

The Other Whitey

I’ve stayed on this thread only all day now, and it’s been a nice change of pace. Everybody’s happy, VWPussy’s stupidity is nowhere to be found, life is good.

“And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world…”
(Ramones version)

A Proud Infidel

@4, Sparks, DUDE! I’m gonna have to try that, I owe a couple of guys in my platoon a payback prank!!

@37, T.O.W., like someone once said, “Do you know the difference between love and lust? Lust rarely costs a man more than $200!”.

@72, Ex=PH2, like Jeff Foxworthy said in comparing Men and Women in bedroom romance, “Women are like Diesel engines, we men are like bottle rockets!!”.

Valkyrie

Well now. I think we’ve all learned a little something about everyone here today. Except where Sparks is concerned. Learned a bit too much about you. Just kidding.

In my house I hate to drive (and shop) so it’s long fallen to my husband to do most if not all the shopping (except food) I tell him what his 2 daughters and myself need and he goes and gets it. It has been so long I don’t even know my sizes and buying panties is weird, they aren’t in the same sizes as clothes.
He does enjoy buying bras though especially when there’s a sales lady helping him. She’ll ask what size is needed and he’ll say he’s not sure then hold up his hands and say “I know they fill my hands, maybe I should test feel some or someone”. He’s been kicked out of every Victoria’s Secrets in 2 counties now.

Valkyrie

High School- I agree with EX-PH2. You should read a couple books but I suggest J.R.Ward. More action and I know a lot of men who enjoy her work, it’s got a lot of humor in it also. Or better yet you should read EX-PH2 books. Just as fun and great military reading plus I know she squirms a little when she knows we’re reading her naughty thoughts. (Joking! Don’t kill me)

David

HS – if you read it and think “get to the damn point already!!” it was probably written by a woman. If you can see humpin’ and gruntin’ mentally within 30 seconds, it’s a guy. We’re wired differently….. vive la difference!

Ex – I thinkl it was Erica Jong who said something like that that after watching porn for the first five minutes, she wanted sex RIGHT NOW. After watching it for twenty minutes, she didn’t want sex for the next five years.

Sparks

@83 Valkyrie sorry you had to read all my posts. I apologized the the ladies in the audience. But in a thread like this, sometimes the truth is an ugly, ugly thing. 😀 😀

Have a great day Valkyrie and know I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

auto

I don’t suppose anybody could could define “duction” ? Is it a contraction of deduction? Like using false positives or misinformation in order to cloud judgment? Wiki defines it as a form of neurological disorder involving the eyes.

OWB

Duction. That would be the process of sucking the life out of an asshole, right?

Ex-PH2

@87 – Auto, in an effort to avoid any possiblity of prurient language, I substituted hyphens for ‘se’, thereby making ‘seduction’ into ‘—duction’.

auto

@89 Ah well that makes sense, lol thanks. I was confused by your earlier remarks, i had assumed the dashes to be a typographical error

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

Ok. I can answer the question above.

First, I am one lucky mug. My wife is smokin’ hot – she makes four times the money I do and she is good lookin’ to boot.

After four or five beers, I will tear her expensive bra off like nothing you have ever seen and have monkey sex on the couch in a NY minute.

Answer to question: Bra can last a NY minute!

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

@ Old Yoeman CPO. Yo, a good script writer and we got a movie. You know what I’m talkin’ about?

MCPO NYC USN Ret.

I am convinced. My comments are thread enders.

Sparks

@93 Master Chief, not while I am around. 😀 But, you are still the MAN, in my book. Have a great weekend Master Chief to you and your lovely (as you described her) wife. Always respectfully yours, Sparks