Weekend open thread
So, I’m out for the next couple of days taking my son to his grandmother’s house. So here’s a lunar eclipse weekend open thread, the picture sent to us by Ex-PH2. Knock yourselves out.
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Yea! Open thread, Open thread, Open thread.
Help. I have no direction. I’m floundering here. 🙂
Just wait till Sparks wakes up… He loves open threads, he’ll give you a direction or two or three…
Where’s my fishing pole? I’ll give you a line for your flounder.
I’ve heard of the Man in the Moon but “Dan In The Moon”?
(Kinda NSFW)
http://i.imgur.com/O3tLnOT.jpg
You owe me a new keyboard. And the bill for treating the first-degree burns in my sinuses from the hot coffee I was drinking.
You apparently never read your father’s old issues of HUSTLER. Check out Larry’s “Asshole of the Month” bit.
WHERE’S THE MIND BLEACH!!!
Too late. That which has been seen, cannot be unseen.
Use a soldering iron in the ear, burn the picture out!
Sparky – considering it’s a picture of a moon, let’s HOPE he photoshops only his face onto it.
I can take better pictures with my calculator than Daniel-san can with a real camera.
Hey! It’s Weekend Open Thread! Man I got some jokes to tell but I gotta make the rounds to the other threads first.
Q:You know why Jesus doesn’t like M&Ms?
A:They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
/one ticket please.
😀
*runs*
Seriously dude?
Jesus walks into a hotel, walks up to the main desk, drops 3 nails on the counter and asks the clerk “Can you put me up for the night?”
*Is that thunder I hear?*
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one…
Jesus has a sense of humor…
/I already have a bench in Hell with my name on it. Whether I actually arrive there is a whole other matter.
You may not get to hell, Chip. Here’s why:
Jesus and Peter were walking through Heaven one day, and kept coming upon vagabond-types that would skulk away when they realized they’d been noticed. After seeing several of these fugitives, Jesus turned to Peter and inquired as to why they were in Heaven. Peter, exasperated, said, “Lord, you must talk to your Mother about this. Every time I turn my back, she throws the gates open and lets EVERYBODY in!”
🙂
(Catholic joke. I don’t practice like I should, but I remember the jokes pretty well.)
OMG!
Don’t you mean “Jesus CHRIST!”
Ok…a little less sacrilegious joke…
————-
Jesus and Moses are playing a pro-am at Pebble Beach with Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, when they get to #8, a par 4 dogleg right. The pros hit 300 yard drives into the approach, taking the water out of play, but Jesus and Moses hit tee shots that leave them on the right edge of the fairway, about two hundred from the green, over the ocean.
They get to their balls and Moses says, “I’m not that good, I’m going to lay up to the left.” So, he takes out his pitching wedge and hits a nice shot into the fairway, leaving him about 100 yards from the green.
Jesus says, “I’m going for it.” and pulls out his 7 iron.
Moses says, “What are you doing, that’s two hundred yards! You should use your 3 iron!”
Jesus says, “Hey, Arnold Palmer hits his 7 iron two hundred yards!” He lines up and takes the shot, which is perfectly on line but lands in the water short of the green.
Jesus raises his hand, and his ball floats to the top, bobbing on the waves. He grabs his gap wedge and walks out on the water, and hits a nice chip to the center of the green.
Tiger walks over to Moses and says, “Who’s he think he is, Jesus Christ?”
Moses says “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer!”
😀
http://images.sodahead.com/polls/002247517/384171268_shamenun_10728086806_xlarge.jpeg
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot perked on the top of a cage. “Did you say that?”, he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then continued, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?”—the burglar laughed. “What kind of weirdo would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of weirdo that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus,” loudly squawked the parrot.
I like me some John Prine. “Angel from Montgomery” is one of the best songs ever written.
I got the day off, the wife is in Alaska, and the kids are at school. I’m going to sit here for a little bit and enjoy it before I recognize the fact that I have a honey do list that is the length of my arm. I might even clean a gun or five (which is on my honey do list) while I’m sitting around.
The implied subtask while conducting fire arms maintenance is the consumption of beer. (Hop-Barley-Malt Beverage, 1 ea.)
You know all the regular TAH crazy LOONS who log on here to read about themselves are going to see the above photo … After several uncomfortable moments of being transfixed at the sight, they will begin to howl long and soft eventually turning into a chorous of short hoots and deep howls … Thanks for giving these idiots something to do!
Awe come on man, don’t insult wolves and ‘yotes by lumping the trash in with em!
😉
Today. Jesus dies on the CROSS!
Thank you for remembering Master Chief.
I remember songs from Sunday school, like ‘Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear’ and ‘Brown John Virgin’. I think there were more, but I was only 8 back then.
My sin moved the hand that beat Him with the flagulum. My wicked deeds held the hammer as it drove the spikes into His flesh.
And yet, at the appointed hour, He held out the right hand of fellowship to me.
He is my Joy and my Hope. When all else fails, He is.
So there I was fixing to go skydiving for the first time. I’d been through the training at the skydiving center. I knew which handle opened the main chute and which opened the emergency chute. I took a deep breath to prepare myself to exit the plane. I took that deep breath because my fingers hurt from where they skydiving instructor was pounding on them “Ya gotta let go of the wing” he yells, “the pilot can’t land with you hanging on like that.” So I finally let go. I’m falling towards the ground. In Krameresque fashion I reach for the main ripcord and give it a mighty yank. It comes loose in my hand. Ok, now I’m really starting to panic. I reach for the emergency ripcord and scream like a little girl when it too comes loose in my hand. As I’m falling to the ground I see this curious sight. There’s a man rising up from the ground as fast as I’m falling towards it. As we get about even I yell over to him “Hey mister, you know anything about opening stuck parachutes?” He shouts back “No, do you know anything about lighting gas stoves?”
