I would apparently make a shitty parent
OK, so my beloved GF sent along this video to me, which is worth a few chuckles, or so I thought:
Just to give you a basis on my sense of humor, I get it from my Dad. When my brother was 18 and I was 20 my Bro came down with “Hyper Kalimic Periodic Paralysis.” I spelled it wrong, but basically his potassium level would change and he would get paralyzed from the neck down for a few hours. Parents thought he was going to die or something and let him do a bucket list like you’ve never seen. This after he had already convinced them he was retarded (no lie) to get out of doing school stuff. For one Christmas he got like an Intellivision, and I got a chalk board. If i got a C in school I would get the lecture: “Your brother is not too bright, so you have to apply yourself.” Dummy the retarded paralysis guy now owns like 2 companies, works at a third, has a beautiful wife and somehow created my two nieces.
Anyway, once he was in a kids hospital as they tried to figure out what was wrong with him. He wasn’t a kid, but it was a childhood disease. So the Dr’s shoot him up with potassium to induce paralysis, and then just leave him hooked up to machines to monitor. My Dad gets bored, decides to go outside. As he’s coming down the elevator, Ms Teen Vermont, all of like 16 gets on with her sash and crown. My dad starts talking to her and finds out she takes teddy bears and shit to the kids, and reads them Horton. So my Dad says: “My youngest son is here, and he’s very sad. Would you mind visiting, it would make his life so complete.” She says yes, but she has to go to another room first.
So my dad runs up to his room again, takes one of my Bros hands and shoves it down his pants, takes the other and shoves the finger up into his nose, then just walks out. Ms Vermont arrived shortly thereafter to find a young man playing Al Bundy while digging for Gold.
We used to get Bro paralyzed and then put like rubber ducky floaties on him at parties and throw him into the pool. Another time his buds tied his hands to strings and walked him around like Weekend at Bernies. When my brother got beaned in the head with a softball a few years ago he had bleeding on the brain. 2 days after they let him out of ICU, he was running around the neighborhood with a hockey helmet on asking people if “anybody seen my baseball.” My sis-in-law wasn’t quite as amused, but I still found it hilarious.
Anyway, here are some of the comments to that video above:
LxoIxo (4 minutes ago)
This is so sick. How dare you do this to your poor child? Do you see him, the poor? thing is CRYING! Your are EVIL people. Mostly when you FINALLY tried to get ur freaking kid out he was screaming you were laughing! You broadcast your kid in pain? What kind of EVIL, SICK, MESSED UP parents are YOU? Disgusting. I reccomend you see a phycologist. This isnt the LEAST BIT funny. I dont get how anybody could be so sick as to LAUGH at that. Do you really think that this kid wants you as a parent? Loser
kathleenburns (24 minutes ago)
the meanest parents this is child abuse. what if the child got an electric shock, they would just laugh. i? hope they are reported for child abuse. with parents like this the child may never stand a chance to grow up.
abrame1023 (39 minutes ago)
this is sick. these parents tormented? their son when all he wanted was to get out from behind the couch. they took the time to record their son in pain just so they could have their 15 minutes? ridiculous.
Really people? Does the kid look all that traumatized? Give me a break. If the worst thing that happens to that kid on any given day is getting stuck behind the couch, that’s a safe day. I used to put my brother in a sea chest with pillows and toss him off the roof. One time the little bastard decided to slide down a board he leaned against the roof and got like 300 splinters in his ass. I laughed as they pulled out each one to accompanying screams. I even tied him up in fishing line and threw him down the stairs once. Dude, this is what kids do.
I suspect this kid will survive. Probably grow up to own private detective firms and work as pharmaceutical sales reps living in New Jersey.
BTW- I will be out for a few days to take aforementioned GF to meet aforementioned retard and his wife and spawn.
Update: S6R just reminded me of some other funnies with my brother. He lived with me and 2 other dudes in an efficiency when I first moved to DC. Me, a jarhead, my brother and this DJ from a local bar I knew. Obviously, we were broke as hell, but figured out that $1.07 would get you a hot ball (dinner) and a 40 ouncer of Mikey’s (desert). Anyway, he was going through PI school, and I was an intern at the NRA. So what we would do is try to pick up girls using the stupidest methods ever. (These were Georgetown girls, so wasn’t hard.) But Bro would be my wingman by acting deaf, and asking a girl to dance. If she said no he would start yelling in Deaf Guy voice that she wouldn’t dance with him because of his impairment. I would step in to calm him down, and then send him off. Then I would offer the girl a drink to make up for it. It was simply awful, and I don’t believe it ever worked once. We also used to introduce ourselves as brothers to two girls, and then tell the girls what the other’s occupation was. So it would be like “Hi, I am TSO and this is Bro. Bro here is an extreme Skiier.” And he would go: “Yup, and he is an herb salesman for restaurants in town.” The only rule was you had to stay in character or you lost.
Although this is much funnier spoken than not written, I learned that night that “Thyme” is pronounced “Time” and not the “th” sound from “the.” Also, saying “that’s what we call it in the business” is not a good saving throw.
Category: Politics
I think my favorite part is when he half ass promises not to do it again just so they will get him out.
Jeezus, TSO, warn a guy first!! It took me 5 minutes to wipe off my monitor and everyone is thinking I’M a retard because I’m laughing at your adolescent hi-jinx and they don’t know why I’m laughing!
I have to meet your family one of these days, it would be like old home week for me, but that’s for another time.
You kiddin? My dad would have left me back there, and maybe thrown me a crust of bread or two if he was feeling generous. Can’t beat that entertainment for the price.
