I Need Your Advice – Sorta
I have been invited to lunch this Monday at the local elementary school here in WV by the 8 or 9 year old son of a friend! It is for Veterans Day.
I’ve already admitted to being a bit uncomfortable with this sort of thing. Toss in a near total lack of experience with yungins and “uncomfortable” may not be the proper word.
Now I’ll be clean and wear clean clothes so I shouldn’t smell too bad. I’ve got a blue chambray shirt with NAVY on the pocket and I’ll have my Dixie Cup , etc. AND I won’t tell Sea Stories that begin with “This Ain’t No Sh#t!” The event is scheduled to last 1/2 hour.
So folks… If you have any pertinent experience – Some Dos and Don’ts – PLEASE?
ETA: I won’t be making any any formal speeches, just lunch – indeed there will other Vets there.
Category: Geezer Alert!
I speak in front of groups and tell stories all of the time. The differences are that people pay me for my seminars and your stories have a good chance of actually being true.
Good luck.
sincerely
John “Faker 6” Giduck
Dude, I am so glad you’re back. I get the biggest laugh out of your posts. Don’t ever change.
My wife is an elementary school teacher and I have been roped into coming in and talking to her classes in the past. The main thing I would tell you is that kids have no realistic frame of reference so many of the questions will be silly (where do you poop?) or very serious in that they don’t understand how inappropriate such a question is (have you ever killed anyone?). Just give them straight answers and trust the teacher to keep them reigned in (they don’t want chaos). The kids will be legitimately curious, and some of them will be fascinated by what you have to say-including a lot of things that seem pretty mundane to us.
Just be honest and talk about what you loved about service. watch your language and remember to be positive. We tend to “bitch” a lot about the service, Civilians, especially kids, will take that for negative feelings about the service. Kids will want to hear about what its like to live on a ship (I’m assuming your navy). There are some cool things I’m sure. Hell, tell them about eating in rough seas, there 8-9 year olds, tell them about the weapon systems. As long as your positive, just tell them anything. Hopefully you can get them to start asking questions and you can feed off their interests. Stay away from killing anyone. I had kids ask me about it, I dodged with the younger ones, high school kids, I was honest, but not graphic honest if you know what I mean. Most kids have no idea what life is like on a ship, hell I served 21 years in the Army, I have no idea, just smile and tell a story.
What this guy said. Talk as much as possible about weapons systems. There’s no way to go wrong with that.
Pictures are also a good ice breaker with the younger crowd. Prints are excellent for a “hands on” for kids that learn through tactile experiences. You on the Ship, on a Beach, receiving an award, etc.
Food is always good as they most likely eat things that you ate – gives them a point to relate to.
Ask them Questions/ For example does anyone know how big a detroyer or aircraft carrier is? When they guess and you reply give a frame of reference that they can understand. Like a destroyer is 500 feet long thats about how long this school is or an Aircraft carrier is 1000 feet long, thats over 3 football fields.
Tell them the odd things like on a ship they serve 4 meals a day and you can always get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I spoke to a 3rd grade class and one of the questions I got was does a ship have a set of keys?
Be energetic and honest and make sure you thank them for letting you talk to them.
Have fun
Be prepared to answer the questions/deal with assumptions veterans hate and that would get a commenter who made them on a military site get dog piled (the ones they make videos like this about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4Esni1RbwU) without indignation; “have you ever killed anyone”, “so, you went into the military because you couldn’t get into college”, et al. Just remember that they’re kids and don’t have filters yet. 🙂 I doubt you’d light them up, but psychologically prepare yourself.
My unqualified two cents worth.
Well, since you are a sailor, in the words of Clint Eastwood to Clyde,
“No pissing, spitting, farting, or picking your ass.”
Heywood Jablowme.
😉
Be positive, and prepare for off the wall but innocent questions. I was giving a tour of the P-3 Orion to a class of kiddies (teacher was pretty hot) and was asked why I had so many pockets in my flight suit. This was a great segue into my flight gear: helmet, survival vest, parachute, etc. Start with a funny story where you are not the butt of the joke, and tell them about life at sea in whichever platform you served.