Airborne!
In case Daniel-san tries to twist it around….For the record, I have 5 static cord and 1 freefall jump. Those were done 20+ years ago and they were sport jumps. I am in no fashion what so ever trying to claim to be someone who jumped out of perfectly normal aircraft for any branch of the military, or government, or anything thing else.
I still don’t know how to fall out of an airplane (smile)
It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s that sudden stop.
Well, Twist . . . it’s a skill one doesn’t really want to try “for record” without training the first time the need arises. (smile)
In my earlier, younger days in telecommunications I had to climb telephone poles. I learned two things that are absolutely, positively true. Gravity…is a bitch AND it works EVERY TIME!
AND creosote splinters burn like hell!
Yeah I too have cut-out and discovered gravity still works.
Yep. Physics’ll get ya every time!
😛
I do not understand why anyone wants to intentionally jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
I believe the correct retort is “Because there is no perfectly good airplane!” Whatever. The last time I flew in an airplane is the last time I intend to fly in an airplane. From that time on, anything higher than a horse’s back is disqualified to carry me anywhere.
Some say that EVERY flight is a duel with gravity, of which gravity wins EVERY time, the skill of the Pilot(s) determines how it will end!
Hmmmmm … I gotta remember that one, it’s good!
Ex-PH2: $110/$55 tax free per month. Also, or maybe more so, serving with the finest troopers in the world.
It’s a flat $150 across the board now. When I first went on status as a PV2 in 83, it was $110/$55 then went to $150/$75 in 84 and then to $150 for everybody around 86 or so.
I was getting the same money for flight status on Hueys – didn’t have to jump out of them either (although there were a few times when I wish I could have). All I can say is that those who choose to come floating out of the sky into the battlefield have got bigger cojones than my boxers will ever see. Hats off to you guys. (BTW, Army Aircrewmember wings are bigger than Airborne wings).
That’s what used to kill me about aviators in the 82nd AVN BDE. They were on jump status AND flight status.
That’s why they all drove Corvettes.
Fuckers.
That’s good! I always felt guilty getting $110 when my troopers were getting $55 and we’d both just be splats on the ground. Never could justify that. The $110 was SWEET when base pay for a 2LT was $222.30 (1963). I never forgot that number. I went off status while a 1LT and took a pay cut.
That’s what I heard from a nephew when he graduated from BAC around ’95, IIRC.
About blasted time, says I.
ever been in 130 or 141?
How about a 119
David: yep. As well as a C-7A, C-123, and UH-1.
I think I was ready to get the hell out of that C-123 even before we got off the ground. “Two turning and two burning” with no doors (just straps) makes for one helluva uncomfortable takeoff.
SJ: hat tip to you on the C-119, fella. Never flew in a C-119, much less jumped from one.
Forgot about the 123! That sucked. Hollywood from a Huey was the best. No 0500 call for a 1300 blast plus flying all over NC at low level.
How about a DC3 at Camp Mackall!
How about a C41 (Casa 212)?
How about a Dornier or a CH54?
Never did a Dornier. I did jump a CH54.
I had a balloon blast in Belgium.
No way. Really!!??
I’m jealous.
OAE CPO USN Ret…ROTFLMAO! Thanks.
Pansies. My first tour in the Navy I jumped out of lots of aircraft, never wore a parachute and had every intention of getting back into the aircraft I jumped from.
Of course, it was over water from a helo, just sayin’…
😉
Did I tell you guys the one about the fisherman with the tiny noggin?
So this fisherman goes into a bar down on the wharf. He’s 6’7″, all muscle and great looking, wavy black hair. But his noggin is the size of a grapefruit.
So after a while the bartender can’t help himself and asks, hey buddy what happened, I mean you’re a big good looking guy but you melon is so small. Was it so kinda birth thing?
The fisherman says well, I was out late on night pulling in the nets the last time. I catch and pull in…a mermaid!
She says, I’ll give you three wishes to put me back. So the first I think of being a hard working guy is money so I ask for that. Bam! Right there on the deck is this old sea chest full of jewels and old gold coins from hundreds of years ago. All the wealth I could ever need.
So she asks my second wish. I was a shrimp of a guy and never good looking. So I says to her I want to be a big strapping good looking man that the ladies will fall all over. Bam! I look in the window reflection and I’m 6’7″, all muscles, hollywood good looks.
So she says what’s you last wish. I said well you know I work hard every day. I never get out for dates and haven;t had a girl friend in ages. Do you think I could have sex with you?
She says as you can see I’m a fish from the waist down so that’s physically impossible.
So I said, Okay then…how bout a little head.
cue the 12″ pianist…
See below.
If none of you noticed, those craters that form the ‘hairdo’ of the Lady of the Moon are actually the shape of a squirrel.
Yes, people, I did, indeed, photograph the Secret Galactic Headquarters of the Society of Secret Squirrels. I saw it. I photographed it. And now, they’re staring accusingly at me through my window. And I know what they’re thinking: is NOTHING sacred any more?
y’know, in Japan they see a rabbit in the Moon, not a man – e ver since I heard that and saw it their way, Ihave a hell f a time seeing the Man in the Moon – I just see the rabbit. Nicely captured shot, by the way.
Thank you!
If y’all ever post a pic of a full moon, will it be with or without a flannel-lined leather thong?
What time local was that?
HH6 and I looked at around 23:30 pacific and saw a crescent less than half of that in your photo.
It was about 19 minutes earlier than your time.
One time, a lady walks into a bar. She sits by the solitary man drinking a beer and says, “I’m new here. What’s good to drink?” The man takes a sip of his beer and says, “This place has magic beer.” “Magic beer?” Says the lady, “I don’t believe in magic.” The man finishes his beer and says to the lady, “Follow me.”
