What’s up peeps?
Got an email this weekend from our good friend Dallas Wittgenfeld who was concerned we haven’t held a Stolen Valor tournament lately, and he was clearly traumatized by the fact I haven’t been posting as much. He thinks it’s because my lawyers have a gag order on me.
So, to clarify a few facts for the mentally and factually deficient intoxicated clown:
- It takes a lot of work to do the SVA Tourney, and I have a small child at home. The only time she’s quiet is during Wheel of Fortune, and that’s not enough time to sift through thousands of names and get the tourney set up.
- I hurt my back doing Santa stuff, so I’ve been bed ridden for basically 3 weeks, so I’ve done nothing.
- I found out the other day that my wife is expecting twins. I’ve been in the fetal position questioning why a deity has it in for me ever since.
- Our lawsuit against a disgraced and disbarred attorney continues unabated. For those wondering why we hadn’t sought to have him declared a vexatious litigant, that is now accomplished. Additionally, the court ordered him to pay some of our legal fees. That’s just a start. I’ll be sharing at some point, but if you have PACER, you should go read the vexatious motion, because I think it is the best motion ever written.
- Wittgenfeld will get his. He’s claiming he’s going to sue me for some unexplained reason. To say I am unconcerned is to overstate it. I’ve literally never written anything about him untrue, and he can’t cite to anything. He just makes generic statements that I “lied” but can’t actually cite to a single statement of fact that is not accurate and which is defamatory. He has as good a chance of succeeding as the Browns do in winning this years’ Superbowl.
- The aforementioned numbnuts updated his website this morning to say he is suing:
Schantag-Robbins-North-Shipley-Oliver-Seavey-Davis-Mason-Lilyea-Blowers-Hanson-Tibbetts-Hughes-Cabarle-Bugler-Hegseth-Hawke-Bell-Greene-Marley-Robertson-Waterman-Bailey-Robinson-Caffrey-Burden-Lockett-Waymon-Amundson-McCartney-Cummings-Haina-Wilson-Weir-Burkett-Whitney-Sterner-Holzer
I don’t know at least 1/2 those people, but it should be fun.
NONETHELESS, yes, I will be having a Stolen Valor Tournament. I think Dallas wants to be included, but alas, it will be all new contestants, so he won’t make the field. But it make be a few weeks or even a month, as I have a TON of stuff going on, and I’ve been out of the office for 3 weeks, laying in bed, crying softly into my pillow and watching 11 seasons of Supernatural. Back injuries are no joke. And pain pills make me not poop. So all kinds of non happiness going on.
But, my basic point to this post is yes, I am okay, no I have not disappeared. Anyone with small kids will understand, but I just honestly had a ton of work stuff, and not a lot of time. By the time I get home, I play with my kid, watch Big Bang Theory and go to bed. There’s no friction between Jonn and I (in fact, if I have a boy his middle name will be the same as our Supreme Potentate) and everything is good. My lawyer does not have me on some gag order which these morons seem to think.
That should cover it.
Twins. I am so screwed. If you are the praying type, please throw some up for the love of my life, who is suffering some pretty bad morning sickness, which (despite the name) seems to last all day long.
I liked the look on Violet’s face when I tried to explain that she’s going to be a big sister to not one, but two little ones:
Category: Politics
That’s an adorable little one you got there, TSO! And congrats on the twins! My wife will be delivering Number 3 in July.
Congrats on recent family developments not involving your back, TSO. You’ve definitely got a handful now.
Oh, and DullASS? EAFBOD. Ditto to the rest of the DRG.
I’m a Grandpa of 7 + one in the oven, yet I remember how much free time you get with cutie pies like yours in the picture.
Been there with the injured back too – hope you get complete healing like I did.
Just remember – those kiddos are a lot more important than those SVuckups that pester you. Comfort Mrs. TSO in her distress, and enjoy the blessings of your children.
Prayers for healing and guidance.
If you can find someone with any brand of good inversion table, try it out. It has worked wonders for me, I have a herniated L-4 disc, and it really makes my back feel better. The back doc cites my age as a reason for not cutting.
As for twins, sleep now, you won’t get much for a couple of years.
A friend sent me one, and I put it together yesterday. I actually ended up putting the back part on my dresser and just laid stable for a while, and I felt a gazillion times better. I am a HUGE fan of the inversion table. But yeah, those are great.