“I’m sinkin I’m sinkin!” Hahaha, clever kid if you ask me.
If those retards really believe that kid was in physical pain and not just trying to manipulate his parents by faking it, then I have some ocean front property in Kansas that I’d love to sell them.
Jeez, all me and my brother did was wail on each other. I was the one who had a short fuse and was ready to fight at the drop of a hat. My brother was slow to anger. The only problem with him is that once he did explode he had no off switch. So while I might kick his ass about 3 times to every one he did mine, I always took longer to heal.
Hell I bet he doesn’t get stuck behind the couch for at least a day or two after that. Those people who thought that was abuse, they have no clue. I was the youngest so my brothers inflicted cruelity on me that cannot be imagined.
You lucky bastards! I didn’t have any brothers, so I had to beat up on myself. I had 5 sisters, but they were all younger than me, and I couldn’t pull stuff on them like you can with guys.
I still get the Mrs pissed off because of stuff I like to do. Me and some friends used to go to the movies and pretend like we didn’t speak English. We knew enough German and Spanish to pull it off, but hilarity would ensue when the poor sot behind the ticket counter tried to explain how much the price was, and count out money for us, etc.
The next level up from that was to prentend to be mentally challenged. Of course, that got easier after a few pitchers of beer, but anyway, the gag worked like this: You take the tip of your tongue and place it between the inside of your lower lip, and the outside of your gum, on either side of your mouth. Now talk. It sounds like you just came out of Special ed class, and it’s a riot. 🙂
For some reason this made me think of the time right before I got married and my wife and I were trying to scrimp and save every penny. I came up with the idea of standing on the side of the road with a sign that said, “Disabled Veteran will embarass fiance for $$$$”
That was priceless. And the commenters are wusses. My brother used to absolutely torture me. Here’s an example: I’d been pretty sick with the flu, feeling kinda puny still. My brother was bored, so he took the sleeping bag I was lying in, smushed me in and tied it up with a vacuum cleaner cord. Then taking me outside, screaming, he tied me to the porch. There were kids outside and adults, too. No one came to save me. I was a hot mess when he finally untied it. I wonder to this day if he had any regrets or what he would do if I did that to my nephew? 😛
Being the mad horse doctor chick, I know HYPP is scary as hell, but I never knew people could get it. You’ve GOT to work the horse angle in there.
And you’ve not lived until you’ve put Icy Hot in every pair of your brother’s underwear in the drawer or Anbesol on his toothbrush. I’m just saying.
Well, TSO, that was good thinking to put pillows into the sea chest with your brother before tossing him off the roof. This brings back fond memories of some of my own childhood play, growing up in Nebraska. When I was about 7 years old, I stayed at my great aunt and uncle’s farm for a couple of weeks, where I learned a lot from my cousin Eddie. One day Eddie was practicing for the rodeo by riding on the back of a calf in the barnyard. To my 7 year old eyes, this looked like great fun! When Cousin Eddie got off the calf, I told him I wanted to ride the calf, too, so he encouraged me to go ahead and climb on and give it a whirl. He told me to hang on. (Apparently there was no such thing as mandatory safety stand-downs for farm boys back then.) I tried to hang on, but soon as I got onto the back of the calf, the calf immediately bucked me off. I hit the ground and the calf kicked me in the head. I ran to my aunt in the farmhouse with blood all over my shirt and running down my arm. She screamed when she saw me and was in a terrible state. She rushed me to the doctor. The doctor didn’t know if I was going to be brain damaged or not, but he shaved off part of my hair, stitched my head up, and told my great aunt to keep an eye on me for a while. My cousin Eddie doesn’t remember this incident, but, according to my mother, I was never quite the same again when I got back home. A true story from rural Nebraska.
If you want to have current time period good times, go with TSO and Bro (and SIL) to a Sox / O’s game in Baltimore…
Two good lessons from this post … the kid learned personal responsibility and I finally learned how to pronounce ‘Thyme’
‘Dawg,
But have you learned how to pronounce “herb”? 🙂
I read the part of your post about what your dad did to your Bro While he was in the hospital to my wife. I was laughing so hard, I was crying harder than a Democrat demanding a recount, and she just sat with a look on her face that said “you poor sad man”. 🙂
I am SO, SO glad you didn’t grow up anywhere near Chuck Z.
Neighborhood would have burnt to the ground…
Wolf
I thought it was a riot, but then, I think children suck anyway. They are animals who have thumbs and can walk upright.
There is no way that dumbass kid just miracled himself back there, he had to work at it. His own stupidity was what got him into that bind. I would have left him there and told him to figure it out for himself or die there.
All you whiny kowtowers to kids can lick my scrotum by the way. This brush with stupidity is not gonna scar the kid for life, unless he is a latent democrap liberal.
The toddler child that has to ask the parent for help multiple times and give analysis of how they got in the predicament first will probably grow up to be another Ann Coulter.
We used to get into sleeping bags with pillows and ride them down the stairs.
I don’t know why I’m still alive.
LMAO….I haven’t laughed that hard in a while…thank you for that!! I have 3 sisters….you brought back ‘good’ memories..lol
O-M-G! Laughing too hard to even catch a breath! Obviously those commenters either never had siblings (too bad) or never had children of their own (which, in their state of “mind”, is a Good Thing). And as for the rest of the post, if I was there, I’d be an accomplice before, during, and after the fact. And recording it all as well, for posterior — I mean, posterity.
USMC Steve, that was kind of an ugly reply.