William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Just noticed that Kiaya, probably sock puppeting for Fat Boy Derek Church, takes a shot at the Army Reserve (and me) with the “weekend warrior” comment. See @81…
Well, dipshit Church, your DD214 shows you as “National Guard” which makes you a “weekend warrior”, too. So WTF, bedwetter?
Discharged as an E-3? Pathetic. At least I got to E-5.
Oh yeah, the “bedwetter” thing. Here’s the definition for you, asshat:
“Noun 1. bedwetter – someone suffering from enuresis; someone who urinates while asleep in bed.” Usually caused by lack of self control, physical and mental disability. That would be you, Chubby.
GFY, bedwetter.
RIP is now known as RASP, Ranger Assessment and Selection Program.
Epic. Classic. Keep up the pressure until this turd submits.
Gaspasser.
For the record, I’m in the National Guard, and I haven’t wet the bed once since I quit drinking.
I know he has 9 charges on him not sure what for, and the only thing I don’t know who all they are screwing over, I just found that profile they will keep making more if I find any I will post and if I find out anything else I will post. Kiaya is all about money, money, she is so lazy she won’t even get up and take her son to school her mom does or Derek, she uses the child support she gets for her kids on his kids all I know for now.
Oh yeah Kiaya was married to her ex when she started talking to Derek, The low life worked with her ex at the fire station.
I read the post on the News Topic and Kiaya and Chirs were not split up for a year, that fat bitch was cheating on him when his brother was in the hospital, she only married chris I thank one because she was young and did not thank he would return from over seas, so that bitch was looking for money.
@408 PH2
That, too, no doubt. Big time… Brown & yellow sheets. Ugh!
GFYourselves, Derek Fatty and Kiaya fattie.
@413 OldSarge, emulating Green Thumb can be fun.
If Kiaya’s all about the cash, and her Fat Bastard hubby isn’t working, how’s that going to work out?
See, now my cynicism is kicking in. Must be the cold weather again.
On another note, the county court building, an extremely modern and up-to-date on everything building, developed frozen pipes and sprang a massive leak in the lobby. When I saw that, I thought of these two lovebirds.
And then there was that news item about NYC firefighters and cops arrested for disability payment fraud, going back to 1988. Here’s a link to that: http://news.yahoo.com/eighty-retired-york-cops-firefighters-charged-disability-fraud-002735556–finance.html
Here’s another link: http://abcnews.go.com/US/huge-911-fraud-case-accuses-retired-york-cops/story?id=21445783
It may end up totaling 100+ in this scam.
So, there is no harm in the stolen valor stuff, huh? No one gets hurt by it? So, scamming hundreds of millions of dollars in disability payments out of the taxpayers is harmless fun?
Yeah, it’s a felony, and it applies to defrauding the VA, too.
@414 PH2
The Thumb is one cool dude. A hero around here. Sleeps on dry sheets.
Dry, very dry.
One of these shitbags coming on and trying to defend himself is like hanging a meatsack in a cage of lions.
Had to check back and yes y’all still on duty. Respect and and admiration to you all.
If Gunny Driveway had a son…he would look like William Derek Church
Waiting for his Ranger buddies Lou Al Sinder, Dave D. Busher, Will Russell and Gerry West to come to his aid.
Apple89, seems like you know these two intimately, as do I, but I have to clear something up here in your last few posts. Kiaya does not spend her child support on Derek’s kids. From what I hear, its spent on manicures, movies, eating out, dance lessons, maybe a bill or two, not really sure, but as a close family friend of those kids and their momma, Derek’s ex provides all those kids need and more. Derek hasn’t held a steady job since 2004 and his ex, well finally tired of all his crap and lies, split wonder why?….. in fact Derek and Kiaya do not anything for those kids his or hers from what I’ve been told, all they do is lay in the bed all day, the kids are left unattended and to fend for themselves, in fact what I’ve been told, if it wasn’t for Derek’s little girl, those little ones wouldn’t even get to eat. I know you said she was lazy, but that money is spent elsewhere. Need to know more, we chat…
Just got back up at 1AM here, nothing new, heading over to chat with friends who are downrange and just having their morning coffee. Methinks the round chump is shitting his shorts, wondering what comes next.
See y’all in the morning.
What a jacked up mess. Does the army have a high and mighty uniform shop now? Can’t imagine doing a CA with this guy helo would not get off the ground. No room for ammo in his ruck, just food, water and Lots of donuts.
A lot of women like a long train on their wedding dress. That may explain the extra long trousers on his wedding photo.
Love when people who know the Posers come on in and confirm that the guy is in fact a dirtbag…
@420 Mommaluv, you seem to have a pretty intimate knowledge of old Fat Boy william… who is the other “William”? The one he claims was with him in the War? Better yet, what was Tubby doing all those years he claims he was in Iraq (a full year before any other US Troops)?
If anyone can prove the kids are being neglected, do it.
@424: What was he doing? Well, it sure wasn’t PT.
