Military Chaplains Picket Weinstein’s HQ

On a bright, clear Monday morning, a large group of military chaplains gathered together at the headquarters of Michael Weinstein to protest the mischief being done by the self-appointed RAHIC through his insistence on removing Christian religious symbols from military bases.  They noted that he has been targeting just about anything that even vaguely resembles a cross, including two sticks blown down in a windstorm, while completely ignoring other denominations.

Deeming it gravely unfair to focus on one religious group alone, they have formed a Syneaudde Premarius to get signatures on a petition to force him to acknowledge all branches of religious persuasions or give up his campaign and stop whining.

A group at a roundtable discussion included the following indignant dignitaries:

Rev. Vic Vickers, the Vicar of Viccmoor Parish

Rev. Juan del Bautisto, Eglisia de los Muertos

Rabbi Shlomo Herschell

Dr. D. B. Cooper, DDV

Asriel Biegattmie, Pagan Society/Wiccans United

Corbyrne Maelwrydd, Thornborough Druidic Campagne

Deogredde de Mantua, Knights of Malta

Sprig Musumba Diego, Nicenian Pastafarians

Dilbe Agnew, High Priestess, Isle of Lesbos Temples

“We feel that he’s discriminating against less well-known sects like ours,” said Her Priestessness Dilbe Agnew. “It’s unfortunate that, in these times of open societies, someone like Michael Weinstein is picking on one group only, the poor old Christians who’ve been picked on for 2,000 years. Even the Romans gave us the occasional nod, y’know.”

“We’d like to point out that focusing on a single view of divine divinity is unfair to the other orders,” said Ms. Bigattmie, waving her wand around. “We witches have had our share of misery, but it’s all fluffy bunny stuff now, and it’s because of him and his obsession with crosspieces. He probably pickets factories that put crosshairs in targeting scopes, too.”

Thornborough Druidic Campagne spokes-Druid Maelwrydd agreed while he was handing out leaflets about portable stone circles. “We’ve been hanging mistletoe on every base at winter solstice for years, and he’s never once shown up to picket the bull sacrifice. It’s the only time of year we eat a lot of meat, too. His negligence is noted. We don’t think he’s even remotely earning that nearly half-million big ones  that he gets as a paycheck. That money could buy a lot of bulls and oak groves, you know.  Maybe our stuff isn’t so spectacular, but we’re open to everyone. Those stone circles are everywhere. We just build a fire, sing some songs, roast wienies, and chase away the Dark Forces at Hallowe’en. How cool is that? And he’s ignoring us. It’s  completely unfair.”

What the group of protesters is looking for is fair representation in Mr. Weinstein’s campaign of snubbing, picketing, and dissing religious preferences.

“Either it’s all of us, or he stops his exclusive targeting now,” Sprig Diego said. “We Pastafarians welcome everyone at the table, especially on Pasta Carbonara night. We’ve sent invitations to him to join us and hear our side of the plate, but he’s ignored all of us. That hurts our feelings.”

When asked for an opinion about Mr. Weinstein’s preference for sniping at crosses and wanting those images removed, Vicar Vic Vickers speculated that it may have had something to do with not getting as many toys during the holidays as he was expecting when he was 10 years old.

Rabbi Shlomo Herschell seconded that opinion, reflecting that “a lot of adult angst has to do with not getting that pink Barbie bicycle you were expecting.” He added. “It’s sad, but true. Must have hit Mr. Weinstein the hard way.”

Category: "The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves", Protests/Rallies