Push for Equality for Military Working Dogs

| April 1, 2021

In its latest push to equal the playing field, the Pentagon has decided to give non-traditional dog breeds a chance to become military working dogs.

Among breds in consideration are Chihuahuas, Yorkshire Terriers, Pomeranians and miniature poodles.

When a high-ranking official made the suggestion that the handlers may be mistaken for Paris Hilton, that official was dismissed from his post and scheduled for mandatory sensitivity training.

In Push For Diversity, Military Canine Units To Give Equal Opportunities To Chihuahuas

LACKLAND AFB, TX—Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has directed all branches of the military to step up diversity efforts when it comes to working dogs in canine units. For the first time, the military– which has always favored German Shepherds in the past– will admit other breeds such as Chihuahuas and Pomeranians.

“We’ve always had this narrow-minded view that the German Shepherd is the best dog for chasing down dangerous terrorists and sniffing out improvised explosive devices,” said Austin. “But why not Chihuahuas? Why not poodles? Bringing in more dog breeds will increase our diversity– which is the greatest strength any military can have.”

So far, there have been no Chihuahuas capable of taking down a 250-pound man by the arm, so the military has elected to eliminate that test altogether.

Military leaders confirmed the current plan is just to invite every breed of dog and hang out, eat doggy treats, and have a good time while taking diversity courses.

“We’re proud of this beautiful mosaic we have created here,” said one Staff Sergeant while knitting a cute sweater for Squeaker, his working dog. “This is what our military is all about!”

To those readers that need a fine point put on this, and are not familiar with the Babylon Bee — April Fools!

Category: "Teh Stoopid"

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Green Thumb

I want some of what Austin is smoking….


And all the Cats are in HQ doing nip and laughing too…


Man, it was horrible, all those naps…


Oh my heart… scared the fur off’a me with this one.

President Elect Toxic Deplorable Racist SAH Neanderthal B Woodman Domestic Violent Extremist SuperStraight

“Among breds in consideration are Chihuahuas, Yorkshire Terriers, Pomeranians and miniature poodles.”

HEY! Let’s not leave the Corgi out of this! Queen Elizabeth II would be MUCH displeased!


I challenge anyone to find the substantive difference between https://babylonbee.com/ and https://notthebee.com/ most days. 🤡🌎

Daisy Cutter

“So far, there have been no Chihuahuas capable of taking down a 250-pound man by the arm, so the military has elected to eliminate that test altogether.”

Well then, lower the standards. Duh.


We laff at this, but be careful how much you laff. We never thought that Animal Farm and 1984 would become “How To” books. These are strange times we living in.

“…Behold, a White Horse…”

Never been a fan of April Fools Day. It was on this date in history, 1963, that our Papa, a Gun Bunny Combat Veteran of WWII…Btry C 741st FA was killed in a truck accident not 5 miles from home. He left a 33 yo widow, 5 young’uns and one on the way that he didn’t know about. Mama had had several prank calls during the course of that day when a call came thru that she needed to come down to the local hospital to identify and claim his body. 5 minutes after she slammed the phone down, Papa’s Boss and our Preacher showed up to deliver the news. I had been waiting about a mile up the fork in the road to sit in his lap and drive the big truck the rest of the way home. Sometimes it still feels like it happened yesterday.


Some of that didn’t seem too far fetched. Customs Border patrol and USDA have used a number of smaller dogs, beagles, etc. To sniff search bags for contraband drugs, food, explosives in bags cargo at aerial ports for years. I believe sea/ontainer ports as well.

My biggest fear is some of those dog substitutes like the one in the sweater might get caught in the throat of a real dog like the GSD or a Malinois when they ate it.

If my sisters cat is bigger than it ain’t a dog.


OK, OK, OK, stop making fun of ankle biters!!!!

Everyone knows that poodles are not just for looks. They are also hunting dogs, even if they look ridiculous in those poodle cuts. (They really were bred to be hunting dogs, for real.) They are smarter than the average alley mutt, and are easily trained, as are several other small breeds.

Just because they have ridiculous owners, it does not mean that poodles are not useful for the real world.


POODLES were hunting dogs. Toy, miniature, etc. poodles were not bred as hunting dogs.

Now dachsies? Dachshunds were bred to go down badger holes after the badgers… mean little bastards.


Standard bred poodles were originally bred for and used as hunting dogs. A hunting acquaintance had one. He said out of all the hunting breeds he had owned, that black poodle was the best hunter he had owned. The dog could hunt, point and retrieve every type of game bird, including ducks. He said that poodle was also the smartest dog he had ever owned.


Well, what about bassetts? They deserve something besides the image of being noisy couch potatoes!


True enough for Standard Poodles ( real dogs IMO). Remeber the episode of Duck Dynasty when Uncle Si had one along on a duck hunting trip as a retriever.

Slowest Joe

I don’t have a big dog, but I do have a big, massive, cock.

He is a big Red Junglefowl called Coco, and he likes to fight with other breeds, especially the Rhode Island Red hens.

The Stranger

Ummm…he’s not supposed to FIGHT with hens. Just how much Bud Light do you give this rooster?

The Other Whitey

I dunno about all this, but I’m getting a dachshund for our new family dog.

Mustang Major

Unfair leaving Shih Tzu dogs out of the program.


April fools aside, I’d be willing to champion a DOD breeding program for the Buryat-Mongolian Wolfhound.

Sun Tzu said that it’s best to win without fighting. Few things inspire surrender like a hairy Rottweiler the size of a pony that, unlike most wolfhounds, is still bred to fight off wolf packs.


Bout the size of my dog, but dammit now I want one.. Had intended to breed the momma (full Great Pyr) with an Anatolian Sheppard, or a Burmese Mountain Dog, but complications prevented that…


Time to start pushing for transzoomorph rights. Just because they were born biologically a cat doesn’t mean they can’t do a dogs job.



I have a large German Shepherd. There might be a drawback to a large protective breed like that

Summer of 2019 my wife and kids were visiting friends/family in Arizona/Nevada. My wife doesn’t grasp the fact there are different time zones.

On Sunday morning she called the house looking for me and couldn’t reach me. She called friends and they came by rang the bell, the dog answered (not me). They saw 2 cars in the driveway (we own three).

They called the sheriff for a wellness check, the deputy arrived and when he knocked/rang the bell my dog announced his presence with authority. A discussion ensued on what they thought the dog would do if they broke down the door.

Bottom line cooler heads prevailed and when I returned home after church and stopping off for some BBQ and a shelf check at the BX, I got debriefed first from the neighbor and later from my wife,

But it made me think now that I’m getting up in years what would happen if emergency responders came to my house and my 4 legged companion was doing his duty and guarding us.

When this friend passes his replacement will be something smaller and less intimidating.

AW1 Rod

I wonder if the dogs’ fur colors make certain dog lives matter more than others.


As with rifles, there actually is an observable bias against black dogs, and rescue organizations have formed to directly address this phenomenon:



Among others.