Stupid Criminals of the Week

| August 8, 2020

Without further ado, here are you Saturday follies.

Stolen cars collide in Newberg, Oregon 2 arrested

In a rare two-for-one play…

Police in Newberg [Oregon] caught a break Sunday when a man accused of stealing an SUV crashed into a separate, unrelated stolen car after a brief chase.

Newberg-Dundee Police officers discovered a reported stolen Toyota Land Cruiser driving through the downtown area Sunday morning.  After being identified, the suspect attempted to elude police but eventually crashed the Land Cruiser into an occupied Buick Regal near the intersection of East Franklin Street and North College Street.

Officers apprehended the suspect, Randy Lee Cooper, and took him custody. In the process, however, officers discovered that the Buick Regal was also stolen from a completely unrelated crime reported about three weeks prior. The driver inside the stolen Buick was found to be under the influence of intoxicants and arrested as well, according to police.

Cooper, 27, faces several charges including Unauthorized Use of a Motor Vehicle, Attempting to Elude Police, Assault-3, Reckless Driving and other related crimes.

The suspect driving the stolen Buick, Kristin Nicole Begue, 25, was arrested for Driving Under the Influence of Intoxicants and Unauthorized Use of a Motor Vehicle.

No injuries were reported.

Source; KOIN

Wait a minute…the website isn’t legit?

Common sense isn’t so common.

[Michigan] State police say 51-year-old Wendy Wein, of South Rockwood [Michigan], was arrested Friday after attempting to hire a hitman to kill her ex-husband. They say she contacted a fictitious website called, and completed a request form. Instead, police say the owner of the site called them.

“I’m very surprised someone thought it was a true website where you could actually do this,” said Lt. Brian Oleksk with Michigan State Police.

An undercover trooper met her in a parking lot, discovered her sincerity to hire a hitman, and she was arrested.

This isn’t the website owner’s first “save”. He claims to have stopped 130 murders.

Source; WXYZ

Naked couple, walking dog, run from and then fight with police

The title kind of captures this one. From Massachusetts;

Police went to Hayden Rowe Street after receiving calls about two naked people walking a dog. Officers saw Kinney and Pinto, who were completely nude, walking down the street with a medium-sized black dog named Lucy.

“According to the officers she is a very good dog,” Bennett said.

Questioned if they were OK and why they were unclothed, Kinney and Pinto either said they didn’t want to answer or answered incoherently, Bennett said.

During questioning, the couple yelled and swore at the officers, resisting any efforts of “de-escalation,” the chief said.

A foot chase ensued. Upon being caught, both parties fought with the police (injuring one) and were arrested.

No word on the status of the dog, but she’s presumed to still be a good girl. For you gutter-minded folks, there are no pictures of the event at the link.

Source; Milford Daily News

Stupid Cops

Normally I limit these to stupid criminals, but in this case the cops are the dunces. Don’t let it be said that we can’t find humor on both sides.

Liberty County [Georgia] officials believe they were set up on Tuesday when what they thought was a dead body turned out to be a sex doll.

Around 2 p.m. in Allenhurst, not far from Dunlevie Road, Liberty County Sheriff’s Office Detective Mike Albritton said officers found the object laying on the side of railroad tracks.

By policy, law enforcement officers do not touch a deceased person until the coroner arrives, so they placed a sheet over the suspected body and waited.

When the coroner arrived, detectives began to check for injuries and immediately discovered the body was a female sex doll. The doll was anatomically correct, with realistic skin and features, and was fully dressed, authorities say.

Albritton said in all his years, he has never encountered a situation like this.

Now I’m no expert on sex dolls, but I have seen dead bodies. I’m reasonably certain that I’d be able to tell a sex doll from a real dead body.  People are not making an “O” face post-mortem. Also fair to say none of the responding officers are former Marines. If they were, at least one of them would have immediately said something like, “That’s the Alicia Model 2 with the breast upgrade package.” They would then make the abandoned property disappear.