Alternate methods for backs are best for as long as you can get them to work for you. I have my Chiropractor on speed dial; therapeutic yoga; Advil (want to use anti-inflammatories, not pain meds, after the muscles go out of spasm) hot or cold packs; lots of rest and fluids, particularly WATER.
How do I know this? Three compressed lumbar discs since I was 19. Once a surgeon gets hold of you, that’s the only road you’ll have from then on. Try everything else first, TSO!
I told my chiropractor that I had first dibs on his roller table, should he ever decide to get rid of it! ?
The water in particular is astonishing. It leaves me Cotton mouthed so been going with V8 splash but I’m drinking about a quart an hour and it doesn’t seem enough. I did go to Chiro and hit the heating pad and hot tub fairly often. First 2.5 weeks were brutal but last 3 days have had drastic improvement.
I was at my wife’s family get together on New Year’s Day a few years ago; as people were introducing themselves, one of the cousin’s wives (with three children, spread way out) declared that if you stop at two, you’re a quitter. Her sister in law yelled out, “I’m a quitter!”
Sergeant First Class is a long middle name.
Just saying…
Eseffcy
Congrats on the twins. Their soon to be big sister is adorable. Get better and good luck. Let’s hope the Pats win this year.
I think you misspelled your Firstie’s name. Isn’t it VioleNt?
Twins? Heeheeheeheehee! Tag ’em and bag ’em or they will run you ragged.
You have my sympathies for a bad back. You might try acupressure. That sometimes works.
Oh – and Dallas Wittless?
Go take a long walk off a short pier.
With WittLE-DiCk its more like take a 500 foot jump with a chute that opens after a 600 foot drop
QuEeFeR aka DaLlAs WiTtGeNfElD needs to take a long walk off a short pier wearing bacon pants…..
There..fixed for ya…
Congrats to you and Mrs.TSO, TSO…best of luck and love..<3
If he’s wearing bacon pants, is it safe to assume that there is a school of hungry sharks awaiting below??
Why yes…yes indeed….he is in FlOrIdA lol…
Waste of good bacon.
Congratulations to you and the wife, TSO! The SV Tourney is one of my favorite parts of TAH, but as the father of toddler with another one in the proverbial oven, I completely understand.
TSO thank you and Jonn for all you do! No worries from this troop. Beautiful little girl Sir and God bless you and your loving wife on you upcoming twins. You just take care of you and your family first and foremost. Let the other unimportant stuff rest. It ain’t going anywhere.
Well TSO I’m on grandchild #5 right now and I can tell you it does eventually get better in spite of what you might be thinking right now..in fact with grandkids you get the pleasure of loving and spoiling the kid with nary a concern over the discipline (unless you an old hard ass Kraut like me) so the grandkids think you’re something way better than their folks….
Sorry to hear you are injured, I’ve been blessed that in the many decades of my existence I’ve avoided any serious back injuries and only have some issues with spurs on my heels….nothing compared to the discomfort of back pain…hope you feel better soon, congratulations on the twins, and I think we all understand you young fellas gotta take care of family first before worrying providing us old guys with hours of entertainment laughing at these lying rat fuck stolen valor clowns…
Congratulations! – 2 girls and you will be hopelessly outnumbered. But such a delight to have young’ns on the way.
It’s 2 boys, I hear.
He’d still be outnumbered. All it takes is one daughter, or so I’ve heard.
Ermahgerd!!!!
…and congratulations
Cute kiddo, and congrats on the twins!
My wife is due with our second in June, so I know how crazy it can get. Not sure how I’m gonna handle all the daily tasks with two, not to even mention the possibility of three. Good luck, and prayers for ya!
JUST THINK about this TSO, a little over twenty years from now you’ll have Grandkids to spoil!
OH, and AS TO The Dutch Rudder Gang, YOU BITCHES STILL haven’t found me or my true identity even till this date and by now *YAWN*, y’all really bore the fuck outta me!
I threaten my kids that if they mess with me I will give the Grandkids energy drinks and send them home with a whistle and unrealistic promises from Santa Claus
Kinda like a sign I once saw in a gift shop that said “UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE GIVEN A 16 OUNCE CAN OF RED BULL AND A FREE PUPPY”. I once had a prissy PITA Brother in Law who ALWAYS had to have things when and where he wanted until one day when he suddenly decided he was going to interfere with my time with my nephews. By the time he arrived each had “accidentally” drank two cans of Mountain Dew (*OOPS!* me lost count! ). He never again interfered in my time with them, who knew that Mountain Dew would make a six year old that hyper?
