Air Force veteran, legendary badass going to court to defend his erection’s honor

| September 11, 2020

Chuck Norris tears cure coronavirus. Too bad he never cries.

It seems there’s a company out there selling boner pills through deceptive advertising. The clickbait uses Norris’ likeness to get you to click into a fake Fox News article that claims Norris has developed a new erectile dysfunction pill.

Obviously this is false, Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Since then, Norris has used his extensive knowledge of Far Eastern disciplines to maintain unerring control over all of his bodily functions. Legend has it he once urinated in a semi’s fuel tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime. Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.

TMZ reports;

Source; TMZ

Category: Air Force, Exploitation, Hollywood, Internet

Comments (32)

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  1. Twist says:

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

  2. Harry says:

    Chuck Norris never joined the Air Force.

    The Air Force joined him.

  3. Ex-PH2 says:

    Oh, lawdy, is nothing sacred any more?

  4. Anonymous says:

    You can’t make this stuff up.

    • Hack Stone says:

      Apparently Bio-Molecular Solutions made it up.

      You have to watch out for any company that has Solutions in their name, they are a shifty bunch. Wondering if Bio-Molecular Solutions has a door on their mailbox.

  5. ninja says:

    “When two friends spot Chuck Norris at their local diner they swap stories about Chuck’s folklore, and wonder aloud “If he’s still got it.” Watch what happens when they decide to challenge Chuck Norris’s abilities.”

    “I heard Chuck Norris….” Fill In The Blank!

  6. chooee lee says:

    I took Provita and now my dick is harder than times in 29, it is so hard a cat couldn’t scratch it.

  7. That company pulled a real boner by their false advertising.

  8. Skyjumper says:

    One of my favorites……

    • Mason says:

      That video is obvious bullshit. Everyone knows you couldn’t get two C-5’s to be airworthy at the same time.

      • SFC D says:

        Do you know what it means when there are ten C-5’s on the ramp and seven are on jackstands? It means they ran out of jackstands.

  9. Twist says:

    I heard that if you talk smack about Chuck Norris online he will appear and smash your face with your own keyboard. I call bullshit on that since Chuck Norris is a pusspaowheoaig;oaihgosahighasljgaohgagea

  10. Jay says:

    Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky, and is currently ranked #3 in this week’s AP Poll.

  11. Hack Stone says:

    Chuck Norris once called a Delaware street thug named who goes by the name Corn Pop “Esther Williams” and lived to tell about it.

  12. Green Thumb says:

    Met him a few time back in my younger DC days.

    He was old then. He would come by and shake hands with the boys, etc. The brass would literally close the door on you so they could work his balls. Hey, its Chuck, after all.

    He looked pretty old then without the make up. Short dude, to boot.

  13. NHSparky says:

    Chuck Norris dribbles bowling balls.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    Chuck Norris uses pepper spray. On his steak.

  14. Slow Joe says:

    One day after eating at Texas Roadhouse, Chuck Norris farted, and got propelled into outer space all the way to Mars. That’s why there is no life on Mars.

  15. Roh-Dog says:

    The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris shaves by round housing himself in the face because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

  16. Hondo says:

    When asked about Provita, the former Speaker of the House, John Boehner, had no comment – other than to say that he wished people would quit misspelling his name when referring to them.

    (smile)

  17. Devtun says:

    Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

    Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade, and killed 50 people…then it exploded.

    When Chuck Norris left for college, he told his father…you’re the man of the house now.

    …And to be serious for a moment, SGM Thomas Payne is to be presented his MoH today by Pres Trump. Only the third D Boy to be awarded. Don’t expect a book by the SGM anytime soon.

  18. Joe Mama says:

    Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.
    World War II ended Sept. 2 1945.
    What a coincidence.

  19. KoB says:

    Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear Rug at home. The bear’s not dead, it’s just afraid to move.

  20. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Chuck Norris once shot an azimuth that killed an entire Enemy platoon.