William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
@#353 Chip NASA: That is nothing less than
OUTFLIPPINSTANDING
You sir, have outdone yourself.
The way some of you Army guys have talked about awards – how they’re sometimes handed out like candy – if this guy actually had any kind of career with the Army, he’d look like Patton at the end of it, not a beached whale carcass.
I see absolutely no sense of pride of uniform or pride of service, just a ‘gimme, gimme, gimme’ ‘tude. It’s what you get from panhandlers who get mad at you if you don’t cough up spare change. Same thing. ‘Gimme some or I’ll hate on you.’
Grow up, church. You’re a waste of time. One of these days, wifey is going to find out what you’re up to behind her back. If you’re as disgusting as I think you are, she’ll take her kids and run like hell away from you.
@353Chip NASA
That is a hilarious picture.
@353. That’s some nice work there. I’m guessing that it may well appear as the official photo in the next Ballduster tourney.
@321: Yeah, I went over how jacked up his uniform is, but I didn’t have the time or inclination to go through it gig by gig. You’re a better man than I, Charlie Six.
HO LEE SHIT!!! I tuned in late, and there are already over 300 posts?!? I can hardly wait to see how it turns out!
Dumbass…
@353: Well done, Chip, well done.
found the new Facebook Bill LOuise Church
Sad thing my kid knows his wife from a long time ago and she is a liar as well, she is going along with it as well her ex husband was in the army so she knows how the dress blues etc should look and were to put everythin.
@ apple89, so you are saying she has always been a tag chaser? well that explains alot
Yes, he is apparently rockin’ it at:
https://www.facebook.com/JAKK.12612?fref=ts
Building the same friends. Joined FB 8 hours ago.
Temperature went up. I hadn’t read the scathing refutations by the missus Church up there in the #70s, until now, and I take back all the things I said about that silly cow being conned. If she’s been conned, from the nastypants attitude she displays, she and that fat bastard deserve each other.
Kiaya, jam it sideways. Ypu have an associate’s degree? OH, that’s really something, isn’t it? I have 30 post-graduate hours past my BA. And as for ‘get a live’ (your words, bitch) well, I do have a ‘live’, and I’m retired from the paycheck world as well, so I work for me now. In fact, most of the people who have commented here have higher post-secondary education and degrees than you do.
Some of them, in fact, have doctorates, BITCH.
If I choose, like some of my esteemed colleagues here, to stay indoors on a bitterly cold day and try to pound it into that dormant organ you have for a brain that your old man is a liar and a con artist, and you’re just going along with his shit, that’s my business, bitch. Got that, BITCH??????
You might try learning a little about spelling and grammar before you do much more posting, B-B-B-BITCH!
What did you get your AD in? Postage stamp designs????
Bye. See ya. TWIT.
So huge manatee is already at it again? These fucktards never quit; it’s like playing facebook wack-a-moe…
Getting the Goooooooogleizator warmed up here:
William Derek Church,
Or;
Derek Church,
Or;
William Church,
Or;
William Derek,
Or;
Kiaya Church,
Or;
Will Chamberlain,
and any or all derivitives of said name.
Etched in the cyber granite that is St. Google’s Altar.
Stands up, hands over the rest of the bottle and popcorn and applauds!
Impressively thorough you guys!
@ apple89. Please send all the info you have to contact tab at top of this page. Most important is names, dates, claims, places, circumstances, people they have screwed over with their claims and any other activities they are involved in that we as a community and or law enforcement would be interested in.
Thanks for sharing!
Carry on.
#366: Now tell us how you really feel about this biatch!! /sarc
@ EX-PH2 (btw the hottest chick at TAH) Go Gettem’ Girl!
Hot Dayum, I hit #368 with my last comment. Terribly significant to me, as that was my Jump School number.
And, a breakthrough in his code talking:
I have just deciphered what William Derek Church
meant with his “6 rounds in the chest” story.
What he meant was “6 round ones in his “treasure chest” while in the forward supine position.
@371 – I occasionally having a good vent. 🙂
Master Chief, I am honored.
After a lapse of over 6 hours, and seeing him leave several comments, I decided to send a followup e-mail to him:
Well, I guess since you have not replied, and have been on the internet today, that you are unable to answer the reasonable and quite simple qualifiers that I offered. I ask those same 5 questions, (first 4 always, the 5th occasionally), quite frequently, both here in poser chasing and in a more professional aspect of my life. To a man, those who have served offer the answer straight up without blinking and without feeling offended. And, to a man, the phonies either refuse to answer or try to get belligerant about the questions.
