Ralphie Ortiz; phony sergeant major SEAL
Someone sent us their work on this Ralphie Ortiz fellow. Ralphie, of Orlando, Florida, claims on his résumé to be a retired Army sergeant major;
Sometimes, he’s a Navy SEAL;
You can tell he’s authentic because all retired sergeant major SEALs are covered in tattoos and wear camouflage on their off-time;
Surprisingly, neither the Army nor the Navy has heard of him;
Category: Phony soldiers, Valor Vultures
Florida. Again.
Yeah.
And this loser loves photo ops.
It seems he left off “Taint Tickler and Meatloaf Slider” as jobs skill.
He loves selfies and timed shots.
How can someone so ugly be in love with himself?
Oh, let me be the first to annoy him.
Considering the folds of adipose tissue visible in that one photo, I’d have to term him either a harbor seal or an elephant seal. Either way, he’s an IDIOT!!
Considering he’s a Floridaman, maybe he identifies as a manatee
Hah! Good one!
So that’s what he meant by “Outdoor Skills Practicum”! 💡 ❗ Practical outside skills impersonating a harbor seal or elephant seal! 🙄
Here’s a model for the job.
SMAJSEAL is a very rare breed; this douche ain’t it…
Looks like he is in okay shape. Anything on where he works or frequents so I can blow the sonovabitch’s cover.
Well… according to his resume (which he so kindly provided), his last gig was at the Orange County Fire Rescue. I’m going to check in with a buddy who was a Fire Chief in the Orlando area… maybe put a bug in his ear so that he can pass info along to where it is needed.
I chuckled when I read his last “accomplishments”. Yeah, he held down the fort, looked over 100M in inventory (no losses dontchaknow), established all the SOPs, trained his bosses to handle anything that they came up against, and did all the risk assessment reports… for two whole months.
I suppose he then put on his cape, said “My work here is done!”, and flew off into obscurity.
I grazed across that resume, and my eyes widened.
How did he do all of that stuff when he wasn’t really in the Army?
Does he NOT realize that potential employers are going to check all of that stuff, especially nowadays?
Hey, do any of you guys want a life coach? I can do that! My advice is that you put the remote down, get a TV you have to walk over to if you want to change channels, and stop scratching yourselves when you think no one is looking.
I was with you all the way up to “stop scratching yourselves when you think no one is looking”.
My take was this:
“Does he NOT realize that potential employers are going to check all of that stuff, especially nowadays?”
That would be the “turning point”.
I know that he, The False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) would be checking “all of that stuff” for potential employment.
Close, personal and definitely up the chimney…
This loser obviously knows.
Phildo Style!
I am busy scribing his resume BS for future use…seems like he knows how to use spell check and conflate at least.
He can spin a fine sea story especially for someone who has never been to sea. If we played BS Bingo off his resume we would be winning for sure.
I was gonna say “stop watchin’ us when we scratch ourselves” but I won’t. 😉
I’ll bet he drives a Buick.
Hey! My dad drives a Buick. 🙂
Hack’s first car was a 1964 Buick Skylark. AM Radio, bucket seats up front, and a deteriorating vinyl roof. More reliable than a 1980’s vintage Jaguar.
My brother had one with a Wildcat 410 (?) in it – crippled by the 2 speed slushbox, out of the hole it was a dog but in a 40 mph stomp…. honey, hush.
I imagine he has a male driver….
“Ralphie” wanted to enlist, but the DoD refused, for fear that he would shoot his eye out.
Until my Daisy Mod. 25 pump BB Gun’s spring broke, I never shot my eye out.
He wanted an official Audie Murphy 200 shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and thing that tells time!
Shit biscuit.
I’m not saying I hate him, but I would unplug his life support to charge my phone
I’d even unplug his life support to charge Lars’ phone.
burn
Sick burn
I’d unplug him and Poodle 🐩 to charge Birdbath and the SlUrP’s flip phones!
Just checked the Wall of Insults®™
“petrified shit biscuit”
*check*
😀
Ohh…I think that’s one of mine.
Or, more correctly….one of my daughters.
Bless her sweet heart, she is so much like her Momma.
How ’bout “Turbo douche nozzle”?
“turbo douche & enema nozzle”
Covered
He has those eyes that suggest he was dropped on his head one too many times as a child…
Reading that resume was interesting. If all of that is bullshit how did he think it was wise to put it on a resume in the first place?