The pair walk upstairs to the roof of the bar. The man jumps off the roof and commences to fly around the building two or three times. Landing on the roof, he looks at the lady and says, “See – Magic beer.”
The lady is amazed. She runs back down into the bar and says, “Give me a magic beer! The biggest magic beer you’ve got!” The bartender brings her a large stein of beer and she downs it in one gulp. Belching, she runs up the stairs to the roof, jumps off and plummets to her death.
The man, now back on his bar stool, orders another beer. As the bartender brings it to him he says, “Y’know, you can be a real asshole when you’re drunk Superman.”
Because my son is having a superhero theme birthday party today, I dedicate this to him…
“Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He’s flying over Wonder Woman’s house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She’s lying there and squirming around looking real hot.
Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole’ in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he’s out of there.
Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, “What was that?” The invisible man says, “I don’t know but, damn, is my ass sore.”
😀
BWAAHHAAA
Okay folks, I need some help.
Of those of you Army types still in uniform (or retired), what can you tell me of the Army’s Army Comprehensive Soldier & Family Fitness program? (To my understanding, its a form of resilience training to help overcome stress).
It’s for a research project, and I’m looking for opinions of whether or not anyone has participated in the program and if you think there’s any efficacy to it.
I know… it’s a broad subject, but just trying to get some insight into the program.
USMCE8, sorry, never heard of that program. I retired 22 years ago from the Army and it must be something that has emerged since the advent of the computer. Our way of dealing with stress was to run an extra five miles during PT and then take a cold shower at the tracked vehicle wash rack.
No it doesn’t have any efficiency to it. All it does is piss off the people that are forced to attend.
I looked at the manual online, and it looks a lot like the DA Pam “Family Fitness” that went along with the Army Physical Training manual.
Bar jokes?
This man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. When the bartender delivers the beer, the man takes a small piano out of his pocket, followed by a very small piano stool, and a little man about 9 inches tall. He puts the little man on the stool, and immediately, the little man begins playing the little piano.
“That’s amazing,” says the bartender to his customer. “Where’d you get that little guy?”
The customer says, “Well, I walking along this road one day, minding my own business, and I heard someone yelling for help. I looked around all over, and finally saw this leprechaun stuck in the mud in a deep ditch. So I hauled him out, brushed him off, and gave him his hat. He was so grateful to me for rescuing him that he said I could have anything I wanted.”
The bartender nods and says, “So he made you wealthy?”
“No,” says the customer. “I think he must have misunderstood me becuase he gave me a 9 inch pianist.”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Tip the waitress a lot.
but the waitress thought he was 12″ tall because all her life she had been told 6″ was a foot long?
Dammit David! That’s my joke.
Two stutterers are sitting in a bar trying to place an order….the lady bartender is quite amused and offers the following bet…she says, “If either one of you can tell me your hometown without stuttering, I’ll satisfy you orally…”
First guys says, “spring fa fa fa field…”
Bartender laughs and says, “not a chance fella”
Second guy says, “Chicopee”
Bartender says, “Damn you win”
As she’s finishing up the second guys says, “Fa fa fa Falls”
I’ll be here all week folks…
A man came to his Doctor saying “D-D-D-Doctor, I-I’ve had th-his s-s-s-stut-terring p-pproblem a-all of m-my l-l-ife, c-can y-y-you h-help m-m-me?”
The Doctor examined him and gave his prognosis, “Sir, your stuttering problem is a result of your penis being three inches too long, and it can easily be corrected via routine surgery.”. He agreed, the surgery was done, and he came back six weeks later saying “Doctor, my stuttering problem is completely gone, but I have another. I can no longer keep my Wife, Mistress, or Secretary sexually satisfied, speech be damned, I want my three inches back!!”. The doctor looked him straight in the eye and said :
“F-F-F-FUCK YOU!!!”
Ex-PH2…Gold, Solid Gold!
I don’t get it…
Here … I got a great joke … Ready!
Bernath …
That is fuctking hilarious!
A big, strong guy walks into a bar and immediately starts letting everyone there know how strong and tough he is.
The bartender, annoyed, tells the guy to pipe down.
The guy refuses.
The bartender tosses the big guy a lemon. “Here, fella – squeeze everything out of that lemon you can. Afterwards, that little guy over there will prove you’re not that tough. He’ll be able to squeeze out more after you’re done. If he does, you STFU. If not, you drink for free the rest of the day.”
The big guy grabs the lemon, and squeezes it for 5 min straight.
“Not bad,” the bartender says. “Hey, Bernie? Got a sec?”
The little, bespectacled thin guy walks over. “What’s up, Bill?” he says to the bartender.
“Bernie, can you get more out of this?” the bartender says, handing him the squeezed-flat lemon the big guy just crushed.
“Well, let’s see.” Bernie grabs the lemon, and in no time at all squeezes out a teaspoon more juice.
“Damn!” says the big guy. He starts to leave, then turns to the little guy.
“Hey, bud – what the hell do you do for a living?”
Bernie smiles at him and says, “I work as an auditor for the IRS. I can always squeeze a little bit more out of anything.”
HOW COLD IS IT where you’re at right now?
Three Eskimos were ragging on each other one winter day as to who had THE coldest igloo. The first one says “Come to mine, I’ll put you to shame!”. Once inside, the first Eskimo undid his fly, urinated on the floor, but it hit as yellow ice cubes. The second says “That’s nothing, let’s go!” Once at his igloo, he dropped his drawers and defecated, but it made a crackling noise and hit the floor with a *CLUNK!*. The third Eskimo said “I’ve got you both beat, let’s go!!” Once at his igloo, he pulled what looked like a brown piece of dryer lint out of his bedsheet and held it over a lit candle, that’s when it melted and went “*FAAAART!*”
YEAH, THAT COLD!! Hey, I heard about it over the internet, YOU CAN’T lie there, can you?