Source; WSAV

Drug smugglers overload plane, don’t make it very far

A small plane bound for Australia crashed shortly after takeoff in Papua New Guinea last week – partially because it was weighed down by $80 million worth of cocaine stowed as cargo.

Authorities recovered 500 kilograms (more than 1,100 pounds) of cocaine near the crashed aircraft.  This is well over the safe weight capacity for a Cessna 402c, and likely wasn’t stowed in a balanced fashion.

The pilot, an Australian, turned himself in to the Australian Consulate and was arrested. Five members of a criminal cartel in Australia were arrested by authorities there for conspiring to *ahem* “import” the illicit drugs.

Source; Fox News

Category: "Teh Stoopid", "Truth or fiction?", WTF?, YGBSM!!

Comments (8)

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  1. Toxic Deplorable Racist SAH B Woodman says:

    RE the last story, that’s “illicit” drugs.
    Otherwise, good job. Lots of humor and grins. (and this is even pre-caffeine this Saturday AM)

  2. 5th/77th FA says:

    You might not can fix stupid, but you can damn sure laff your azz off at it. Wonder if the Cessna pile it went to the same flight school as a certain benasty pile it wanna be? The idea is that the plane needs to get high, and have the same number of successful landings as it has take offs. Must be Pvt Snuffy’s girlfriend from the Holiday Inn @ 204 in Hinesville they found by the tracks.

    Thanks Mason, took some of the edge off from the Virginia Story.

  3. ninja says:


    Thank you for sharing these stories of the Dumb and Dumber.

    The one that had me chuckling was the woman hiring a Hitman via Internet (Rent A Hitman) to get rid of her Husband.

    Whatever happened to D-I-V-O-R-C-E?

    • SFC D says:

      Had an incident like that in my area in 1990. Unhappy wife tried to hire a hitman in the World Famous Sorry Gulch Saloon. Apparently everyone in the bar knew the guy she approached was a detective but her. He wasn’t undercover, just off duty.

  4. ninja says:


    Here are some more Dumb Bunnies.

    Sheesh…did they really think they were not going to caught?

    Makes me now wonder about who ran the Arms Room or did the inventory on the Arms Room via Property Book…

    “2 Admit Fencing More Than $1 Million In Military
    Gear On eBay”

    “A soldier and an ex-federal employee have pleaded guilty to stealing and selling more than $1 million in military gear taken from a Texas National Guard camp.”

    “Prosecutors said in a statement that National Guard soldier Cristal Avila, 27, of Fort Worth, pleaded guilty Thursday in federal court in Austin to stealing government property. Former federal program analyst Joseph Mora, 35, of Schertz, pleaded guilty in Austin to the same charge Tuesday.”

    “They admitted stealing such military-grade equipment as rifle scopes, infrared laser aiming devices and thermal night-vision goggles from Camp Mabry in Austin and selling it on eBay and by other means.”

    “Both face up to 10 years in federal prison each and have agreed to pay restitution and forfeit profits from the illicit sales. Both remain free on bond pending sentencing, which has yet to be scheduled.”

  5. Ex-PH2 says:

    ” there are no pictures of the event at the link.”

    Well, thank the gods & goddesses of the media for that bit. Who in the blue-eyed world would want to even sneak a peek….

  6. Jarhead says:

    Thank God for This Ain’t Hell. Finally I have found my inflatable “Molly”, the inflatable Chinese harelip peg leg which has been missing now for weeks. Naturally I did not want to report it to the po po, knowing my name would make it into the local news and people would think I was some sort of perv who often used my compressor when I ran out of vinyl patches. No, I did not knock her teeth out, rather I ordered it that way. For funs and giggles I took the valve out of an inflatable fart cushion and made her a noisy back door. All this and I still feel ripped off. She was supposed to be a messenger doll who was programmed to return home if being stolen. So who’s got her and how can I identify her by phone other than the left ear being Van Gogh’ed?