Be a Man
Today is my 46th Birthday, as I sit and have my morning Mt Dew and think about the events that brought me to this point in my life it occurred to me that I enjoy being a man. There is a certain amount of skill involves and over time a set of values and morality are developed.
There are very few times in a man’s life that the playing field is equal. For me the navy was one of them. On my first day of boot camp, after the haircut and first clothing issue we were all in a room with a pile of clothes learning how to stencil our names on them in the Navy way. We took of our civvies and were standing there ib nothing but a new pair of tighty whiteys when our Company Commander called us to attention and introduced the Chaplin. I do not remember all of his words but one part of his talk has stayed with me. He said “ Take a look around you, everyone in this room is equal to everyone else. It does not matter how much money your parents have, It does not matter how you did it school, no one on this room has any advantage. What you make of your life and your Navy career is up to you”.
To be a real man there are some absolute truths that must be embraced. I think the first is the fact that you are expendable. You have to be willing to put yourself in harm’s way to protect those around you. You must be willing to work at any job to provide for those who depend on you. There is nothing degrading about doing a hard day’s work. There are few things more satisfying than going to bed dog ass tired but knowing you did your best.
Being a man also means that you have to learn to be humble. When you are wrong admit it. Ask for advice. You also have to be outspoken, correct an injustice. Stand up for what you believe in.
There are some other skills that must be learned,
Learn how to shave like your grandfather did. Get a shaving brush and safety razor and learn to use them. A disposable Razor is 3 bucks, canned shaving cream sucks. A safety razor blade cost 25 cents and you will get a better closer shave, plus its fun.
Learn how to tie a tie in at least 3 different ways. Ditch the clip on, 4 in hand, Windsor and Double Windsor are the absolute minimum. Untie them when not in use. Bonus point for a bow tie.
Learn how to wear clothes like a man. Men’s clothes are more expensive than women’s clothes. We wear them longer. Tuck in your shirt, wear a belt. Carry a handkerchief. It doesn’t matter if its Jeans and a T-shirt or a tuxedo. Get clothes that fit right and have them altered to you. It’s not expensive and its way more comfortable.
Learn how to use tools. Not all of us a handy men but there is no excuse for not knowing how to change a tire or jump-start a car. Most home repairs are very simple with the right tools. Fixing a dripping faucet or replacing a light switch should not involve more than a trip to a hardware store.
Use manners, hold open doors, say yes ma’am and no sir. It’s all about respect. If you give it, you will get it.
Carry a pocket knife and wear a watch. I almost included it with tools but a watch and a knife will keep you out of trouble and get you out of a bind. There is a lot to be said for a good pocket knife.
Learn how to write a letter. We live in an age on instant gratification. Writing a real letter and mailing it show the person receiving it that this is important. Write thank you notes, condolence letters or a well worded letter to someone you are at odds with goes a long way.
Learn how to cook, that one is important. Guys cooking is important. You get to eat what you want and its fun. I love being able to go into a kitchen and fix something from the odds and ends. Plus cooking for your wife, kids girlfriend ect shows them that you are versatile.
Boys are born, men are made. It has nothing to do with how tall or strong a man is. It has everything to so with character. The art of being a man is slipping away more and more with each generation. Terms like baby daddy are replacing words like Father and Dad. Punk kids think that being a man mean being a bully or how many different women they can get pregnant. Now we have kids who will spend all day inside playing video games, they have no clue how to be social or how to have fun that does not involve electricity. Boys learn from example and emulation. Don’t be afraid to show emotion. Get involved. Be a man.
Category: Who knows
Thank you for such a great post. I will be sharing this with my teen son. I see some qualities he has already achieved, but it doesn’t hurt to pass on good advice from a gentleman.
Great read! Very accurate! Thanks!
Still serving(currently in Afghanistan)…By the way I think of you often. I remember you in my prayers for God’s blessings and safety. Thank you for serving. We do need more men like you as well. Men who stepped up, instead of stepping out of the way. Thank you sir.
Enigma4you…First, Happy, Happy Birthday and many happy returns of the day!
