Stupid criminals of the week

| October 24, 2020

Our first subject is a whole lot of stupid. The ability of the Internet to bring stupid people together, and the capacity of the modern transportation system to bring them together physically, allows some truly incredible Darwinism. Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be so prescient.

An Oklahoma ‘cannibal’ illegally castrated a man, police said, and stored body parts in a freezer

Last week, a hospital in southeastern Oklahoma admitted a severely bleeding patient with a horrifying tale. Two men, the 28-year-old victim told hospital staffers, had surgically removed his testicles as he lay on a wooden table in their remote cabin in the woods. And one of those men said he was a “cannibal” who kept body parts in a refrigerator.

The next day, sheriff’s deputies searched the cabin and found medical equipment, bloody refuse, drugs — and what appeared to be testicles frozen in a bag, according to an affidavit uploaded by the Oklahoman newspaper.

Now, the two men named by the victim — Bob Lee Allen, 53, and Thomas Evans Gates, 42 — face felony charges of conspiracy to commit and performing unlicensed surgery in a crime that has stunned the rural county that borders Arkansas.

“It is something that we have never in my career run across in this part of the country,” Le Flore County Sheriff Rodney Derryberry told reporters.

The victim, a Virginia man who isn’t named in police documents, told investigators that he volunteered for the surgery after meeting Allen on a website that advertised castrations. They talked on Skype, the victim said, and Allen told him that he had 15 years’ experience doing similar surgeries and would remove his testicles free of charge.

The victim flew to Dallas on Oct. 11, where Allen picked him up and drove him to his cabin outside the small town of Wister, Okla. The next day, he told police, Allen removed his scrotum and testicles after injecting him with localized painkillers; Gates helped by handing over surgical equipment, he said.

After the two-hour procedure, Allen “laughed and said that he was a cannibal,” the victim told investigators, adding he had a freezer full of body parts. He also claimed to have once killed a man while doing a similar surgery, and said he had six other men lined up for future operations.

The victim said he fell asleep, and awoke on Oct. 13 with heavy bleeding that led him to pass out. Allen told him, “No ER, no morgue,” the man claimed, but later relented and drove him to a hospital in McAlester, Okla. — though Allen allegedly warned if he died en route he would “dump him in the woods.”

The hospital called police the next day, and the victim gave investigators the address of the cabin. On Oct. 15, sheriff’s deputies searched the residence and found bloody medical tools, a variety of drugs and computer flash drives. While they were searching, Allen and Gates showed up at the hospital in McAlester to try to visit the man and were arrested.

In addition to the illegal surgery charges, the men also face felony counts of battery with a dangerous weapon and maiming and assault, the Oklahoman reported, and misdemeanor charges of failing to bury the removed body parts.

The case isn’t the first botched illegal castration to lead to criminal charges. Last year, a 74-year-old Florida man was arrested after performing a similar surgery on another man who had to be rushed to a hospital for treatment.

Derryberry, the sheriff, said investigators were still piecing together the details of the alleged crime in Wister and had asked for help from the FBI as they try to determine whether other victims might be involved.

“We know there’s a lot of rumors out there,” he said, “but at this time there’s no danger to the public.”

Source; Washington Post

Army chaplain jailed for drunken behavior, shoppette gas theft

ninja sent me this one. “Chaplains Gone Wild” she calls it.

A series of bad decisions, from stealing gas to smashing the window of his estranged wife’s car, has landed an Army chaplain assigned to Stuttgart in jail for a month.

Chaplain (Maj.) Donald V. Wood was sentenced Tuesday at a general court-martial, after a military judge found him guilty of larceny, conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman, and of damaging nonmilitary property. He pleaded guilty to being absent without leave.

The one-day trial in Kaiserslautern depicted a chaplain struggling with life, who was unable to let go of his marriage of more than 26 years and who had lost the confidence of his supervisors after a string of misconduct over the past 18 months.

The theft occurred when Wood, a Full Gospel chaplain, drove off from the Ramstein Air Base shoppette in May 2019 without paying for $99 in fuel. The next day, on Mother’s Day, military police were called to escort Wood from Macaroni Grill on Ramstein after he drank five blood-orange cosmopolitan cocktails and passed out, according to testimony from the bartender who served him.

The property damage occurred about two months later, when Wood, who has been separated from his wife for years, busted the rear window of her car. He had shown up at her home unannounced one evening, yelled profanities and banged on her apartment door before breaking the car window, his wife testified.

Wood also was found not guilty of stalking his wife, on a charge related to that night and another incident last spring involving text messages.

Wood pleaded guilty to being absent without leave from his job on Panzer Kaserne for U.S. Army Garrison Stuttgart, where he was a resource manager in the garrison’s religious support office.

Wood admitted in court to ignoring an email from his supervisor in late March 2020 revoking his leave early and ordering him to report back to work. Military police picked him up about two days later at his home in Kaiserslautern.

“I was distraught due to life circumstances,” Wood told the military judge, Col. Christopher Fredrikson. “I am so sorry to my supervisors and the Army.”

Government prosecutors said that Wood “acted with impunity,” arguing that “his emotional pain” didn’t excuse or justify his misconduct and that as a chaplain, he can’t help others if he can’t handle his own affairs. They asked that Wood be dismissed from the service and sentenced to a combined four months in jail.

The defense, in asking for a reprimand and forfeiture in pay as punishment, noted that Wood stood to lose some $1.2 million in benefits when he becomes eligible to retire in 2024.

“This is a time to look at a chaplain as a human being … as a person who doesn’t have all the answers in this world,” defense counsel Capt. Daniel Franco-Santiago said.

Fredrikson gave Wood jail time that added up to three months but made the terms concurrent, so Wood will only have to spend a month at the Army’s regional correctional facility at Sembach.

