Jonathan “Cornboy” Parham; phony Ranger/SF
CATM sends us a link to Guardian of Valor latest bust, Jonathan “Cornboy” Parham. He says the nickname comes from the fact that he drinks moonshine, I’m guessing that he reached his limit. He claims to be a Ranger, but he wears special forces officer brass on his uniform;
The folks at GoV have been keeping an eye for him months and the National Personnel Records Center can’t find any records on him anywhere. So as a last resort, the GoV folks engaged him in conversation and told him that he’s a phony. he admitted it, but, ya know what? It’s someone else’s fault – the government should make it illegal to buy a uniform and all of the bling he sticks to it, so he wouldn’t pretend to be a fake-stick.
Category: Phony soldiers
he was jump and beat to death? who ever did that didnt do a very good job. POS, or as one of our regulars here likes to say,
“Turd”
“Encourage!”
Lolwut.
-M
Moonshine is illegal too, fuckstick. Should we make illegal for you to buy corn and sugar as well?
What a fucking douche. Is it just me or is the recent field of posers just not even trying and are phoning it in?
@4- come on now. Not everyone has the natural talent of a Soup Sandwich, or the burning drive of a Cock Inhaler.
I, for one, like CornHole’s moxie. He’s likely to be up against some pretty stiff competition for this years’ ‘Dusters, with only his “Encourage!” routine, and a lame ass excuse. That takes guts.
Well, I always wondered what “Cornholio” looked like in real life.
Now we know.
For just one second there, ‘Cornboy’ gave me a brief flash to that cornholing scene in ‘Deliverance’. Then I realized it wasn’t a movie, it was another episode in the Stolen Valor reality series.
How come Jerry Springer isn’t in on this? We should get him on board with it. He could have a ‘duke it out’ part between a real Ranger or whatever the SVclaimant claims to be.
And what the hell is ‘encourage!’ supposed to mean?
Because nothing screams SF like an undone to button?
im rather disappointed in our most recent batch of posers, best we have had lately was my fan boi that kept posting links to gay porn
so this is what happens to you when you drink straight grain alcohol?
Yet another future APL employee.
So when do we start seeing some of his enablers “Wickre” for this scrotum-sniffer?
Totally legit. Everyone knows that anyone in the military only takes pictures from the waist up with a computer cam or a cell phone in their mom’s basement.
Jonn,
Somehow the space under the “Leave a Reply” has been showing “Tall Corn”, I think this was done by me as a mistake, I don’t want the fellows thinking that I am trying to pull a fast on over them, would you change it back to Sam Naomi. thanks,
Sam
Most lame excuse for being a SV case I have ever heard…a freshly laid turd…
Sheesh, my carpet turd-laying cat can do better than this jackass.
And another one with poor grammar, does not surprise me at the least.
Love how he is SF Casual. Like “I just come home from the workday and loosen my tie and take pics to post to the interwebs”
Douche.
@17.
“SF casual”.
That’s funny.
Reading Johnny Ray’s response, he obviously has an incredible mastery of the King’s English. I’m hoping he can write my Senior Rater Comments on my next OER! He is one eloquent motherfu*ker!
“this occiffer had elliminated potenshall. prumote a head of pears”
Looks like he sniffs glue in addition to drinking moonshine!
He doesn’t even have the shirt collar buttoned.
You know, if this were the 1960s or early 1970s, none of these clowns would be doing this.
Dude may not be lying about being beaten, he sure displays the symptoms of Traumatic Brain Injury. He could be lying though, if he suffers from Pickled Brain Syndrome instead.
Jack. Ass. Period.
I love how he’s wearing his beret like a pissed-off French doughnut cooker, and the look on his face like his Momma just chewed his ass out for wetting the bed again!!
I have far more respect for a dog turd on the sidewalk than I do for that shittypants bedwetter!
@18 I heard that on Fridays in SF it is Hawaiian shirt day.
