William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Well, Willie wanted to be noticed, and he’s getting his wish.
I’d LOVE to see William Derek Church, Mark Wayne Tiemann and Dennis Chevalier in a fight the the death cage match over a 7 lb block of gubmint’ cheese. 😀
Well, I thought i should send some shame toward the William Derek Church, the Wutound Ranger. We have not forgoten your worthless fat ass.
William Derek Church, The Liar of Lenoir. Phony Ranger, Airborne, Sniper, SSG, Combat Medic, Combat Vet, Vet, BSM and Purple Heart Recipient.
I hope you didn’t think I forgot you yesterday, but I took a day off from the computer. I knew my fellow Veterans would pick up the slack.
So things getting a bit uncomfortable yet, lets see the other half is working and your home alone, every car that passes a thought goes through that thick skull of yours, I wonder if they are here to confront me.
Well its far from over! We will never relent keeping your name in the forefront of the Goggle search monster !
Had to leave Lenoir for a few weeks but am sure Willie will be there when I return. He’s probably relieved now that Bernasty and “Doc” are fighting it out for #1 tournament seed.
William Derek Church, The Liar of Lenoir. Phony Ranger, Airborne, Sniper, SSG, Combat Medic, Combat Vet, Vet, BSM and Purple Heart Recipient.
I just love feeding the Google Search Monster. You are pretty well embedded into the internet for ever at this point.
Oh and lets not forget the Stolen Valor Tournament coming up soon, I am sure you will be a high seed, who knows you might even make the fecal four or better. What an accomplishment that will be.
Guess what day it is, no it doesn’t mean you and the Hippo get to mate, its Hump Day for most working people.
Enjoy your infamy you get more famous everyday !
HEY CHURCH!!!
My efforts are paying off. Got a fresh report from up your way. Are you aware that many of the good people of Lenoir do not approve of your phoniness? The time has long passed for you to get your self straightened out, but yet you lay up in the house with nothing to do but take your dependapottamous to work, and then sit around eating jelly donuts.
Get your lazy behind outside and get the Ranger Tag off the front of that nasty, grungy black Ford expedition, and while you are at it, get the Purple Heart and Airborne decals off the back too. Do it!
It takes a better man than you to Rock those images, much better than you. We’re watching you.
Oh Fuck no, don’t tell me that sack of shit is rocking those stickers.
I’m all about not touching people’d property but if those stickers were to disappear from that truck with nothing eolse done to it I would think no crime was commited.
Reviving this thread a bit. Any updates? Are those stickers still there?
I wonder if that lardnoramus has gotten a job, or does he continue to get fat to the point where he can draw SSI?
Man, this guy is as dumb as a box of rocks!
“The time has long passed for you to get your self straightened out, but yet you lay up in the house with nothing to do but take your dependapottamous to work, and then sit around eating jelly donuts.” – Frankly Opinionated
He looks and acts like the dependapottamous.
We also know who has the mangina in the house and who has the clenis. 😀
I think Willie Poo is a top seed in the tournament.
Have fun getting fatter, with the dependapotomus.
William Derek Church
http://fapit.net/imgs/928/you_win_this_time.jpg
So what’s the latest? Donut boy still hanging out at the Darby Queen?
Figured I would revive this thread a bit
William Derek Church, The Liar of Lenoir. Phony Ranger, Airborne, Sniper, SSG, Combat Medic, Combat Vet, Vet, BSM and Purple Heart Recipient.
Good Evening, another week comes to and end, a work week for just about everyone else but you. Sent out a few e-mails today to check on the progress the VA is making in regards to the FRAUD Investigation. That should be coming to an end very soon.
Also had a couple of requests for your Military records, the ones that the NC ARNG released under the Freedom of Information Act. I would guess you are in for some rather embarrassing questions real soon.
That is all .
I am with you.
Fatboy here has gone silent.
His mouth must be full…..of BALLS!
Yep. This guy wouldn’t know a Ranger if he were choking on his…tab. His NG unit should send his sorry behind to a Pre-Ranger course just to scare him. And the PT would likely kill him anyway.
You should have read the whole thread. This asshole didn’t even make it through basic. His entire NG career was a matter of maybe a few months at most.
Oh he made it through basic and did a few months with his guard unit. Then they sent him to AIT where he failed out and was booted.
From the looks of him Id say he was a fat body in boot who barely made it through.
He spent a few months doing weekend drills with his National Guard unit and the other 5 days a week stuffing his fat face.
Smart money says he showed up out of shape and overweight for AIT and they broke his sorry ass.
Apparently hes been on the road,
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1490423937860012&set=a.1488408904728182.1073741827.100006772607369&type=1&theater
There’s some awesome “liking” going on at Chubyliar’s FB page. That’s how I knew it was totally legit. Nicely done!
Wifey back on facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/JAKK.12612/media_set?set=a.1384822751776920.1073741828.100007476247695&type=3