Hagel thanks Howard
Our Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel thanked some soccer dude named Tim Howard for “defending the United States” against the evil Belgians’ attack on our goal thing at the World Cup of Nonsports according to Fox News;
Howard set a World Cup record for saves in Tuesday’s match against Belgium, launching the hashtag #TimHowardCouldSave on Twitter. His record-breaking efforts were insufficient however, as the United States fell to Belgium 2-1. The disparity in goals bodes poorly for the man Hagel said “could someday become the real Secretary of Defense.”
Yeah, I guess this Howard person couldn’t do any worse than Hagel in that position, but I’d like to hear his plans to get us out of the difficulties that this administration has created for us around the world – especially since I haven’t heard anything from the White House or Hagel.
By the way, Chuck, there are a several thousand other folks whose pictures aren’t in the news today who you could thank by not screwing them to the wall. They’re also defending the United States against worse enemies than a bunch of Belgians in short pants.
Category: Military issues
anything for a photo op…
I was grateful that TAH mnaged to stay away from the World Cupcake Games. With the elimination of the US from the Bad Actors and Vampires Guild, the number of viewers dropped here from millions to 122. As for Hagel’s call, I imagine it went something like this at the start:
“Tim, there’s a call from Washington for you.”
“Cool. The President’s on the line?”
“Uh, no.”
“The first lady?”
“Sorry, no.”
Well, they’re busy. The vice president–um, what’s his name?”
“Biden. No, not him either. It’s the secretary of defense.”
“The what of what?”
The reason it was Hagel was because there was a meme going around the internet that Tim Howard was in charge of the American defense. For a very brief moment, the Department of Defense Wikipedia page even showed ‘Tim Howard’ as SecDef. (A joke, and it was quickly fixed and locked.)
The sad part is that I’d rather have Tim Howard as the SecDef.
The World What?
Oh, yes, do try to distract us from real issues again.
Not workin’ yet.
Haters gotta hate.
Come on you guys. Team USA did a great job. Yeah … Phone call from SECDEF is a wee bit werid … But in the end Team USA and esspecially Howard should be celebrated. They played outstanding “football” and that is that!
Carry on!
Don’t forget, Obama made a call too.
Master Chief, I don’t know all of the intricacies of the game, but no matter how many shots you block, you don’t win if you miss one and the other guy doesn’t. The fact that Tim blocked 90 shots is proof that we are a long way from being competitive on the world soccer scene. We may have a world class goalie but we need some world class shooters. You let a team put that many shots on goal one or two may leak through.
Need some actually good defenders for the US. These guys were not cutting it this year. Cameron was alright, thats about it.
We made it through a tough group, and qualified or of a confederation that sent three teams through to last 16 and one to quarters. That’s not terrible. The countries we play have their best athletes focused on soccer from the age of 4.
Our best athletes play football and basketball. We will continue to get better. Our problem isn’t defenders, we have to start being able to hold on to the ball. We can’t push a counter and lose it without having something on frame and then defend for the next five minutes. Our defense spent the whole game clearing and winning the ball at the back and our midfielders couldn’t win the second ball.
When our mids start winning the second ball, we will start possessing on both ends, and we will start playing with the top countries in the world.
We snuck two by Ghana, and were a Ronaldo miracle from beating Portugal, and defended what is usually a high powered German attack.
Let’s be completely honest. They advanced only advanced because Germany annihilated Portugal 4-0.
The fact that a head-to-head win isn’t the first tiebreaker (or even a tiebreaker at all) is incredibly stupid. Ghana could have advanced over a team that BEAT THEM if they had beaten Portugal.
MERICA!!! Fuck yeah!
Five minutes to give a quick phone call to the American player who left the entire world in awe? I think I’ll give Hagel a pass on this.
And the World Cup has been utterly fantastic. You old curmudgeons should try getting into it – you might be pleasantly surprised! 😉
Sorry, it’s called fagball for a reason.
BINGO!
