Poem from my Folly Beach, SC visit
Screw you Neutrogena Fresh Cooling Sunblock, Body Mist SPF 70,
My burnt skin keeps me crying day and night,
Like Dick Blumenthal when he saw his best friend killed,
In a firefight in the ‘Nam, misplaced Arc-light.
My reddish hue, my skin afire, aloe does not soothe,
Fiancee, worst applier of skin protection eveh;
Spent the day playing in the surf, bobbing like a crab trap
Now I sit here like a statue, wishing my skin I could sever.
Oh hated orb which doth rule the day;
Why this pain you caused that has brought me low?
And no mercy can be found by night or day-
Wish I was in Colorado again to lay in the snow.
A fatwa upon you, oh bright hydrogen and helium sphere;
For the burning misery which into my shell you did sear.
ALSO: Joining my Fatwa list is the in-flight trivia game on Delta flights. I won 4 of the 7 games on my flight from Colorado to Atlanta, but on one I lost there was a question which asked losely:
“______ are inspected by paleobotanists trying to figure out what flora existed in a certain period.”
Now, the answer according to Delta was “Coal Ball” which I acknowledge is correct, HOWEVER, the answer I chose was “Copralites” which everyone knows is fossilized dinosaur crap. Now, this “incorrect” answer cost me 600 points and the game, and I am happy to report that my answer was also correct.
THEREFORE: I demand that Neutrogena immediately provide me with a whirlpool for my back porch, that is entire filled with some cool semi-fluid substance that will wisk away the pain. And that when I recover, Delta Air provides me with long round trip tickets to anywhere that has their trivia game, that I might once again assert my trivial dominance.
While I am at it, Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles, don’t think I have ended my fatwa on you over your poorly worded drivers exam. If I hear from Caro one more time how she only got 1 wrong and I got 2 wrong because of your poor syntax and logically fallacious English skills, I will get lawyer to the stars Branum to sue you for one giga-zillion dollars. To be paid out in plane tickets and aloe whirlpools.
Category: Politics
That’s what happens when you’re so WHITE you are SEE-THROUGH.
*sigh*
Seriously though… Ouch, baby! You need some Noxema to cool you down.
Wow…just imagine what that poem would have said had TSO burnt his mangina…
He’s totally a lobster…and I wish I had only had the forethought to write a message or make a smily face on his tummy
Lol!!! Yeah, Caro; you could have written “I’m with stupid” and have the arrow pointing up.
Actually, those folks of the Northern Island heritage do have a rather harsh aversion to that bright orb, when it comes to frying your skin like a fish in the pan.
You have to deal with Indiana BMV and your only complaint is the driver test wording? Lucky.
What about the lines?
The odd smells?
The digital files from MyBMV that can’t actually be read by any computer known to man?
The odd smells?
The 14 employees and 4 supervisors who can take care of 3 supplicants per an hour?
Did I mention the odd smells?
The written test is the easiest part of dealing with the BMV.
After that, it’s pure hell.
Since you brought it up Lawyer….
One of my pieces of evidence that I lived in IN was a letter from the VA to me about an appointment. So, I show up and show them the letter. The lady says, you need to open the letter. I say ok and take it out of the envelope. She says “We can’t use that because it doesn’t have the VA logo.” I point out that no where in any Indiana regulation does it say jack shit about a logo, but rather explicitely states that “First class mail from a federal office” will be sufficient. She says yes, but that the letter has been removed from the envelope, and thus she can not verify it was my address that was in the window.
Again, I opened because the dipshit lady told me too. Dude, I was SO VERY MAD. I worked with 2 ladies in AAA that were great, it was the absolutely asshatted supervisor that screwed me. I made a bit of a scene, but then came back, but damn was I pissed. Incompetancy is no longer the social black mark that it ought to be.
bwahahaha
Trivia game huh? It’s worth noting that trivia means unimportant matters.
Plus a beautiful (and REAL) woman rubbed your body all over in public with a potion… yet you complain?