There’s no way we get a resume like that and we don’t check him out…not sure what kind of work he was looking for with that resume, but he’s sketchy as hell.
It’s my understanding that all potential employers check references and prior employment, especially now.
I heard that background checks and references were now outsourced to the VFW, American Legion and various motorcycle clubs.
Orlando, heh? It would be worth the drive up there just to stomp the shit out of him! I can’t stand these phony pieces of shit!
A quick google-fu indicates that his current AO is more likely Rio Grande Puerto Rico. Hopefully he is putting his highly vaunted logistical skills to work getting the island back in shape
He throws the Supply lingo around pretty well for someone who never served a day. Claw should have fun with this if he ans Scooby aren’t ass deep in snow.
It says over 10 years experience in the Navy at the top of his resume’ then outlines an Army career….hmmmm. Probably legit.
He didn’t unerstand what he cut and pasted from the internets. He just knew those big words meant something and plans to look them up later when he can find his way into a libary.
I’m thinking he either served as a supply guy who went into tradoc under a different name, or he scoured linkedin/rallypoint for military resumes and lifted someone else’s accomplishments.
He’s got the lingo down better than most of the other fakes and frauds.
Some simple descriptions of this anal orifice.
1st. JERK OFF
2nd. Douchebag
3rd. even gives the time honored “village idiot” a bad reputation
4th. you can tell he never served since he can’t tell the difference between Naval and Army ranks and awards, which brings us full circle back to the “village idiot in camo” scenario
Florida again. Oy Vei. (can’t type it with the accent)
Fucking cocksucking assclown… the look in his pics scream, “Should I go over and suck that dick, or not?”
This appears to be his Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/people/Ralphie-Milano/100011641507936
And he’s got a link to Oathkeepers…
This is my shocked face.
And he’s a “just a chill kool kick back person” which I guess means if you drop something, don’t bend over to pick it up around him.
The most glaring things missing from his resume are results. When I read an applicant’s resume I want to see results, not a recipe on how to fill space.
And i’m officially dead. Mark the date…12/27/2017…we FINALLY had a Supply poser. I am so proud.
Now if we can just come up with a “black ops morale and recreation” poser we’ll be set.
I’m waiting to see a submariner poser. Or a nuke poser.
To ask for both would just be too much.
Next up, a poser that claims to be a basic combat training/boot camp washout. 🙄
Congratulations to Jay and all his ships at sea. I’m waiting for someone to show up saying he was a (FAKED) medical photographer or lab rat, and when.
I just feel like after all the SEALs/Rangers/Recon/PJs….its about time we had a phony supply stud show up.
How about a fake BT #6 Oil King.
Cocksucker.
BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!
Not enough “O”s.
Mick can eat you alive and still have enough “O”s leftover to claim the longest orgasm ever.
What did Ralphie expect to accomplish by listing drill and ceremony on his resume? He must have perceived a shortage of that skill set in the marketplace.
Lying clown….
Each morning he will have all of the employees get on line in the parking lot and pick up cigarette butts.
Right after morning formation. Nice
Most of my old platoon was actually in the parking lot smoking before and after formation….
Uh oh, looks like he won’t love you long time:
http://romancescamsnow.com/reported-scammers/user-uploaded-scammer-directory/?gv_search=Ralphie+Ortiz&mode=any
Oh, dear!
Ralphie done screwed his own pooch on that deal!
Now no one will love him ever again!
Bizarre fucking extra weirdo website.
That aside, watch out for this turd.
Another Army SEAL. The truth is getting out. The good news is that it continues to distract the public from the Green Berets and Delta so they can do their jobs without camera crews showing up at their insertion points.
I wonder if Ralphie has found the illusive Army SEAL Pitchfork. If so, do they have one with 3 stars.
I wasn’t able to find the Interwebs site where Qadaffi and Kim Jong Fat bought their medals.
What’s next, a USAF SEAL Submarine Door Gunner?
Wanted to cross-train into that but I couldn’t keep a straight face.
Maybe, but since USAF already has a Ranger Jumpin’ Space Shuttle Door Gunner Safety SEAL, it’s not likely.
At least the legendary Space Shuttle Commander back in Florida was a van driver in a company called Space, driving people from the Miami airport to the intercontinental hotel.
He said that he was in the Navy, but served at Fort Sam Houston as a 1st Sergeant? Isn’t that an Army rank?