Congratulations, TSO! I’m sure your new additions will be just as adorable as their big sister. On the morning sickness thing, just one word: Phenergan. Wonder drug. My hubby swears it gave his wife back to him when I was pregnant with one of ours. And prayers for your back issues!
Yet another reason to support the war on Christmas…one child possessed by the Anti-Christ can take out Santa in an instant.
I figure you will get some sleep sometime around 2025. In the meantime, I hope you have the stomach for lots of diaper pudding in the near future.
My kids never had their own Flying Clown concerned about their father. Some guys have all the luck.
Well TSO God Bless you and Violet and Mom and the buns in the oven.
You’re going to need it.
Took a moment to search the archive for the old tourney “winners”. I was wondering myself if there was going to be one again this year. Lots of people really had their A game on in those tournaments.
Congrats on finally getting the justice system to bitch slap Danni-boi. Not like it will slow him down, will it?
As for the twins, well, I’m single and free and the thought of that scares me more than combat ever did. Congrats.
The water in particular is astonishing. It leaves me Cotton mouthed so been going with V8 splash but I’m drinking about a quart an hour and it doesn’t seem enough. I did go to Chiro and hit the heating pad and hot tub fairly often. First 2.5 weeks were brutal but last 3 days have had drastic improvement.
Congrats on the twins. As far as the not posting – I understand this is a sort of hobby, and family and work need to come first.
As far as being screwed with twins, well, if they’re twin girls you’re going to be SERIOUSLY outnumbered in that house. Better get to work on the man cave while you still can!
Dallas is a turd.
Also, let me know if you need some help seeding.
I am here.
TSO, congrats on the twin buns in the oven, I understand the back pain, I have had it bad for 20 years now, the drugs don’t even help anymore! They just put a neuro stimulator in my back. It does help some, I hope they legalize weed soon. I think that is the only thing that will help? Tell me about this tourney thing, I am not aware?
It’s where we (the readership of TAH) get to decide who the most prominent power of the year has been.
TSO usually runs it.
“Poser” not “power”-iPhone autocorrect strikes again.
Oh god, that fat lard ass Church. That was a good final four.
Meant for this to go under the post below from CWORet
A yearly bracket tournament/contest where TAH readers vote for the nastiest of the nasty stolen valor douche-pickles for the year. Here’s a sample: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=57379
You can search the archives for more. Hours and hours of funny. Hey, maybe your brudder will make the list?
The more you know him, the more you would vote for top ten at least! I thank all of you folks for your support!!
“Also, let me know if you need some help seeding.” That’s a helluvan offer GT, but with a little one and two more on the way, I’d say TSO needs no help whatsoever.
I suspect that GT intended to type “feeding” but…
as it stands, it’s hilarious.
Yeah.
My bad.
“Seeding” as in seeding the SV tourney. Getting all them “ducks” in a row.
Makes sense.
TSO, you’ve got a real cutie there. Concerning your back, maybe a TENS unit would be helpful. I have one and it is very helpful. Best to you and yours …
Wow, TSO… you’ve got a lot of good going on with the home front! For your back look at a massage therapist to help out – I’ve had back and shoulder problems for a long time and I go to one… it really makes a difference.
AS TO DuLlAsS, aka: QuEeFeRs – he must be all ass hurt over the love of his life (Danni-boi the disbarred one) getting all pimped slapped by DA JUDGE that he wants some of that action. Plus, we all know how “well” he knows the legal system, from his own personal “poundhimintheass” experience.
Congrats. I have 2 sets of twins so I know how you feel. Don’t worry, when they get older they pretty much keep each other entertained.
My wet dream is for congress to have a hearing on Stolen Valor and No-gas Burnt-ass showing up as an advocate against people getting exposed and getting grilled by Trey Gowdy.
The Honorable Mr. Gowdy would be all over Lawn Dart Danni-boi like a bulldog on a pork chop.
Screw CSPAN, I’d put that shit on PPV where Bernath would get (verbally) treated like Ronda Rousey!
It might be more entertaining, and for a much longer duration, if we just did our own tourney. Let TSO attend to his other priorities.
