Randolph Walter German; phony Marine, POW & Vietnam Vet
I hijacked this from Scotty’s house about Randy German who claims that he’s a weapons expert and a sniper. According to Scotty, his awards span over 33 years of service, yet he has one service stripe. I guess the other 10 stripes would make his uniform look crowded and draw attention from his ribbons. But those are a lot of ribbons, for someone who spent three years as a cook, when he wasn’t serving a sentence after a summary court martial;
The Marines differ somewhat with Randy on how many ribbons he has;
Scotty writes;
He claims to be a Marine Corps sniper and weapons expert, yet wears a first award expert rifle badge and pistol sharpshooter badge and none of the devices I would expect to see on the uniform of a career sniper or Recon Marine, including jump wings or dive bubble. As I mentioned, he wears the POW Medal, yet appears in no POW registry I can find. He wears the extremely rare Navy Marine Corps Medal, typically awarded for noncombat lifesaving. And through his many private messages bragged excessively about his Marine Corps service
His defense is that Mary pasted his name into someone else’s records, because, you know, Mary isn’t busy enough that she has to make up phony records. But, there’s more at Scotty’s place. You should click over because he makes up dead wives and pretends that he’s really the “Saluting Marine”.
Category: Phony soldiers
So few people really understand my needs.
Isn’t flirting better than crack and hookers, for pete’s sake?
It isn’t cold, it isn’t lonely, you know who you’ve been with, and you don’t have to go home alone in the dark.
Flirt on, Jas my man, flirt on!
(chuckling) As I said, Ex-PH2: nothing wrong with that. Carry on – so to speak. (smile)
Ex, if I made Randolph have an afair with a crack whore, whatever that is, would I still be off topic?
And pray tell, what is your Golden Retiever wearing?
Gloria…err Tyson.
Hondo, stay away from my virtual property, ’cause Sharnell gonna pay your ass a visit!
Kindest possible regards, Arnold’s Mentor Retired.
I have ham, three Spanish cheeses, crackers, crusty French bread, carrots, radishes, onions and half a bottle of Casillero del Diablo that needs finishing off, plus half a chapter to go.
When I get stuck, I come here for inspiration. I also take naps at my keyboard.
Gloria, if Randoob has an affair with a track hoe, it is his choice. At thirteen years of age, he is old enough to decide if he prefers to work in a cigarette factory in Macao or date a fracker backhoe for fun and profit. It’s up to him/you.
What I really want to know is how my DVD of ‘Eddie Murphy: Raw’ turned into ‘When Harry Met Sally’ overnight.
My rose, my beautiful rose, oh, how I think of thee, whilst thinkin’ what the hell kind of horrible desease I can give Randolph that he’s going to pass on to the world of internet troll hunters…God, agghh, arrow in the back…
You choose my dear:
1. Randolph falls off a ladder whilst working on his roof.
2. Randolph was actually just a cook, who couldn’t cook.
3. Randolph gets on a thread and flirts with you.
4. Randolph goes to a veterans meeting in full dress uniform, and recieves the biggest medal of honor in a place that he would rather not talk about.
This massage will self destruct in five seconds.
Take care, drink up, and don’t vomit the radishes back up, because…
There ya go Hondo, there’s ya love affair sweet cheeks!
Take care, Jas.
Randolphski is a cook who tried cooking in the widow’s walk on his roof and set the house on fire. He trolls the internet finding hapless souls with whom to flirt shamelessly.
He is the world’s best and only flirt, and he is incorrigible.
Stay rambunctious, Sharm-el.
This stuff takes the biscuit, or whatever. S**tstorm Bob gets the man back on the show after the break, then gives him some mike what’s disfictional!
SB: “You feelin’ any better there Rand?”
RD: “Hell, **** no, I feel like a raccoon crawled up my…”
SB: “Sorry, that smell is really…”
RD: (Belches) “What the ****?”
SB: “And we got another caller…yes, err, Hondo is it?”
Hondo: “Am I on the air?”
SB: “Yeah buddy, but frequent flyer miles…blow me…err…”
Hondo: “I’ve been trying to perfect a Beef Wellington, Scotch eggs, and fish and chips.”
RD: “What in the s**t do I know about that?”
Hondo: “But I thought with your experience in the kitchen…”
RD: “My experience in the kitchen was throwin’ knives at Commie’s heads! I once filled a a whole Thanks Givin’ turkey’s *** full of C4, dressed up as a waiter, and served it to the ******* General myself!”
Hondo: “No, but the temprature of the oil in the fryer…”
RD: “I stuck a guys head in a fryer on a black op…”
SB: “Err, next caller…Viagra? Err, Violet, go ahead.”
