How To Successfully Pull Off Stolen Valor

| April 26, 2022

This was a tongue-in-cheek article about how to successfully pull off a stolen valor attempt – based on the many that have gone before you.

5 insider tips for pulling off ‘Stolen Valor’

A brief overview follows but please read the article above for the full text… and a good laugh:

1. Be average

When asked what you did in the military, you could respond, “I was an operator downrange.”

“Yeah… a Motor Transport Operator.”

If someone asks you if you’ve ever killed anyone tell them, “I was a cook… so yeah, probably.” Works just as well for being a medic or corpsman.

2. Age/rank match

A general in his 20s would be legendary, don’t stand out.

3. Grooming regulations

Operator’s beard = yes, combined with beer gut = no.

4. Uniform

Don’t be “that guy.”

5. Basic information

The answers must make sense. The Navy has jets, but the Air Force doesn’t have ships. You can’t be with the 82nd Airborne and stationed on Parris Island. Navy Seals don’t drive tanks. You can’t be a pilot and a sniper. It simply does not add up.

If any more tips come to mind, please share them.  Remember, a “POSer Starter Kit” is the lazy man’s way to Stolen Valor.

Category: Stolen Valor

72 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Flakpuppy

#6 Double-check open-source documents/lists of names before stating that you were at so-and-so place or received such-and-such medal. (bonus points: change your name to a name already on one of the lists)

Anonymous

Even fictional characters got it:

Rambo: “Remember Murdock said he’d been with the 2nd Battalion, Third Marines in Kon Tum in ’66?”
COL Trautman: “Yeah.”
Rambo: “The 2nd Battalion was at Kud Sank. You’re the only one I trust.”

Last edited 2 months ago by Anonymous
Anonymous

#7 Make up a story about stupid sh*t happening; it’s way more likely than anything else.

Last edited 2 months ago by Anonymous
Jhstoney

For #5, my new neighbor told me he has 20 pounds of Titanium in his body from all the jumps he did out of the SR-71. You read that correctly, SR-71.

At some point I will have to call him out, but he may be seriously unhinged.

Anonymous

Do the research. Just sayin’.

Everything takes effort. Even lying about some sh*t.

Jhstoney

unless he was part of some double secret probation classified spook shit, the only parachute landing I was able to find from the SR-71 was Bill Weaver in 1966 when the plane disintegrated at the edge of space and he woke up in freefall.

Anonymous

And he died 28 JUL 2021, so that ain’t your neighbor.

Hondo

There was at least two others, both from A-12 airframes (one modified to launch the D-21 drone). Bill Park was pilot in both cases.

On 9 July 1964, Park had to eject at 200′ in an A-12 at Groom lake when his controls froze. He survived the ejection.

https://supersabresociety.com/this_time_in_history/today-in-history-july-9-1964-bill-park-ejects-safely-from-200-feet/

Bill Park (pilot) and Ray Torick (launch control officer) had to eject over the Pacific Ocean on 30 July 1966. This occurred after the D-21 they launched nosed-down and struck their aircraft, breaking it in half.

Both survived both the ejection and landing at sea. Unfortunately, while floating in the ocean Torick’s suit filled with water, and he drowned. (Accounts differ on how the water entered, with some speculating that he opened the visor of his pressure suit and others indicating that his suit may have been damaged during ejection.)

http://www.wvi.com/~sr71webmaster/M21_Crash.htm

Last edited 2 months ago by Hondo
Hondo

FWIW: Parks was at least a 3-time survivor of test flight ejections – though he almost didn’t survive his last one. On 4 May 1978, Park had to eject from one of the “Have Blue” prototype aircraft (prototypes for testing the stealth concepts successfully used in the F-117A). He was knocked unconscious during the ejection and landed in that condition.

After landing, Park was dragged while unconscious – which filled his mouth and nose with sand. He nearly asphyxiated before ground medics got to him.

He was also seriously concussed and suffered a broken leg on landing. The concussion ended his career as a test pilot. Lockheed made him manager of their test pilot program.

http://www.f-117a.com/HB1.html

Last edited 2 months ago by Hondo
RGR 4-78

F#&k!

RGR 4-78

the only parachute landing I was able to find from the SR-71 was Bill Weaver in 1966 when the plane disintegrated at the edge of space and he woke up in freefall.”

That would make you scream “F#&k”!

26Limabeans

As a welcome to the neighborhood gift buy him a Revell model
of the Blackbird to build. Hell, I’d buy him the big one:

https://www.revell.com/index.php?lang=1&cl=search&searchparam=SR-71

OAE CPO USN Ret

So there I was in an inverted 4 G negative dive. Because I was drunk and slipped just as I tried to do a flip off the diving board into the pool. You know what’s worse than a belly flop? Impacting the water flat on your back. That stings even worse.