You have shown me and the other readers/commenters/writers at This Ain’t Hell, just who and what you are. You can close and open a dozen pages at Facebook as William Derek Church, Derek Church, Will Chamberlain, or Will Louise Church. It. does. not. matter. You cannot hide. You walked in shit and the smell is following…
Once again in your miserable life- You Lose, Poser.
https://www.facebook.com/JAKK.12612
Here’s another created about 9 hours ago…I had to feed the animals…
Thank you all for some great reading! Thought I was going to be bored sitting in my barracks all afternoon!
Well I just forwarded this to the 75th Rangers FB page. Hopefully someone there can have some fun with it.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-75th-Ranger-Regiment/190158030999896
William Derek Church, the Round Ranger – look at this profile. These are the men who you are stealing valor from. They have posted many of their fallen on here, and by posing (very poorly, btw) as one of them, you are stealing what they have given their lives for, and taking it for your own without earning it. That’s theft of the worst kind. The pictures on here are of men of the best kind. You are not one of them. Not even close. You are a loser, a fraud, and a charlatan who has accomplished nothing in his pathetic life, and tries to cover up that fact with fantastical tales of glory and heroism. You have been found out, and still you cling to these stories. Why? Because they are all you have left. The only thing you have in your sad pathetic life are your lies, based on better men’s deeds, but none of which are true. You have been out, and now your only legacy will be your lies.
C’mon, PH, say what you REALLY mean….
Ok… I have read, laughed, read some more, laughed again! You can fight this all you want but the truth doesn’t lie.. His son was born in 2000 and then his daughter in 2004, of which he was present for both. In fact and I don’t care if you know who I am, he was married to a good friend of mine for all those years that he claims to have been in the service and never once has he left the state of NC, I think she would have known that and mentioned to me that he was gone, especially serving our country. She is extremely proud of her brother in law who served for over 20 years and has mentioned to me asking for prayers every time he served overseas, I would think that she would have had the same respect for her husband if not more so. You’ve been exposed so just deal with it and tell the truth.
Back to the beret: the Sharpei-ear effect is insulting to Rangers, period.
Sharpeis do not wear Ranger berets like that. They know better.
And since we have seen what the REAL Rangers wear, and how they wear it, this fat bastard and his slovenly bitch of a wife can go pound sand.
Just having one last vent there.
William Derek Church AKA Fatty Dingdong AKA Fats McTits. What a lustrous career as a motor pool speed bump. You dishonor speed bumps, the morbidly obese, and tailors across the globe.
For shame.
@#379 for real: Thanks, I, along with everyone else here sees this in him. Well, except that we are surprised that such a phony would possess the power of fertilization for reproduction. Probably about all he has as accomplishments.
Do you know anything of this new (?)wife(?) of his? Like, do you think she is ignorant of the truth, or is she complicit in his lies? If she is ignorant of the lies, we may cut her some slack. If we find her to be in on the scam, she will get our best in that regard too.
Thanks for offering what you know about this poser. Grab some popcorn and hang around for the show.
I tried to warn the fucker last night about 0130L..make that this morning
My local Lenoir News Topix posting is beginning to bear fruit
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/T0VAFJU7N6LTJ5QVH
Anyone use Twitter, you can post a link to the local Lenoir NC news to this thread, that should get him some local exposure. Here is the link to the Lenoir Local News.
http://www.newstopic.net/
@384
Sorry sir I must have been posting the same time you were, funny how great minds think alike !! Hahahaha
She wore a wed wedding dwess to her weddding.
What was the reason Rhett Buttler told Scarlett to wear a red dress to Mellie’s party? Oh, that’s right – she was going after Ashley and got caught.
The significance of wearing a red dress to an important event like a wedding or a funeral should not be underestimated. It speaks volumes. What a Freudian slip that is!
This dude probably follows Phildo’s rectal workout program.
William Derek Church the Round Ranger, are you paying attention, or are you sleeping off the dozen jelly doughnuts you inhaled? I bet William Derek Church the Round Ranger guzzles day-old jelly doughnuts (day-old ones are usually 50% off) like Paul K. Wickre guzzles T-bird, MD20/20 and Ripple Blanc!
@321 Lets not make in depth on-the-spot corrections to posers. It only helps them trick more people in the future.
Holy crap! This thread blew up today. I didn’t check in because I was busy at work…..Damn. I’m gonna be a while getting caught up on this.