Second, thank you for this article. All the things you mentioned were taught to me by my father, right down to the handkerchief. He was old military and everything had to be “A Number 1” in his words. “Polish your shoes son, tuck in your shirt, keep your gig line straight”. Little things here and there that paid off in ways I didn’t foresee later in the military and life after. I would give anything to hear him again, as he looked down at my shoes say, “Son, your a little scuffed up there, maybe hit those with a brush before you go out”. Thank for this article. More good men, living and teaching as good fathers, what it means to be a man and a gentleman, is a commodity our country is sorely in need of today. Again, Happy Birthday Brother!
I was going to add E4Y. What I would give to be 46 again and know half of what I know now! Make it all count, every day. I am sure you do from reading your posts and knowing you are the father of a serving Sailor. You have wisdom beyond your years for sure.
What everyone else has said, E4Y. Happy Birthday, ya young fart.
Very well done! Happy birthday, “old man” from an old fart. 😎
Happy Birthday brother. Well spoken.
Well written, young man.
Happy Birthday, brother.
I agree. Extremely well written but pretty harsh to Phil Monkress.
All of that and then some! Happy Birthday and thank you for this post. I’m 34 and just starting to learn from words such as these that being a man, like most good things in life, is more of a vocation then a destination. Again, thank you.
Happy Cake and Candle Day Enigma. May it be filled with love, laughter and happiness.
Beautiful article. More men and women need to learn this as it applies to each.
Damn fine article, Enigma4you. Thanks for contributing here at TAH.
Happy birthday, youngster. (smile)
My dad’s been dead for a dozen years and his birthday was a couple of days ago. I was at a youth sporting event all weekend this past weekend (I volunteer a lot of time for kids sports to get kids off the coach and outdoors.) and I was thinking about my dad, your article hits a lot of nails directly on their heads.
My dad always said, “Be strong, and be honest. If a man’s word isn’t worth a shit then neither is the man.” By being strong he meant physically and mentally. Physically by being in good enough shape to be active and work outdoors, to know you can run a mile without dying if you need to.
Mentally was more important to my dad even though as a construction worker he was pretty tough physically. It was important to play chess, to understand the importance of thinking ahead and not trapping yourself with a short term gain only to lose it all later. To understand concepts and ideas that opened the world to you, education matters he would say. The uneducated man has few option, the educated man has a world of them.
Your article brought me back to those conversations, the ones I often didn’t pay as much attention to as I should have. Although upon reflection perhaps I was listening better than I realized.
Cherish your family and friends, and do right by folks you make promises to and your life will be full of both friends and family. Not difficult to understand it would seem, but certainly difficult to execute for so many in our society.
Thanks for making my eyes all watery E4U…nicely done indeed!
Happy Birthday, E4U! You young upstart.
Well stated, and so very glad that someone actually said it. Thanks!
Enigma – Congratulations – today is my 62nd! We share it with Clarence Thomas, Bob Fosse, Dr. Kinsey, and Edward, the king who abdicated for “the woman he loved”.
Coupla nits to pick – I spent years with safety razors and they do NOT shave any closer. Want to learn a skill? Get a straight razor. And I am guessing you don’t buy women’s clothes… cheaper? My friend, you are deluded! Forget a double Windsor, it is a knot the size of your fist – look up a Shelby know – you’ll thank me. Most of what you worte, thoug, is pretty much spot on. Happy Birthday!@
E4U … thanks MAN, that was an awsome read!
Happy Birthday.
For all the non-man types out there lurking because you can’t comment here because you are blocked, here is a web site that you can look at but it is way above your head!
You know who I am talkin’ about!
http://www.artofmanliness.com/
Damn good site, MCPO!
Excellent post, E4Y. It would have made a great father’s day post. Full of real wisdom. I can only add a few things. First, a man lives by his word. It is his bond. If you make a promise, keep it. No excuse short of death is ever good enough for breaking that intimate bond. My children were always trying to get me to promise them something, because they knew that if I made a promise, nothing short of hell would stop me from keeping it. Next, lead by example. Don’t just show your children how they should act, show them. Lastly, (bit of snark here) real men either grow an epic beard or use a straight razor.
And if you think I am kiddin’ about the web site, check this out!
http://manpacks.com/blog/2012/03/top-picks-10-websites-men/
And for all the non-man types out there – KMRIRMA!
Happy Birt’day, E4U, and many, many more to come.
You should also know how to: change a diaper; sew on a button or sew up a rip; occasionally shed a genuine tear.
Happy Birthday!
Oh, Happy Birthday, E4U!
My ex-wifes new husband once said to me “If you were a real man you would have got out of the Navy after your son was born so that you could be around for him.”