As a soccer coach in the US for 25 years I’m not surprised most Americans don’t know much or care much about the one sport where a world championship actually involves the whole world.
Team USA for the first time advanced out of the first round 2 cups in a row, they set a record for saves in their final game and had a goal scored by the youngest US player in the history of US Soccer at a World Cup. That player by the way who chose to play for the US instead of the number 2 ranked German team because he wants to honor his American citizenship and heritage. That says a great deal about how some of our young people view the game.
Get ready curmudgeons, soccer viewership is way up among the 18-32 year old crowd….it’s still a Tier 2 sport in the US but with more big names signing to play for US teams (Like David Villa for NYFC) the game will only get more popular.
With a nation of true diversity like the US, our veritable melting pot of nationalities a great many of our new citizens bring their love of this game of soccer with them to our shores, our nation is better for their contribution to the sporting landscape of the US.
When you see foreign soccer fans wearing US jerseys and cheering for the US it’s a pretty awesome feeling knowing that we are respected internationally for our sporting prowess as well as our land of opportunity. It reminds you that in spite of a lot of whiny foreigners there are a great many more who love America and would give anything to get here and be part of this great land.
I think this World Cup was a huge positive for the United States and its’ soccer players.
Amen.
I agree. It’s a sport, it has it’s fans, and while I am not a soccer fan, I cheer on the people who are. I see no problem with America getting into soccer.
The US Men’s team is getting better, but it’s never a good sign to have your goalkeeper be your MVP. That means the other team is basically using your penalty area as a shooting range. Despite the Belgians doing exactly that for about 2 hours, Howard was only beaten twice. That’s why he plays in the big leagues (at Everton in the English Premier League).
The game vs Belgium saw a lot of awful passes to guys in the wrong jerseys and a pretty sorry display of uncreative play for the most part. The kid who scored our goal was awesome, but why didn’t we bring him into spark things earlier?
There are plenty of kids who play soccer in this country (hence the term “soccer moms”), but at the national team level, we’re exclusively picking kids from college. Not that anyone needs a university education to play the game. And college soccer is where we’re failing to develop the tactical awareness and endurance our team needs to get to the next level.
Like other sports, the NCAA is ruining everything here 🙂
The College soccer scene in the US is constantly improving. It develops our women’s team, the problem up to now has been the youth development. Kids don’t grow up dreaming of playing in the MLS like do of the NFL or NBA.
On the other side, I have seen some stunning play from U14 teams out here in Colorado. Fast, accurate, smart passes, those kids will be our senior players in 8 years.
College soccer has improved of late. In the NAIA you can see teams that don’t speak 10 words of English between them, and if they do it is because they hail from the UK. They come for the American education, and go home and play pro in their native countries.
Men’s soccer at the college level is a detriment to development of the sport in the U.S., both because of the restrictions on coaches being able to work with players and because of Title IX not exempting football from the equation.
So this Administration has found time to call a soccer player, a gay football and basketball player to congratulate them on…being gay I guess, go golfing, travel the world on our dime and a myriad of other pastimes but still can not look up the numbers of the families of the 4 men murdered in Ben Gazi? oh, ok……..
What do the soccer player, the gay basketball player, and the gay football player have in common?
They’re all gay!
Word.
You are leaving your mark all over this thread.
Glad they found something that Hagel could not fuck up.
Hmm, not like anybody in the US military is in harm’s way, not like the world is going to hell in a handbag, not like the Secretary of Defense has anything better to do than make a bullshit big deal over a fagball game…
Seriously, soccer sucks. It will never be more than a novelty in America. The talking heads need to shut the hell up about the “will soccer finally take off in America?” because it fucking won’t. They made a big deal about how 20 million Americans watched the world cup. So? That leaves 310 million Americans who didn’t give a shit.
Anyway, this is just one more example of the great priorities of the Glorious Leader and his minions.
We’ll see how it all plays out. And yes 20 million watched the game so a great many more Americans did not…
You do realize a whopping 18 million watched the NBA finals, 19 million watched the World Series Game 6, and the NFL brought in 111 million viewers…so in reality no sport captures more than 35% of the interest of Americans…
I do so like how arrogant we are that we call the baseball finals the “World Series” when only the US and Canada are involved.