I will empathize with your pain and discomfort from the sunburn. Been there/done that with blisters. Also caused my first Captain’s Mast. Seems the Navy felt that I should have known better – now that IS trivial.
Ponsdorf – Past Master at several versions of Trivial Pursuit, two honorary degrees in nitpicking, and NOT a lawyer.
TSO, also take note:
As a former contestant on Win Ben Stein’s Money, having also twice taken (and passed) the Jeopardy test, and a skilled NTN/Buzztime trivia player when I’m not under the table, be warned that should you and I ever meet and trivia available, I shall be turning you into a crying baby yet again, law degree or no.
Loser buys the Guinness for the evening. Preferably in Irish Car Bomb fashion.
NHSparky said: I shall be turning you into a crying baby yet again, law degree or no.
See… I very much wanted to make a similar offer (minus your neat bona fides), but he IS suffering already.
Just in case you ever recover enough to venture outside again- Bull Frog spray sunscreen is the best for pasty white people who tend to burn.
TSO, are you eating properly? If you would increase your intake of berries, broccoli, and whole grains, you would not be so vulnerable to the effects of sun exposure.
Just trying to help you out, dude.
I’d help you out with advice, but I think it’s almost physically impossible for me to sunburn. I only wear lotion when someone nags me about cancer.
That said, glad you’re having fun. Also, Caro is just as fair as you if memory serves. Maybe sunscreen just hates you.
By the way, ABWF (#11), what is an ABWF? Is this some kind of new rating in the Navy? If so, I never heard of it. I’ve heard of ABE’s, ABF’s, ABH’s, and AWF’s, but never an ABWF. Maybe it’s like how all the AB’s combine together at the Master Chief level, but it’s some kind of newfangled thing with the AB’s combining with the AWF?
The Navy is SUCH a mystery. Why do they always have to be so out to sea on everything. Why can’t they just be more simple and down to earth, like the Army? Or maybe I’m totally not on the right track…heh..
Ok, let me get this straight. (1) Caro applied the sunscreen; (2) you went into the water for an extended period; (3) you got out of the water and got burned; and (4)the equally fair Caro did not?
Could it be that Caro read the can and knew to reapply frequently while swimming or that she did not bob like a crab trap?
I suggest much advil and aloe. Avoid the ones with too much of the “pain deadener” in them because too much will make you even sicker.
Sorry you are in pain. How is that bar studying going?
You have the same complexion as the twin tards from “the proclaimers.” Go figure you go together with the sun like a fork goes with a microwave.
Screw aloe. Now you need stuff with lidocaine. Trust in modern chemistry over snot-like plant products every time. And if you’re going to be in the sun, wear long pants, tube socks, a turtle neck, scarf, big, floppy hat, and cover any remaining skin with zinc oxide.
Take a long hot shower and scrub your skin with a floor brush and brillo pads. This will not make the pain go away, but will hurt so much that the pain you have now will feel trivial (snuck the word in
).
Following up on Ray’s advice, do NOT use a floor brush or brillo pads. However, once the pain goes away and you start healing and peeling, it WOULD be a good idea to invest in a long handled natural bristle body brush to exfoliate the dead skin; indeed, it’s a very good idea to brush your skin just prior to showering EVERY DAY. This will help your body not only to get rid of the dead skin cells and regenerate fresh new skin, but also to rid itself of toxins as the skin is a major organ of the body through which detoxification takes place.
There are YouTube videos available demonstrating how to dry brush your skin properly. (Frankly, I’m still confused if you’re supposed to brush toward your heart or toward your liver, though I’m convinced it’s somewhere in that general area.)
Debra,
ABWF stands for Army Blogger Wife’s Friend (if I remembered that correctly ABWF!) and she has been frightfully absent for quite some time. Happily, she has been found commenting here and there around the intertubes. And I’m going to invest in ye old Bullfrog before I head to Bahrain (to visit teh soggy Navy peeps), as my default color is nearly translucent.