Hmmm. Was just digging through an old jewelery box and and came across a POW-MIA bracelet I wore back in the 60’s. Name on it is PHC Henry Herrin, 1-2-68. I found him here: http://www.virtualwall.org/dh/HerrinHH01a.htm
Ironic given the other person we’ve been talking about.
@SJ~
Today must be the day for memory Lane. I did the same thing and found my MIA/POW bracelet too.
I got my from a Viet Nam Vet that was a pal of my dad’s when I left for Cape May in 1987.
His name is SGT. Richard C. Dority.
His Unit went missing on or around 11/3/70.
I found him here: http://www.virtualwall.org/dd/DorityRC01a.htm
RIP Soldier. You will never be forgotten.
These two ladies still have it going, and a great cover tribute to one of the greatest acts in rock and roll
http://youtu.be/8e2fJfiddx4
Dang. No lie!
Zepplin by Heart, I had a crush on them for a while there back in the day …
🙂
Okay you’ve heard it before I’m telling it again.
This Montana rancher is driving out checking his fences and sees a hitch hiker. He gives the guy a lift. What’s your name he asked. The hitcher says, Bernath. The rancher says you must have been on the road a while buddy, you go that dead rat on your face. Bernath says, no I like it. It makes me look like the Navy guy in the “Village People”. The rancher says, the village who…what? Then the rancher hits the brakes and pulls over. There in the fence is one of his sheep with his head caught in the barbed wire. So he gets out, goes over, looks up and down the road and then yanks his pants down and tears the sheep a new ass hole. When he’s done he yells over to the truck, Hey you uhm…village idiot! You want some of this? Bernath starts running from the truck to the fence yelling sure I’d love some…but…do I have to stick my head in the barbed wire?
Speaking of skydiving and all you Airborne Troops. I remember and learned something along the same lines.
In my earlier, younger days in telecommunications I had to climb telephone poles. I learned two things that are absolutely, positively true. Gravity…is a bitch AND it works EVERY TIME!
And don’t gaff out!
And if you do gaff out, push off. The fall isn’t nearly as bad as the creosote splinters will be.
Only thing I ever gaffed up were live trees about to come down… You can climb all the poles you want, not me.
Sparks seems to have double posted this. As a said above: Creosote splinters burn like hell.
Zero Ponsdorf…first time I cut out I did the natural human thing, I bear hugged that pole. Splinters from legs to chin. Next time I did fall away. But that’s long story for another time. I was taught to climb free handed, three point contact at all times, then belt in with the “scare strap” once I go to working height. Then belt out and free hand down. Knew a lot of guys who climbed with their belt. Kept their knees too close to the pole and that is the deadly mistake that causes a cut out. Gaff should sink in at a low angle towards the heart of the pole. Knees too close, angle gets too high and before you can blink, you are on the ground. Like I wrote…Gravity…is a BITCH and it works EVERY time!
Sparks. It depended on the pole. I worked for cable companies so we had gear attached to various size poles. The lowest service on the things. I free handed ‘regular’ poles and used the belt for those big old power poles that I could barely reach around. I swear I was picking out creosote splinters long after I’d last climbed a pole??
First choice was a bucket truck.
Mid span attachments with a hooked ladder were frequently entertaining. BOING, BOING!
Thanks for the memories.
I think yesterday was National Lineman Day?
Zero Ponsdorf…Yes I remember the big diameter power poles I had to belt into because of lack of reach. Some of them had been soaked in a hardener that made me have to really stomp to set my gaff. I also remember mid-span work on hooked ladders. I remember cutting a drop under tension (being on the wrong side of the tension). Had I not been belted into and through the ladder and the span, it would have bucked me off in a hurry. Don’t know why I set my ladder on the tension side to this day. It was a wild ride for a while though!
I’ve been hiding under a rock, so I suppose I’m the last person to know this, but thought I’d mention it anyway.
I was looking at a copy of a movie on eBay, and found it was rated “R” for sundry violence and — this is what caught my attention — “…the presence of weapons.”
Have any of you seen anything like that in ratings classifications for movies? This was the first time I’ve seen that particular phrasing.
One, if not all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies were marked down for “swashbuckling action”.
I swear, they make this up as they go.
Pinto- little quick research says that some of the usual psychobabble groups now contend that the mere presence of weapons in a movie can lead to increased levels of violence, and that modern PG13 movies are far more violent than most R-rated movies (considering the raters primarily focus on sex, that’s not a shock.) the label is probably in response to that? Just a guess.
Did someone mention my beloved C130? Best ride in the AF (or anywhere else, for that matter).
Stinky canvas birds and SMALL….like the Chevy Cruze of the air fleet.
C-141 Starlifter…thankyouverymuch…..
C-5 made me sweat and my back hurt….
C-17 not lovin’ the hard blue plastic seats.
If you’re sitting up front. If you’re a self-propelled, semi-steerable door bundle, not so much.
Even if Chevy is flying it? 🙂
I think that’s the case when I’d really want to be wearing a T-10 . . . .
http://www.ebay.com/itm/US-military-army-jacket-Filled-with-patches-Medals-Pins-Ribbon-WWll-Great-shape-/291127629616?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43c88f1730
I normally don’t post links. Above is an EBAY auction for a WWII Army Jacket with SSG rank. It also is selling a ribbon rack. Looks like it has a BSM on it. The auction is at $150.00 for a starting bid. This would be a poser’s dream, cause then they can say they bought a cool jacket off of Ebay and didn’t know what they were doing…..
