Drunk Marine: “Go Back to Sleep”
According to a Rare.us news report, a drunk Marine broke into someone’s house at 4 am and started cooking breakfast. When the homeowner confronted him, the Marine said “Go back to sleep.”
Drunk Marine Breaks Into Home to Cook Breakfast, Tells Homeowner to ‘Go Back to Sleep’
A 19-year old Marine decided to nonchalantly break into a Safety Harbor home on Huntington Boulevard and began to cook some breakfast. Because maybe he thought the owner would appreciate waking up to the smell of eggs. I mean, it’s truly the best feeling in the world waking up to a home-cooked meal.
But, obviously, this was wrong because this man just bursted into a strangers house at 4 in the morning. According to police, Gavin Crim decided to sneak into the house and just grab all the pots and pans he could find. Which is what probably woke up the terrified homeowner. So, as he confronted him and told him to get out, Crim just told the owner to go back to sleep ever so calmly.
I was going to call this “Thursdays are for Cooking” but thought it may not be original.
Category: "Teh Stoopid", Marines, Media
“Good morning Sunshine! Do you like your eggs sunny side up or scrambled?”
Anyone breaking into my house to grab my pots and pans had BETTER be a young, strong Marine. Most of my cooking vessels are either thick bottom stainless, or enameled cast iron. I don’t use them for self defense, but the notion has crossed my mind on occasion.
I have a 9-inch wooden-handled cast iron skillet sitting on my stove in as my first line of home defense.
After you bash ’em on the head with the cast iron skillet to scramble their brains, you use the same skillet to — scramble their brains.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
When you have an insatiable craving for SOS, you just gotta adapt, improvise and overcome.
Flori-duh. Again.
This young idiot is damned lucky he wasn’t shot. Waking a sleeping homeowner by breaking into their house at 4AM, then making a lot of noise is a pretty good way to receive undesired high-velocity heavy metal injection therapy administered under unsanitary field conditions.
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through The Marine Corps, son.
Colonel Vernon Wormer
Actually, it could be an excellent way to go through the USMC – e.g., entering through the PI or SD “in door” and exiting through the administrative discharge “out door”.
It’s now essentially peacetime. If this guy doesn’t have an otherwise sterling record and the civilian authorities don’t let him plead to a misdemeanor (I’m pretty sure breaking and entering of an occupied dwelling in FL is a felony), he could well be toast.
At the very least, his command will nail him for underage drinking, on top of whatever final charges he’s convicted of in the civilian court.
He’s done.
Disregard that Snowflake Submission, Hack Stone fat-fingered his phone.
He can always work for All Points Logistics. Word on the street is that they are pretty casual with employees having alcohol related arrests.
Long time no see, TG. Good to see ya back.
Florida has no sense of humor about minor bullcrap any more…
As of this moment Marine you are placed on Double Secret Probation!
This would happen in Okinawa periodically. At least this wasn’t an international incident!
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through The Marine Corps, son.”
Indeed!!
19 years old and he’s as drunk as a skunk? So he thinks he can do whatever he wants? Who’s his platoon SGT? I’d want to have words with him about this.
Thursdays are for cooking, and occasionally, smoking someone’s lame-brained behavior. What if the homeowner is on a tight budget and those eggs were meant to be a one-per-day deal, never mind the bacon involved? If you buy bacon in quantities, you can freeze it, which might buffalo a drunk-assed jarhead on a bender.
Proper punishment for this dorkwad is doing all the chores the homeowner has to do, in addition to his on-base obligations, for a month, every day.
DOPE!!!!
I present to you the newest barracks legend!
Scrambled with cheese, side of bacon, and a bowl of grits. And DO NOT burn the cat heads. Butter and honey on those catheads.
I think the only good he accomplished was giving Ex some brunch ideas for her Thursday segment.
Beg to differ.
Butter and strawberry jam on those catheads, 5th/77th!
My wife and her mother just made and canned a big batch of apricot jam. Utterly, utterly lip smacking DEEEEELICIOUS. Especially on sourdough bread (toasted or not), with or without butter.
And the Mrs Deplorable has threatened me with Unspeakable Punishment if I even THINK about giving away any of the apricot jam.
Steak and eggs in the morning.
Then get up for breakfast.
Semper Fry!
young first term Marine acting in such a manner…
IME…look for a previous, undisclosed psych history (psychotic d/o) he stopped medicating for. 🙂
HOMEOWNER: What the hell are you doing in my — hey, is that Hollandaise sauce you’re putting on those eggs?
MARINE: Yep, and a little paprika to balance out the flavor.
Check out the huevos on this guy!
Those eggs are worth dying for?
The Corps is going to fry his bacon!
Say ‘no’ to pots…, and pans, and especially skillets.
I’m surprised the young Marine didn’t cheese it up for his booking photo.
I think I’m done.
Nah. But this guy likely is.
I wonder if Les Brown has ever broken into a house and made a breakfast while the homeowners slept? Would he be wearing a special chef’s vest and and a custom cooking beret while in the process? The headline for the story in the Elko Daily Free Press would probably be “Local Hero Makes Breakfast for Surprised Home Owners”.
He already has egg on his face so there’s that.
“Local Hero Raises Awareness For Starting Your Day Off With A Balanced Breakfast”
BHWHAHAHAHA !!!!!
I’m sure that Marine’s CoC is gonna FRY his ass for that!
If my MOL research is accurate, he’s probably from Florida and on leave.
Either way, his unit won’t be too pleased about this.
I can see it now at formation:
“I need everyone that didn’t break into a stranger’s house and make breakfast to take one step backward.”
If I make you breakfast in bed, all you have to do is say “thank you”. None of that “How did you get into my house” bullshit.
Reminds me of the joke~
If I offer to wash your back in the shower the correct response is not “who are you and how did you get in here?”
Don’t make me have to bitch-slap you with this spatula.
I knew there was a reason for it. It’s ‘naked Thursdays’ at work. It isn’t just Joey and Chandler’s “thing”. It’s everywhere.
His Goose was cooked at the Eggsact time the home owner caught him and he now has egg on his face.
“Promote ahead of peers”
I like this guy.
A very thoughtful young man, indeed.
But on a serious note, hammer his ass but do not ruin his career (or potential to have a career).
The Marine Corps is less forgiving these days, especially when it is a high profile indiscretion such as this. He and The Corps will go separate ways, and in a few years he will be showing up again claiming he caught the PTSD from a deployment, like the asswipe who got his face caved in at White Castle. Has anyone heard anything new on that guy?
I hear you.
19 is old enough to stand tall for your mistakes.
And this is by no means minor. Dude is lucky he did not get shot.
But I have seen a lot worse, as I would assume so have many of you. Not defending the guy, I just wish there was a very long and painful way for him to make amends and become whole again.
Hope his commander included “don’t break into a home and cook a breakfast” as part oh the weekend/leave safety briefing. Could be trouble if that part of the briefing was skipped.
The weekend libo brief is never going to be the same for that company.