Don’t Be ‘That Guy’

| March 21, 2020

Mug shot for Jeffrey Travis Long, 31. (Spartanbrug County Sheriff’s Office )

One of our ninjas sent me this little yarn about a certain Jeffrey Travis Long fellow, and how he took it upon himself to put in for a two week all-paid vaca. Noting wrong with any of that. Trouble is, he didn’t want to burn any accrued leave he had built up. So what does our enterprising lad do?

“South Carolina Man Lied About Positive Coronavirus Test To Get Paid Vacation”

By Robert Gearty

A South Carolina man was facing charges after being accused of forging a doctor’s note saying he had tested positive for the coronavirus and presenting it to his employer which shut down for five days for disinfecting.

Jeffrey Travis Long, 31, was arrested Thursday in Spartanburg County and charged with breaching the peace and forgery, Fox Carolina reported Friday.


The doctor’s note said Long had tested positive for the COVID-19 virus and could return to work in two weeks on March 27 after retesting, according to the station.

Spartanburg County Sheriff Chuck Wright said the Sitel call center where Long worked was in Inman.

“It’s bad enough that everybody’s lives have been put in upheaval just trying to stay safe and get ahead of the curve here and get a grip on this coronavirus without having somebody causing basically massive panic,” Wright told a news conference Thursday.

He said he couldn’t imagine the stress Long caused his co-workers and employer.

“It seems to me that this fella just wanted a two week paid vacation but we’re going to give him a little time in the Hotel California,” Wright said.

Someone is badly in need of a blanket party. Read the rest here: Fox News

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Category: "Teh Stoopid", Blue Falcons, Crime, Dick Stepping, Guest Link, ninja

Comments (43)

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  1. Combat Historian says:

    This dumbass needs to be frogmarched through a pillory line made up of his co-workers and beaten until raw and bleeding…

    What a brainless dimwattt…

  2. Green Thumb says:

    This one is special.

  3. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    I’m sure that Bubba, Thor, Julio and “Tiny Tyrone” will all agree that he has a real purty mouth once he’s in General Population!

    • Claw says:

      The resemblance to Charlie Brown made the Whiz Wheel®™ perk up and take notice, so:

      Jeffrey Travis Long (FRPR*) 37 x 8 = 296

      *Full Retard Past Rutabaga (H/T to API)

  4. 26Limabeans says:

    Guy looks like “chock block” from a couple
    years ago.
    Can’t find his mug.

  5. rgr1480 says:

    “Hotel California” heheheheheh

    With alligator lizards in the air.

  6. 2banana says:

    Like he didn’t think anyone would call the doctor who signed it?

    Not even a PV2 would make that mistake.

  7. rgr769 says:

    He’s not going to like that first night with his cellie when it is time to play “who gonna be da wife.”

  8. 26Limabeans says:

    I wonder what his job was at the call center.
    Selling vacations?

  9. ninja says:

    What a SELFISH Doofus!

    His ENTIRE office had to shut down to sanitize the area and his Co-Workers were sent home for their protection.

    Well, he got his wish about having that 2 week vacation.

    He was FIRED.

    Some Folks Are Dumb.


  10. The Other Whitey says:

    He looks like his gene pool is more of a puddle, if ya know what I mean.

  11. 5th/77th FA says:

    A case where one actually IS as stupid as they look. I usually don’t wish any bad luck on anybody, but it would be ironic if this stupid mofo caught the bug.

    • AW1Ed says:

      Hard to maintain that 6′ social distance in a county lock-up. Especially when one is the fresh fish du jour. No sympathy here, and yes, I know where it lies in the Funk and Wagnalls.

      • The Other Whitey says:

        Right between shit and syphilis, both of which he’ll become intimately familiar with in coming days.

  12. Bim says:

    I feel bad for his fellow employees. Another account said that his work had to shut down and hire a company to completely disinfect the workplace before they could resume operations. That must have cost a big chunk of change and terrified all the coworkers at the same time.

    Something tells me he might want to move out of the area and not leave a forwarding address.

  13. I wonder how Long, Long is going to spend his long long and lonely nights in the lockup. Hey, check out Lee Andrews and the Hearts Long lonely nights 1957 on Grand. Years ago while I was working, we had a guy that took a prescription pad off the desk at the doctors office and used it as a doctors note when he wanted a day off. He got fired when the office found out. I believe he used this routine after his sick days were over.

  14. ninja says:



    What are those Folks Smoking?

    “Union County Man Lied About Being Exposed To COVID-19 Through His Son, Sheriff Says”

    “A Union County man lied about being exposed to COVID-19 through his son, according to Union County Sheriff David Taylor.”

    “Taylor said Robert William Cullum, 43, of Union, told his employer that his son had COVID-19 so he could not get in trouble for being out of work.”

    “An incident report said Cullum worked for Gestamp in Union County.”

    “The employer notified the Sheriff’s Office that Cullum had told employees his son had tested positive for the virus, according to the report. The report said Cullum was escorted off the property.”

    “Taylor contacted the plant manager, and an investigation began.”

    “Cullum confessed he lied to his employer, Taylor said.”

    “Cullum is charged with breach of peace.”

    • Claw says:

      Since Robert William Cullum didn’t heed the sage advice of “Don’t Be ‘That Guy'”, the Whiz Wheel®™ gives him the FRPR score of 240.

  15. NHSparky says:

    Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

    Here’s hoping he gets the big fluffy top shelf banana.

  16. marinedad61 says:

    Next thing, he’ll lie his way onto an Honor Flight trip to D.C.
    Just like Maggie DeSanti.

    Is the Honor Flight charity verifying military service for everyone now?

  17. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    Was the note signed:

    “Epstein’s Doctor”


  18. JTB says:

    How the fuck as a company in today’s day and age do you not verify something like this before you go scorched Earth and shut down…

  19. Anonymous says:


  20. Roh-Dog says:

    Looks like the kinda dude that’d take a trip to Thailand to enjoy the, um, underage sights of the male variety.
    Any idea if his guy intentionally lives next door to a sheep farm and owns a set of knee-high galoshes?
    Is he on a first name basis with the local pet store’s small rodent distributor?