William Derek Church is not a Ranger
It has been three nearly four years since we busted William Derek Church for pretending to be a Ranger. We nick-named him “The Round Ranger” because of his shape (he’s in shape and round is a shape). He pretended to be a wounded retired paratrooper staff sergeant with time in combat.
In reality, he had failed out of basic training twice, he had spent a year in the National Guard, but they jettisoned his big ass because he couldn’t get through training – basic training, not even Ranger training or parachutist training;
Well, I only mention him today because, apparently he hasn’t stopped pretending to be a Ranger, looking at recent pictures sent to us by Frankie;
Grow up, Derek. Enter eating contests and make a name for yourself in that endeavor and quit pretending you are something that you failed at accomplishing.
Category: Phony soldiers, Valor Vultures
Hmmm. I actually drove by where he lives/lived yesterday in Piney (a suburb of Lenoir) but didn’t see the truck. Haven’t seen him around the hood either, but I don’t go to Hooters. Will have to fine tune my situation awareness skills especially in restaurants.
BTW, Round must be sad because the Corner Creamery in the picture in downtown Lenoir is closed for the winter. https://www.facebook.com/Corner-Creamery-Ice-Cream-Parlor-324559361748/
Aside from ol’ Niko and of course Psul I don’t think I’ve had a better time chewing on a phony on here than Derek
Those were the good ole days at TAH. I’m still butt hurt that Round here didn’t win the Tournament…I forget who beat him but the competition was stiff.
He had the misfortune to be in a Final Four that included Bernath, Chevy, and Forging Frank Visconi. Bernath crushed Chevy in the Final, if you’ll recall.
This shitbag is delusional.
I wonder if the woman stuck around?
Loser.
Combat? This fat bag of shyt….the only combat he ever fought was trying to get closer to the table! What is this worthless lying, pathetic a.h. going to tell his kids?
Fat slob. The only thing he ever ranged was the all-you-can-eat buffet tables in Las Vegas.
Sorry, can’t resist this one more time:
John Pinette was a good comedian who didn’t rely of swearing during his shows. Was taken much too soon…
“John Pinette was a good comedian who didn’t rely of swearing during his shows. Was taken much too soon…”
You got that right. Never heard profanity from him. He made a career of mostly making fun of himself. This is an example and is funny.
kills me every time I watch that. Funny guy and it’s nice to hear a genuine comic instead of what we have now. Guys dropping F-Bombs every other word and women doing the same or talking about their private parts or how many guys they sleep with. Newsflash: getting on stage and trying to shock everyone with what a skank whore you are isn’t funny, it’s sad
I never get tired of, “You no come here anymore. You here four hour. You go now!”
I bet she is still waiting on his VA Claim lol. This one was a lot of fun. I still have a folder with all of his records from the National Guard. They were more than happy to provide everything via FOIA.
Hey Derek FUCK YOU
Piece of shit. That boy has to have been hit with the dummy stick a few dozen times.
” … hit with the dummy stick … ”
I suspect it was the whole tree.
He hit his head on every branch when he fell out of the Stupid Tree.
The bottom photo of round ranger in a T-shirt; I’m pretty sure he’s sucking in his gut on that shot…
And oh btw, fuck you round ranger, the non-airborne non-Ranger non-OIF non-combat non-vet…
Repeat Offender, I motion for William Derek Church to receive The Official TAH Wall of Insults®™️, ‘ol “Blobfish Junior” just won’t stop his con games.
Second!!!
AYE!
AYE!
A thousand times AYE!
This is the definition of a turd 💩 that won’t stay flushed!
Fuck this guy!
LOCK AND LOAD THE WOI!!!!!
Well that’s it, CLEARED HOT, FIRE FOR EFFECT!!
Cocksucker.
About damn time we have a fake army dude on hear
BHWHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!
Quite a few Pseudo Soldiers have become infamous on this site.
One of my all-time favorites was Soup Sandwich, just for the entertainment value.
Ol’ Soup Sandwich was an Air Force poser caught at his step-dad’s graduation from Basic, as I recall
Must have been the embarrassed step-son, at Ft Benning, that I was remembering.
My bad.
Dang … my memory is getting lousy.
Sho ’nuff. Zoomie uniform and his step-father ??!!!
Ol’ Soup’s got more bling than a Marshall of the Soviet … almost.
He had more bling than a Marshal of the Soviet and North Korean General COMBINED!!!!
Another one that just ain’t all there. Can’t actually get anything from his claims, so why bother?
Yeah, “grow up” is exactly what he needs to do.
Did fat boy even graduate from high school?
Fuck you fat fuck! You wouldn’t make a pimple on a real Rangers ass! I hope you choke on your next round at the buffet table! You would have made a better seal, a harbor seal!
Go Fuck Yourself!!
Not to nitpick, but isn’t it almost 4 years since this turd 💩 was dropped in our punch bowl?
WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH (aka: Waffle House Willie) is still at it? How long before we start seeing posts from his buddy at the jump zone “Will Chamberlain”?
Fucking cucksucking assclown still assclowning… that the only type of ranger skills he possesses are the ones he uses trolling for booty at the local ghey bars in his AO.
Will Chamberlain was unavailable for comment. Hack used some of the money in the petty cash drawer at the proud but humble woman owned business that he works at to hire old Will and Jared Stern to launch a rescue mission to bring Elaine Ricci back home.
Didn’t they make a movie about that mission? Never mind, I got confused your story with the Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, DJ Qualls classic “Delta Farce.”
You passed on hiring “The Stunning Agency” in your eternal search for Elaine Ricci?
The Stunning Agency hosted our proud but humble woman owned business that sells software to the federal government corporate retreat. It really tests the limit of trust building when your partner is wearing a $3 suit from Goodwill and keeps drinking from a bottle in a brown paper bag.
William Derek Church – “Waffle House Waldo” or “Blobfish Junior”?
The return of the round ranger; what’s next. Is the other heavy one doing pre-flight checks on a C-130?
As a veteran who is struggling. With my weight from VA meds and just plain aging. Remind me never to run afoul of you guys lol. But on a positive note I started out w a 55 inch gut in August and through walking , eating right and tai chi. I’m down 111 inches to a 44. Hoing for another 11 inches By the end of 2018. Seriously though I don’t understand the comments about this posers weight. I didn’t know weight was a part of SV. Am I missing something ?
11 inches not 111. Lol
Lots of us are svelte (esp me…I’m a heavy drop now) but we don’t run ROUND wearing stuff we haven’t earned.
are NOT svelte, I meant to say.
Columbus Ga is my hometown. Most of my fam there served or worked there I used to go by the Ranger School to visit my stepmom at work. Not much fat on those guys but a whole lot of bling. Both earned through hard work . I’m proud of everything I’ve earned but I wouldn’t try and squeeze my overweight butt in class As. So I’m seeing the point you guys are making. Thanks.
I encourage you to continue in your efforts to drop the excess, NCF, because I did so without meaning to and was surprised and happy to find, when I went to the VA to get my flu shot, that I had lost nearly 40 pounds over 2 years by simply eliminating Diet Coke from my grocery list.
I now drink only water, milk, juice, hot or iced tea, wine, etc., but NO MORE DIET SODA, period. I think that stuff is poison, and does more damage than anyone can imagine.
If I can do this at my age, so can you.
Thank you for the encouragement PH2. After I heard a few years back about the dangers of Diet Coke and harm the aspartame it has in it can do I dropped it. I drink juice , mostly water and milk. Congrats on your weight loss. I hope to be there too in time
Juice has at least as much sugar as soda pop. (Per my doc)
If they contain high fructose corn syrup, yes bad.
Straight orange juice. No additions.
Yes, lots of sugar.
Myself, I have to be careful of how much Shiner Bock I bring home.
I think the pile on was due to this clown’s threats to kick people’s asses way back when. If you haven’t already, go check the original thread and its 1800 comments. This jackass dragged his wife into it, told lies about being an EMT, created a sock puppet that he conversed with on the thread, and claimed that he could smoke any and all of us on the Darby Queen obstacle course at Ranger School. Now, if some phony is going to be making claims about his physical prowess and overall studliness, he should make sure he doesn’t look 👀 like our friend here.
I can def see your point. Just looked at the old thread. He’s pretty pathetic. Claiming you can do Ranger feats of strength is almost as bad as wearing unearned bling. Thanks for pointing his wild claims out.