Anyway thought some of ya’ll would like to see this.
That’s actually kind of sad seeing things like that. That jacket (and the assorted goodies with it) is part of somebody’s history and if it could talk, could probably tell a hell of a story. I always hate seeing stuff like that. Call me a packrat or self-absorbed, but I’ve always felt that items such as this should be kept by the families to remember and honor the ones who wore it instead of tossed out like ordinary garage sale junk.
NBC, I have alot of my Grandfathers items. ie (Ribbon Rack, OD Coat, Dress Uniform Items) They are staying in my house. No matter what I have to get rid of because I don’t have room, too bad. I’m proud of him and proud to have his items. They will never leave my possession until I pass. Then hopefully someone from my family will inherit them and protect them with the same pride I have.
Jon – You are a GO at this station!
I know people who have never met their grandparents. That’s how this happens — the breaking down and breaking apart of families. And if the people that clean out nana’s and grandpa’s house don’t know what they’re dealing with, then that uniform and those medals become just another pile of junk in a box to be thrown out so they can sell the property and go on about their business.
Pinto, that’s sad that people don’t know about their Parents/Grandparents work to keep them free.
I remember seeing ‘Platoon’ in the movie theater. The only thing I remember is that my Grandfather was weeping. I stood in the aisle trying to console him. He didn’t talk much about Viet Nam, but to see him break down in that theater. I’ll always remember that. He was a Chaplain, so he saw his share of death over there.
I may not know much, but that’s all I have to know.
My father was a WWII vet. Only twice in my life did he ever mention anything serious that he was involved in. He told me about being at Normandy Beach, D-Day +3 (he was a SeaBee). They worked to clear the beach. And he told me about driving some officers to a meeting through a French town during an aerial bombardment. That last one sounds like it could be a joke, except it involved an injured child and wasn’t funny at all.
Those were two of the three times I ever saw my father in tears.
On a separate topic – a guy goes into the doctors office. Doc, I’ve got a real problem. My penis is orange. The doctor examines him, runs blood tests and everything. He can’t seem to find anything wrong, so he asks the guy if has been doing anything different , eating new foods, etc. The guy tells the doc that nothing has really changed except that after his wife left him, he just sits around in his underwear, eating cheetos and watching porn…..
USS Gabrielle Giffords??
They couldn’t find a fighting Sailor, Marine or Seal to name it after??
http://www.kpho.com/story/25278981/construction-underway-for-uss-gabrielle-giffords?hpt=us_bn10
Yer Friday funny: Every one of us has at one point met these doucheclowns at the gun range. Absolutely the funniest video I’ve ever seen.
That’s too real to be funny, HS.
Then what does that make the duffel blog (smile)?
Spot on.
Feel free to laugh at me about this. The first time I saw an article from the Duffel Blog it was linked to something else, and my jaw dropped in horror. I was fortunate — that happened to be one of the times that TAH posted about a Duffel Blog article. Until I read what TAH said about it, I thought it was real. Totally missed the fact it was satire, and almost had a coronary as a result.
Like I said, feel free to laugh at my expense. I am far too literal for my own good sometimes.
First time I saw “Saturday Night Live” they were doing an ad for a supermarket price stamper you could take to the store to decrease grocery costs (Turkey – Five Cents! Pound of Hamburger – TWO cents!) Let’s just say it was a college party and my critical faculties were somewhat challenged… I was looking at this thinking “man, they can’t really be selling this – for real?” for several minutes. ‘Bout 1975 or so…
I know what you’re saying. I always waste time reading the comments on anything I read on the internet, so when I saw my first duffel blog article, I had a vague premonition something was amiss, but I went to comments and realized what I’d been missing. Could have easily gone full retard, though, like so many people in their comment section do (smile).
I like to start shit on Facebook by posting articles from The Onion. Talk about comedy! People lose their shit reading their articles. Matter of fact I think I’ll do that right now, I’m bored.
Forgive me if this double posts, I mistyped my email address on the first post.
The USS Gabrielle Giffords?
They couldn’t find a fighting Sailor, Marine or SEAL to name it after?
http://www.kpho.com/story/25278981/construction-underway-for-uss-gabrielle-giffords?hpt=us_bn10
She etched her initials in the keel of that ship at the shipyard.
Whatever compassion I ever had for this drama queen went right down the tubes with this political stunt. If she had one shred of honor in her, she would have recommended that a WAR SHIP be named after a WARRIOR.
Here’s an extremely short list of DESERVING individuals they could have considered:
http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/believe-in-heroes/warrior-stories.aspx
Pinto Nag: based on her TBI, I’m guessing she may now have significantly diminished capacity and/or judgement.
From a relatively recent news article concerning the former Congresswoman:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/09/politics/giffords-health/
The article goes on to say that she “understands and absorbs everything around her.” Maybe – but I’m not sure I’m quite buying that, given the extent of her injuries. YMMV.
If she puts herself on public display, I don’t have the slightest problem criticizing her if she does something like this.
Having said that, though, I agree with you as to her cognitive disability. So I will also add that I think her husband is using her for a prop for his political asperations.
I agree with your last point, Pinto Nag.
I can make allowances for Giffords due to her known TBI.
I make no such allowance for her husband. If he is indeed using her suffering/current condition to further his own political agenda, that is IMO indeed worthy of contempt.
How do they decide who a ship is going to be named after? Is there some old story or something about, like a myth or legend?
The Secretary of the Navy decides, He is a Big Democrat.
The Gifford pissed off allot of people.
Agreed, PN, Kelly is cynically using her injuries for his own benefit.
I know you guys think all democraps are braindead, and many of them are, but here’s a split from that: Landrieu (D-LA) calls the delay on the Keystone Pipeline unacceptable.
Someone tweeted on it: https://twitter.com/ChadPergram/status/457230361949245440
If jobs are SO important to this clueless administration, then this delay is akin to bodaprez shooting himself in the foot with a red Swingline stapler.
Wait! You have Twitter?!
No, I do not have twitter. It appeared in the ‘breaking news’ section of my front page.
I believe Landrieu’s running for re-election this year, Ex-PH2. She’s vulnerable as hell in LA right now.
LA is among the more conservative states. I’m guessing that – and it’s implications for her reelection prospects – is what’s driving her position here.
Yep.
Stinky is going to mull the pipeline over, until right after the mid-term elections. At which point, he’ll lower the boom, suck up to Tom Steyer and veto the pipeline. This creep doesn’t take a crap without a plan, his delay on the pipeline OK is just a way of giving some cover to dems leading up to the mid-terms.
And yep again.
Say what you want fellas, but I am retired from a C130 unit and op with them whenever I can. I know the maintainers and aircrew and they treat me rigt, and know ust which seat to put my bag on. I’ve flown the others mentioned, but the Herc is still my favorite. Although if the C17 got rid of the hard plastic seat reinforcements, that might sway me 🙂
On the plus side, the C17 has an actual latrine.
On the minus, it has an integrated jump platform and a handhold by the paratroop door. It makes clears to the rear MUCH less dramatic.
Will have to agree on your C-130 assessment, Pam, although, must admit to never having flown on the C-17. Would just rather fly in a proven work horse any day of the week. Plus, every time I’ve tried to get somewhere on a C-141, it took forever due to maintenance delays.
Chip, if we ever meet face to face, remind me to tell you my funny C-5 story. Too “inside baseball” even for an open topic!
Wait…. I’ve got a C-5 story too. It involves an engine run-up and an SP that wouldn’t listen.
I retired too log ago to fly (ride?) the C-17. C-141, C-130, CH-47. My fav was the C-130 though. Felt like I was riding in a good sturdy truck and the trip was always short 🙂 . Worst flight I ever has was a C-141 for Reforger. We hit turbulence and the whole bay turned into a puke fest. I pity that air crew. Never happier to get off of an aircraft.
Worst mil flight I ever had was also in a C141.
The flight itself was pretty uneventful – until we landed. When we landed, we hit hard enough that one of the guys onboard saw light under the wheel of a diesel generator (was either a 15kW or a 30kW) when it bounced.
A number of us might not be here today if those tiedown chains hadn’t held.
The flight on a C-130A (the ANG still had a few A models when I was a youngster) when the bird lost an engine and had to divert and land/RON somewhere unplanned is probably a close second, though. (smile)
@ Ex-PH2
Beautiful picture Ma’am 🙂
Thank you.
How about we do a collection and buy the items so that the proper thing may be done with them? I don’t have the money to buy it myself (I’m having to host our annual Easter gathering) but I’d kick in for a collection. Not sure if it’s a good idea or just a knee jerk reaction due to not having anything of my family history. Thoughts?
So here’s why the new format can be so frustrating – collection of what? Am certain that your comment made perfect sense when it followed whatever originally appeared before it, but after all the additions, I have no clue! (OK – get it out of your systems – the door is WIDE open there!) But it IS rather funny out of context.
Thanks, Val!
@OWB~
I think the Shield Maiden may be talking about this post..
Jon Not to be Confused with Jonn says:
April 18, 2014 at 3:07 pm
http://www.ebay.com/itm/US-military-army-jacket-Filled-with-patches-Medals-Pins-Ribbon-WWll-Great-shape-/291127629616?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43c88f1730
I normally don’t post links. Above is an EBAY auction for a WWII Army Jacket with SSG rank. It also is selling a ribbon rack. Looks like it has a BSM on it. The auction is at $150.00 for a starting bid. This would be a poser’s dream, cause then they can say they bought a cool jacket off of Ebay and didn’t know what they were doing…..
Anyway thought some of ya’ll would like to see this.
Either that or we all take up a collection and buy Ex-PH2’s photos and make a gallery with them 🙂
Either way, I’d donate.
Oh that’s a great idea!
Only if the money goes to a good cause.
I looked at those Ebay items. It looks like a ribbon bar set, plus some insignia buttons, rank badges and a couple of other things, but none of them actually attached to the jacket. I’m hesitant to buy any old uniforms like that, unless they were meant for theatrical costumes.
My dad did ‘Julius Caesar’ in modern dress, with Caeasar in an Army uniform, but I think the uniform actually belonged to the actor. And Ian McKellen did ‘Richard III’ in a 1930s pre-WWII mode of dress. Richard, as you may recall, died on the battlefield.
The new format is confusing at times, and I posted at the bottom instead of replying on the comment so it would be seen. Sorry about that. I’ve got to learn how to quote stuff like Thebesig does.
Thanks Toasty, that was what I was talking about.
Val, hope that didn’t come off as my being critical of you! I was laughing mostly because I found my own comments doing the same thing. Makes for interesting reading sometimes.
Oh no. I knew what you were saying. Besides I was raised with all men, I’ve got thicker skin than that. I survived Wickre after all. Speaking about the old crotch sniffer, I believe Toasty has some recent news involving “The Lucky Sperm Club”. Toasty?
Wicktard has an email posted on Poop Muffin Picklehead’s webslime.
http://www.aspecialdayguide.com/bernathresume.htm
@Valky~
Anytime ma’am…check your fb..I sent you how to do the quote box thingy.