Jhstoney

International relations, you know, giving him the bird.

Anonymous

You see, we were inverted…
comment image

tshe

Not many were in a 4 G negative dive and lived to tell about it.

SFC D

So you’re the one.

timactual

Add a little sunburn……

The good news is your Generals are not in danger.

26Limabeans

If they start asking questions start crying.

tshe

While crying, say “It’s too painful to talk about.” You’re not lying.

Anonymous

Shame is a mofo…

Sandman

Always,,always,,remember when questioned, classified classified, classified.,

KoB

“If I told you what all I did, I’d have to kill you. All of my missions were impossible. That’s why they gave them to me. The records are sealed in a special vault inside The Hall of Records at Mount Rushmore.”

Anonymous
Mick

However, also remember that Twatter, The Book of the Face, and seedy/shitty bars are all SCIFs.

HT3

“My buddy died in my arms…”
“I was POW and kept a in tiger cage…”
“I got pulled out of bootcamp and sent strsaight to SEAL’s…”
“Yes, that’s me next to Chris Kyle with my face blurred for National Security…”
Born in 1958, but some how served 3 tours in The ‘Nam

Just a few off the top of my head.
I miss reading about the phonies. This other articles can be interesting, but REALLY miss busting the phonies.

RGR 4-78
Green Thumb

I miss the tournament!

Green Thumb

If I am not mistaken, All-Points Logistics teaches this course (at different levels) in both their initial entry training and their school of Executive Management.

ninja

“Don’t Be ‘That Guy'”

16 second video. You Be The Judge:  😉  😎 

https://twitter.com/TweetinJoshBe/status/1253845921110073344

rgr769

The gal in the Twatter clip must be his granddaughter.

timactual

Not just stolen valor, stolen studliness as well.

“There I was, in the shower with this beautiful young chick….

Green Thumb

There I was….in the jungle…..all alone…..me and my trusty SOG SPECOP Limited Edition Special….50 on the right and 40 on the left….

Anonymous

rgr1480

I remember seeing that on TV when I was a kid. I thought that teacher was an old lady!!

Wow! What a difference a few years makes.

timactual

Yeah. I look back on some of those “old ladies” with a slightly different attitude.

timactual

Understandably, it’s those canons in front of him that finally got him.

Hack Stone

Be sure to post generic military photos to your Book Of Face. Also, claim that you retired as the most decorated Sergeant Major, even though there is no record of a PAO Fleet Hometown News Release during any part of your career, and no photos of a retirement ceremony or awards ceremony.

26Limabeans

Take some old dried pieces of bacon and make a necklace
out of them. Claim them to be Vietcong ears with the smaller
one that of child.

SFC D

Beef Jerky works well too. A little trimming and shaping…

timactual

Perhaps dried mushrooms for vegetarians.

SKYJUMPER

An all-time favorite of TAH.
Show up at Ft. Benning for your step-sons graduation dressed up in an Air Force uniform like this.

https://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=24149&cpage=6

SOUP SANDWICH.jpg
President Elect Toxic Deplorable Racist SAH Neande

Who could ever forget Master Sgt Soup Sammich. The Gold Standard to which all other posers aspire. Ahhhhh, the Good Old Days……

The Stranger

You always remember your FIRST…
🤣

Hack Stone

You got it Monkress Backwards (Ass Backwards). He was down there to attend the graduation of his mother’s current husband. He may have been younger than Soupy Sales Sandwich here. The guy fell into the Cougar Trap.

timactual

Stepfather, current husband, whatever. That’s his story and he is sticking to it…and I don’t blame him. I would claim sterility, impotence, or being “trans” before I would admit to siring that fartblossom.

Green Thumb

Monkress = The False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics).

rgr769

IIRC, Soup was so messed up, he offed himself.

The Stranger

I thought that there was some question as to whether it was suicide or a straight OD? I guess I can look it up.

Hack Stone

That reminds Hack of when he read a book about National Lampoon Magazine. There were discussing the untimely demise of Douglas Kenney (who portrayed Stork in Animal House). They were saying that he was looking for a place to kill himself when he accidentally fell off of a cliff in Hawaii. National Lampoon later ran a comic panel showing the side of a cliff with a sign reading “Douglas Kenney slipped here.” Some dark humor there.

timactual

“he was looking for a place to kill himself when he accidentally fell off of a cliff”

Who could resist making a joke like that? Not me.

timactual

Hah! That crooked tie gives him away instantly. What a putz.

Jacky Tar

Wasn’t there some whacked-out guy in a general officer’s mess dress and with a completely crazy fuckton of medals, including an OBE? Manus or something like that?

A Proud Infidel®™

Start off each War Story with “NO SHIT, THERE I WAS…” especially while talking about how you got that Luger off of a dead VC in downtown Baghdad back in 1991.

