Top 10 Character Witnesses/Testifiers that Mathis should call at his sham hearing:
10) Joshua Key will be testifying on the use of 6-inch .50 cal rounds to ignite gasoline a la Die Hard II. He will also provide evidence that Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters are part of the Bush Family Evil Empire, out to malign his totally awesome war stories.
9) Chanan Suarez Diaz will testify about Death Missions where you take units without officers, and send then out to chum the water for bad guys. Also, how Marine units debate whether to go on patrol by democracy, and how they all respect and cherish the wise advice of their corpsman.
8 ) Jesse Adam MacBeth with testify on his time in the R-r-r-r-anger S-s-s-s-pecial Forces G-g-g-g-g-s-17 C-c-c-c-lassified units where they k-k-k-k-k-illed lots of I-i-i-i-i-raqis.
7) Live via teleconference from Caracas, Jimmy Massey will be testifying about killing civilians and then shoving them into tractor trailers. It is expected he will relay how “the scene was so bad ‘that the plasma from the body and skin was decomposing and literally oozing out of the crevices of the tractor-trailer bed.’”
6) Geoff Millard and Adam Kokesh will be doing a joint appearance discussing the rank structure, and how it’s not important what rank you actually are so long as you give yourself a one grade promotion in public appearances. Also, how the US military official position is that “F’ing Hadji’s can’t drive.” (Rumors that Millard and Kokesh are the same person, like Quatto from Total Recall are mere internet rumors. Check Snopes for details.)
5) Chris Arendt will talk about his service as the highest ranking E4 in history, Superintendant of Camp Delta at Gitmo. Also, he will be discussing the importance on an emo haircut and how he hopes your unit hates you.
4) Cpl Jason Washburn will be discussing how the preferred weapon to use against elderly females bearing vegetable borne IED’s is the Mk19. “Look kids! They’re coming right for us!”
3) Camilo Mejia will be testifying how the line between torture and not torture, between faux executions and playing cards is a fine one, only to be discerned by whom he is talking to and how much sugar he had on his Wheaties that morning.
2) Scott Thomas Beauchamp will be testifying on Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the role that precognition plays in it. Also, how to drive a Bradley fighting vehicle, and the proper wear of a skull cap.
1) Evan Knappenberger won’t be testifying per se, he’s expected to just yell at the presiding authorities. “F*$# them, and may their kids all grow up to be godless fags; may their red-white-and-blue blood cleanse this land of the stench of rape and plunder.”
Category: Politics
I’m pretty sure nobody at the hearing will take these jackass’s seriously…at least I would hope not. But as far as the comment for #9 about churnin the waters for insurgeants, I don’t believe thats as far fetched as it sounds. We used to get so bored at times on patrols that we would just start doin recon by fire just to get someone to shoot back at us and about 3-5 nights a week we would do dismounted patrols down Highway 5 and look for I.E.D.’s. Luckily we never found any but I will say something about that…as long as we did that, no I.E.D.’s we’re planted. When we would miss a day or 2, thats when they would crop up. Anyways just talkin and hope these shitbags get locked up.
Damn and to think I joined ivaw? Silly me that was before I knew what they were about. At least they didn’t get a penny from me. And even got a free t-shirt from the dipshits. Funny thing is I shoulda known they are cowards etc…. when they kept emailing me about their stupid protests and the same old mil posts as they always protest at. I finally emailed em back and told em why don’t they just grow a pair and go protest at CentCom. HQ. here in Tampa. Of course I never received a reply. Little bitches. LOL….sorry bout that ya’ll.
DOB- Totally get the chumming the water thing, pretty much everyone does it. But that the unit was selected exclusively because they had no officer? Not buying it.
Ya…TSO……that is rather comical….lol
You all say these hero’s have no proof that what they say is true. But really, you all have no proof that it didnt. Couldnt it be that these things really happened and no one had a camera or a tape recorder? I mean, you all sit and talk about stuff that you all did..but oh wait, if they say it happened then it cant be true.
Maybe there really are power hungry army and navy soldiers who go off the handle and get away with horrible things.
Um? Navy soldiers? Would you mean Marines there, Skippy? And no, they aren’t heroes. They’re AWOL or deserter scumbags. And if 1/10thof what they dreamt up happened, where’s the corroboration? Or are we to believe that a squad, platoon, company, battalion, or BCT are all in on the conspiracy to make these pussies look bad?
Oh, btw, did you pay attention in high school, it’s really hard to prove a negative.
No way confused is for real, this is a rabble rouser. No one is so stupid as to assume that the laws of physics operate differently for different people (in the example of the faux gas shooting story).
In #6, I meant the IVAW pukes aren’t heroes. Sorry for any confusion, Confused.
Jonn wrote: I think you’re at the back of a long line of people who’ve confused “Confused”.
If you were walking down the sidewalk, and didnt trip on the curb…how would you prove it if no one had a camera.
If you have a group of 5 or 6 soldiers who go out and do illegal things, and no one talks, then how do you prove it? I’m just saying, maybe some of these things happened?! How many millions of our troops are over there, that 100 people couldnt have done wrong?
Millions? You really need to do some research on the numbers involved, for one thing.
Ever hear that the only way to keep a secret is if only one person knows about it?
I know Ive seen/done plenty of things that could be construed as “war crimes” i.e…..shot at a couple schools….etc… my bad….lol but I wouldn’t be a dumbass and spew about it like the ivaw tards do. It was a part of life in the Baghdad hood.
Oh ya….is pissin on a mosque a war crime? lmfao!!!
LMAO Jonn. Thanks.
Damn Ortner!:
Couln’t you have put Ward,(of the state), Churchill in there someplace? His “I’m an Indian”, I’m an Artist”, and “I’m a war hero” claims of the past surely rate him a spot. Or are you just so sypathetic to the pathetic membership of the IVAW that you feel you owe them all 10 spots?
Good post, guy.
nuf sed
Number 4 is obviously wrong.
I have it on good authority from a friend who just went back over that 19s are much more entertaining with camels. He one upped my hunting pic of an antelope shot with a .458WinMag with his of a camel that insurgents were hiding behind thumped with a 19. No women were about. Insurgents found out the hard way that laying down camels may be concealment but they sure aren’t cover.
@Confused:
Could it be that you’re really this dense?
You’re so ready to swallow everything the IVAW claims, even after every single wild-assed story and fraud they’ve perpetuated has been thoroughly debunked. Oh yeah, I can just imagine them actually trying to record their adventures for posterity. It’ll be just like the re-enactments John Kerry staged so that his “heroism” would be ‘seared in his memory’.
You know what makes ME fly off the handle? IVAW fucksticks and idiots like you.
You have nothing significant or useful to bring to this or any conversation regarding military service.
You should jump off a bridge.
G.I. JANE…Confused is proof of the need for tax payer funded Post Natal Abortion! P.S. If my wife ever gets abducted by aliens or becomes a liberal, will you marry me?LOL