If the guy’s telling the truth about being a moonshine drinker, he might be suffering from lead poisoning – which can damage the central nervous system and various other body organs.
Some idiots who make ‘shine use old auto radiators as their condenser coils. That’s not a good thing. If the radiators used have metal end tanks, the finned radiators tubes are typically soldered to the tanks with lead-based solder. When they’re used in making moonshine, a some of the lead leaches out into the ‘shine. Every few years some idiot using auto radiators to make moonshine ends up with a bunch of very sick or dead customers.
For that reason alone, it’s probably best to stay away from ‘shine. Get some from a bad batch and you’re in a world of hurt.
Hondo, I’d lay odds his idea of moonshine is a bottle of cheap gin from the corner liquor store… and he probably has to pay someone to get it for him without being carded.
Are you sure that is SF officer insignia? It looks like Air Defense Artillery insignia, which would make him a much bigger turd, wearing one while claiming the other.
Warhammer 9: it’s the SF branch insignia – a custom version, with what looks like a “B” or “C” (or maybe a “3” – it’s just blurred enough I can’t clearly ID the character, even when expanded) above the crossed arrows and a “3” below.
Follow the Guardians of Valor link at the beginning of Jonn’s article to see a clearer picture of this tool. The branch insignia are identifiable in the lead photo of the jackass there.
Fucking cornholing douchetard…
Wow. After admitting he is a fake it is everyone else’s fault. So wow I guess we can go to his local hospice and mess with him big time!
Lol, I’m guessing it’s been a while since anyone here set foot in a well stocked liquor store. Moonshine is one of the newest yuppie fads, there’s at least a half dozen companies selling legit moonshine commercially these days.
And this idiot should lay off it, he’s a few crayons short of a full box as is.
OWB is correct. Moonshine is illicitly-produced liquor sold without paying the requisite federal/state/local liquor taxes and/or as illicit alcohol in “dry” areas. If it was purchased at a liquor store, the requisite taxes have been paid and it’s a legal item. Therefore, by definition it’s not “moonshine” – it’s just cheap (and usually truly nasty) unaged, overpriced corn whiskey that’s become “trendy” because clueless yuppies took a liking to the idea and convinced themselves it was the “next big thing”.
Oh, for pity sake – if you buy it at a liquor store, it’s not ‘shine!
Jeez, SF w/ no Airborne wings of any kind? (Dude, at least listen to the song: “With silver wings upon their chests… “)
Oh, my bad… doucheboy has his basic five-jump chump wings as a high-speed occifer backed by the flash 5th SF group stopped using in ’85. Gee, I’m SOOO ashamed. 😉
Boozer loser
Hmm…apparently he lives in Morristown TN. I’m right down the road in Knoxville. Looks like I got something to do on my birthday tommorow afterall.
Nice pizza hat, douche canoe.
Look at the scam this guy is perpetrating on Facebook now.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jonathan-Parham-Intuitive-Medium-and-Energy-Healer/147681778715543?ref=stream
Another ignorant, illiterate, high school “honors” graduate.
Can’t write, can’t spell, makes a perfect “intuitive medium to well-done asshat”….
Yes, #23, he does wet his bed.
Turdball posers like him ought to be forced to walk a gauntlet of real Ranger Vets during an annual Ranger Rendezvous at Ft. Benning, then he’ll get the ass-beating he deserves!
several years back when I was working patrol I stopped a guy coming north from Las Vegas. He had a set of Army BDU’s hanging in the back seat in front of the passenger window behind the driver. The BDU’s were obviously from the 80’s and didn’t match anything being worn at the time by the Army. He also had Medals hanging off the BDU shirt, I guess about 12-15 as well as ribbons which I know were B.S. Well, I found 12 lbs of weed in the trunk which I found with my K9 and a bit under 15k in money. He had been stopped twice in California. I always ran my dog around every car I stopped, but I knew I would find dope when I saw that uniform.