Last edited 2 months ago by A Proud Infidel®™
Anonymous

Don’t forget how you caught him wackin’ in the sh*tter to a pic of Tokyo Rose and had nothing to defend yourself with but a Battle of Hoth Campaign Medal with Endor Clasp, too.

Sympatico

Do a basic check on how the uniform/badges are supposed to be worn. Those who are ‘in the know – know’ especially if you got the collar dogs backwards! We had a Master Corporal (Canada) screaming blue murder at us while we did pushups if we got them wrong, so yes, we will notice.

Name edited to protect PII.
AW1

Anonymous

AR 670-1… get the lie right!

ninja

Majority of Military Liars (those who never served) and Embellishers (those who did serve) have a Brain Hiccup, i.e. they have some form of Mental Disorder/Illness.

IMHO, Embellishers are worse. When researching an Embellisher’s Military background, majority of them were Chaptered Out due to alcohol/drug abuse, insubordination, overweight/failure to meet physical fitness standards, poor job performance, etc. etc.

IMHO, majority of those Embellishers exalt themselves because they are trying to hide their substandard Military past. They are Narcissists who only care about themselves with their “Look At Me!” attitude.

Eventually, they get caught and go into the Defense mode. They are in denial of their own shortcomings and will project on others their failures. In reality, they are crying for help.

The TAH Phony Gallery is full of these individuals. Too many of them to post. We know who they are. We all have confronted them on this Blog.

So Sad.

Flakpuppy

…and on that note, how to get away with stolen valor once you get called out… #8 If called out for obvious buffoonery, state that your ex-spouse burned all your records during the divorce, throw other individuals under the bus and hope the focus shifts to them, and then counter-accuse your accuser for being a deep-state plant sent to discredit you in order to protect the lizard men that really sent you on those missions.

A Proud Infidel®™

There’s also the “MY RECORDS are SO classified that they can ONLY be released by permission of the White House…” excuse.

Mick

#9 POSer Mandatory Clothing and Equipment

  • Motorcycle, 1 each
  • Leather vest covered in POSer bling, 1 each
  • Doo-rag (Tiger Stripe camo if available), 1 each
  • Dumbass-looking, white-framed, wrap-around, mirror-lens sunglasses, 1 each
  • Shemagh scarf (desert tan), 1 each
  • Service dog for the dreaded PTS of the D, 1 each
timactual

And;
Raggedy “beard” and hair
Championship beer belly
Fierce, warrior tattoo(s)

Green Thumb

Lot of real Vets look that way as well.

Just an observation.

Daisy Cutter
  • Bad-ass bathroom selfie, shower curtain backdrop 1 each
Green Thumb

Employment contract with All-Points Logistics.

Gary K

Buy uniform parts at Army Surplus. I see them all the time.

Anonymous

Don’t play mix and match. Coordinate your camo pattern, don’t clash. Accessorize with black items (default) if you can’t figure our whether OD, tan or coyote brown is the accessory color for the chosen war you’re plagiarizing.

P.S. Make sure any name tags/tapes match each other and the BS you’re slinging.

MarineDad61

Bizarro World — Teddy Daniels UPDATE.
He tries really hard to look like a phony.
And act like one, too.
Bully. Loud. Intimidating.Threatening.

But he’s not. Legit and honorable service. Purple Heart.

However, he’s been mostly a dickhead in his civilian & personal life,
and now in his quest for PA Lt. Governor,
Teddy Daniels just did something new & really stupid.
Big stupid.

PFA.
His wife is the 3RD woman to file a PFA on Teddy Daniels.

  • NO access to child (in the Harley campaign photos).
  • NO access to home (the Poconos digs he bought with the proceeds from the sale of his Wounded Veteran Charity FREE home).
  • NO access to weapons. (Remember his Teddy-15 custom made weapon raffle(s)?)

BONUS – WIFE QUOTES >>>
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/exclusive-maga-candidate-evicted-home-194406637.html

Teddy Daniels VEST 1.jpg
Last edited 2 months ago by MarineDad61
MarineDad61

Enter to WIN a TEDDY-15 rifle.
All you need to do is fork over your personal information,
date of birth, phone, and email,
and subject yourself to what that entails.

Good luck.
Buy me a Cracker Barrel Chicken Fried Steak if you win.

https://teddy15.com/

MarineDad61

Yesterday was “10 days”.
NO post about the TEDDY-15 (#3) drawing
on the Teddy Daniels (for PA!) Book of the Fake.
Just a long winded DENIAL video about his new PFA.
Like Stolen Valor phonies….
Ted Daniels blames everyone else… but himself.
Fat head.

https://www.facebook.com/TeddyDanielsforPA

2022 04 16 GUN RAFFLE post 1.jpg