No problem. This “Magnificent Fellow” here dropped off of the radar for a while, but apparently couldn’t let sleeping 💤 🐶 lie.
In the case of William Derek Church, his being obese is merely icing on the proverbial shitcake of his perpetual lying as well as other stunts he continues to pull.
I don’t think you are missing anything. This gang is gonna throw all available stones at guys like him.
Keep up the good work. I’ve lost about 30lbs in the last 6 months. I wouldn’t describe it as fun. Keep truckin’.
Thanks Bro. Yeah it’s not been easy. Sure as hell a lot easier putting the pounds on . But I’ll use all the discipline I have to reach my weight loss goal. It’s def become a health issue as well as looking better.
Yeah I liked it a whole lot better when my weight loss plan consisted of a strict regimen of booze and women of questionable morals.
Kudos, NCF.
Like many others here, I also am fighting the weight battle. In fact, I fought it all the way from start to finish of my 11 years plus in the Army. Two months after I left, I peaked at 325, with a 52-inch waist and I hated myself for allowing that to happen.
I also fighting family history of type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, alcoholism and recently, prostate issues.
I finally started losing weight, slowly over time. Still at 260 and working my way down. I have lost 8 inches off the waist, my blood sugar is better, my blood pressure is better, I kicked alcoholism to the curb and will soon be adding the battle to the cholesterol and prostate. I changed my diet, continued to exercise, and I credit also my better half for helping me along.
So if I can do it and you can do it and everyone else can do it, my message for William Derek Church is this: GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS, BE A MAN, DROP THE CHARADE AND DROP THE WEIGHT!!
Wow bro. That inspired me. Keep up the good work. And I will do my utmost to reach my goal. Which is 180. I’m 5ft 7 right now 240 lbs. doc says sugar is seeping from my belly fat to cause me to have pre diabetes. I got to get a handle on this. Being a short guy prob doesn’t help. I chose 180 bc that’s the weight I was when I got out in 07. Thanks again
ETS from Army = 6’0, 32″ waist, 149 lbs, 22 y/o.
5 years into marriage to a good cook, 36″ waste, 225 lbs. last 10 years, 34″ waste, 187 lbs. Threw away my old “baggy clothes.”
2 months ago starting an acid reflux medication: 26″ waste, 205 lbs.
I refuse to buy maternity pants. I want to go back to my regularly scheduled size.
I meant 36″ waste.
Dickweed.
Maybe he could meet someone at the Dairy Queen, cause I rather doubt he’d get past the first obstacle at the Darby Queen.
OTOH, the Navy is letting fatboys hang around, maybe he could join up and serve as ballast on an aircraft carrier, provided they grease his hips and throw in a candy bar.
Back during the first go round, this piece of shit threatened to “bury me under the Darby Queen”. I believe he meant that he could out eat me at the Dairy Queen. I have a secret squirrel, close to his A/O that gets me the updates. Hoping for a phone number on one of his friends today. I will set him straight on the “Rotund Rump Ranger, William Derek Church”. And, Y’all, be sure to mention his name in your comment. That little extra touch will engrave his name at the altar of St. Goooooooooooogle.
Damn straight I could out eat you at Dairy Queen! Who the hell do you think you’re talking to here? I’ve been around you know! I’ve EATEN things!
And, as ol’ Jeff Dahmer said to Lorena Bobbitt; “You gonna eat that?”.
William Derek Church never met a meal that he didn’t like.
Yeah, asshole, you devour everything in arm’s reach except fiber….try a salad once a year because I’m cutting turds denser than depleted uranium
For those interested in some deja vu all over again, Derek Church reached the Fecal Four round of the 2014 Blue Falcon SV Tournament which also included stout competition from Dennis Chevalier, Frank Visconi, and Daniel Bernath.
Future historians might well look back and consider that year the TAH doofus equivalent of the classic 1919 World Series…
http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=57379
I wouldn’t think 1919 is an accurate comparison seeing as none of of the Fecal Four threw the competition. They actually all fought hard for the title with Bernath winning because of an unprecedented level of jackassery. Hell, that dude is the New York Yankees of Stolen Valor, with a little bit of Boston Celtics thrown in. That’s how dominant in the field of Stolen Valor is our man Dan!
