Now the Insanity Starts
Well here we are once again. The last regular weekend of the year. Enjoy it. The rest of this year will be full of guilt for putting off shopping or repressed rage for going shopping. Tempers will flare, assaults will happen in Walmarts all over the country bedlam and insanity will reign over us, in this the season of love, peace on earth and goodwill to men.
I had a conversation the other day with a fellow hater of the holidays. We can spot one another you know. We see in each others body language and tone of voice a longing for times gone by. A time when store did not open on Thanksgiving Day, A time where deaths did not occur over a 5 dollar toaster or a good deal on TV. We remember fondly when the schedule for Thanksgiving was we start eating around 1:30 come on when you get ready. Now its the first sale starts a 4 PM so you better be here by 10 am if you want food.
OK so I lied, I dont hate the holidays, I mourn their loss. I hate seeing people plan the storming of Walmart, Sears, JCPenney and so forth like they were the beaches of Normandy. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow people are acting like covert agents today trying to get the layout maps for black friday sales. They will toil over them, looking for choke points, planning the best routes to take so that they may get from one sale item to the other in the least amount of time. I would love to see this played as a war game. I can imagine sand tables with scores of holiday shoppers around them. Pointing out flaws in the plans. Taking Europe back from the Nazis was childs play compared to getting a 3 dollar Mr. Coffee.
All over this country people are camping out in front of Best Buy and other big retailers. I guess its kind of like being deployed. Shopping carts are being converted into makeshift forts. Starbucks are command post. Runners are bringing those brave shoppers on the front lines food, and of course the latest intel (Sales Fliers) God help the poor store managers if there is a misprint in an add. Faulty Intel is worse than no intel. Mt God man you are sending them onto a slaughter…
So from me to you, Enjoy this, the last normal weekend of 2014. God be with those of you going into that fate worse than hell. I will be going into the bunker soon. I have enough Ramen and beef jerky to get me to January.
Category: "Teh Stoopid", Who knows
Guttersnipes gonna guttersnipe!
For your Thanksgiving viewing:
That was great, thanks for sharing
Besides the ramen and jerky, don’t forget the liquid refreshment of your choice as well – golden yellow or amber brown, your decision. Or both.
Cake flavored vodka + pineapple juice = pineapple upside down cake
Cake vodka + coconut rum + chocolate milk = German chocolate cake
Hot cocoa + coconut rum = Almond Joy you can drink!
I realize these are not chest-thumping men’s drinks, but they’re quite tasty and if y’all have any womenfolk who hate this Black Friday shit as much as I do and prefer to stay home and imbibe (like I’ll be doing), I hope they enjoy these recipes!
Our family tradition is to hindrance on black Friday. The only way we are leaving the house is if it is on fire.
Hibernate. ….stupid phone
We barricade the doors and windows. Thank god for Netflix
Never ever have I gone shopping on Thanksgiving weekend, and never will I.
You can get all that crap at Big Lots for the same prices any day of the week. Been there, seen it, went home with it, saved a bundle of money, and it was June.
Nope, Thanksgiving is for movies, good books, lots of food, watching the snow or rain fly by the window. And then, those long winter naps can’t be beat.
Never saw the point in shopping that weekend. And the “sales” are usually anything but.
Enigma4you…Thank you. “I dont hate the holidays, I mourn their loss.” Best comment I’ve read. I too have never shopped and never will on Thanksgiving or worse, “Black Friday”. It’s for giving thanks and family. God bless you brother and I hope you and yours have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving and Holiday season this year.
I let my daughter talk me into doing the Black Friday ting once. I swore I would never do it again. it took all my willpower to not shoot most of the assholes that were out and about, acting like savages. I do the vast majority of my shopping online now. It isn’t worth the hassle to run out to stores. Do I pay more? Probably. But it’s worth it to keep my sanity and freedom. I don’t relish spending the holidays with Bubba and Thor.
…I haven’t set foot in a store to do my Christmas shopping in almost ten years now, and I’ll be damned if I start again. On Black Friday AM, the Mrs. and I will be at a wonderful little coffeeshop downtown watching the carnage and making snarky comments.