There’s this judge who works in the city but takes a train home every night to the ‘burbs, one night he gets absolutely plowed to the point where he pukes all over himself. He sneaks into his house in the wee hours of the morning and throws his clothes into the hamper and climbs into bed. The next day he begins remembering what happened the night before, so he thinks up a story to tell his wife when he gets home. He tells her “Yesterday you wouldn’t believe what happened to me, there was this drunk fellow sitting next to me on the train and he threw up all over me. Just by chance he showed up in court this morning so I gave him thirty days in jail!!”. His wife responds “Well you should’ve given him sixty because he shit in your pants as well”.
LOLZ!
Bernasty has almost certainly tried this one before.
A man woke up the morning after a “Bender” with his friends feeling like his head was about to explode, but on the bedside table was a glass of water, some aspirin, and a note from his Wife, “Dave, darling, I hope you recover from your night out with your friends. Dorothy and I went shopping for a while but your clothes are ready and so is breakfast, just put it in the microwave. Love and kisses, Sally”. He went downstairs and upon seeing his son, he asked “Jimmy, what did I do last night when I got home?” His Son said “Well dad, your friends drooped you off at 3:30 in the morning, that’s when you pissed on Mom’s rose bush, puked on the doorstep, and when you came in, you almost knocked the china cabinet over.”. The Dad asked “So why is your Mom being so nice to me?” to which the Son replied “Probably because every time she tried to take your clothes off, you shook her off and yelled “LEAVE ME ALONE, LADY, I’M A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN!!”.
Thank’yuh, thank’yuh ver’ much!
Bernath is not, has never been nor will he ever be a Genuine or Honorary CPO. PERIOD.
Looks like people don’t want them White House folks showing up at things like high school graduation, after all.
http://news.msn.com/us/kansas-speech-by-michelle-obama-draws-complaints
I hate the new format. I want to be able to see the latest posts. Yeah the nested thread thing could be useful but not for me. JMHO. And, it’s Jonn’s $ and hospitality that lets me be here. I’ll go color.
Over.
I agree. However, Jonn’s house and rules.
You know what you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A dead rabbit with a two-foot wide asshole.
Glenda the good witch of the East came across a young elephant, weeping and very sad. “What ever is the matter, dear?” she asked. “Can’t you see?”, said the elephant. “I’m yellow, and all the other elephants in Oz are pink, and they shun me!” “There there, young lady, I’ll help you.” And with a wave of her wand the elephant was transformed from yellow to pink! She was so happy, she ran off to join the herd to play in the elephant games.
A bit later, Glenda came across a yellow frog, also miserable. Again, Glenda asked what the matter was, and the frog replied, “Can’t you see? I’m yellow! All the other frogs are green, and they shun me!” “There there.” Glenda said, and waved her wand again. The frog was green! Except for one part. “Hey, you forgot my private bits!” said the frog. “I’m a witch, and I can only do so much for a male. To fix the rest you’ll have to see the Wizard in Oz.” said Glenda. Rather grumpily, the frog hopped of on his way to Oz.
Soon, a Tin Man, a Scarecrow, and a young lady appeared. Glenda was surprised to see the trio, and asked what they were doing so far from home. Dorothy, the young lady said, “Ma’am, we are lost and seeking the Wizard in Oz. Can you help us?”
“Of course!” said Glenda “Follow the yellow prick toad!”
Ta-dum!
Crash BernCOOT – eats crayons and rolls his turds in little balls!
Phildo takes it in the ass.
More to follow……
Dammit! Double dog dammit! I can not figure out how in the hell I’ve posted YouTube videos in the past. Anywho will someone please post Rodney Carrington’s video “Show them to me”, for me. Everyone else y’all just pretend that it was me that posted it.
If I ever get a dog or another cat, I will name him/her/it Dammit.
“Show Them to Me | Rodney Carrington YouTube” on YouTube
Show Them to Me | Rodney Carrington YouTube: http://youtu.be/vYMvKqWuEkA
Oh sure! Now it does it.
Hit the ‘enter’ key after you type in the title, then paste in the link.
Hit the ‘enter’ key after you type in the title.
Then past the link.
My Saturday morning McDonalds Adventure. Now, I think people from Oregon and Idaho are by and large good, solid folks. Except…for the category I call Oregon “Onion Heads” and Idaho “Potato Heads”. Those are the ones who check their brains and driving skills at the state line weigh station. This morning as I approach I see no cars at Mcds. Cool I think. As I pull in, an Idaho “Potato Head” cuts me off racing to the drive through. Kinda pissed me off but I said hey it’s early no need for upset. Now I am not the lean fighting weight I once was but THIS heifer was REALLY putting the driver side shocks to the test. In the SUV with her are her five mouthy rug rats and a yapping little piece of shit dog. The whole time she is ordering for all of them the yapping dog is hanging out her window…yapping. The girl inside kept having to ask her to repeat herself. She hands the dog to rug rat in the passenger seat who immediately lets it go and back to the driver’s window it went. She FINALLY places an order for $43 and change!!! Including all the McDonalds kids toys for the little mouthy ass holes in the SUV. She pulls up to the pay window and it’s taking forever. Why? BECAUSE SHE’S WRITING A FUCKING CHECK!!! The girl says, “we don’t take out of state checks. What does this Rhodes Scholar do…she hands her her driver’s license and says “I got my license right here!” The girl again says, “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t take out of state checks.” By now I am chewing on the steering wheel. Shaking it and talking loudly to myself. I’m thinking I know you’re a Potato Head but if you have a checking account, surely you have a debit card. Guess what? She pulls out a debit card!!! HAHAHa I am laughing in disgust and anger to myself. Then comes the dreaded, dreaded delivery window. A $43 order is nothing to sneeze at. They start handing her bags… Read more »
Sorry about that, I didn’t feel like cooking breakfast. 🙂
Valkyrie, You are WAY TOO SMART to be and Idaho “Potato Head” sweetheart. 😀 Besides, you’re pretty. This woman was uglier than a used, wet baby diaper.