(This is me with some girly voice, check it out guys)
Violet: “Hi there, a little off topic, but wasn’t both of you spillin’ the thema blood in the same mud? (Movie quote, cool, ha?)
RD: (Belches) “We was ******* blood in every ditch…”
SB: “And yes…Hondo is back with us with a request…I got you babe?”
Hondo: “Yeah, the one with Cher, and Beavis and Butthead.”
SB: “I think we’re getting a little off track there with the new age stuff there Hondo, so let’s sit back close our eyes, and enjoy a blast from the past…”
(Plays some more Barry Maniloo crap)
RB: “Oh, ****, my knees…”
SB: “Get the hell off my Siberean Husky you…”
Show stop erruptlty, corporate assholes!
Sharnell Ludgrow (Divorced Retired)
I figured it out:
You see he is wearing the Prisoner of War Medal because while he was in Correctional Custody during a war … well it like … Prisoner During War … so it is close enough and therefore based on my vast knowledge of Type 1, Class A, Mod 0, Douchebags of the Highest Order … he is good to go!
Sharn L: not bad. But you don’t know squat about music, amigo. According to their movie title, Beavis and Butthead did America, not Cher.
But I’ll give you credit: you got Man-in-loo’s name right. (smile)
Ex, I was on a site, and this goes for all of you trolliglators, and I tracked down a woman who was ignored when she made huge claims about this and that, then created at least another seven characters as veterans because she was none too pleased at having been ignored.
I told the mods, other members, but they didn’t seem to care as long as the world kept on turning on the computer screen.
What the hell is it about people, computers, and the kind of guts they have like a Central American drug lord sitting across the room from a man handcuffed to a chair, with a bloody nose?
I digress. All the best, gotta drink more now, Jas.
Hondo, I gots the cassette, AND the video dude, so…
Now I feel old.
Hondo, I imagine you as a George Takei type with a T-shirt with an arrow pointing in a southward direction, the words above, ‘This Is Off Topic’.
And again, my Ex is off limits, as is Randolph, hero of the stove, twenty purrple hearts for turkey basting, though that was never proven.
Have a beer dude, and think of me and you…oh, shit, Ex just turned up with some suitecases…
Take care dadio, Jas.
Sharn L: enjoy. And find some decent music, for pete’s sake.
(smile)
Hondo, can’t talk now, Ex is coming back from the kitchen with my Beef Wellington.
(Whispers) Bye dudester, Jas.
Beef Wellington and brie en croute… out of crackers, and I ate up all the crusty French bread. So sorry, I’ll be back with more beef and veggies later.
Packed and ready to go. Is the plane warmed up, or am I swimming across the bay with sharks again?
Not one of you has acknowledged my claims about my attachment to the United Space Fleet, either.
Ex, dear heart I acknowledge you with open arms, a big chocolate medle, and Hondo upside down being roatsted on a spit with an apple in his mouth.
When is ya gonna sleep? It’s nighttime here, Sharn is asleep, the vino is running out…
I’ll write yo a poem about being off topic, and the afore mentioned Hondo writhing in pain.
Sweet dreams, and, err, get some Vodka down ya neck.
Jas, or as I was called in Karate circles, Dwarf Lundgren.
Daytime here. Sleep well.
Atop the flames he did lie,
and fore his face the insects fly.
His thought in mind, but one to tell,
how sorry he felt to sweet Sharnell.
As heat grew steadier, neath his chest,
he said that Sharnell’s words in jest,
were but the words of a fool…
Then he got burnt to death! (And it really hurt!)
My dearest, this is dedicated to you, and Hondo needs a virtual slap for callin’ me out on the Beavis and Butthead thing.
The vino doth call, bye, Jas.
Watch yer back, Sharn L. I hear Ex-PH2 takes offense when folks start thinking of her as “property” and starts channeling her inner Lorena – as in Bobbit. (smile)
Hondo! I’m telling Mom!!!
Go ahead, sis. She’s known for years.
From whom do you think you inherited your, um, feisty nature? (smile)
Hondo, your ass is mine!
Sorry dude not in the sense that…And once more, lest we need to duel at dawn, stay the hell away from my Ex less ya wants Sharnell rammin’ your front door in with Randolph’s wheelchair, guns a blazin biatch!