I at least gave fatboy the benefit of the doubt and assumed he held a steady job; now it turns out he’s a lazy, shiftless, unemployed slob who, along with his lazy slob wife, neglects their kids. It figures…
@427
Like we said before..rarely do these guys do this in a vacuum
@428: This POS needs to be hooked up to a vacuum to suck out the bloviating hot air in his fat lying body…
William Long Pants: “Look, I’m not going back there. It will only get worse.”
Mrs. Long Pants: “I agree. Let’s just not look at that website.”
[Tick-tock. Tick-tock.]
@#420 Mommaluv: Seems like you are in that area. Few of us are close in on him. How about offering this link to a few of your friends around the area. It would be a genuine “Community Service”, as he surely has an open hand for anyone dumb enough to “offer them a little help”, so they can continue to lay on their large asses. Just copy and paste this link: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182 And it will lead them right back here to us… “Selling collards from a pickup truck”.
Mornin’ Ex PH-2, I enjoyed your WX update in that e-mail.
Turds.
POS.
Lying poser.
Liar, liar, (long) pants on fire.
I don’t know what’s worse — openly lying when confronted with overwhelming evidence of the truth (fat-boy Derek)or having your attorney lie for you (Phildo).
Hey, Frankie. Did the dogs bark in the night?
Hehehehe, Funny you should ask, Ex-PH2; at 4AM, while I was sleeping peacefully with Lacey J warming my spine with hers, and Karma warming my legs; something landed on the roof, (most likely an Owl), and they both went off. End of sleep. They nearly jammed themselves into the dog door battling to be first on the scene. Note: Laughing boisterously at 4AM will cause one to wake and make resuming sleep nearly impossible.
Now I am here laughing at Ms Mommaluv. I do hope she can stop back in and give us the skinny on the two who aren’t.
I wonder, is Christopher Lang seeking fame? We are able to assist in in that effort, as we’ve helped so many before him. Just fire up the ol’ Gooooooooogleizator and let er rip.
Christopher Lang, Christopher Lang, Christopher Lang, Christopher Lang, Christopher Lang, Christopher Lang,
Just to get the ball rolling.
@420 we can chat if you like, I was going by what I was told about her getting his ex little girls nails done for her and etc. I found kiaya’s old profile Kiaya Louise Beheler and it shows her and her ex so she knows all about the uniform.
https://www.facebook.com/kiaya.l.beheler
HERE IS HER OLD PROFILE
Bwwaahahahahaha: She calls this “The best day of my life”. I bet she did think that, feeling that she had latched on to a military allotment check.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=5592412766&set=a.5592372766.7093.595407766&type=1&theater
Just did my part over at the Lenoir news online link posted @ 384. If I can, in a small part, help Derek Church achieve internet fame for his “valor”, it is a pleasure to assist.
Hopefully we can help him gain the notoriety in his home town he seems to crave like the food he so obviously enjoys.
OK Guys…I hate to be the bearer of *bad* news but after extensive research, I found proof of his service.
Here is a photo of him working with his Drill Instructor on hand to hand tactics during basic training.
http://i.imgur.com/E46zshB.jpg
@438, no unit patch? raging high and tight? just two ribbons? think they got married when he was home from basic, or maybe right after AIT?
I wish PFC Beheler well, and I am sure he is glad to have that lazy slob of an ex-wife off his hands and foisted on to the poser derek the dumbass…
As an old 1stSgt with lots of experience with young PFC’s and their sometimes questionable choices in brides, I am sure Mr. Beheler is on his knees every day thanking God that our hero William Derek Church jumped on that grenade for him.
ChipNASA, you are completely demented!
He was just out of basic I believe
It’s official, people: Hell done froze over. Here’s the video, if no one believes me.
http://news.msn.com/us/video?videoid=b59d78c8-d6cb-4c48-3c7a-d3bcadd2b597
Now that we have the official ‘hell froze over’ proclamation, neither of these two imbeciles can protest their innocence and threaten to ‘lawer-up’ and sue us until Hell freezes over.
They were both very young when they married, she only wanted him for his money and I believe that she never thought he would come back from over sea’s. She is a poser as well her daddy is a preacher not a good one at that. They lived in Hawaii for sometime so the bitch got to travel, she used Chris for whatever she could get out of him. He is so happy now just wished he got his kids more, Kiaya said he can not parent, but he is a good parent.
Beheler 13 Bravo Cannon Crewmember · Wahiawa, Hawaii · Jan 2007 to Aug 2011
So, Phony-Tubby just texted me to take the post down because he has apologized. Has anyone seen an apology around here somewhere?
Nope Jonn sure haven’t, and if he is looking for sympathy he can find that between shit and syphliss in the dictionary.
I have not seen a public apology. Of course when we do see said apology, it should include a formal apology from Mrs. Church, as it appears she is as full of shit as her husband.
Jonn, if he did, it disappeared between the folds of one of his chins; otherwise, negative…
I guess I missed that “apology” too, Jonn. I certainly don’t remember seeing anything resembling a bona fide apology from Willie the Blimp for being a liar and a phony.
why Jonn, would you ever take down one of these posts because one of these oxygen thieves had “apologized”? after all, you turn off the spotlight and the cockroaches will come scurrying right back out of their hiding places.