The great BYU war on masturbation
Um, what?
My Mom said it would make me go blind. I now have 20/400 vision, so joke is on her. I can almost see my hairy palm.
I had to have a swim test a few weeks ago at the doctors office, and it was the only test I had ever studied for 30 years. (I passed) But can we agree that the war analogy here is misplaced? VT Woody and Sniper were fighting this horrible war mere feet from my bunk in Afghanistan.
Category: Politics
@200-that, too. Still-‘no boning ever’ is worse for me. Of course I am a teenage boy…so I would say that 🙂
@201 HS now that you are aware, guard your junk with your very life! 😀
You guys should get out more.
While you all were playing Nintendo and “beating your meat” I was drinking beer, shooting pool and banging quiff.
Just saying.
@203. I’ll bet you were, GT. I’ll bet you were. 😉
@203: You didn’t even play Duke Nukem, GT?
Nope.
I had a killer fake ID and was hanging out in hotel bars at 16.
I also looked a little older.
While most folks were playing video games, I was discussing the differences between high and low cut panties with college girls over martinis.
To be fair, though, I never owned a gaming system. I was forced to read instead.
I don’t know where you guys get the idea that a gelding can’t do anything.
I’ve had more than one gelded horse get hit on by a horny mare in heat and do everything in response except procreate.
I’ve also had male cats who were neutered (mostly because an intact tom’s urine stinks like a clogged sewer) and who would find a submissive queen (female) cat, and get it on with her, even though she was spayed.
Since we’re in this particular thread, I should add that one of my boys would spend a good deal of time on his nether parts, so when I checked to see what was so interesting about that, his little pink pooter was waving around in the breeze. Yes, my boy Boo was engaged in kitty auto-eroticism.
It’s all in the mind, you guys. Entirely in the mind.
@206-All right, I’ll take that advice. Where do I find me one of these fake ID’s?
Many years ago, my father was a fireman in a small town north of Philadelphia. Anybody from the area knows that they run an ambulance on fire runs and vice versa. One night, they get a call about a distraught man who somehow ended his evening with his “boys” hooked to the floor. All the trucks rolled out the door. They arrive at the address and attempt to make contact with the caller. From the back of the house, the hear a male voice hollering, “In here, hurry”. They asked him to come let them in, and he replies, “I can’t, just come in”. Two guys go in, check the scene, and one comes back immediately. Laughing as quietly as he can. With that, the rest of the crew enters. What do they find? A rather large, inebriated man lying naked on the floor. With his rather swollen scrotum nailed to the hardwood floor. Seems lover boy had gone out earlier and had a drink or 12. Came home and confronted his diminutive wife about something. Unfortunately, he might have smacked her around a bit. Then passed out. The lady in question, and her 2 daughters then proceeded to hammer him home with a 6-8″ spike nail into the oak floor. The firemen used a large crowbar to remove the spike from the floor, but left everything else intact, for the er docs.
My dad said later, that every time they pried up the spike, and it squealed, every man in the room winced.
@209-Holy geebus. Now there’s a story for the ages.
@191, didja know they make Nair for Men? Yeah, for metrosexual types, but I’ve used it to “trim the boys” before doing two weeks in the field during the Summer, (easier to keep ’em clean and Crotchrot -free in the boonies, makes finding ticks easier) spray on in the shower, wait five minutes, rinse! Then when in the field, a couple of wipes, and bye-bye nut jam!!
Ex-PH2: that is true. The adrenal glands also make a small amount of testosterone. In some, what the adrenals make is sufficient to allow a degree of male sexual function w/o that produced by “the boys”.
This was discovered after World War II. A minority of survivors of the German “bouncing Betty” mine (also commonly called a “castration mine”) who lost their gonads were not rendered impotent. (The majority weren’t so lucky, and were rendered permanently impotent.) Research into why led to the discovery that the adrenals also produced testosterone.
@206 GT – Hey you left out the time that you picked up Dean Womrmer’s wife in the fresh vegetable aisle at the Piggly Wiggly. Nice cougar hunting!
@211 Proud Haven’t heard of that before but now that I have…no more Wahl clippers, EVER! Thanks bro.
back in the day, I remember when a friend was working in a body shop, and slipped on the back bumper of the old truck he was working on – in those days the tailgate latches were on the sides, not in the center, and until latched, stuck out like large hooks. George managed to impale himself and was dangling by the boys for a few…. said it hurt like hell and left a scar but judging by his subsequent girlfriends, did no permanent damage. I still cringe when I think of that….
This is the post that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends.
@231.
I was no ladies man, not by a longshot compared to some.
But I was persistent and open minded to different types. Too many men/boys get fixated on just one type. Also, I always went with the notion (at least highlighted by this thread): Why do something yourself that you could have a lady do for you? Not being sexist, just factual.
Similar to beers, I try all different types. You just never know what you could miss!
This thread is like the “gift” that keeps giving. 😉
Here’s an honest to G-d truth…
I had a flare up of prostatitis while the 56th Stryker Brigade was mobilizing out of Camp Shelby, Mississippi. Went to the doctor because I had to wee wee every 2 minutes and it sucked walking from the barracks, especially because some douche from the signal battalion felt sensitive about seeing infantry man nipples and complained every time we went shirtless to the loo in the middle of the night. DADT hadn’t ended yet, so I imagine he surreptitiously watched for the infantry in the dead of night for his own masturbatory fodder. I still hear his shrill girlie voice snivelling about the fact that we were shirtless and female troops were out and about (to which I urged him never to visit a public beach) … but I digress.
Anywho, after the inevitable probing by the sausage-fingered doc at the Hattiesburg hospital, it was determined I had an enlarged prostate. I kid you not, I had a legitimate medical profile that said I had to wank every other day to help relieve pressure on my prostate. I told him that I, like many Mormons, have a Jewish edict against Onanism, he offered that I come back weekly to be milked instead. Needless to say, I took the far less invasive profile.
This was gold. My first sergeant copied and framed that profile.
That’s hilarious. Ox in the mire, my brother.
@219-could you send me a photocopy of that profile? 😀