We could just use a WOT. Chaotic? For sure. Conclusive? Probably not. Then again, do any of us really care?
Just mix a couple of Bisacodyl into his drink and he’ll be shitting bricks for a week…
Trust me on this one…
I heartily second the TENS comments above. Mine has done wonders for my back problems and has made it possible for me to not need any meds at all.
BRAVO ZULU on the twins !! I hope everybody is healthy, happy and finds inner peace.
All-day sickness sucks. Only thing we found out to help is always having something ready to eat/drink for those few brief minutes the nausea vanishes. Kept an ice chest with ensure and chocolate milks next to the ex-wife at all times so she could drink something during those few minutes when she felt better. It seemed to help
For some reason, and yes, I know this sounds weird, but I can not stand the TENS machine. It feels super invasive and it makes my teeth hurt. I don’t know why, but even when I had my nerves testing I just wanted to leave and forego the service connected disability because it just made me feel violated.
Depends on where it is on me. I used it on my shoulder and back. As long as the issue was muscle soreness related, it worked. Any sciatica or tears, it was pretty much useless.
Although it was freaking hilarious using it on my shoulder and cranked up. Looked like that robot that was trying to masturbate something to death….
Um TSO, you might want to read a book on what causes twins….;-)
Bad backs bite big time, my condolences.
Give that cutie a hug from this Grandpa of two.
It’s two-headed storks, right? Right?
I recognize the look she is giving you in that picture. That is the little kid “you are so full of crap” look. It wasn’t when you told her about her new siblings, it was when you trikes to explain to her who the DRC were and what kinds of shenanigans they were up to, wasn’t it?
Congratulations on all of the good news (including the vexatious litigant finding). Hopefully your back will feel better once you no longer have to carry around the weight of dealing with Bernath’s lunacy.
P.S. I seem to remember that Dallas was not the winner of the tournament the year he was entered, so maybe some kind of “lifetime achievement in the field of spectacular douchebaggery” award would be appropriate for him this year.
Bernath would still win that trophy. DullASS is like that yippy dog in the Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Once Bernath gets his once and for all legal pimp slaps, I’d wager Wittlessfeld goes away quietly.
I think we could make room for more than one winner of the “life-time douchebaggery” award. Sort of a stolen valor Hall of Infamy.
Re ‘the look’. I’m convinced that girls figure out how to manipulate the man in their life beginning at about 3 months old. Boys don’t figure this out until they are about 15. This stunted development in boys continues through life.
Congratulations on the twins and the litigation – and prayers for the rest of it!
I have to add, that cutiepie sitting at the top of the TSO page all afternoon makes a welcome change from some of the non-WOT photos that end up there.
Make that “I have to add TSO, …top of the
TSOTAH page…”Typing and thinking two different things….
Thanks for all of the good advice, the stimulator they implanted in my back is kind of like a tens unit on steroids. They surgically implanted the wires by my spine, then they put in a pacemaker like device in my back. I control it with an I Phone thru blu tooth. I can adjust the level of stimulation and where on my spine I want it. Helps dealing with the pain most of the time, but I still need the drugs. That’s why I think the week might help? It has been many years since I fired one off, but what the hell, nothing else has worked??
That was supposed to be weed!
TSO…how much is it gonna cost to put three younguns through the agoge these days?
First he has to get them through firearms training, get them each their own set of firearms and the ammo to become proficient, buy them Life Memberships in the NRA…
But the payout will be when the first teenage boy comes over to pick up Violet for a date, and she, her Daddy, and her siblings are all sitting in the front room cleaning their guns, with their shoot trophies over their heads.
That boy will walk the straight and narrow.
Like this one?
https://youtu.be/wZE-EDGw2vo
I read thru the list, and DAMN! I’m not on it. I feel SOOO neglected.
Here’s to you, Dull-Ass Witless-Feld.
Deplorable..
Neither am I and getting emails from the PIG makes me feel so LOVED. I can’t imagine how my life would be without the assholes threatening daily emails that end with LRP COMETH. I’m still waiting…
One of the most blessed things that happened to me, occurred a couple of years ago, when I got logged out of my g-mail account and was unable to figure out a way to get back in. I got a new e-address, let all who count know what it is, and have not had anything from the Losers in a couple of years.
It’s hard for me to read women’s faces, especially the short ones. Masking the jealousy, or preparing to assert her authority?
