Man Offers Burger for Sex-Gets Neither

| February 7, 2020

Instead of getting some “loving”, Dominic Calderon will be getting some justice. (AVNphotolab)

Dominic Calderon thought that he had a good plan in mind. He stopped at Chili’s and purchased a hamburger “to go”. On his way to eat lunch, he came across someone he thought was a prostitute.

He headed straight towards her and received information on how much she was charging. When he told her that he was going to go home to get the money, she asked him what was in his bag. He told her that it was a hamburger.

Her response? She would take the hamburger instead of money. Calderon immediately agreed and was subsequently arrested. His hamburger was collected as evidence.

From WGN TV:

After officers ran Calderon’s information, they found he was a sex offender on probation. Police said Calderon’s status was confirmed by the probation office and his probation was revoked and upgraded to a felony warrant.

Calderon’s arrest is one of 11 different prostitution arrests all made on Jan. 28 along Central Avenue. The hamburger was tagged into evidence.

WGN and KRQE have the story on this individual.

Category: "Teh Stoopid"

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this almost reads like a reddit choosing beggars post.

a burger for a prostitute? Must be really high class!


I was kinda thinking the same thing


In keeping with the idiocy of his act, and since you were the originator of the multiplier and deserves the Hat Tip, the Whiz Wheel®™ spins up the following score:

Dominic Antonio Calderon (MMWAR*) 30 x 10 = 300

*Mildew Mates With A Rutabaga


If it was a Micky D’s burger it could stay in the evidence locker for a century.


imagine how long it might last if it was the beef patty MRE!


That was the very first MRE I was issued. I immediately questioned my decision to enlist.


you know that the beef and pork patties are non-digestible and may still be in our intestines?


Huey Jock

That’s what I liked about the C’s. They were ultimately digestable. Didn’t have to take a dump for days.

cc senor

Those two did tend to resemble Brillo pads. Same consistency, too.


Reason #247 I joined the Navy. Three (or four!) hots and a cot.


Was it a Big Kahuna Burger?


Naw, Royale with cheese.

5th/77th FA

Wonder if the undercover cop’s name was Clara? Did she ask, “Where’s the beef?”

Homeboy trying to trade a beef burger for a furburger?



“I will gladly pay you tuesday for a roll in the sack today.” – Dominic Calderon


That kinda sounds like what J. Wellington Wimpy (Popeyes friend) would always say:

“Cook me up a hamburger. I’ll pay you Tuesday.”



talk about dating yourself…. phew!!


I thought he said “For a burger today, I will gladly pay you the second Tuesday of next week.”


Wimpy’s actual saying was:

“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”



I can confirm this was the original Wimpy’s quote from Popeye.

Dating myself, I know….

Hack Stone

Can you imagine what she would do to him for a Klondike Bar?


Would she do it for a Scooby Snack?

The Stranger

Rut the ruck up, Rarl!
-Unknown military working dog.

It’s one of the “Carl” memes.


Avast there, mates! Here be the real Popeye, yar!
Pretty impressive, for a blackshoe.

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 A Gang Snipe

At least central ave was beefed up with under cover prossies. I have no beef with that in keeping the street clean of ladies of the night and johns.

Club Manager, USA ret.

Apparently ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. Police would prefer to deal with entrapping John’s than their soaring crime rate. They had the nation’s second highest violent crime rate and its highest property crime rate in 2018. According to an Associated Press story at the link below, “Mayor Tim Keller said curbing crime remains his administration’s top priority, and that the figures show it’s important for state officials to prioritize crime fighting in Albuquerque too.” No wonder he needs state help, his own local police force has it’s priorities mixed up.


I was thinking he probably offered her one of those “Impossible Burgers” some idiot decided to promote.

It proved impossible for him to get laid for the burger…


Randy/Smokey from TPB would be proud


It’s New Mexico! At the very least he should have used a Blake’s Lotaburger instead of that nasty crap from Chili’s.

Green Thumb

I wonder if he super-sized it?

I like this guy.


Folks here know someone who gets off on nothingburgers…

Just sayin.