Fecal Four – Day Two

Seriously, Day 1 was an EXACT TIE between Diliberto and Mailahn.  Who says every vote doesn’t count. 

As a reminder, each day you will be able to vote. The weekly VOTE total (not average of the percent) will win. The math is easier for me that way. So, vote 5 times, and on Friday I will add them all up.

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

HERE ARE THE BIOS FROM LAST WEEK IF YOU NEED MORE RESEARCH. VOTING BEGINS BELOW.

SHARKEY

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: Claims “The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter). Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.”

Actual: National Guard PFC with an Army Service Ribbon and Sharpshooter Badge. (Which sucks for a sniper, hell, even I shot expert)

Intangibles: Looks like a cross between Ron Jeremy and Guy Fawlkes; has lost 7 elections for public office; fled Minnesota with emotionally damaged minor; threatened to impale me, chop off my head and perform satanic rite with entrails; moved to Russia.

As an aside, my reaction to his threat was as follows:

Love the threats, I mean seriously, it makes me chuckle. Okay tough guy, come on up to Indy, we can fight on the War Memorial Grounds. You bring your Secret Service friends, and I will bring my equally imagined companions: Smurfette, Nessie, one of the dwarfs from the Council of Elrond, an Amish porn star, several Minions from Despicable Me, and a couple of your girlfriends from the Niagra Falls area. You don’t think there is anyone that believes your horseshit do you?

I’m still waiting for him to show up.

OLIVER

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: “A member of the unit commonly known as Delta Force, he said he hit the ground in Kandahar after a high-altitude jump with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service. He recalls three days of intense ‘house-to-house urban warfare. It was a lot of chaos and a lot of fear,’ he said.”

Actual: I would say he’s completely full of shit, but his wife Phebe Durand assures us we don’t know the truth because “that’s a threat to national security” and we can trust her because she has a law degree from Cortez Junior High School. In fact, according to Chief Justice Durand of the Supreme Court of Oz, merely mentioning her or him is “breaking the law.”

Intangibles: Dude’s a Drood: “A practitioner of Druidic arts for fifteen years desiring to bring his gifts to the public. Friendly and caring readings and a genuine desire to help you with any questions you have.” Also, he is blind, but wears prescription eye glasses.

The pony tail he sports is an homage to David Carradine,

The grandson of Kwai Chang Oliver walks out of the past. He teaches his son wisdom at a Shaolin temple. An evil force destroyed that temple. Father and son each believed the other had perished. Fifteen years later, they were reunited. Now Oliver faced new challenges… and his son jumped into Kandahar with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.

Carradine was found with rope around his neck and sausage.

DILIBERTO

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: US Marine with service in Iraq and Afghanistan. A political scientist and Christian Theologian, Diliberto is also the cofounder of Veterans for Rethinking Afghanistan.

Actual: Proverbs 19:9, “A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish.”

Yeah, not so much on his claims. Christian Theologian Diliberto never made it into either Iraq or Afghanistan.

The unit deployed immediately after 9-11 by ship. his leaders put him on duty in the kitchen of the ship where he intentionally lanced his hand to get out of working there. When they got to Pakistan prior to their deployment into Afghanistan, Diliberto locked and loaded his weapon and threatened his corporal which resulted in the unit giving him another NJP action and included a bust to Private. His unit went on to Afghanistan while Diliberto went back to working in the ship’s kitchen.

Intangibles: Nothing pisses me off like a turd like Diliberto claiming refuge in the Christian faith. Seriously. Granted a cornerstone is redemption, grace etc, but Diliberto would first have to actually atone for his mistakes, not just compound and obfuscate them. Take for example this comment left by someone from his unit. Now, granted it is hearsay. But assume that this was about you, and that you were a divinity student, wouldn’t you come out and address it?

in reference to the altercation he was involved in inside the barracks, he was bullying a smaller older marine, and when someone his size came calling, it got ugly. He got his ass whooped like the punk he his. he’s a liar, i was actually decent to him, more so than he ever deserved, because i thought i could turn him into a decent marine. His ego and his bs are too much. he can’t be helped. it’s a real tragedy that a news station would put this moron on alongside people who create and change military strategy. he isn’t a combat vet. If larry king ever does a special on midnight firewatch, or njp, that would be the only good time to have this idiot on.

Does that strike you as the kind of person you would want representing either a religious persuasion or a movement?

Revelation 21:8, “…and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone.”

MAILAHN

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: The Youngest Sergeant Major in the history of the Marine Corps.

Actual: “I admit I was not in the corps but I did serve in the army I said I was in the corps cause a lot of my friends that was made fun of the army I was wrong in doing so very wrong now that I admited to this please take my name off your web page and could u send this to the hell website and have them remove this off there site as well I just want to live my life this lie has caused me to lose jobs due to the fact it was on the web and I don’t need to lose anymore job opperinitys u have my permission to post this on the site
Ronad Mailahn Jr”

Yes, he really wrote that his name is Ronad.

Intangibles:

Hog ties his girlfriend, and publishes the pictures.

U can put me on all the websites u want that will be more money for me when I sue
I sent this and the other website to my attorney
John this is called harsment I will be sending this email and the site u posted my info on

Stole $9,000+ from a girl softball league.

I literally can’t do this guy justice, so you should go read the entire thread, but seriously, set aside at least an hour and some Excedrin. But my personal favorite was this passage ostensibly from his hog-tied honey, Jenny:

Cause of you prople Ron tried to kiill himself.

Why can u peple just leave him alone? I love him and I don’t care what he is.Ass long as I am with him. Yes he is tough but this just put him over the edge.Please leave my Boyfriend alone .and like I said how u are all happy with yourself.
Jenny

Jenny adds:

How could u people be so cold a man tried to end his life last night and all u can do is make jokes? Don’t u have any compassion? You all say bad things about him u don’t even know him. he is warm loving carrying man who I love with all my heart enough is enough now. You brought his personal info to this not bad end people called with death threats one of the reasons he did what he did last night. Let me ask you all this have u never made a mistake? Well if you have no u be the first ones to cast that stone.

Jenny then dumped his ass, and he started dating Diana (her sideboob pics here.)

Ron’s Facebook page is still up, and includes pictures of Michael Vick, Jean Luc Picard and Jack Bauer.

Wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand

Now vote:

Category: Politics