Just remind her — if they’re boys, they may start out smaller and weaker, but they don’t stay that way.
TSO,
WOW! Beautiful little girl, but, but, is she mine? Dallas WITTGENFELD emailed me saying I’m your wife. When did we get married and have a baby???? Oh, I’m pregnant with TWINS?
The KING OF TURDS has misidentified me and still has not COMETH…
NOT on his list of witnesses or Defendants…
Dullass was best defined in that “Hitler” video that said that he would get lost in a skydiving jump if it weren’t for gravity. That line alone had me watching the video several times.
I lost the link the video, damn it.
That is one CUTE little munchkin! We’ve got an almost new (8 months old) granddaughter named Violet, or Violeta, Sigalit, and who knows what else. Can’t keep my wife home anymore with a cute granddaughter nearby.
Our grandkids nearby keep my wife happily at her sewing machine. I think she’s finishing up a pair of warm pj’s today…
TSO, I can understand only getting new candidates for the SV tournament, but can we get a Lifetime Achievement Award for some of the big names?
I suggest a “Blue Falcon Hall of Infamy” where they’re ranked, I’m quite sure who the top five would be!
Three stages in a child’s life: getting he/she to talk, getting he/she out of diapers, getting he/she out of the house. Except for liberals, most of us survive and accomplish the first two in relatively short order (even with twins). The last stage seems to last forever.
PS pro tip: bottle feeding. I don’t give a damn what the rabid breast feeders say, and neither did my bride. We shared the feeding load. Kids and dogs respond well to anyone they think is a food provider. My rug rats were fetching and rolling over as soon as they could crawl.
May the Good Lord watch over your bride and the two new ones. I hope they aren’t both girls. You’re already in deep doo-doo being outnumbered 23:1 just with a wife and one female child.
Why am I never on the good lists? Wanker
Congrats! I’m in the same boat. Infant at home and watching supernatural and the big bang theory. Thank God for Netflix and my DVR.
What a Bunch of BAT-SHIT Crazy ding dongs talk about needing a life…
I pray I never get that crazy when I get real old. If so someone
Please put me out of my misery
BHWHAHAHAHA ! ! ! !
Congratulations to you for the twins, and tell your love it’ll get much better! And tell your and your wife’s parents I envy them for having twin grandkids! I have five grandchildren but I’d always hoped for twins. I’ll keep you all in my prayers.
Twins? Congrats, but get all the sleep you can now ’cause it’ll definitely be in short supply when those bundles of joy arrive. Best to you and Mrs. TSO.
NOTE: I go the following comment that did’t make it one because I guess it was a first comment:
You gave Wittgenfeld your email? Send it to me so I can send you a virus. Also, your daughter looks like she has Downs. It’s a shame that people as dumb as you aren’t forcibly sterilized in this country.
________________________
So I sent a email thanking this person for the comment, and noting that all babies, even with down’s syndrome are beautiful, and while I know he meant it to hurt me, it only made me laugh. Shockingly, this brave individual used a fake email address.
But his IP Address is 55.201.14.18 if that rings any bells.
Well, the IP locator says it comes from Fort Huachuca, AZ, and that it’s a DOD network computer. In fact, the IP tracker says it comes from Headquarters USAIC.
So if that was a fake e-mail address, obviously it’s someone with far too much time on his hands.
Sounds to me like one of the School’s employees/cadre/students needs to explain why either
(1) a network device under their control wasn’t properly secured,
(2) why their account was used by someone else, or
(3) why they were using government resources to harass a member of the public.
As I recall, DoD takes a dim view of all 3 of those cases.
I doubt it was used by someone else, Hondo. I’m too cynical about why people do and say the stupid things that they do. I certainly would want a one-on-one episode with whoever did that. It’s inexcusable.
Yeah – real “brave” pos there.
No Stolen Valor tourney because no one still comes close to me. I’m the most stolen valor mofo around….and the most rotund (which is saying something)….and with the tiniest penis (which is also saying something).
Giduck is a warrior name translated from Russian for “chief gobbler of Cossack cavalry spooge”. I assume that means some time of turkey caller to flush out the enemy. Has “Dallas” done anything with the cavalry? No.
“Dallas”? Who the fuck names their kid after a state?!? Jeebbusss…..
sincerely
John “Faker 6” Giduck