I understand your point, and agree that Bernath, on an SV career basis, could be considered roughly the Mickey Mantle of dickweeds. Still, when you’re talking about the sheer moonbat skills needed in a world-class SV tourney, it takes more than just a single talent to make the soup sandwich of a classic series…
I agree, but 2014 didn’t have an Arnold Rothstein Black Sox type scandal. All of the phonies in 2014 would have run away with the title in any other year. We were fortunate indeed to see such a confluence of Stolen Valor shitbaggerry coming together in one place!
Rather,the ’34 Series when the Gashouse Gang took the mighty Tigers to school.
Bernath is the Yankees, Steelers, Patriots, Canadiens, Celtics, and Lakers of douchebaggery, all rolled into one neckbearded orange jumpsuit wearing, sister-fucking, mouth-breathing, booger-eating, can’t figure out how to add fuel to a tank jackwagon.
YMMV, of course.
You’re giving me the bunghole blues again…such great memories
That was quite a lineup wasn’t it. I was pissed that the phony Chief won over Round, but history has proven that was the right choice. At least the other 3 aren’t in the hoosgow…i don’t think.
No, but Heavy Chevy did get pulled over by the 🚓 for driving a former police car 🚔 with markings and Visconi repeatedly got his pee pee smacked in court from trying to update his military records to include his unearned finery, so there is that!
Oh, and in the case of Forging Frank, it was Federal court!
He’s still got his fake ‘spec ops’ pics on his page.
https://www.facebook.com/medic.112313?lst=1729321319%3A100002192006064%3A1514656991
I see on that link that he apparently now lives in Corola Hills. That’s a slight move up from Piney so maybe Round has hit it big? It’s still in the same AO and grid square so hope to get a sighting.
I think that may be a red herring to throw the dogs off his trail.
His wife’s FB page says she lives in Gamewell.
They’re not separated, are they?
Disregard. Googly maps shows Gamewell and Corola Hills are within two miles of each other.
Ha Ha, though. Googly maps says Corola Hills is right next door to the Gamewell Septic Tank.
Sounds like an appropriate place for the Round Ranger to set up housekeeping.
SJ, he is now driving a red GMC Terrain. He had to sell his truck. The payments were cutting into his donut fund. He had to make the right choice, and he didn’t want to argue with his growing belly.
I EAT EVERYTHING!!! (With Howard Dean scream finale)
Dang, being blocked, I can’t see the page.
I checked your link out and saw that he decided to write a comment from this post, so KUTOMBA WEWE William Derek Church, I DUB thee the Title of “BLOBFISH JUNIOR” and I wish my ex-Wife upon you.
I don’t do the FB thing… is WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH all asshurt over getting his fat ass caught lying again?
Why, Yes, Yes he is.
Yes, AND he’s obviously lurking here as well, KUTOMBA WEWE once again to you William Derek Church, and may the brown sprinkles on your next day-old jelly doughnut be roach and rat turds!
I posted the two links about him from here and asked if it was him. His reply verbatim is “Yes that was me but I’ve made my apologies and my share of mistakes I am no longer this person lesson was learned. 0” Really? Then why are those ‘spec ops challenge’ pics still on the page? It’ll be interesting to see how he reacts.
Did you also see where he unfriended his wife?
Probably because her page has additional pictures of him and he doesn’t want a quick cross match/easy access to them.
Real classy, huh?
And as of just now, his wife’s FB page has reappeared (as a friend again) with all of her pictures of him deleted.
And I’m blocked. Just as I thought would happen. That turd hasn’t changed one bit. he’s still the fat, lying pile of excrement that he’s always been. The Topix links about him are still active.
Well, apparently he knows Superman so there’s that.
Superman does not appear very aerodynamic
Leave superman out of this. The child wearing that sweatshirt is his son.
Seems you have a little superhero in you too
That you, Willy?
Why don’t you man up and take a good long look at yourself?
You concerned that your boy might be collateral damage in a fight YOU started?
You are such a hypocrite. Phony as a Twenty-Nine dollar bill.
That wasnt Derek, but I Definatly agree the kids should be left out of it. They have enough on them all apart from being dragged into his lies and dishonesty.
The acorn rarely falls far from the tree…and get a damned education you idiot!