My, how the wonders of conversation on the internet, this marvel, have come on since the times of…Robert Frost, or Sharnell, who said one night whist under the influence of a substance, as yet unknown, “The jungle, an S**t is dark, and deep, and whatever… and I got secrets, (hiccups) or some s**t to keep…no, secrets to keep, before…”(Snores)
Hondo, know your music, ala Michael Jackson, and Sir Paul McCartney, the girl is mine…Ka ching!…just don’t tell my wife, Randolph, the oil covered penguin that he…
Hondo, get a life, a nice sweater, and a picture of Randolph with a giant redwood tree lodged right in his…
Cheers Hondo, don’t let the bedbugs bite.
Jas.
If you two don’t stop fighting, I’m going to smack your little pointy heads together.
I mean it!
Now, I have stuff to write, about full-blown batshit crazy bull goose looneys. It’s a nice day here, and I would rather be outside shooting birds, but I have a commitment to keep. Behave yourselves.
Thank goodness I am no longer surprised at the directions conversations take here at TAH. 🙂
Twist, I did try to get Sharn-eL/Jas his own column post, but to no avail.
Oh, well. It is fun to be able to flirt at the same distance from Earth to the moon.
What fighting? I just told you two to have a good time – and warned Sharn L. to watch his back when it came to offending you. (smile)
I do wish Sharn L would quit projecting his musical tastes on me, though. Sir Paul hasn’t done much worth listening to since “Band on the Run”, and Jackson’s last worthwhile effort was “Thriller”.
Oh well, I suppose I should be happy Sharn L didn’t claim I like his current musical faves – old “Backstreet Boys” tunes and Justin Bieber. (smile)
Sorry ex, Jas.
All right, then.
I can choose between Janis and Adele or Patsy Cline and Tammy Wynette, or Rimsky-Korsakov and Mozart, or Dave Brubeck and George Gerswhin, or the Beatles and the Stones.
It’s true. I was the fifth Beatle.
Patsy Cline is a good choice, but needs more cowbell. 🙂
Twist: 🙂
Dear Ex, I have given serious thought to saying farewell to this cruel thread, for Hondo hath all the manners of a Randolph, lest you wish me stay, and Hondo kiss my virtual *** for while, listen to Moonlight Sonata at least once, and smother himself in hot lard.
On another note, my wife laughed like a drain at the allegation by certain individuals, naming no names Hondolisa Rice, that we were, to quote my better half, “Having cyber ***.”
If I have annoyed the folks here by taking an alternative approach to insulting old Randy, rather than the standard, ‘That sum bitch, I wants to knock his ass out’ more direct method, then I am truly sorry, for as I stated earlier, I am but a jester.
Ex, should I stay?
Toodle pip, Jas.
Sharn L: c’mon, fella. To quote a famous Russian emigre from yesteryear: “That was yoke” – and an obvious one at that.
As far as I’m concerned, you should stick around. Your prose is often funny, which seems to be your intent. And some folks here seem to enjoy reading it.
Hondo, thanks baby, and once more, stay away from my shtick!
And Beavis and Butthead DID do that song with Cher, and a rap one with err, who?
Has you got the hot lard on yet?
Sharnell, Randy the Cavemen will be back, but let’s just hope that S**tstorm Bob don’t get kicked off the air!
Take care dadio, and where my Ex at?!
Cheers peeps, Jas.
Sharne-el/Jas – Your wife is right, you are having cyberro*** but wash your hands afterwards, and don’t tell the children that daddy’s gone completely lulu.
Beeg Hoddno say ees ‘kinda funny’ ees beeg compliment from beeg Hoddno, he theeenks he eeess beeeg honcho, but nobody don’t tell heem no deefferent, ’cause they don’* wanna hurt his little feelings. beeg Hoddno, he verrry sensitive. He can be bribed, too. Send him beer.
So stay. A good flirt is better than no flirt. I demand flirts. Stay and give me amuse bouche.
I must persuade Green Thumb to occasionally add his terse comments to this thread. A Man Of One Word or Less.
EX OUT.
Ex-PH2: bribed with beer? Sure. Does the bribe include chips and salsa, too? Or Bratwurst am Brötchen? (smile)
Ex, love baby, Hondo Doritos is my thing dadio.
Love you peeps, and I am now getting s**t faced, however…
Question, does Randy get a desease in the southern region, get a crack whore for a discount price, then kill her in a cheap hotel room…or use his Nigerian scam powers to marry a former beauty queen from an unspecified Central American country…or, take a bullet for President Long Wang in the newly formed country of Hondomasia?
Rock on babes, and, oh, Beavis and Butthead are due to relaese a DVD with good old Randy, huhu!
Take care, Jas.
No. Beer only. Must bring own salsa, cheeps, and brahhhhhtss.
Me keep talking like crocodile in Pearls ahead of Swine for a while. Eeeess amuse bouche. Stephen Pastis is a French liquor. Very strong. No crazy visions like absinthe. Only zeebas and crocs.