And have fun! You’ll do fine.
Chill Brother. I’ve seen your posts – you’re not a kook. I did a couple of these and the kiddies are in awe…if they’ve been raised right. Just be humble and tell them why you served. That’s all they are looking for.
Oh, and if any of the youngins have relatives that have served in the audience, acknowledge them: e.g, I know that little Mary’s grandpa was a Marine many years ago…and he served in Korea….
But, to repeat, just relax and enjoy the adoration, no matter how much it makes you uncomfortable. In the school I was in, us Vets had to walk down a mile of halls with youngins applauding. When my turn came to speak I just said I was there representing (childs name) grandpa that had just passed away and was now with fellow soldiers at Arlington.
Quick advice: If your stories begin with “No shit, there I was'” don’t tell it.
That sounds like a real adventure. When I was working IT support for the local district, as a prank a kindergarten teacher called me in for a supposed computer problem, then abandoned me with fifteen kindergarteners for ten minutes. Maybe the scariest ten minutes of my life.
But the kids will be fascinated by by your experiences.
You’ll do a great job. Just remember what you thought and pictured the military to be when you were that age and be prepared for when little Johnny says that his dad/uncle/grandpa/whatever was in and said “this” about “this”. You’ll know that whatever the kid was told was BS, but go along with, lest you leave him thinking that his relative is a shitbag and you’re a mean man. They’re too young to get their bubbles busted.
Little kids–as a group–always smell like pee, even though no individual kid does. So, don’t worry if you do. You’ll blend. Also, no matter what you say, half the kids won’t be listening and the hald that are will forget what you said about 10 seconds after you’re done. Other than that, I got nothing.
Most important: give us a full report, along with YOUR advice, once you’ve finished!
Kids in groups are like wolves in packs … they smell fear.
Stay calm and don’t let any of them get behind you with any sharp objects.
I was an instructor that dealt with high school graduates and had to teach them an MOS. This pack you’re going to talk to will be much more mature.
My mom’s a teacher and once I went to talk to her students who were about the same age.
As far as the killed anyone question, I actually started it off with “before we start, the only thing is, don’t ask me if I’ve ever killed anyone.” Right after I said that, I jumped right into telling a little bit about my story.
I spent a good 45 minutes talking to them and surprisingly they had a lot of good questions. I really did enjoy it and so did they. My mom said they were talking about my visit for months after.
As was mentioned, don’t show fear, they can smell it. (Think Kindergarten Cop)
Like was said, be positive and if they ask you about things, give a happy response of the situation. Stay motivated and try to keep a smile on your face, tell jokes once in a while too. Humor is a good protector.
My bride has advised me to say that I served to stop bad people from doing bad things. I was happy to see that my old M16A1 took off the top of the head of Mr Bad Gook Player.
Seriously, the wife is right. Make it a cartoon where Uncle Sam sees a wrong being performed and then says “No way Jose”. Unless, of course, the audience is Mexican (a good possibility).
On the “Have you killed anyone question”: I have fulfilled school assignments for 9 grandkids and half a dozen friend’s children. Never have I been asked this question. Always prepped, however. My reply would have been: “Hell yes!”(Gruesome details to follow upon query).
Like others have sa loo d, be prepared for the question of you have killed anybody. I talked to an 8th grade class and that was the first question.
I think you should slap a trident pin on your shirt. Tell those kids how you were dropped into Nam after riding on a sling fastened to the hard points on a F-4. Tell them a story about your service based on the flashbacks from Missing in Action.
You could make it onto Shipley’s show, ZP, and maybe even win the ‘Dusters. You could be famous!
Nah, although I WAS thinking about the “water skiing behind a submarine story” or some such.
Just use the story line from “The Deer Hunter”, half our phonies do.
Doesn’t sound like you will need a prepared speech, so no sweat. Just remember why you were asked – the little guy thinks you have something to share and he is proud to know you.
If there is a globe or world map around, you could point out different places your ships docked.