I offered to drag him by the scruff of his neck into the nearest VFW and he could repeat that statement.
Happy Birthday E4U!
I commend your sense of self-discipline.
I think there would have been a fleshy smacking sound followed by a dull thud if my ex’s moronic boyfriend said something as asinine as that to me.
Some dudes just don’t know when to STFU….
Sounds like my Mother-in-law’s boyfriend. He stated that I wasn’t a real man because I was Navy and since he was Army he could kick my ass.
I invited him to give it a whirl but he decided that he had better things to do. He hasn’t come around since then.
To paraphrase Mark Twain, Congratulations on another year escaping the gallows. One important step in attaining manhood is to carefully observe your father. If he is a man you will learn most all you need to know to become one yourself. If he is not, you should learn what not to do. I once saw my father, clothed only in his skivvies, armed with a flashlight and a hatchet chase a large black bear out of our campsite. I watched him graduate from college when he was 51 years old. He was the man I always hopped to be.
Thanks for the advice, E4Y. I hope you have a good birthday.
E4Y, well said, and happy birthday.
I just picked up a DE safety razor recently, and though I’m clearly in need of more practice, I’m liking it.
The Badger and Blade site is a great resource for all things relating to the beard and how you deal with it: http://badgerandblade.com/
Cooking is all about playing with sharp objects and fire and getting to eat the results. And drinking.
My father taught me those things, may God rear his soul. I will always remember how he taught me to drive stick shift like he said he would. He drove me to a car dealership that was twenty miles away to consign for a manual vehicle. He handed me the keys and said that he will see me at home before driving away. I don’t know how many times I killed that car on the way home but it was one of his many lessons on self reliance and figuring stuff out for myself he taught me.
Hooah! 🙂 (It’s an Army thing.)
Outside of a straight razor, the best blades I’ve ever found are from Harry’s. I’ve been using them for 6 month’s now and won’t go back to anything else.
https://www.harrys.com/
They make an excellent shaving cream, but I agree with you, E4Y: You can’t beat a badger brush and shaving soap. I find that single cake will last me from 6 month’s to a year, and using hot water with the brush means a warm, soapy feel-good shave.
And I absolutely agree with you about writing letters and thank-you notes. It’s almost a lost art, but believe you me, if you write reasonably well, use a high-quality paper and envelope, and neat penmanship, it’s amazing the way that will impress folks.
Thanks for a great write-up. Happy Birthday, shipmate, and may you have many wonderful returns of the day.
V/R
Been meaning to try a new razor, I’ll give these a shot.
You’re also right about thank you notes. Seems that people don’t do that anymore. I have been designing a new desk for my computer that is also a writing desk, I have a specific spot designed for stationary and pens just for those occasions.
Take it from someone with a quarter century head start on you, some of those goals on that man card can be punched simultaneously:
Such as earning a huge face scar while rescuing a kitten from a tree…
Happy Birthday Young Man
My huge scar came from an I-beam on the USS Kittyhawk.
Ten stitches and the doc’s comment about it was “That’s the best looking thing on your head. Now get out of my sickbay.”
Nicely written. There are a lot of simple truths in this.
Happy Birthday!
I spent part of the day in the garage making a finishing table with my son handing me tools (he’s 3 so not much more help than that) and then we went to the hardware store to get more tools.
Yes, they learn by example. I once needed a Phillips screwdriver and before I could ask my wife to grab it for me he held up his hand, ran to the garage and came back with the right sized one for me. I will say that I really was very proud of him for that.
I have to try a different razor, I hate shaving, but I also hate having a beard because it itches. I usually have about four days growth and then I shave.
“Being a man also means that you have to learn to be humble. […] Ask for advice.” Ask for advice but NOT driving directions. Never, ever ask for driving directions.
I have turned off the GPS because it was bitching at me.
Do any of you actually realize how many bad habits and unrelenting vices you would have to have to punch everything on that Man Card?
Just wondering.
😉
I have done 11, not gonna say witch ones.
Have hit all of them on the real man hard
http://pics.st-bob.net/5/man_card.jpg
You’ve done eleven, you say?
Outstanding!
Happy birthday and many more, E4U!
Hmmm. Consuming Scotch, neat, at the Glenlivet Distillery before lunch must count for something, right?
Thank all of you very much for the Birthday wishes.