+ 1
Nice to know that this fat piece of shit is still stealing the valor of better men than himself. I really hope Karma breaks it off ten inches into his fat ass.
I hope Karma goes so far up his ass it blows it of his mouth, nostrils, ears and eyeball sockets!
Why hasn’t the VA ferreted out this idiot for his claims?
Oh, wait … I forgot. It’s the VA, the home of the listless, lazy, and useless.
William Derek Church, as phony as a Twenty-Nine dollar bill. I see you’ve been diligent with those donut curls.
Boy, you’re about as bright as a box of broken light bulbs.
And about as useless.
There’s a very good chance he doesn’t get a dime from the VA. He may be getting State or Social Security Disability.
If I recall correctly he cat-fished the heifer he is with now with promises of a military Pension.
She almost left him when she found out but I guess she figured he was about the best she could get.
William Derek Church is not and never will be an Army Ranger.
Well, well, well. Seems like just a few weeks ago I cited WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH as one of the few posers we’ve seen who acted almost decent when discovered – kinda faded away after some well deserved public ridicule.
Not the first time I was wrong. Probably not the last either. But, thanks, WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH, for embarrassing me for almost having a kind thought about you. Should have known better.
Sheesh. If you need to make something impressive of your life, no need to lie. Just walk into any homeless shelter or soup kitchen and start helping. If they have enough hands, they can certainly refer you to somewhere that needs you.
No need for lies. No need to sweat being found out. It -has- to be better than bullshit and fear.
That would require integrity. Sgt. Rotundo-WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH-sorely lacks in that category.
William Derek Church is a phony Ranger, a phony war veteran, who never went through airborne school.
The only “jumping” that I could see him do is “jumping to” an all you can eat buffett. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if the restaurant staff, when they see him pull into the parkinglot, say, “Fhhhhhuuuuuuhhhhk,” then sigh relief after his car pulls out of the parking lot, with him leaving a wake of overturned buffet entries, food all over the place, food splattered all over the sneeze shields, etc.
Again, for Google hit purposes, William Derek Churck is a phony war veteran, a phony Ranger veteran, and a phony airborne school graduate.
Who the fuck let him touch the kid in the picture? They are not very aware or instinctive or they would not let tickle monsters near her.
Believe He has a few youngins’ of his own as well as the ones his heifer bought with her.
From what I gathered from the last thread on him her ex is/ was Military and the support payments are the main source of income for the Church Household.
Yes, Just An Old Dog, her ex is a pretty goog guy, medically discharged because of combat wounds. She, like her husband, Derek Church are sleazeball liars, doing their best to bring down the value of living in Lenoir NC.
So, now this pussy-ass loser who couldn’t make it through basic after two tries is pretending he is a senior parachutist veteran of the 82nd Abn Division. These douche-nozzles never seem to give up on their fakery.
William Derek Church never has been and likely NEVER WILL BE a US Army Ranger.
William Derek Church is a walking obscenity in more ways than one.
William Derek Church goes from one lie to the next in the blink of an eye.
KUTOMBA WEWE, William Derek Church!
From the FOUR YEAR old post about WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH (credit to MSGRetired):
William Derek Church The Liar of Lenoir, Phony RANGER, AIRBORNE, SSG, COMBAT VET, VET, COMBAT MEDIC, PARAMEDIC, BRONZE STAR RECIPIENT, and PURPLE HEART RECIPIENT.
The internet is there for ALL to SEE, WILLIAM DEREK CHURCH.
William Derek “Lardass” Church, you have proven that you are a 100% coward, afraid to even have internet conversation with a real veteran. Blocking me made you a laughing stock, showed that you are pure pussy, and unable to face an adversary, (even from 700 miles away). It must suck to be you. How is that “Under the Table” mechanic work going? Do you intend to report it to the welfare office? Or should some of us take care of that for you?
You’re only supposed to wear medals on your left breast and unit citations – if any – on your right breast correct?
And if in dress uniform, you wear only medals for which there is a corresponding ribbon for.
Like there is no medal for the Army Service Ribbon
And you can’t wear the Commemorative Cold War Service Medal. Although those do have hammer/sickle pins for additional cold wars.
That’s how William Church Pick-nick caught the PTSD from fighting in the Cold War.