This is Apes Week at Brookfield Zoo. Apes all have babies now. Canuck goose has laid eggs in planter at local bank and does not want visitors. Tiger got loose at circus and went to Ladies’ Restroom, hid in a stall.
World is almost back to normal now.
You decide on dastardly deeds, Sharn-eLLL.
I will have a gynormous bowl of chips and dips (salsa, guaco, bluecheese, ranch, onion) with beer, vodka, whiskey, scotch, and tube steaks in the Rose Garden.
Also, many, many cases of VERY COLD BEER and a George Jones impersonator.
You two can decide the Fate of the World. Bodaprez is not allowed to speak or chew anything but his tongue.
Ex, my dearest are you in need of a little lie down?
Jas.
NO, no, Sharn, just got up. 07:30 here. I need breakfast and pie.
Big day ahead, must finish this chapter, the villain is taking shape. Actually, I have several villains in this story and they are all looney-tunes.
You’re a genius. Bye for now.
All stories at #142 above are true, reported on the news this morning. The world is returning to normal.
Damn! Not talking like crocodile in Pearls Before Swine. Losing my touch.
B: Hey! Waiter! Get me a couple of cold ones in longneck, willya, and hurry it up, tight pants. There’s a bit tip in it for you.
W: Oh, yeah? What’s the tip?
B: Invest your money wisely. Now bring me some beer.
Ex, what are you writing, because, seriously my dear, I have a formatter who has published my first two novels on Kindle, and is working on my third as we speak.
Said person can upload, download, do all of the stuff I can’t. But you can do all of this by yourself, and there’s a young lady on youtube who can tell you how to format the stuff, as Amazon is a bit strict.
Not selling anything baby, just knowing what it feels like after ten years of publishers treating you like a Randolph.
Take care dearest heart, Jas.
Sheren-el, darling, yes, have many, many novels planned, some nonfiction satire also, have finished one nonfictioin draft, am nearing completion of a second, but fiction, draft, but it is difficult to write because the villains are mordant looneys, and I am not, or at least, not so far. The cheese, as people here say, done slid off their crackers and onto the floor a long time ago.
I have a formatter who offers formats for all digital downloads and publishes all genres, including graphic novels. Mine is Indieaisle. Which one is yours? I also want P.O.D. when I’m ready. I like print books, but I know many people like the digital versions. It is the way of the future. I keep (writing) under the rug, observe, and make notes. These people here can be funnier (and are) than a cat in a paper bag full of catnip.
Must go. I need tea and toast with butter and strawberry jam.
Ciao bella, dolce.
So this guy walks into a bar with a M60 under his arm…haha, first opening statement from Randy the Handy Man on his new talkshow with S**tstorm Bob. Check it out guys.
SB: “Yeah, go ahead Steve, you’re on the air.”
Steve: “Is it true that Randy got his nickname of the hose man because of the incident with the horse…”
SB: “We got some great tune comin’ up in a while…”
RD: “Machine guns…flames, all around…and I hadn’t seen a woman in weeks!”
SB: “On line two…go ahead.”
Anonymous caller: “Uh, hu hu, I was like, err thinkin’ about what it’s like, hu, hu, to have fake medals of honor, huhu.”
SB: “Gotta cut you off there for a commercial…”
Second anonymous caller: “Yeah, heehee, and all the purple hearts you got tattood on you wrinkled old…”
SB: “Err, here’s a track by Cer, for our listener from the North Pole, Hondo…I got…holy s**t Rando, what’s that smell?”
(Spins some old record by the Momas an Papas, and scratche the HELL out of it)
SB: “And we’re back…”
RD: “I took on fifty them little Commie…”
SB: Ohhhhh: and an email just in from former crack dealer…”
RD: “I was on a hill in Bong Shing, a knife pointed right into my…”
(Can you believe it guys? The guy plays more Benny Manilow!)
SB: “And we’re back with New York Times best selling authour Randolph, author of ‘Poon Quon- Did I Go Too Far?’ and he…”
RD: “They was askin’ for that food poisonin’…”
SB: “Err, next caller there…Mr. Castro…”
(Me again, dude cuts me off before I got to the Cubine missul criseeze!)
Sharnell Ludgrow (Bounty Hunter Retired)
Ex, the thought of jam on toast makes me want to vomit in bed…oh, sorry, I actually did that …
Great book dearest, Steven King’s ‘On Writing’ classic baby!
Where my Hondo at?
Take care, Jas.
P.S I’ve decided to leave Hondo (tears) what should I do?
Sharn L: maybe grab a tissue and dry your eyes? (smile)