Our favorite sport of football is perfect for the short attention span of most Americans. 3 hours to play a 60 minute game so you can sell 2 hours of commercials and have plenty of time to take a piss or get a sandwich and not miss anything because the action is delivered in 20 second spurts followed by two minutes of hanging around with your thumb up your ass.
Soccer subversive, un-American, commie New-World-Order bullshit! Yes, I know, 10,000 destitute Brazilians and 500 drunk cockney hooligans just vowed to hunt me down and kick my ass. That’s why we have guns.
Okay, kidding aside, I never have and never will like soccer. There is only one good thing about soccer: the phenomenal legs that female soccer players have. Otherwise, sorry, it’s still fagball.
Lol, 20 million viewers is a big audience, certainly nothing to sneeze at.
You know, like the 6 to 20 million listeners Rush, Glen, Sean, or Mark Levin always brag about. Is the modern Conservative movement meaningless because 291 million people don’t ‘give a shit’?
For that matter there are approx 45 million gun owners in the US. Does that mean gun ownership is not that important since 266 million people don’t?
As for all soccer players being gay, I’m happy to report they’re not. I’ve played the game since about age 6, and have no homosexual tendencies whatsoever. My extended family has been involved in the game on the professional side for decades, no ‘burning branches’ there either. My cousin Craig played in the English Premier League for years, happily hetero.
As for the game its self being ‘gay’, well aside from the silliness of anthropomorphizing a sporting event, I’d love to see an NFL player get out there and do 6 to 8 miles worth of wind sprints in 90 minutes, while being pushed, tripped, kicked, etc. All without built in breaks every 40 seconds or so, not to mention built in commercial breaks. What’s the matter, they too ‘gay’ to keep up? 😉
It’s still gay.
Yes, I know I’m immature, sophomoric, and everything that’s wrong with this country. But it’s still gay.
Honestly, nothing against you or your cousin for playing or enjoying it. To each his own. Just a gentlemanly disagreement here. Yes, I’m aware that calling it fagball is decidedly ungentlemanly, going for humor here. It is, of course, properly called fagball, but that’s beside the point. I’m pretty sure that we can both laugh at this particular point of contention, however.
P.S. I’m pretty sure Bob (Master)Bateman and VWPussy are both fagball fans! See that? Did I not just win this argument?
How old are you to keep using this “gay” and “fagball”, I know alot don’t like the sport. Hell, I hate the theatrics. But give it a rest.
I had way more than my share of fun in college. I put the blame solely on Soccer for the attention I got from the female population.
That level of fitness does wonders for you.
Howard played great and I enjoyed the game.
Hagel’s still completely worthless.
If I got a call from Hagel, I’d say “nah, tell him I’m taking a wicked shit!”.
Hagel, you got bigger problems defending Americans in Iraq right now, than to be calling soccer players. I like watching soccer though. I just wish I understood what they were doing besides running back and forth on a field, kicking a ball to each other.
This is so very special that I feel all warm and fuzzy now. Not a bit concerned with the distinct possibility that members of my family will soon be exposed to some horrid communicable disease through no fault of their own. No problem. Soccer is here to save the day where football, basketball, and baseball all failed.
Great stuff here. Or there, in Brazil. Or something.
Just wait ’til the adoring libs find out Howard’s a devout Christian and the Tebowing begins …
My two cents’ worth on this, first, a comparison:
Football – players brain each other on the field
Hockey – Players brain each other on the ice with sticks
Boxing – Competitors beat each others’ brains out
Soccer – The fans riot and brain each other in the bleachers
Seriously, when was the last time a riot occurred in a Superbowl stadium? When did we last hear about brazen crime sprees other than the wrong parts of a winning team’s town?
Rugby – Players pretend not to be hurt even when bruised and gashed GIVE BLOOD, PLAY RUGBY!!