Source; Stars and Stripes

2 men shoot each other during argument over a woman in NW Atlanta

Two people shot each other while fighting over a woman late Monday morning, Atlanta Police said.

According to APD, officers got to the scene of the shooting on the 3100 block of Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway around 11:45 a.m. Monday. At the scene, officers found a man with a gunshot wound to his side, who was taken to the hospital in serious condition.

As they examined the scene, they found a second man shot on the 2500 block of Etheridge Drive. The second victim was shot in the chest and arm and was taken to a local hospital in serious condition.

Police said preliminary investigation results showed that both men were involved in a fight over a woman. The fight escalated to the shooting. APD investigators are continuing to investigate the full details of what led to the fight.

Thanks to the KoB for sending this one in.

Source; CBS46

Knox County [TN] Sheriff’s Office fleet services manager admits role in plot to steal Bentley

The Knox County Sheriff’s Office’s longtime fleet services manager pleaded guilty Tuesday to taking part in a plot to steal a luxury vehicle from a Knoxville restaurateur.

Ronnie Kidd appeared Tuesday morning in Knox County Criminal Court before Judge Scott Green. He admitted to a single count of official misconduct in an agreement with the Knox County District Attorney General’s Office.

He pleaded guilty to what’s called an information, a charge made in lieu of a grand jury review.

Kidd, 65, of Powell, faces a two-year term. He’s seeking judicial diversion from Green, a privilege that would allow him to have the charge expunged from his record.

Defense attorney Tommy Hindman said after the plea that his client has “never been in any trouble in his life.”

He said Kidd wants to put the incident behind him.

I just bet he does. So what was this brain trust’s plan?

[Asst. Dist. Atty. Gen.] Bright told Green during Tuesday’s hearing that Kidd was a player in a spring 2020 plot to steal Christopher Captain’s Bentley Continental, after which it would be reported by Captain as an insurance loss.

Evidence showed Kidd’s job was to arrange for inmate Joshua Caleb Haynes to take the vehicle from Captain, the owner of the Sam and Andy’s Deli in Knoxville, Bright said.

Kidd knew Haynes, who was a skilled mechanic that Kidd used to work on fleet vehicles while he was in custody, the prosecutor said.

Kidd arranged for Haynes to be bonded out of jail. It was then Haynes’ job to steal the car, Bright said.

On the day of the theft in April, Kidd texted Captain the message, “Tonight,” the investigation showed.

The keys were left in the vehicle ignition at Captain’s home to enable the theft, Bright told Green.

Captain reported the car as stolen. Haynes was found speeding April 20 with the stolen Bentley soon after in Grainger County. Once he was arrested, he began to talk.

The plot began to unravel, Bright said, and the TBI was called in to investigate.

I really can’t imagine what these people were thinking? Did they expect Haynes to keep his mouth shut?

Thanks to KoB for this one as well. Source; WBIR

Man indicted for murder after shooting fellow shooter in the back, official say

One more before I retire for the weekend. This one was sent in by KoB as well.

A South Memphis man has been indicted for second-degree murder and other charges after shooting his partner in crime in the back, according to the Shelby County District Attorney’s office.

Police say Antonio Taylor, 23, shot his friend Darian Carter, 28, in the back as the pair opened fire into two apartments housing four adults and five kids in the 700 block of Richmond Avenue in March.

As the pair sprayed bullets, hitting apartments and cars in the area, Taylor struck Carter in the back, killing him.

Taylor also faces charges of attempted first-degree murder, two counts of reckless endangerment, employment of a firearm in the commission of a dangerous felony and tampering with evidence.

Source; Fox 13 Memphis

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Crime, Guest Link, Humor, Stupid Criminals, WTF?

Comments (8)

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  1. Mike Gunns says:

    Go for the gender reassignment surgery, stay for the hor d’oeuvres.

  2. KoB says:

    It’s very entertaining to me, looking thru the inherwebz for these type stories. My little way of helping out and it keeps me out of ‘Ed’s hair, well…a little anyway. Mason has the toughest job, culling thru and putting up the best ones. Kinda like the Boomer Cartoons for Sunday ‘Ed does, they’re all good, and need to be included, but, hey, bandwidth…byte lines matter.

    In addition to liniment for the sore chest, I use a good bit on my neck from shaking my head. Need to quit asking, “How stoopid can people get?” They take it as a challenge. Trying to follow up on the Ms Thang that caused the fight between the homies. Need to see a picture of that beauty.

    The one of old boy that shot his partner in crime reminded me of a similar case we had locally several years back. Hood rats busted into Lady’s home, stole the new big flat screen from the wall, and when the homeowner came in from another part of the house, one of the dumbasses did the gangsta spray and pray. Shot and killed his partner. The “shooting victim’s” family sued the homeowner for wrongful death. Believe the insurance company made a payoff to avoid a racial discrimination suit.

    Eternal vigilance!

  3. Ex-PH2 says:

    Well, if you guys really want to be gelded properly, find a willing veterinarian to do it for you. They don’t bother freezing your nuts. They just toss them onto the manure pile out back of the barn, and the farm dogs will have a ball chewing on yours.

    There’s a reason for using birth control, y’know.

    • Claw says:

      Even easier than that. Hog/Goat Elastration Bands. No blood, no cutting. Two and a half to three weeks, the whole set-up just drops off./smile

      • rgr769 says:

        That reminds me of the punch line in that old Viet of the Nam incurable venereal disease joke: “American doctor always want cut, cut genitals. No need cut, fall off anyway,” says the old Vietnamese doctor.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Once again… fiction has to make sense and real life doesn’t.

  5. Send for DR, Quakenbush.