Reimagining the Military Uniform

| June 5, 2021

Alibaba – Naval Dress Uniform

WARNING: YOU CAN’T UNSEE THIS POST SHOULD YOU CONTINUE.

The website Task & Purpose highlights the fact that one can now buy a US Navy Officer’s uniform manufactured in China.

This Chinese-made US ‘military officer uniform’ is a crime against humanity (and uniform regulations)

Kill it with fire

By James Clark | June 4, 2021

Just when you think you’ve seen all there is to see on the internet — from tacticool swag that screams “I wanted to join the military, but…” to someone pranking a bunch of retired generals as ‘Rear Adm. Jack Meehoff’ — the internet provides:

Yes, this misbegotten outfit is real, and it’s for sale.

So we had to take a peek for ourselves — and confirmed this is legit and for sale.  This photo screams out that “I’m not British… or gay” and if you think otherwise you are most likely homophobic.

Fear not, doughboys and ladies — there’s plenty on the site for you as well.  Complete with the hard-to-come-by puke-green valor award.

Lest we not forget the aspiring repressed homosexual / transgender Navy SEAL look, complete with the ‘Thousand Yard Stare.’

I could not find if these uniforms come complete with stripper-friendly Velcro break-away trousers and tops, so they would be perfect for dancing at bachelor parties.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Fake SEAL

Comments (39)

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  1. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    Shit-eating cocksucking pisspants mudda-fuck NO, I wonder just how soon someone will wear one of those living abortion outfits thinking that they’ll pass for an actual member of the Military? What’s truly sad is that some people will actually be stupid enough to buy one.

    • JustALurkinAround says:

      What’s the problem? Looks legit to me. In fact, I will order two.

      Now, before you say, “Hey, Lurkin, whachoo want two fō”? Let me explain.

      One uniform will be worn when I am a male, and eating delicious Applebees food on Memorial Day (for free, because some dipshit will fall for my ruse).

      The other (for womyn) is when I am cutting it close and have to shit in Target – can’t make it to Chick Fil A. Plus, Chick Fil A discriminate against me as a womyn and won’t let me diddle a kid while taking a dump.

      Anyway, it’s complicated and I don’t expect you to understand.

  2. Andy11M says:

    Oh god I can’t wait for some moron to buy one of these ill fitting uniforms, I call them “ill fitting” because your usual 250+ pound valor thief could never fit into one of these. It would be the funniest thing to see 10 lbs of shit stuffed into one of these 5 lb bags.

  3. Tallywhagger says:

    Brad Manning wants that catalog so he can shop for David Hogg.

    Do they have accessories, maybe some feather boas, “riding” crop, “swagger” sticks or J’Obiden poser sunglasses?

    • Anonymous says:

      What the Chicoms think of our military…

    • MI Ranger says:

      Can you get some maybe knee high gloss boots to go with them instead of those “comfortable shoes” the models are wearing?
      They really need some of those pencil thin mustaches on the male models to make them look proper!

      I did not realize it was so easy to get Five Star General/Admiral rank!

  4. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    TEH Gay is strong in those photos… perfect for the David Hogg/Pantyfa type of soi boi…

  5. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    The first two look like runaway shopping mall rent-a-cop wannabe Commanders!

  6. Ret_25X says:

    I wonder if these will be the new uniforms for fluffers at Brucie’s Bath House (entrance in rear)?

  7. I wonder if the male model’s name is Dooley which is the name of the guy in the song Pink Shoelaces by Dodie Stevens, 1959 on the Crystalette label. (Dot)

  8. Sparks says:

    Walking ass kickins waiting to happen.

  9. Mason says:

    China needs to work on their disguises if they want to practice some first world spycraft. These guys won’t make it past the greenest, bootest gate guard. Even the decommissioned tank or fighter jet will see them coming a mile away.

  10. Ex-PH2 says:

    Well, it IS nice to see that the Chinese don’t know their butts from beer kegs about US military uniforms and rank, and what goes with what, where and how.

    Navy officer’s cover with an enlisted jarhead’s uniform? Really? If it were not so stupid, it would not be nearly so funny.

    Happy Hallowe’en!

  11. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

  12. gitarcarver says:

    In somewhat related news….

    https://www.military.com/daily-news/2021/06/05/navy-quietly-rolls-out-first-maternity-flight-suits.html

    The Navy welcomed its first female aviators in 1974. A mere 47 years later, it’s giving pregnant pilots a flight suit that fits them.

    The service quietly issued the first maternity flight suit to Lt. Cmdr. Jacqueline Nordan, a mobilization program manager in the Naval Air Force Reserve, as part of an early distribution program, officials said this week. Several other pregnant members of the command also received the uniform in a test run to determine its usefulness, Navy spokeswoman Amie Blade told Military.com.

    The Navy also began issuing the flight suit more broadly in May via an Aircrew Systems Advisory to the fleet, Blade said.

  13. STSC(SW/SS) says:

    After seeing this abomination I’m surprised the Marines haven’t declared war yet on the company who is doing this shit.

  14. 5JC says:

    I imagine these will be popular on November 19th after the US Navy documentary “Maverick” gets released. If I had to guess the models are just stills from the movie evoking the totally not at all homoerotic locker room scenes.

    • KoB says:

      Shots fired! Careful there 5JC, you ’bout to fly into a danger zone…don’t get your goose cooked or have someone lose that loving feeling for you. Better put those comments on ice, man.

      Not sure if home boi would suck one, but I’ll bet he’d hold one in his mouth till the swelling went down.

  15. E4 Mafia '83-'87 says:

    To quote the boys from South Park’s opinion on this clothing calamity:

    “Gay”
    “Totally Gay”
    “Liberace Gay”

  16. CplMajor Mike says:

    Suffering’ pussies, they need rainbow chevrons and hash marks.

  17. Hatchet says:

    A new low. Just fuck’n gnarly. Tell ya what – anyone dressed like that within arm’s reach of me would be beaten into the consistency of chewing gum, promptly stuffed in a sewer grate, doused with gasoline and set on fire. Hey China, FUCK YOU!!! Buncha fuck’n cunts

  18. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    I swear that boy wearing the abomination with the bogus SEAL Trident has a thousand yard meat gazer’s stare and the badge on his jacket pocket makes him look like a wannabe shopping mall rent-a-fuzz! I’m betting that he’ll sport that outfit someplace like either Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in the Rear) or costume night at The Blue Oyster.

  19. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    “Village People”

  20. Anonymous says:

    I’ll bet they didn’t do that with PLA’s uniform because they’d be in jail if they did.

  21. Ret_25X says:

    for those who “almost joined the military”…but went to work with Lars at Brucie’s instead.

  22. Dustoff says:

    The Cavalry Branch Cross Sabers is a nice touch. So the Corps has Cav….who knew?

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      Not to mention the silver badge over the left pocket making him look like a wannabe shopping mall security guard!

  23. xyzzy says:

    😑