Keep calm they smell fear!
Joe @ 10:05 For punishment for something minor I was assigned to drive the kindergarten bus on Camp LeJeune. Best job I ever had. When my daughter was born, I hauled home baby presents for 4 days. I got a letter of commendation for guiding them & teaching them right from wrong. Like I said best job I ever had.
Yes, kids that age seem to provide their own motivation for doing the best job you can. I certainly respect the people who teach kids 5 days a week, 180 days a year.
Speaking to kids is a great opportunity, I do it often enough, here are a few do’s and don’t’s:
Do:
1. Where a uniform if it is complete and in compliance with what you are authorized to wear.
2. Talk about the founding of our nation and who first took up arms to protect our nation.
3. Use history to put these into perspective.
4. Talk about why young people may want to serve there country – the rewards and benefits.
5. Talk about what you and your comrades did in the military and where you went.
Don’t:
1. Talk about guns, weapons, death or injury. These topics are off limits generally for obvious reasons.
2. If asked about above just say, “our country above all others is most capable, has the best equipment and has made the greatest sacrifice of all – our young men and women”.
3. Talk about your port visits to PI, Thialand and or Pusan, Korea.
4. Discuss how much you used to be able to drink.
5. Discuss the time you duct taped a naked SN Jablonshawitz to the rail and scrubbed him down with GP soap and Pine Oil because he was a “dirt bag”.
Hope this helps.
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Oh Come on!
Now you’re just being a stick in the mud Chief.
“5. Discuss the time you duct taped a naked SN Jablonshawitz to the rail and scrubbed him down with GP soap and Pine Oil because he was a “dirt bag”.”
Darn it, this one. Let him have a little fun.
I love talking with kids, it’s just too much fun. And the stuff they can come up with! Remember Art Linkletter’s show? Relax and enjoy.
When I’ve been invited to these it was at a ceremony at the school. The kids put on a show. We just stood up when asked.
When I teach Veterans Day at school where I work as a history teacher, I tell about the origins of the day in Armistice Day and work my way through how we honor vets and how some of it like the GI Bill have literally reshaped our society. And because teenagers today require A/V stimulation I show the Big & Rich video for The 8th of November. Then I read Lawrence Joel’s Medal of Honor citation and how in that battle he was shot twice and still gave aid for the entire day before being ordered off of the field. When I ask if they know anyone who would do that for them I’m usually met with slack jawed silence.
KISS – keep it simple sailor. Remember you are dealing with impressionable young minds who may ask serious questions. Nothing gruesome. Happy stuff. Other suggestions:
1. Be sober
2. Don’t hit on the teacher in front of them.
3. No scratching your nuts or butt.
4. Keep the profanity to an absolute minimum.
5. Stop by a recruiting office and scrounge a box of pencils or other recruiting items such as rulers to leave as souvenirs.
6. End by having the kids join you in saying the Pledge of Allegiance.
6.
Club Manager…Okay but except for Number 6…you just took all the fun out of an otherwise great opportunity to give these kids a clue. I mean, no hitting on a hot teacher and NO nut scratching…how’s the little fellas gonna’ learn unless somebody helps ’em.
Zero, help them out with this because the boys are coming into that age. THIS is important too! Let ’em know that when it comes to masterbation, there’s only 2 kinds of guys in 2 categories.
Category 1. Left handers and right handers.
Category 2. Those that do and those that lie.
You can’t believe the future stress and angst this intel will save them.
My bad Sparks, I should have remembered more from my joint tour working for a Navy MCPO. Change item 6 to explaining how drop the soap works on shipboard deployments.
Make them do pushups!
And educate them on what “pound sand” means.
Also, avoid terms like shitbag, semen sampler and meatgazer.
And if you wind up in a bind, just start talking about Phil Monkress.
The kids will love it!
For what its worth, I dont like doing that kind of thing either. I went once, my daughters Jr year. She was asked to read at the event, so I did it for her. No uniform, no badges, no cute vest full of patches or even a funny hat. I will not go for a free meal at some restaurant either.