Thanks doll. Haha!
The ugliest woman I have ever seen is working as the table cleaner at my goto restaurant out on the highway. She’s short, she’s wider than a hippo in heat, she has a face that looks like her mother smacked her with a shovel and she has long hair.
Every time I see her, I wonder what the hell she did in a previous life to have that physiognomy visited upon her.
She was clearing the tables on Thursday evening when I went there to get a cheeseburger with raw on the side and really crisp fries. As she strolled by with the bus cart, she started singing ‘Cielito Lindo’ in an incredibly fine soprano voice. Then she saw me an started laughing and I cracked up. She also had a stunningly beautiful smile.
Ugly is as ugly does.
On Thursday night, I went to my goto restaurant to get a cheeseburger with raw on the side. It’s close and convenient and I can waste a few minutes watching TV.
There is a woman who works there clearing the tables. She’s short. She’s as wide as a hippo in heat. She has long, dark hair. And she has a face that looks like her mother smacked her with a shovel.
She was filling up the bussing cart when I got there and sat at the counter. I smiled at her when I saw her, and she smiled back, but I wondered what she had done in a previous life to have this physiognomy visited upon her.
As she finished the tables and walked by me, pushing the cart, she started singing ‘El Cielito Lindo’ in an incredible soprano voice. Then she looked at me and grinned and I cracked up. She had an equally beautiful smile.
Ugly is what ugly does.
Ex-PH2 Thank you. Sometimes I need a reminder. I too can be an “ugly” person at times.
I know your pain, Sparks. Seems I am sharing the road (and the drive through) with so many more Potato Heads than before. Yeah, I live in Idaho, so I usually call them…wait for it…
DUMBASSES!
Lurker Curt. In Oregon, the interstate speed is 65MPH. When the “Onion Heads” get up here, they still do 65 in the 70. Then in town they do 30 in a 35, 35 in a 45 and so on.
Plus they will make me sit through 2 green lights because they are looking around like they just fell off the turnip truck. I guess that whole “go on the green light” business will absolutely outsmart some folks. Additionally we have these roundabouts in places instead of 4 way stops. They are faster and more efficient. Except for the Potato and Onion Heads. Now at the roundabout you yield to traffic to your left. AND it means YIELD not SURRENDER. They come to a complete stop if someone on the other side of the roundabout comes in and they wait. I could have pulled an 18 wheeler through in the time they had. Again, a real steering wheel chewing experience. I’m gonna have to get one of those after market leather covers for mine to hide the teeth marks! 😀
You’ve just articulated why I refuse to do drive-thru. That and the folks there are far less likely to fuck up my order when they’ve seen my face, and I’ve seen theirs. (smile)
Bernath is not, never was nor will he ever be a Genuine or Honorary CPO. PERIOD!
Dennis Chevalier will never answer any question I have. PERIOD!
William Church will never be a Ranger. PERIOD!
Frank Visconi will never figure out a clue after five courts each told him NO! PERIOD!!
Christopher Duke will never pull his head out of his ass! PERIOD!
And the list goes on…
Love song from ShORtBuS41 to Bernath.
(Sung to the tune of Jim Reeve’s “He’ll Have TO Go”)
Get those sweet lips a little tighter round my bone
Let’s pretend we’re fucking sweetly all alone
I’ll tell that fag to turn his gay porn way down low
And you can tell that queer behind you to do it slow
Whisper to me tell me will you suck me blue
Or is he butt blastin’ you the way I do
Though love is blind make up your mind I need a blow
Should I zip up or will you tell him to pull out slow
You can’t say the words I want to hear
When your butt’s full of other men
Are you going to swallow yes or no
Bernie I will understand
Get those sweet lips a little tighter round my bone
Let’s pretend we’re fucking sweetly all alone
I’ll tell that fag to turn his gay porn way down low
And you can tell that queer behind you…to…pull…out…slow
Apologies all around to all the ladies in the room for language.
Screw that. Half of the airplane is looking at me and wondering if we’re going back to the gate, I’m laughing so hard.
Guess where I’m going, Bernath????
We live in a Great nation that. We have the right to worship as we choose, or even choose not to.
Happy Easter to Everyone.
Please take a moment or two to remember our Nations Defenders who are not able to be with US at home this Easter.
Peace
Enigma4you…Happy Easter to you as well. Yes we live in the greatest nation in history. God bless those serving who cannot be home for Easter.
I am going to hell.
I am in Sacramento, Me and the wonder dog took a walk last night. It was during the flash light Easter egg Hunt at the Campground I am at.
While this sounds like a good idea, not every one picks up after their dogs.
Lots of kids had a Nasty Surprise when they tried to pick up the Brown eggs.
I was just watching and Laughing.
On the bright side the wonder dog found several real eggs and now is listed with the State of Commiefornia and toxic.
Sorry, the train to hell is full….anyway honorable people like you are not wanted on that train.
This is to all the lovely ladies of TAH. Happy Easter to each of you gals! When I think of all of you and your loveliness and sweetness, you bring to mind my childhood thoughts of Easter baskets full of Easter Eggs, Jelly Beans and Chocolate Rabbits. They all looked too good to eat but I did anyway. They were also so very sweet and I usually had an upset stomach by the end of the day.
Uhm…Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope that post came out on paper the way I intended it, which was sincere and innocent. I guess I need to be more thoughtful of my wording.
@Sparks~
It came out perfect 🙂
Thank you for the nice wishes and compliments.
Happy Easter to you as well and I hope the Easter Bunny leaves you and your family beautiful baskets filled with love, laughter and good health…
And chocolate and peeps too 😀