Scranton Man Charged with Stolen Valor

| January 25, 2020 | 37 Comments

Chris Crawford

The news organization PAHomePage reports that the District Attorney Mark Powell of Lackawanna County, Pennsylvania announced Friday that charges were filed against 31-year-old Chris Crawford for misrepresenting himself as a member of the military.

The new charges against Crawford of “Misrepresentation of Military Service or Honors” and “Misrepresentation of Decoration or Medal.”

…..

The article says…

In his statement, [District Attorney] Powell said, “The conduct alleged in this case – masquerading as a combat veteran in order to infiltrate and steal funds from an American Legion post – is breathtakingly brazen and unprecedented in my almost 30 years of practicing criminal law in Lackawanna County. It’s an affront to every veteran who has defended our great nation.”

Crawford joined Post 568 under the guise that he was a combat veteran.

After accessing Chris Crawford’s military files, it was revealed that Crawford spent two months and twenty-five days in boot camp starting in April of 2007. Crawford went absent without leave (AWOL) from C Company 2-54th Infantry in Fort Benning, Georgia.

Crawford was “Discharged under Other Than Honorable Conditions” in November 2007 and according to the DA’s office – is not considered to be a member of the military.

Category: Army Poser, Stolen Valor

Comments (37)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. 5th/77th FA says:

    No time for half measures on this piece of shit, lying, Valor Thieving, Trash from Trailer Park Hell Chris Crawford. Saw his ass on the linky from last night.

    Let me be the FIRST to call for an immediate deployment of the Hemisphere of Insults on this mofo. Can I get a SECOND and an AYE?

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      SECOND! DO IT BAYBEE!!!

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      AYE!!!

      • ChipNASA says:

        Alrighty guys, sorry for the delay.
        Happy Monday.
        I hope Christopher is ready, because he’s about to be full up like the cum dumpster that he is.
        I hope you enjoy this because Chrissy Poo, you certainly deserve this and MORE!!~!

        “Grab your sicks and hold on to you cocks boys!!!…”

        The Hemisphere of Insults®™
        (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
        FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
        TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
        THREE PASS AIRCRAFT BOMB RUN!!!!!
        DANGER CLOSE!!!!
        MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
        TAKE COVER!!!!!
        … Chris (Piss Lick) Crawford (I wish 1 million Crawfish would invade your asshole, and by the way just FYI, Crayfish and crawfish are both grammatically acceptable, so you learned something today) …HEY DICKLESS WONDER, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shit slurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, Pudwhack, I mean, what in the roll tide, only has sex with family after Nascar, butt chugging box wine, mushy meth mouth, mountain dew snorting, corn dog anal injecting, only listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd when making cornbread, fuck, is going on, Fucking less worthwhile, hairier, dirtier and uglier than Hillary Clinton’s taint, if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butterIf you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand,

        • ChipNASA says:

          “Grab your socks and hold on to your cocks boys!!!…”

          GODDAMN IT CHIP, GET. IT. RIGHT…..

          OK, that being said, and we continue….

          “… Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine , Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav,
          is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, …

          • ChipNASA says:

            ….Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip, this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby,Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), Technically and as determined by his inability to complete basic training and by District Attorney Mark Powell of Lackawanna County, Pennsylvania, you are not a legit member of the military so then by extrapolation, not a veteran, LOSER FUCK!!, Liar, Cheater, Theif, Scumbag ass wipe, You are an absent without leave (AWOL) shitbag, you were kicked to the curb by the military with a discharge characterized as “Discharged under Other Than Honorable Conditions”, so you got THAT going for you, which is nice, AND to boot, you had an enviable attempt to join the military with a WHOPPING two months and twenty-five days before your cowardly, my-6-year-old-daughter has more guts, tenacity, courage and stamina than you *ever* will, you were NOT a Combat Veteran, you were NOT Infantry, You did not rate or earn a CIB, Combat Infantry Badge, you outright STOLE more than $16,700 from American Legion Post 568, and for that you deserve eternal earthly sodomy of all orifices, May or may not be employed at a place called “BJ’s Garage”, of which, we all know why and how you may have duties for which you’re responsible there, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive,
            should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle,what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, …

            • ChipNASA says:

              Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT:
              Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag; erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire.
              If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
              We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
              OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
              /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
              The Hemisphere of Insults®™
              https://imgur.com/nGqi3aR

              FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
              Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
              Here endeth the lesson.

              Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

              So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

  2. Mason says:

    Didn’t even make the Gunga Dan line.

  3. STSC(SW/SS) says:

    Change your name to Cindy to match your new role as prison bitch.

  4. ninja says:

    Some more interesting tidbts on this Dude:

    (1) American Legion Officers at Post 568 in Minooka, PA said Crawford joined under the guise of being a Combat Veteran. He wore a hat displaying a Combat Infantry Badge, which is awarded only to Infantrymen who have engaged in active ground combat and held himself out to be a Veteran of War.

    (2) He declared Veterans status on his application to the state Department of Transportation for a Nondriver’s photo identification card. He is NOT considered to be a Veteran because of his Other Than Honorable Discharge.

    (3) He was originally arrested last Summer and accused of stealing more than $16,700 from American Legion Post 568 by using Post Debit Cards to make unauthorized cash withdrawals and purchases between March and August.

    (4) He served as Post 568’s Executive Officer in Charge of Memberships and Recruitment after transferring from a Post in Pittsburgh, PA (Which means he conned that Post as well).