Soccer – Players pretend to be hurt
SOCCER IS FOR METROSEXUALS!!
Soccer players cry about their astroturf rug burns. Real sports generate real injuries.
My high school football team had injuries of some kind almost every day. Broken arms, dislocated fingers, sprained knees and ankles, one kid had his chinstrap too loose and broke his nose. When I was in the 10th Grade, I broke my shoulder playing offensive tackle. Hurt like hell and pads didn’t help. I stayed in the rest of the quarter. That shoulder still hurts sometimes. Another kid on my team played the whole second half with two of his cervical vertebrae fractured. Tough little bastard didn’t even admit he was hurt until the game was over. He had to wear a horse collar for 18 months, still came back to play his senior year.
Real injuries are rare and accidental in soccer. Football injuries are just part of the game.
Since you don’t actually watch or play the sport you don’t actually see the injuries or understand the number of similar injuries.
You are correct in that soccer is not supposed to be about hitting people to create an injury, but collisions happen and I’ve played many a game with my nose packed with gauze to keep it from bleeding while I played with a broken nose.
I’ve seen a man go up for a header and wake up two weeks later with a plate in his head repairing the shattered components of his skull from a full sprint head to head collision.
Injuries occur in every sport, luge, bobsled, auto racing and downhill speed skiing probably carry a bit more risk than football since death is a real option for those athletes.
You’re going to believe what ever you want to regarding sports other than football. You’ll never convince me that football is anything more than a sport for steroid enhanced morons incapable of thinking for themselves….any more than I will convince you soccer is an interesting, engaging sport requiring tremendous skill.
We’ll just have to disagree and keep tweaking each other from time to time…
Thanks for making me laugh today.
Despite my tremendous disdain for all things soccer, my shitbagging of it today was primarily for the sake of humor.
And for the record, I also live baseball. Basketball is boring to watch but fun to play. Hockey is cool but I don’t pretend to have any idea what the hell’s going on or what the rules are, apart from puck in the net scores a goal and lots of punches get thrown.
But I’m glad you found the humor in my replies!
Why is it that every time I try to type “love” the damn thing always auto-corrects it to “live?”
The old saying, “I went to the fights the other night and a hockey game broke out”. 😀
Q: What do you call a Hockey player that still has all of his teeth?
A: A Rookie!
as one of my favorite band’s frontman said “face it, if you have to wear a helmet, you should be on a fookin’ motorbike”
What is your excuse for the turf toe in the NFL? Just kidding.
I’ve seen some serious, life altering injuries in every sport. Cracked sternum, fractured skull, shattered legs, blown out knees, broken noses.
2 U.S. players sustained broken noses over the course of the 4 games played in the World Cup.
Neither wore masks.
Way to go Chuck. Because we all know that soccer is just the same as humping a 60 pound ruck in the mountains with people shooting at you.
I’m still waiting for Chuck to dial me up. I wrote an error filled book and had ITAR violations which beats an silly game.
sincerely
John “Faker 6” Giduck
I refuse to pretend that I give a shit about soccer once every 4 years.
+1,000,000,000,000
RUGBY.
Men in shorts beating the hell out of each other over a pig’s bladder.
RUGBY.
GIVE BLOOD, PLAY RUGBY!!
What a clown show.
The US Football Association (name changed in 1945 to United States Soccer Football Association and again in 1974 to the United States Soccer Federation) was formed in …(wait for it)…1913. In other words, the organized sport is over a century old in the USA. I think it’s safe to say that if it hasn’t caught on by now, whether it’s called football or soccer, it isn’t going to do so. In fact, also in 1913, the US Football Association became the first FIFA member from North or and Central America. So, yeah, once every four years IF the US team is in it, we can tolerate it.
I remember when there was a MLB Players’ Strike in the early 80’s and they tried to foist Pro Soccer instead. It failed then, too!
I got my pink slip from Uncle Sugar last week telling me my services would no longer be required.. No phone call from the SECDEF telling me great job defending the country the last 25 years. Oh well.