Federal Charges in Haitian Island Coup Attempt
Fantasy Island
Airman indicted in plot to take over Haitian island, enslave population
Two Texas men, one who joined the Air Force to learn combat skills, are accused of trying to take over a small island off of Haiti.
Nicholas Slayton
An Air Force service member is one of two Texas men accused of trying to seize control of a Haitian island in a violent coup and plotting to enslave its population. Tanner Christopher Thomas, 20, was indicted by the Department of Justice on Thursday.
Thomas, an airman stationed in Texas, and his alleged co-conspirator Gavin Rivers Weisenberg, 21, were both charged with conspiracy to murder, maim, or kidnap in a foreign country and production of child pornography. The Associated Press reports that both men intend to plead not guilty, according to their lawyers.
According to the indictment against them, the two made a plan to gather a group of militants and sail to Haiti in an armed expedition. They would take over Gonave Island, a 266-square-mile island off the coast. They allegedly planned to kill all of the men on the island and enslave the women and children and use them as sex slaves. The island has a population of roughly 87,000. They also researched and allegedly planned to buy “military-type rifles,” according to the indictment. They planned to use those with their cadre and take a sailboat to conquer an island with tens of thousands of people.
The plot started in the summer of 2024, with Weisenberg and Thomas starting to learn Haitian Creole. According to the indictment, Thomas joined the Air Force in January 2025 to gain military skills to help prepare for the coup plot, while his co-conspirator trained as a firefighter; Weisenberg failed out of the fire academy shortly after starting. A spokesperson for Air Education and Training Command confirmed to Task & Purpose that Thomas was assigned to Joint Base San Antonio-Lackland with the rank of airman basic.
The obvious, fatal flaw in the plan was joining the Air Force for military experience. *cough*
Can’t make this up. Thanks to a Usual Suspect for the link.
Category: The Stupid is Strong, Usual Suspects
It’s been said before and remains true as these mental midgets have proven.
3rd degree stupid burns with this one. Combat skills in the Air Force? Were the Army or Marine recruiters off that day?
The only combat skills the air force teaches are how to not get trampled at chow hall.
Now, if Mr Chair Farce had joined the Grunts or Jarheads instead, he may have learned something something important in the way of combat tactics.
Then again, I don’t think he would have lasted very long in either military branch to learn anything.
Best of luck to him in Leavenworth.
(Does Leavenworth have a military equivalent to the BJTJ Prison Deli?)
Failed Intel invasion
Incel Invasion
Mr. Roarke and Tattoo are not amused.
Boss! Boss!
“The obvious, fatal flaw in the plan was joining the Air Force for military experience. *cough*”
That was my first thought: He joined the Air Force to gain military skills? I wonder what his ASVAB scores were…obviously not a genius.
Here’s their scores from the Whiz Wheel®™:
Tanner Christopher Thomas (FUBAR) 38×7= 266
Gavin Rivers Weisenberg (FUBAR) 34×7= 238
Hack Stone is wondering, as most of you are, exactly what MOS did enlist for. And reading between the lines, he probably failed out of that school.
It was determined that Airman Worst Class Thomas did not, in fact, possess any combat skills. Nor did he possess any non-combat skills.
They don’t teach 3rd World Dictator Skills until week 6 at Lackland.
Not exactly a couple of deep thinkers.
Haiti has the highest HIV rate outside Africa. Even if they somehow managed to pull off their ludicrous plan…..would they really want to?
Big Fish, Little Pond; Little Fish, Big Pond. Your call.
No worries, they will have plenty of chances to roll the dice with HIV in the near future.
Let the Haitian Authorities have ’em. About the best solution available for these pieces of human garbage.
Do they have “authorities” in Haiti?
They don’t. The country is in the midst of a civil war between warlords. That’s why they probably thought they could get away with their scheme.
Hmmm, wasn’t aware of that. Well, give them to one of the sides of the civil war. I’m sure justice would take the form an unmarked grave somewhere on the island.
The closest thing to an authority would have filled a couple of car tires with kerosene, placed one around the neck of each and then given each a last cigarette.
Dude called “barbecue”…
Their plan fell apart faster than a badly wrapped burrito.
They wanted to live some twisted Kurtz/The Man Who Would be King fantasy
What are they smoking, and where can I get it???
What’s the HIV / AIDS rate in Haiti? Do you really think that’s a good spot to sexually subjugate the local female populace?
I see a gap in the weekend safety brief.
Even if they were able to successfully conquer the island, what’s the long term plan? How will they eradicate the male population? Gunfire would take an awful lot of ammunition, just how much are they planning on hauling on the sailboat of theirs? They kill off the males, then what? We’ve all seen videos on Facebook where the female of the relationship goes medieval on the assumption of the male partner, are they going to be on DEFCON 1 while getting night with the voodoo princesses? It takes a lot of effort to run a country or island, even a 3rd World shithole. And Barbecue, the Port-au-Prince warlord wouldn’t Mike adding some Grade-A American beef to the menu.
was the FBI in there encouraging them with their planning? it sounds like one of their operations. air force combat skills hahahahahahahahahaha… good one
El Commandante Tanner Thomas addresses his cadre of formerly unhoused Washington DC commandos:
Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever got laid by dying for his country. He got laid by it proudly strutting around in an Air Force enlisted uniform sporting the highly coveted and rarely awarded Air Force Basic Training Ribbon.
Someone notify Skippy to update the List.
OK I’m way behind on this but I thought I’d share this I found on the intrawebzzz