*Rubs hands together gleefully*
@384
Nice job on the post, added my 2 cents worth. The newspaper should do a full page article on his ass.
@Ex-PH2 –
I’m not an expert on dresses, haha, but I believe what you said about red dresses is tied to the “scarlett letter.” Red letter = red dress. It was just a more modern way of showing that.
Just……wow…..
William D. Church: September 30 1995 Completion of AIT Ft. Benning, received PV3 Your record shows that you were discharged in September 13, 1995. William D. Church: Airborne School- Immediately following AIT as a volunteer October 1995; You didn’t go to Airborne School, you were discharged in September of 1995. William D. Church: Received E-4 Specialist You might “receive” ranks in your video games. In the military, you simply get promoted. William D. Church: RIP- Ranger Initiation Processing- Immediately following Airborne School also as a volunteer From End of October 1995- December 1995 The only “RIP” I see is your short military career, as in “Rest in Peace.” You didn’t go to Ranger School, you were discharged in September of 1995. William D. Church: ANOC and BNOC- January- February of 1996; upon Completion given Corporal rank. At your rank, you would’ve gone to PLDC. PLDC doesn’t show up in your records. Second, had you gone to those courses, you would’ve written them as “BNCOC” and “ANCOC”. People may pronounce them as “B-NOC” and “A-NOC”, but they would’ve spelt them differently in writing. William D. Church: Completion of Sniper School- March 15, 1996- May 1996 ATRRS shows sniper school as being a little over a month. It may have been longer back in 1996… after you got discharged and were no longer in… but that doesn’t matter for you. This school doesn’t show up in your record. William D. Church: Upon completion of sniper school received first deployment orders to Panama. Served During the War on Drugs PANAMA- 28May1996-10Aug1996 Many of us here watched that 1993 Sniper movie too. 😀 No, you didn’t travel throughout the Panamanian jungle shooting people. You were in the US, after having been discharged in 1995. William D. Church: First Discharge due to psych eval Sept 1996. You got discharged in September, 1995. William D. Church: Re-enlistment to Reserve Status in July of 1998 A discharge, due to your psychological evaluation, would’ve reduced your chances of getting back in. William D. Church: Worked for NC Division of Prisons in Aug 1998-Sept 2001 I wouldn’t be surprised… Read more »
I work out in the field for a couple of days and missed THIS?
Damn, I gotta win me a Powerball so I can stay home and follow this. For the record, nothing to add that hasn’t already been said.
Church, you’re a shitbag. EOM.
@395.
Funny.
He will get his lauwer on you…FORTHWITH!!!
(h/t to Gunny Driveway- laughing at that guy never gets old)
Loves me some
William Derek Church,
Or;
Derek Church,
Or;
William Church,
Or;
William Derek,
Or;
Kiaya Church,
Or;
Will Chamberlain
Loves’um all!
400!
Has anyone ran a criminal records check on this guy yet? I bet he has a few warrants for passing bad checks.
@393, That could very well be, since Scarlett was hitting on Ashley and Rhett knew all about it.
But there’s that scene in ‘Moonstruck’ where Loretta is telling her father ‘Some day you’ll die, and I’ll come to your funeral in a red dress!’
I took a quick look at the Lenoir news topix column and was pleased to see that someone there spoiled the Fat Bastard’s ‘record’ by saying he was employed 2000 to 2002 at Western Youth Prison. Kind of puts the screws to his claim of being in Iraq in 2001, doesn’t it?
Nice to see all those guys being honored on the 75th Rangers’ FB.
This one – well, I begin to think he may be one of those odd things called a polar body, which erupt from mature cells, but never quite detach, and carry all the DNA info of the mature cell. Basically, a clone. So he’s almost a clone of the Round Marine, who has yet to be identified. What’s up with that?
thebesig @ #395 sez: William D. Church: RIP- Ranger Initiation Processing– Immediately following Airborne School also as a volunteer From End of October 1995- December 1995
The only “RIP” I see is your short military career, as in “Rest in Peace.” You didn’t go to Ranger School, you were discharged in September of 1995…..
When I graduated Ranger School (14-80) we had a lot of students from the Battalions’ RIP program — they first had to be assigned to Battalion before getting a RIP slot, and only after successfully completing that could they attend Ranger School …. but they called it the Ranger Indoctrination Program — has the name changed?
–ghp
@354. Just got caught up and I must take great exception to your besmirching the good name of the late Benny Hill. Besides, unlike this clown, Benny always had a bunch of fine broads running around half-dressed for the entertainment and edification of all of us. 🙂