Mike
One black friday morning almost 10 years ago we had a tragedy unfold in the E4U household. The coffee maker died, it went almost majestically in a cloud of steam and hissing noises, the kids say it tried to speak in its final moments, now I don’t know about that but I do know I am not proud of what I did that day. It had to be done so I did it, we don’t speak of it directly, only in innuendo and hint. I went to Walmart. I took a adolescent boy with me. We saw things…We did things…I became a part of mans inhumanity to man. I tell myself it was s owe could live, but thats a lie at night when I am alone with my thoughts I know I did it for the 6 dollar Mr. Coffee. I hate crowds, I cannot stand the feeling of being surrounded. We made it thru the doors and towards the back of the store when it happened. They poor helpless stock boy, thats right a boy in the prime of his life came thru the double doors with a pallet full of cheap coffee makers. He was cut down in his prime. A crowd of christmas shopping piranha’s were tearing and grabbing at the cart. The stock boy panicked and bolted for the back. He almost made it when he was stopped and asked if he was going to bring out more coffee makers. Four simple words stepped bedlam into panic and mayhem. Crazy found a new gear. That poor stock boy said “Thats all we have” for a heartbeat everything stopped. Not a sound could be heard. Then it was almost is if every one had rainman type powers, They looked at the number of coffee makers and then at the number of people and we knew. Not enough. That when I did it, I was surrounded, pushing and shoving on all sides, yelling, kids crying and the smell, I have no idea where it came from but it was the smell of death. I pushed the adolescent… Read more »
Geez, I wish you guys would post a spew alert occasionally. Laughed my socks off. Still laughing.
You saved that poor fellow’s life.
I will add one question: When are you helpless dorks going to learn to keep an electric percolator and perc grind coffee on hand for just such emergencies?
Easier just to keep a spare coffee maker on-hand. Even today, you can get a cheap Mr. Coffee knockoff for around $12-15.
Makes better coffee than a perculator, too. (smile)
Or, if you really want to rough it, go with a French press.
. . . go with a French press.
Why? I’m not a masochist. (smile)
I remember when iwas like 8 and getting a new game boy game on black Friday some asshole grabbed it from me. An adult grabbed somthing from a child. That shows how goodwill or caring is forgotten when its black friday. I also saw altwo years ago two people fist fight over a freaking vacum. I just watch a movie or tv and hang out with my family. Its a shame how everything is sales sales sales with the holidays.
There was a 93 day period of my life after I retired from the Navy that I was employed by Walmart. I had to work on Black Friday. That is the only time that I’ve been out of my house on Black Friday. Never again.
I finally quit that job after they tried to write me up one night for not working fast enough (that’s a story for another day). I turned in my stuff at the end of the shift, then went and got a job blowing goats for a quarter a pop….but only until my self esteem returned.
A few years ago, we decided that instead of giving yet more stuff to our 3 kids and their significant others, we would spend the day together doing something fun, then have a nice dinner. It’s much better to make nice memories together.
Previous activities have included go-cart racing, horseback riding, and laser tag. Dinner is somewhere nice, like The Fort (game meat, Rocky Mountain Oysters, etc) or Rodizio Grill (our son-in-law sure liked that in the middle of basic training!).
I used to like Black Friday, it was a nice girl’s day out for us. But over the years, as the time crept earlier and earlier and shopping got more frenzied, it wasn’t any fun anymore. I still go sometimes but after the initial crazy crush. I couldn’t care less about discounted TVs and if they still have stock of some sale item, great, if not, that’s OK too.
We draw names on Thanksgiving for the larger family group, so the most I have to get is 2 gifts. Much less stress and expense.
The wife wants a gadget, a tablet. The ones I am familiar with are 200mg. So, if anyone has a tablet to recommend or one to stay the heck away from, let me know. She is not very computer savvy and I’m not exactly sure why she wants it, but SHE has spoken. I will not be mistaken for a computer whiz either, so, any help will be appreciated.
200mg, I see what you did there…
I loved my Ipad. I have also had a kindle fire that I liked until it died.
My advice would be to try several out ans find what works for you
I have an iPad mini and I think it’s perfect. If you get one, go with the iPad Mini 2 because the only difference between it and the 3 is the thumb print unlock.
Okay, thanks. That’s 2 for 2 on the IPAD. I notice, E4Y that you did not replace the Kindle with another….
It died just out of the warranty period. When I say just out of I mean 3 days.
I called about getting it fixed and Amazon does not offer any type of repair. They did however offer to sell me a new one.
I did some research and found that they had a variety of problems.
I love to read and I keep several books on my Ipad at any given time. Plus it does the other things a tablet should do.
In my house we have two Samsung Galaxy Tab 3’s, an I Pad, and a Kindle Fire HD. I personally prefer the Samsung, but everyone is happy with what they have and they all work fine. I am somewhat of a computer nerd as I bought my first one back in 81 and have owned one ever since.
To be honest, I hope I never go anywhere near a store on Black Friday.
I did, once. It wasn’t that bad, given that it was late at night, but I’d rather not go to it just to “experience the horror of it all”.
I’d rather just, you know, enjoy the holiday. Skip the buying and selling.
Gift cards. Everybody on our list gets a gift card. They can fight with everybody when they go to use the card and the idjits are returning all the gifts that don’t work because they were drop-kicked down the aisle before they picked them up. Or the jacket has a torn-out seam from two 300lb females trying to get into a size 8 jacket.