    (5) He went AWOL in June 2007 from Fort Benning, GA while attending Infantry Basic Training. He finally surrendered after 4 months at Fort Drum, NY in November 2007 and was transferred to Fort Knox, KY to face possible Court-Martial charges. In December 2007, he received a Discharge Under Other Than Honorable Conditions in lieu of a Trial by Court-Martial.

    https://www.military.com/daily-news/2020/01/25/man-accused-stealing-american-legion-hit-new-charges.html

    No telling what else he claimed or did. Suspect he may have altered his original DD214 or created a new one to be accepted into two (2) American Legion Posts.

    Sadly, he is NOT the FIRST Dude who has pulled this stunt. Unfortunately, there may be more out there.

    🤔😝

  5. ninja says:

    This is interesting.

    Unless this is old, Facebook for the American Legion Post 568 still identifies Crawford as their Adjutant.

    It also looks as if there is a picture of him shaking hands with another individual at a Legion event.

    https://m.facebook.com/minookalegion/

  6. ninja says:

    Am pretty sure the Dude was also the Business Manager and Chief Strategy Officer of this Company in Stranton, PA (one can see his picture at the link):

    https://www.bjsgarage570.com/contact

  7. penguinman000 says:

    This is why every vet org should do two (3) basic things.

    1. Vet every new member. DD-214, FOIA, etc… If something is hinky no membership until it is cleared up.

    2. The books should be open to every member at any time for any reason.

    3. Periodic 3rd party audits.

    My VFW post instituted all three (3) of these rules after some shenanigans a number of years ago (prior to my joining). It has been smooth sailing ever since.

    • Dennis - not chevy says:

      Agreed; and it’s not that hard. I’ve had to tell a few applicants at my local VSO they were not eligible. I just said that I was sorry and it wasn’t personal. I then steer them to other groups for which they may be eligible. Only once did it almost get physical, the applicant started in about his Bronze Star, Navy Cross, and Silver Star. I pegged him as a phony, not just because of the order in which he named them, but he resembled a walrus more than a SEAL. I told him to come back with his 214 and be welcomed aboard – I haven’t seen him since.

      Getting back to the point; every VSO needs to take the minute it takes to verify and kick out everyone who is not eligible.

  8. Skippy says:

    Shit bag
    Wash out
    Was it even worth it
    Enjoy your google fame

  9. AW1Ed says:

    It should be quite obvious by now, but LsoS Valor Thieves usually aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed- don’t put yourselves in a position where TAH’s ninjas take an interest in you.

    Your every sin will be exposed, and the interwebs are forever. We have the best ninjas. Right, Christopher Michael Crawford?

  10. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    Here’s hoping that the Judge throws the book at him as soon as he gets convicted and he has plenty of warm dates with Bubba, Thor, Julio and “Tiny Tyrone” before they pimp him out to the rest of the cell block!

  11. ninja says:

    MORE Tidbits on the Dude and how he did it (Conned the Legion and Steal $$$$):

    (1) Dude used an American Legion Post 658 Debit Card to make unauthorized cash withdrawals as well as purchases at Bars, Fast Food Restaurants and Pharmacies.

    (2) Reports indicate that he was very knowledgable about Legions and how they operate. He told the Legion that their Books were very messy and their money handling needed to be revamped because it was being handled “old school” and not documented properly.

    (3) In February 2019, he became the Executive Officer in Charge of Membership and Recruitment. Since the Members were told by Crawford that the Post Accounts were “messy”, all new Officers to the Legion to include Crawford closed the Old accounts and opened New Accounts, which means Crawford had access to the New Accounts and a Legion Debit Card.

    (4) In August 2019, the Bar Administrator noticed discrepancies in the Balance of their Accounts.

    (5) The Treasurer reviewed the Legions Bank Statements and found unauthorized purchases and cash withdrawals from Crawford’s Legions Debit Card. Crawford had stolen over $10,000 from June-August 2019 for his own personal use.

    https://www.pressreader.com/usa/the-times-tribune/20190824/281603832125569

    • ninja says:

      Yep. He was a member of that Post before he joined 658.

      Too Funny that he is credited himself with the 10th Mountain Division at Fort Drum, NY (the Patch is in the picture My, My, My provided). That is where he turned himself in after going AWOL from Fort Benning.

      😅😆😉😎

  12. ninja says:

    Gee Whiz.

    This Dude has a History.

    AWOL.

    And now it looks as if he was also arrested in PA in 2016 AND 2017 as well as 2019. Possibly 2008.

    Name is Christopher Michael Crawford, age 31. DOB is listed in this link as well as the information provided above. All Public information.

    https://www.vinelink.com/#/search

  13. ninja says:

    For those who use Facebook:

    My, My, My provided the link to his Photo and Crawford’s Facebook account:

    https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10159582621985346&set=ecnf.885840345&type=3&theater

    He said he joined the Army in 2007 and left in 2009 and was an 11B, Infantry.

    He also states ” I have a particular set of skills”.

    He sure does. Can you guess what those skills are?

    😉😎

  14. 3/10/MED/b says:

    I haven’t posted on here for a while, but when an idiot sports the 10th Mountain patch in dishonor, I gotta sound off.

    Wilted Willy, how are you doing?

  15. 26Limabeans says:

    I would never join an org. that did not require
    a background check. Just sayin.

  16. M48DAT says:

    I would never sport a CIB because I didn’t earn it and my Infantry buds would beat me to death said the Armor soldier.

  17. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    No sockpuppets in quite a while, they don’t make posers like they used to!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *